Archive for March 18th, 2009

When I was born in 1974, people took pride in their writing. They had to – there were no laptops. No Kinko’s. If you made a mistake while typing, you had to remove your paper from the typewriter, use Liquid Paper to cover the mistake, wait for it to dry, put the paper back into the typewriter and pray that you can line it back up to its original position. So few if any folks back then would just type something — not read it — and send it to a publisher. But today? That seems to be the status quo.

Message board sloppiness (and Twitter brainfarts like “This line is takig forevr!!!1!”) are bad enough, but when there are typographical errors in THE NAME OF YOUR TELEVISION SHOW (Good Morning America, I’m talