Today’s cover features President Obama, Benjamin Netanyahu and Mahmoud Abbas at the White House yesterday. The headline?
Now EARN that Nobel Peace Prize, Mr. President
The follow-up on page 6 (not to be confused with Page Six, which is on pages 10-12 today) is written by Charles Hurt, which explains why the sub-headline is Nobel credentials on the line as he urges Mideast ‘wisdom & courage’ (because if he doesn’t accomplish what no one else has ever been able to, he’ll have to give back his Nobel). I love how when the last guy was in office, the Post demanded that he be treated with the respect the office demands. But now, they can question his motives, his country of origin, his abilities… can you imagine what the headlines would be if he were a coke-snorting alcoholic army deserter whose wife killed her ex-boyfriend with her car?
It was so hot yesterday (104º at one point) that Victoria Azarenka fainted during her match at the US Open (she claims that it was also due to an undiagnosed concussion she suffered before the match).
The good news is that today’s 97º high (boo) will be followed by 85º tomorrow, 79º on Saturday and a 78º Sunday. It will be nice to stop flop-sweating again.
The firm of Worby Groner Edelman & Napoli Bern has agreed not to seek reimbursement from sickened Ground Zero workers for the $30,000,000 they spent on “lobbyists, public-relations experts and legal consultants.” Which makes them the real heroes.
Well, the heroes with health insurance, anyway.
Maria McCormack, 42, is a shallow woman.
“I want to meet him and say, ‘Why? Why my car out of all the cars in the city?’ I wonder how he feels now that he made it. Does he feel like an idiot? I hope he’s OK. But I just want to know why.”
The him/he she’s referring to is Tom Magill. She wants to know why he chose her car to land on.
To paraphrase George Mallory, because it was there.
Shallow and dim.
Oh, that’s gotta suck.
As miserable as it must be to be trapped in a mine with 32 other guys for the next four months, Yonni Barrios probably isn’t looking forward to his rescue.
At a recent vigil for the miners, Marta Salinas (his wife) noticed Susana Valenzuela calling his name. Turns out Susana has been Yonni’s mistress for the last five years.
¡Que lastima!
James Cameron told Vanity Fair that Piranha 3-D is “exactly an example of what we should not be doing in 3-D.”
Piranha 3-D’s producer, Mark Canton, replied, “His comments are ridiculous, self-serving and insulting to those of us who are not caught up in serving his ego and his rhetoric.”
Get a room, guys.
Great political cartoon in Page Six — Obama’s delivering his speech on a TV (he’s saying, “MY FELLOW AMERICANS…”) and a guy is about to hit the TV with a chair! Because he hates the President of the United States!
Mmmmmm… that’s good satire!
James Jay Lee, 43, took three hostages at the headquarters of the Discovery Channel yesterday, demanding that the network broadcast “pro-sterilization and anti-war programming.” He was shot and killed by police four hours later. No one else was harmed.
And yet no one seems to have a problem with Bravo’s endless glorification of society’s dregs.
Are there five sweeter words in the English language than Andrea Peyser… is on vacation?
A federal appeals court has ruled that Ladies’ Night, despite discriminating against men, is legal.
And what did they use to help reach that conclusion? “A 1972 Supreme Court decision that ‘found no state action’ when a Moose Lodge in Pennsylvania refused to serve a Black man because the club limited membership to White males.”
Congratulations, ladies! Sorry, thirsty Black men of Pennsylvania.
Francesca Spero, 51, is suing Sean “Puff P. Diddy Daddy” Combs for $12,000,000. Why? Because he fired her from her job as a senior vice president of Bad Boy Entertainment.
She claims that her termination constitutes “age discrimination” and a violation of “the Americans with Disabilities Act for allegedly treating her as a ‘drug addict’ after she suffered a relapse of a 20-year-old opiate habit.”
Remember when firing someone for doing drugs on the job wasn’t something you could be sued for? Me neither.
A man and woman have been arrested in central Pennsylvania for the shotgun murder of her husband. The victim? Samuel Boob. And the name of the man who allegedly helped Miranda Boob kill her husband? Kermit Butts. A third suspect was arrested, but not named. I’m assuming it’s either Peter O’Toole or John Thomas.
Matt Patterson’s Meltdown of the Climate ‘Consensus’ explains that “If this keeps up, no one’s going to trust any scientists.”
And what is the “this” he’s referring to? “The prestigious InterAcademy Council, an independent association of ‘the best scientists and engineers worldwide’ (as the group’s own Web site puts it) formed in 2000 to give ‘high-quality advice to international bodies,’ has finished a thorough review of [the UN Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change's] practices — and found them badly wanting.”
1) Well, if that’s what their own Web site says about them, it must be true.
2) Who does Matt Paterson work for? Green Watch, “a publication of the Capital Research Center.” And who is the CRC? “The Capital Research Center is a conservative think tank whose stated mission is to do ‘opposition research’ exposing the funding sources behind consumer, health and environmental groups.”
If this keeps up, no one’s going to trust any columnists.
The article SOCIAL DIRECTOR (about a new Apple product called Ping) includes a photo of Steve Jobs with the caption “…Ping — which he described as ‘Facebook and Twitter meets iTunes.’” Although, if you actually read the article, you’ll read Jobs’ actual quote, “It’s not Facebook and it’s not Twitter.”
Outstanding work, Post.
Will the Walt Disney Company and Time Warner Cable reach an agreement before midnight tonight?
I don’t care.
How much has BP spent on advertising in the months following the spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Almost $100,000,000.
I hope the Post enjoys their cut.
Crude oil went up to $73.91/barrel.
Sell! Sell! Sell!
The Yankees won their fifth in a row (and Burnett’s win column finally has two digits in it). They lead Tampa Bay (who also won) by one game and Boston (who also won) by eight games. Our last game against Oakland is already under way (it’s 4-0 Yankees in the bottom of the eighth inning) with Sabathia all but assured his 19th win of the season.
Next up? Series against Toronto (69-64) and Baltimore (49-84).
According to The Hollywood Reporter, ABC’s original choices for this seasons Dancing With the Stars included Ann Coulter, Erin Brockovich, Sylvester Stallone, Condoleezza Rice, Tim Allen, Mark Zuckerberg, Richard Branson, Joel McHale, Kirstie Alley, Drew Carey and Suzanne Somers.
You mean Bristol Palin wasn’t their first choice?!?
Even sadder? “‘Melanie Griffith tries to get on every season,’ said a source affiliated with casting the series.”
Even sadderer? People watch this show.
Today’s TV casting rumor: Steve Carell’s replacement on The Office will be… Harvey Keitel?
Wow. I did not see that one coming.
Michael Starr is back in the TV section today. Obama fades as TV star marks the decline in viewers for Obama’s various TV speeches. “President Obama needs a network makeover,” declares one of the Post’s most inept “reporters” (Starr’s bio on the Post’s Web site — in its entirety — is: Michael Starr has covered television at The Post since 1995).
If you do go to the Post’s Web site, today’s Starr Report discusses Family Feud’s new host, Steve Harvey. You have been warned.
That’s it for Thursday. The final score of the Yankee game is 5-0. Congratulations, CC!
P.S. — Another oil rig has exploded in the Gulf of Mexico. Drill, baby, drill!
You gotta love the MTA. (presses finger to ear) Wait… I’m being told that that’s incorrect… apparently, you don’t have to love the MTA. In fact… by their (in)actions… you are encouraged to hate the MTA.
Please make a note of it.
Today’s cover (not counting the sidebar of a grunting blonde playing tennis [Hot stuff at Open]) is devoted to PEACE, HAMAS STYLE: Terror fiends kill 4 Israelis on the eve of DC talks. President Obama gave a televised speech last night, but you won’t read about that until page 8 (and 9). But pages 6 and 7 are devoted to Hamas thugs slay 4 to show what they think of peace talks. The Post has always been blatantly pro-Israel (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but I still felt that today’s cover story was an odd choice… until I turned to page 2.
70% of NYers demand: Move the GZ mosque! features a handy inset (Park it elsewhere) that lists some percentages. Highlights include:
* 71% of New Yorkers say Ground Zero mosque organizers should voluntarily build it elsewhere (JEDITOR’S NOTE: Is it 70% or 71%, Post?)
* 72% of New York Republicans say the mosque should not be built at Ground Zero (JEDITOR’S NOTE: It isn’t being built at Ground Zero, stupid Post!)
* 54% agree “freedom of religion” gives Muslims the legal right to build the mosque
* 40% disagree (JEDITOR’S NOTE: Wow. It would appear that a healthy portion of the folks that accuse Obama of destroying the Constitution have no idea what it says.)
And the photo it contains? A woman holding up a giant sign that reads MOSQUE SUPPORTS HAMAS. Which is about as factually accurate as VATICAN SUPPORTS CHILD RAPE. But it works beautifully in concert with today’s cover story.
Another fair and balanced edition of America’s worst newspaper.
Speaking of which, the coverage of Obama’s speech is titled IRAQ WAR OVER, SAYS SOMBER O: Salutes our heroic GIs — & even Bush. Obama saluted Bush? Well, not really. But he did say that “no one could doubt [his] support for our troops, or his love of country and commitment to our security.” Which is a kind of a salute, I guess.
Do you have anything non-constructive and unnecessarily partisan to add, House GOP leader John Boehner? “Over the past several months, we’ve often heard about ending the war in Iraq but not much about winning the war in Iraq.” Excellent.
And what about you, Charles Hurt? Anything ridiculous to offer? “Speaking in prime time, Obama made a mockery of his — and his party’s — longstanding opposition to this war in Iraq.” That’s nice, but can you combine the Roman name of a Greek god with a made-up word to insult the president? “The Herculean flip-floppery Obama performed in the Oval Office spells bad news for embattled Democrats running for re-election.” And that’s why you’re the Post’s DC Bureau Chief.
Carla Bruni has expressed her solidarity to (with?) the Iranian woman who has been sentenced to be stoned to death for adultery. The Iranian newspaper Kayhan doesn’t like that. They recently responded with, “Studying Carla Bruni’s record clearly shows the reason why this immoral woman is backing an Iranian woman who has been condemned to death for committing adultery and being [an] accomplice in her husband’s murder and, in fact, she herself deserves to die.” They also called Bruni a “prostitute.”
France is demanding that someone do something about this.
Scientists have discovered “tiny crustaceans that are nearly invisible to the naked eye” (called “copepods”) in New York’s water supply.
Memo to self: Buy Brita stock.
Tom Magill, 22, jumped off the roof of the West End Towers on West End Avenue at 63rd Street and fell 40 stories onto a Dodge Charger. He suffered “a broken leg, a shattered ankle and a shattered lung,” but is expected to pull through. The photo of Magill that the Post includes is of him dressed as Peter Pan.
Oof.
Rachel Uchitel (who the Post put on their 9/14/01 cover) is the subject of Michael Starr’s piece on page 17 (TIGER MISTRESS IN SEPT. 11 TV EXPLOIT). I’m so proud of Michael! They let him write an actual article! Let’s see how he did!
“The nerve! Serial celebrity suck-up and former Tiger Woods mistress Rachel Uchitel, whose fiancé died in the Twin Towers on 9/11, visited Ground Zero last week to shoot scenes for her upcoming appearance on VH1’s Celebrity Rehab. Uchitel, 35, found a modicum of fame in the immediate aftermath of 9/11 when a photo — showing her weeping and holding a flier asking for information on her fiancé, Andy O’Grady — was splashed on the cover of The Post with the headline, ‘New York’s Tragic Face.’ Uchitel yesterday told The Post that she couldn’t understand how some people might interpret her recent visit to Ground Zero as distasteful and self-promoting. ‘Who the f–k are people to be talking about me?’ Uchitel said. ‘Until they go through what I went through, living with a guy and being engaged to him and having that person dead an hour after waking up next to him . . . Nobody can fuck with me about 9/11.’ Uchitel said she visited the site to ‘get closure on some stuff I’ve been dealing with . . . and I don’t know why people would take that the wrong way.’”
I don’t know how people would get that idea either, Rachel. Although the headline of this article might offer a hint.
Fun Fact: Michael still writes The Starr Report, but it no longer appears in print. It is, however, available on nypost.com for some reason.
Caroline Giuliani’s punishment for shoplifting? One day of community service.
“A knowledgeable source said she’ll do her community service for the Sanitation Department, where she’ll likely clean toilets and mop floors at the agency’s garage on Pier 36.”
“Prosecutor Anne Siegel told the judge the deal was a typical one for a first-time, low-level offender.”
My favorite part of the article: “Giuliani arrived at court sporting some ink on her right foot that said, ‘inhale exhale’ on one side and ‘breathe’ on the other.” A handy reminder, sure, but not easily read in a graceful manner.
When asked for a comment, her father said, “9/11, America’s Mayor, 9/11.”
Hadley Jons, of Warren, Michigan was serving on a jury when she posted “gonna be fun to tell the defendant they’re guilty” on Facebook. Hadley was removed from the jury and now faces a contempt charge.
Jed Resnik likes this.
BP is running that same full-page Economic Investment and Environmental Restoration ad on page 23. You know, the one with the photo of the old man and the female BP employee staring at the (off-panel) ground?
I guess they really are fixing everything — making it even better than it was before! I think I’ll buy some stock.
Darius McCollum, 45, has been arrested for stealing a New Jersey bus and taking it for a joyride to Kennedy Airport. This is his 27th arrest for doing something like this (we should have seen it coming — the rule of three times three times threes). But this time, he’s being investigated by the NYPD-FBI Joint Terrorism Task Force. Why? “Because he was bizarrely carrying a Koran, a prayer blanket and federal emergency-response manuals when he was busted.”
I imagine that he was carrying these things in a bindle made of ham that was balanced on his knee. Or in a similarly bizarre fashion.
John Podhoretz’s OBAMA’S IRAQ SPEECH: BARACK THE NEOCON explains that (according to last night’s speech) the POTUS is actually a neoconservative. A neoconservative Muslim socialist? Now I’ve heard everything!
John Owens, of Garden City, writes in to say that, “Having attended the ‘Restoring Honor’ rally, I was pleased to see people from different religions, races and political backgrounds standing united as Americans.”
Fellow attendee Larry Hotaling, of Brooklyn, agrees. “[Beck's] message resonates with all races. Content of character was the message at Beck’s rally, but color of skin was the underlying message of the Al Sharpton counter-rally.”
But Herb Stark, of Massapequa, is angry at everyone. “I’m sick and tired of the phony patriotism exhibited by the likes of Sharpton, Beck, Palin and others as they stage their equally phony rallies in our nation’s capital.”
Oh, mailbag. You’re terrific.
Jonah Goldberg’s NOTHING TO FEAR: The inclusiveness of ‘Restoring Honor’ would be hilarious if it weren’t so repugnant. “Because the rally explicitly and studiously avoided trumpeting a political agenda, it freed up a lot of people to fill in the blanks themselves. For instance, The Washington Post’s Greg Sargent insists it was all a con: ‘As high-minded as that may sound, the real point of stressing the rally’s apolitical goals was political.’ By leaving the listener to infer an anti-Obama agenda from all of this talk of lost honor, host Glenn Beck was practicing ‘classic political demagoguery.’
Let me get this straight: If Beck had done the opposite, and invited hundreds of thousands of anti-Obama signs, and carved up President Obama like a turkey dinner, folks like Sargent would think the rally was less demagogic? Hmm.”
Having Sarah Palin as one of your headliners makes it political. Period. And would the rally be more or less demagogic if the attendees brought their anti-Obama signs? It’s a trick question. Just because people left their homemade misspelled Obama-with-a-Hitler-moustache signs at home doesn’t make them any less ignorant or hateful. They did it because their Mormon buddy told them to. But, man, that Greg Sargent is an idiot for thinking that. Right, Jonah?
“Obviously, Sargent’s not entirely wrong about the rally’s political resonance.” Buh? “But the partisan implications of the rally aren’t that interesting. Nor is the argument that the relentless celebration of Martin Luther King Jr. amounted to some grave insult to his memory.” Are you fucking kidding me? You can’t celebrate Dr. King’s memory by screaming for the end of the social programs he fought for. Only a complete and utter moron would make that argument.
“If Beck wasn’t a libertarian, I’d find his populism worrisome. But his message, flaws and excesses notwithstanding, is that our constitutional heritage defines us as a people, regardless of race, religion or creed. Is that so insulting to Dr. King’s memory?” Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your moron.
Crude oil is down to $71.92/barrel.
Buy! Buy! Buy!
Teresa and I were at La Guardia Airport recently and were forced to spend almost $20 on a couple of egg sandwiches and coffee (it was that or bags of candy). But LA GUARDIA AIR FARE FLAIR assures us that more options have finally arrived! For example, Bisoux is now open and serves a $14 bowl of French onion soup (I doubt it’s as good as Le P’tit Paris’ soup, which costs $5 a bowl). You can also get a $42 New York strip steak at Prime Tavern or a $5 slice of pizza at Tagliare.
Next time we fly out of LGA? Bags of candy.
MOVIE REVIEW!
Lou Lumenick gives three stars to My Dog Tulip (“don’t take the kids unless you want to give them some fairly explicit lessons about canine mating and excretory habits”). Why isn’t there a comma after “Dog”? Is the movie about a tulip made out of dogs?
Kyle Smith gives The American one star (“Duller than a Belgian”). Just as Roger Ebert loves all movies made in Chicago, Kyle Smith hates all movies starring George Clooney. It’s science fact.
Tampa Bay lost to Toronto last night (15-5) and the Yankees beat Oakland 9-3. Which means… we’re in first! By ourselves!
A.J. Burnett (9-12) is looking for his 10th win tonight. And if he doesn’t get it, he may lose his spot in the rotation. In five August starts, he was 0-4 with a 7.80 ERA. In June, his ERA was 11.35. His contract is worth $82,500,000.
Oof.
Plaxico Burress filed a second application for early release from prison (he’s been there for 11 months). And for the second time, his appeal was denied. He’ll be there until (at least) June 2011.
Poor Plaxico Burress.
Hey, Linda Stasi! Would you be so kind as to judge a TV show without having seen it because it hasn’t been made yet?
“Showtime is adding Shameless, starring Joan Cusack, to its lineup of comedic diseases. She plays an agoraphobic mother of a sexually promiscuous teenage daughter. The agoraphobe has a ’special friendship’ with William H. Macy, a drunken father of six who passes out every night. I’m laughing already!”
I tried watching the award-winning British series that the Showtime series is based on and I didn’t care for it. But I would gladly watch William H. Macy make soup or alphabetize his CDs, so count me in for the remake.
Snooki has turned down her abusive boyfriend’s marriage proposal.
Are you going to let her do that to you, Jeff Miranda? Are you going to let her make a laughing stock out of you?
Sorry for the lateness of today’s post — I didn’t have time to start it before my noon rehearsal in Manhattan and the MTA delayed my return home. But tomorrow will be finished much earlier. Scout’s honor.
G’night!
Didn’t sleep enough last night. I woke up at 7:00, made Teresa lunch, got a paper, drank a bunch of coffee and fell right back to sleep. Woke up again at 12:30 and now I feel more tired than I did earlier this morning. A loving God wouldn’t let this happen.
Before we begin our regularly scheduled programming, I thought you’d enjoy this video of interviews with attendees of Glenn Beck’s “Restoring Honor” rally. Is everyone that attended a moron? No. Are all of the people in this video? Yes.
I just spent the last hour on YouTube looking for incriminating Glenn Beck clips (the numerous times he called Obama a racist, the numerous times he defended doing so, the time he said that he hates the families of 9/11 victims because they’re always complaining, etc.), but then I remembered that I like the people that read my blog and there’s no reason to spend any more time on that Mormon douchebag than is absolutely necessary.
And now, the Post.
The top 60% of today’s cover is Lindsay Lohan lounging on a coach (her breasts partially exposed) under a hot pink headline: Luscious Lindsay! The rest of the cover is devoted to Roger Clemens’s mug shot (ACE IN THE HOLE: Clemens treated like common criminal).
You have to love that about the Post — they have at least two columnists who repeatedly criticize the media for keeping Lohan in the spotlight, but they’ll put her on the cover at the drop of a hat. And why is she on today’s cover? Because she gave an interview to Vanity Fair insisting that “her wild party-girl days are over.” The follow-up takes up most of pages 10 and 11. I can’t for Mandrea (and/or others) to tell me why I shouldn’t care in the coming days.
As for Clemens (who gets pages 6 and 7 all to himself), he was “photographed and fingerprinted in DC federal court.” He pleaded “not guilty” and is due back in court on December 8th. Jury selection is “tentatively scheduled for next April 5th.” Whatever happened to our right to a speedy trial?
The 60,000-square foot Barnes & Noble on 66th Street and Broadway (across the street from what used to be Tower Records) will close in January.
I wonder what will open in its place. My guess? Yankee Candle.
Starting at 6:00 p.m. on Sunday night, “Kennedy Airport’s longest runway was tied up for more than 14 hours — because the Port Authority couldn’t find anyone who knew how to change two blown tires on a private Lear jet.”
Every time I read about some asinine study that researchers have devoted years of their lives to (People lie in their online dating profiles! Old men prefer young women! People don’t like pain!), I wonder if decades of their pooled resources might have given us teleportation by now. Which would make the Port Authority and the MTA obsolete.
Roger Clemens gets over two pages of coverage. The 14 American soldiers in Afghanistan that have been killed in the last three days get three sentences in the bottom corner of page 8.
The MTA has ordered “340 new subway cars that will come equipped for surveillance cameras.”
Estimated cost: $748,000,000.
I’m so glad they found the money for this.
Paris Hilton amended her defense: “I thought the cocaine was chewing gum.”
She is being charged with felony drug-possession. “The low-level felony carries a maximum of four years in prison, but the statute calls for mandatory probation sentence and no prison if the drug possessor has no felony past.”
Too bad none of her DWIs were treated like the felonies they were.
A woman claims that she was rear-ended by a Ford Explorer driven by Harjinder Singh. The Explorer’s license plate? 1HAPPY. The woman was was rear-ended? Cindy Supersad.
Even more bizarre is Cindy’s middle name: Caraccidentsmakeme.
The editorial The Men Behind the Mosque demands that the Islamic cultural center must be paid for “with clean money.”
You know whose name doesn’t come up even once in the piece? Prince Alwaleed bin Talal.
Manny Ramirez now plays for the Chicago White Sox.
The Yankees beat the A’s (11-5) last night, but Tampa beat Toronto (6-2), so we’re still tied for first. Thames hit a 3-run homer (he’s hit at least one dinger in five of the Yankees’ last six games).
31 games to go!
Awwwww. Snooki’s boyfriend proposed to her on the cover of Steppin’ Out magazine.
No word on whether or not someone has read it to Snooki yet.
Where did the day go? I have to do some grocery shopping and then coach in Manhattan tonight. I’m a busy bee.
Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday, folks!
Congratulations again to all of the folks that helped with last night’s benefit. It was a huge success.
I wanted to go out with everyone afterwards, but made the executive decision to drive back to Brooklyn with the cargo van. It was filled with bottles and furniture and miscellany and I didn’t want to have to descend into another garage (and risk further damaging our chairs) and then drink and then try to find a place to park in my neighborhood at 1:00 a.m. So I flew solo (I insisted — Teresa and the rest of the crew had earned their celebration).
Luckily, I found a place to park right by our house and managed to unload the van relatively quickly. Then I showered, then I slept. Teresa returned with 4 of the Dog Court boys in tow — she was so exhausted by the end of the night that they insisted on escorting her home. We are so blessed to have people like Alex, Justin, Sam and Jeff (and Mike and Susan) in our lives.
What I would like to do is go back to sleep (I woke up at 9:00 to return the van), but I owe you three days of newspaper criticisms. So let’s do that. And then I’ll sleep.
SATURDAY
The 17-year-old daughter of the US ambassador to Thailand fell 22 stories to her death from the 25th-floor balcony of a 25-year-old’s apartment (she landed on a 3rd-floor balcony). Nicole John had been drinking (a lot) at Tenjune earlier in the night (with her friends, most of whom were also underage). The Post reprinted some of her blog posts.
“Let’s make a stew — vodka/redbulls + long island iced teas+ ambiens + xanax = om nom nom”
“Friday night went to a house party and played beer pong, etc, got shwasted/cross-faded.”
And from two weeks ago, “Whaaaaaat a fuckin’ EPIC weekend. Intoxication for about 40 hours straight, starting Friday night. I never use the word epic, but it is actually appropriate this time.”
If only there were warning signs.
The Post is happy to point out that Michael Enright’s journals show no sign of anti-Muslim sentiments. They use this as proof that there is no violent anti-mosque movement. I use it as proof that the folks on the right (the Post included) have created such a fervent anti-mosque sentiment that even someone like Enright can be driven to violence — even if it goes against everything he once believed (as long as he’s heavily intoxicated).
But what do I know?
78% of Muslims like Obama (down from 86% a year ago). So do 61% of Jews (down 16%), 50% of Catholics (down 17%), 43% of Protestants (down 15%) and 24% of Mormons (down 21%).
Well, what do you know. He is uniting the country!
Jon Gosselin’s ex (Hailey Glassman) said in a December interview that Gosselin “is hung like a 9-year-old boy.”
Adorable.
Page Six (today on page 10) informs us that actor Bokeem Woodbine “freaked out” at Greenhouse on Thursday night. “‘He kept repeating lines from his movies,’ including Dead Presidents and Jason’s Lyric.”
Whoever the source on this is, I would love to know how he (or she) identified lines from Jason’s Lyric.
Snooki has a new boyfriend! His name’s Jeff Miranda! His ex-girlfriend (Rebecca Hansen) has a restraining order against him for “threatening her life and beating her”!
“Miranda also allegedly beat Hansen and at one point pulled a shotgun on the woman when she balked at having sex.”
This new relationship is a stick with two short ends.
Speaking of restraining orders, Leonardo DiCaprio got a restraining order against Livia Bistriceanu, 41.
Livia claims they’re married and that she is pregnant with his child. Leonardo insists that she’s dreaming.
Or is she?
67-year-old hoarder Billie Jean James went missing four months ago. Police and search dogs went through the house she shared with her husband, but didn’t find her. Her husband found her body in the house this week.
If you can’t smell a three-month-old corpse in your house? You have issues.
(like every issue of the Saturday Evening Post bundled up in piles next to a mountain of almost-empty cans of Hormel chili)
A school in Australia awarded the grand prize in their costume contest to a boy dressed as Adolf Hitler.
“To me, it’s a mountain out of a molehill,” said the school’s principal.
He then offered anyone that was offended that he would “throw another shrimp on Klaus Barbie” for them.
How terrible in the New York Post? Page 17’s VULTURES CIRCLING CIPRIANI features a huge color photo with the caption: “Cipriani… is being forced to auction off everything from soup to nuts from Cipriani 42nd Street and other locations.”
The seventh paragraph of the article: “The 42nd Street and Wall Street locations will not be part of the auction.”
I’ve seen second-grade dioramas with more journalistic integrity.
Michelle Malkin’s Katrina Race-Baiting’s Lasting Stain is just plain awful. It actually ends with her chastising Obama because “he won’t lift a finger to repudiate the smears against his unjustly accused predecessor.” And Malkin won’t admit that most (if not all) of those smears are based in fact.
Microsoft co-founder (and current head of the private asset management company Vulcan Inc.) Paul Allen is suing Google, Apple, eBay, Facebook, Yahoo!, AOL, YouTube, Office Depot, OfficeMax, Staples and other companies for violating his patents.
Is he out of his Vulcan mind?
Yanks lose, Tampa loses, Boston wins.
Was Susan Boyle’s voice Auto-Tuned in the viral clip that kajillions of people sent to each other? Yup.
“The sounds are cleaned up. It’s an open secret and an industry standard. This goes for everyone, even Susan Boyle’s audition was smoothed out in post-production to give it the best possible sound.”
Is nothing sacred?
Linda Stasi has outdone herself. Her review of Carlos begins, “If you’ve about had it with TV spies, terrorists, explosions, Palestinian bad guys, fantastical plots, beautiful female agents and gorgeous male mercenaries, have I got a show for you. It’s a three-part series by Olivier Assayas debuting Oct. 11 on the Sundance Channel called Carlos, and it’s filled with spies, terrorists, explosions, Palestinian bad guys, fantastical plots, beautiful female agents and gorgeous male mercenaries.”
Cindy Adams would be proud.
SUNDAY
Paris Hilton was found with a vial of cocaine (cops were questioning her for being in a car that marijuana smoke was wafting out of when it fell out of her purse). She plans on arguing that the purse she was carrying wasn’t hers. Hey, it worked the last eight times.
Michael Goodwin has included a delightful cartoon of relief workers at a still-smoldering Ground Zero on his page. One of the workers points off-panel and says, “GOLLY! WOULDN’T THAT BE A GREAT PLACE FOR A MOSQUE?”
1) You can’t see the proposed Islamic cultural center from Ground Zero.
2) Why wouldn’t it be? Oh, wait. I forgot. Muslim-Americans are only worth 3/5 of an actual American.
The Post claims 300,000 attended Glenn Beck putsch rally in D.C. on Saturday. Albert Pujols also spoke, as did Sarah Palin.
The rally was titled “Restoring Honor” (and not, oddly, “Pooholes ‘n’ Pujols!”). But were there actually that many people there? What say you, Christian Science Monitor?
“Rep. Michele Bachmann (R) of Minnesota, at her own rally held on the edges of Mr. Beck’s event, said, ‘We’re not going to let anyone get away with saying there were less than a million here today because we were witnesses.’
However, a firm hired by CBS News to estimate the crowd put attendees at between 78,000 and 96,000. The firm, AirPhotosLive.com, had three estimators go over high-resolution aerial photos of the event, and then combined the three estimates.”
I guess Bachmann and Beck (and the Post) were exaggerating. What else in new.
According to a Harris Poll, a group of people (what kind of people? and how many? and where do they live? details, details…) weer asked which candidate they would vote for if the midterm elections were today, 34% would vote Dem, 33% would vote Rep, 5% would vote Other and 28% are Not Sure. The same folks (I think?) were asked the same question with the addition of a Tea Party candidate to the ballot. 34% would vote Dem, 22% would vote Rep, 11% would vote for the Tea Party and 33% are Not Sure.
Context would really come in handy here, though it’s nice to see unwavering support for the Democrats.
THIS WEEK’S WINNERS & LOSERS is a Sunday staple that features three people in each category. Normally, a photo of one is placed at the end of the arrow that isn’t pointed (with the three names listed along the arrow’s shaft). Today, the photos cover the arrow points.
Everyone at this paper is a moron.
V.A. Musetto has some advice for moviegoing perverts: “You say you’re turned on by bony female knees? Then you mustn’t miss Claire’s Knee… Best scene: Claire exposing her knee as she climbs a ladder under a cherry tree.”
Thanks for the tip, Uncle Creepy!
ASK ASHLEY!
The other day I “caught” my husband perusing casual encounters on Craigslist. He hadn’t actually logged on yet, but he was about to. After much prying, he finally confessed to logging on before when he “feels rejected by me sexually.” That said, he claims not to have contacted anybody.Truth be told, when we were going through a hard time a few years ago, I did catch him actually writing an e-mail to someone on Craigslist. I want to believe him now — his body language seems to indicate he’s telling the truth, plus his actions speak very loud (he’s always home on time, etc.) — but I can’t help but be wary. Should I be worried or just let this go as curiosity or arousal? — Caroline
ASHLEY: “Whether he pursued or contacted anyone doesn’t even matter. No, I take that back. It does matter.”
ME: “Why did you put caught in quotes? Did you not actually catch him? And why are your options to be ‘worried’ or ‘let this go as arousal’? You’re OK with your husband seeking arousal from strangers? Do you even understand what words mean?
There’s this guy I’ve been friends with for a while. He always flirts with me, but I’m not really interested. (Though, we did kiss once . . .) Anyway, I think part of me is turned off by his Rico Suave-ness. Some of the lines he uses just seem so unreal and fake, plus he’s a flirt in general so I can’t help but feel like I’m not the only one he’s feeding them too. It’s weird. I want to blush and melt, but instead I’m left wondering if he’s for real. How do I know? — Cara, 31, Greenwich Village
ASHLEY: “‘If it smells like a skunk, looks like a skunk and acts like a skunk . . .’ You know the rest of the saying.”
ME: “Cara, have you met Caroline? She doesn’t understand words, either. ‘Too’ is not the same as ‘to.’ B’also? You’re not interested but you want to blush and melt? What the fuck does that mean? Don’t worrym though — I can assure you that no man could ever be interested in a woman who makes Gerardo references in 2010.”
Yanks win, Tampa wins, Boston loses.
TODAY
There’s a photo of Christina Aguilera and her husband (Jordan Bratman) on page 3.
Not sure if you can tell at this size (it’s three times the size in print), but he looks exactly like a bearded version of the girl from Welcome to the Dollhouse.
Page 4 has a nice story of six guys who spent Saturday night drinking in Staten Island. Then they “sped off in a car — and wrapped it around a light pole in a grisly crashed [sic] that killed two of them.”
I think I’m the only person who reads this paper and speaks English.
“Taliban leaders are hoping opposition to the mosque and community center [near Ground Zero] will undo the project and fuel Muslim outrage overseas and in the US, where they predict the debate will inspire homegrown terrorists.”
My irony meter just imploded. An article in the New York Post (Terror thugs claim Tali-boost from NYC protests on page 5) very clearly explains that opposition to the center is expected (by the people we’re fighting in Afghanistan) to create anti-American sentiment overseas and domestic terrorists here. But the same paper will continue to call it the Ground Zero Mosque and run articles like the other one on page 5, which paints Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf as “an alleged slumlord” who is shady and can’t be trusted (MOSQUE ‘SLUMLORD’).
The Taliban thanks you, Rupert.
Andrea Peyser wants you to know:
* That the number of pedestrians “mowed down by kamikaze bicyclists may be far higher than the city admits.” But then, it also may not. Though Mandrea neglects to say that (but she does demand that the city “count those who’ve given limbs to promote [cycling as healthy].” And how many of those people are there, Mandrea? (crickets)
* That “the geese [in Prospect Park] must die” because “it’s the geese or us.”
* That “five-year-old Sarah Jane Donohue, brain-damaged after a nurse violently shook her, came out to protest the Empire State Building’s failure to light up for Mother Teresa’s 100th birthday.” That’s right. Sarah Jane woke up and said, “Mom? Dad? Can I go to the Empire State Building to protest their failure to commemorate Mother Teresa’s 100th birthday?” Because brain-damaged five-year-olds are extremely political. One almost became Vice President in the last election!
* That she’s proud that she was forced to leave The Barclays tournament because she “repeatedly asked” Tiger Woods, “Do you still love your wife?” What a classy person you are.
In a Post EXCLUSIVE, we learn that Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne will both be Batman (and will start a Bat-franchise across the globe) starting… well, they don’t say. But in the Comic Shop News article I read a few weeks ago, it said that Batman, Inc. #1 hits the stands in early November. Bonus points: the Post refers to it as Batman Inc. (sans comma).
On Friday, I said that the AL East standings could look a lot different than they did that afternoon. Then the Yanks and Rays were tied for first with Boston 5 1/2 games back. Today, the Yankees and Rays are tied for first with Boston 6 1/2 games back.
Marcus Thames has hit three home runs over the last two games. Pettitte says he might return from the DL in two weeks (at the earliest).
Our next four games are against Oakland. Hopefully, we’ll move ahead of Tampa.
Is Elton John replacing Simon Cowell on American Idol?
Does anyone even care anymore?
Well, that took forever.
But at least I’m caught up (on blogging if not sleep).
See you all tomorrow.
All of the people I expected to love tonight proved that I underestimated their magnificence.
A heartfelt thanks to every single one of the people who supported this event.
I just showered and am lying in front of my air conditioner and I still can’t stop sweating.
I believe this is what Harry Chapin’s grandfather called “good tired.”
Good night, peeps.
Big benefit tomorrow. Super-stoked.
Got to meet one of the comedians tonight (he brought his wife and mother to Let’s Have A Ball). Couldn’t have been nicer. He even invited me on his radio show (that he co-hosts with his wife) to plug this blog. And they live a few blocks away from us! And not only that — he appears in this video:
How serendipitious is that?
But the video I wanted to share today is below. If you have a weak stomach, do not watch it. It is fairly repulsive. Hilariously repulsive (repulsively hilarious?).
Hope to see you at Town Hall tomorrow!
Today’s cover story (PANTS ON FIRE: ‘Lying’ gov may face rap on Yankee tix) features a photo of “Governor” Paterson with a nose like Pinocchio (the Post loves Photoshop). Apparently, Independent Counsel Judith Kaye has concluded that Paterson was “inaccurate and misleading” when he testified (under oath) about the free Yankee tickets he asked for (and got). Kaye has passed her 41-page report on her findings onto Albany County District Attorney David Soares, and Soares might press criminal charges against Paterson as a result.
It’s a longshot, but Paterson could conceivably go to prison for this. Espada, Monserrate and Rangel will all remain free men, but the governor might not. Justice is blind (just like Paterson!).
Capitol One has announced the sale of all of Cipriani’s inventory (from the furniture to the fixtures to their recipes) to pay off their $4,000,000 debt to the bank. The restaurant still hasn’t paid back the $10,000,000 they owe for tax evasion, but they insist that none of their restaurants are going anywhere.
Man, if I worked there, I’d be so confused that I’d probably wind up pushing a stranger in front of an oncoming train.
Too soon?
Page Six (today on page 10) informs us that Hayden Panettiere was recently in Ann Arbor, Michigan with David Arquette. And why were they there? Because they’re making a movie: Scream 4.
Looks like Wes Craven has run out of idea.
Rep. Bobby Bright (D – Alabama) isn’t.
While talking to a group of his constituents, he said that he might not vote for Nancy Pelosi to be speaker next year because she “might lose her own election, decide not to run for the speaker’s job or otherwise not be available,” according to the Montgomery Advertiser. When The Washington Post called the man who reported this to get clarification on the last part of Bright’s remarks, the reporter gave them his exact quote, “Heck, she might even get sick and die.”
And so might Bobby Bright.
Jimmy Carter successfully negotiated the release of Aijalon Gomes, 31, from a North Korean prison. Gomes had been there since January after beng found guilty of crossing the North Korean border from China. He was supposed to serve eight years of hard labor and pay a fine of $600,000. Carter requested amnesty and Kim Jong Il granted it.
Worst American President my ass.
American Airlines has been fined $24,000,000 for “chafed electrical wires that caused it to cancel thousands of flights in 2008.”
Good thing they’ve started adding hefty fees for baggage, food, drinks, blankets, pillows, movies, sitting in the first few rows of coach… the only thing you still get for free on their flights is the use of the bathroom.
For now.
It’s been a long day. If I had more time and energy, I’d explain why the editorials by John Podhoretz (BLAMING AMERICA: What liberals love about Imam Rauf) and Bill O’Reilly (Left’s Bogus Race Ploy on Mosque) are grotesque misrepresentations. But I’m just too tired. And anyway, someone else at the Post will just regurgitate their talking points tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that.
According to TechCrunch.com, Mark Zuckerberg is trying to trademark the word “face.”
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MOVIE REVIEWS!
Kyle Smith gives two and a half stars to The Last Exorcism (“Boo bayou.”), and two stars to Centurion (“a film that begs to be classified in the historical/epic category, or maybe the allegorical/self-important file, but actually belongs in the lawnmover/weedwhacker class”).
Lou Lumenick gives two and a half stars to both Flipped (“interesting enough that you wish it were better”) and Takers (“a pulse-pounding footchase and some terrific stunt work [offset] its hackneyed plot and dialogue”).
V.A. Musetto gives two and a half stars to Mesrine (violence, sex), three stars to The Milk of Sorrow (mature themes — “some viewers might be turned off by the sexual themes,” but V.A. sure wasn’t!), two stars to Change of Plans (mature themes) and one and a half stars to Highwater (nothing objectionable).
Lee Bailey of EURweb.com (I looked it up — it’s Bailey’s own site and it stands for Electronic Urban Report) calls Takers “this generation’s Heat.”
Jen Yamato of Movies.com calls Lottery Ticket “Friday for a new generation.”
Doesn’t this generation know how to rent movies?
Albert Pujols (pronounced “POO-holes”) hit his 300th home run last night, making him the third-youngest player to do so (Ken Griffey Jr. did it at 30 and A-Rod did it when he was 29).
Hooray for Pujols!
The Boston Red Sox are 73-55. So are the Minnesota Twins, putting them at the top of the AL Central (by 3 1/2 games). The AL West is led by the Texas Rangers who are 72-55. But Boston is in the AL East, so their record puts them in third behind the Yankees and Rays by 5 1/2 games. But Boston is starting a series against Tampa tonight, so these standings might look a lot different in a few days.
Burnett takes the mound tonight against the White Sox. He is currently 9-11. Never forget.
Bristol Palin has joined the cast of this season’s Dancing With the Stars.
How long do you think it will take “The Situation” to get her pregnant?
Tomorrow night is Let’s Have A Ball. The following night is Friends with a Benefit.
There is still time to get tickets for both shows, but I implore you to support the latter. It’s a great show (co-produced by my wife) with a great cast for a great cause (the American Bird Conservancy). Tickets are still available here.
And that will do it for this week. Enjoy your weekend!
This has to be doctored, right? Right?
I’m going to have nightmares about that kid for the rest of my life.
WHAT A DISGRACE
Raging drunk slashes Muslim cabby: cops
Michael Enright, 21, of Brewster had a lot to drink and got in a cab. He asked his cabby “if he was a Muslim and exchanged pleasantries in Arabic before going berserk and slashing the driver’s neck and face through the taxi’s partition, police said. He has been charged with attempted murder as a hate crime for the attack, in which he allegedly shouted, ‘This is a checkpoint, motherfucker! I have to put you down!’”
Michael spent five weeks embedded with Marines in Afghanistan (he returned in May) and has done work for Intersections International, “a non-profit group that supports the mosque and ‘promotes interfaith dialogue and cross-cultural cooperation, specifically with our Muslim brothers and sisters.’”
The Post is quick to point out that “Tuesday’s stabbing must be taken for what it was: the act of a disturbed individual who is now in custody” and not “evidence that the debate over the Ground Zero mosque is getting out of hand” (from the editorial The Cabby Attack). Jonah Goldberg concurs with his The Islamophobia Myth: Taxi stabbing proves little.
Do you suppose anyone at the Post appreciates the irony in their insisting that we not hold an entire group of people (those against Park51 — which is still not a Ground Zero mosque) accountable for the actions of one man (replace “those against Park51″ with “Muslims” and “one man” with “nineteen men”)?
Folks on the right have already started floating the idea that Michael did this to gain sympathy for the pro-Mosque crowd. What a disgrace.
Timbaland (the music producer, not the boot) was distraught over the loss of his $2,000,000 watch (sadly, not a typo), which had been stolen “by a close associate.” So he took off in his Escalade and texted (to someone — great reporting, Post!) that he was “near a cliff and ‘tired of the stress.’” His family called the police, who used a helicopter to locate him. They “determined he was not a threat to himself.”
“Later, Timbaland phoned Ryan Seacrest’s radio show to say he had not been suicidal.” Until he phoned Ryan Seacrest’s radio show.
Did I mention that Tiger Woods and his wife are divorced? Well, they are. Elin gets $100,000,000 and shared custody of the kids, Tiger gets boners for skanks.
Approval has been granted for the skyscraper that will be erected on the former site of the Hotel Pennsylvania (15 Penn Plaza).
Which means I’ll have to redo my tramp-stamp tattoo of the New York City skyline for a third time.
Buried in Churlie Hurt’s latest fellating of the Tea Party is this: “Okay, so maybe [Sarah] Palin scares us a little bit. This is understandable.”
Baby steps, Churlie.
List of people/things that Mandrea spits venom at today: Tiger Woods, Chris Simms (son of Phil), Brad Pitt, Eliot Spitzer and the madam who provided him with Ashley Dupre (though she doesn’t mention Ms. Dupre), and people who are against the construction of the Islamic cultural center 15 Penn Plaza.
Today’s expensive full-page, full-color BP ad focuses on Economic Investment and Environmental Restoration. There’s a photo of a old White guy walking with a Black woman in a pink shirt with a BP logo. They’re both staring at the ground. We can’t see what they’re looking at, but it’s safe to assume it’s oil and/or dead things.
Money well spent, BP.
Over on page 30, there’s a small piece titled ‘Drunk’ desecration at mosque. It begins, “A drunk barged into a mosque last night and shouted anti-Muslim slurs as he urinated on prayer rugs, cops and witnesses said.” The man (Omar Rivers) was “very intoxicated” and called the worshippers “terrorists.”
And yet the Post saw fit to put quotation marks around the word drunk. And drew no connection between this act of vandalism and the battle over Park51. Classy.
First Churlie Hurt disses Sarah Palin, now comes the editorial John McCain: Where He Belongs.
“Arizona Republicans soundly renominated John McCain for a fifth term in the US Senate over a Tea Party-backed GOP challenger. Yes, McCain’s an ideological drunken driver. But it was a wise choice. To be sure, McCain had to hustle aggressively to score this primary win — discovering new enthusiasm for conservative positions on illegal immigration, ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ and cap-and-trade. That’s nothing to be proud of… But America is a safer place with John McCain in the Senate.”
What next? An article on how Ken Mehlman has finally admitted that he’s gay?
(Not in today’s paper, probably not in tomorrow’s either. But he totally is.)
The Yankees lost last night, but so did Tampa Bay. The tie remains until at least tomorrow night (we both have today off).
Is Manny Ramirez headed for the Chicago White Sox? Maybe!
Linda Stasi is livid (livid, I tell you!) because Sunday’s episode of Mad Men included a scene where young Sally Draper (played by 11-year-old Kiernan Shipka) masturbates. “This is an 11-year-old child whose life has been compromised by being made to feign masturbation on national television! It’s like starring in a training film for pedophiles.”
That’s exactly what it’s like, Linda. I give your hyperbole three stars.
The weekend is a mere 29.5 hours away! And that means Let’s Have A Ball is only 55.5 hours away! And the Friends with a Benefit show is… on Sunday night (I don’t feel like using a calculator).
If you haven’t bought tickets yet, please do. If you haven’t spread the word to every New Yorker you know, please do.
See you all tomorrow!
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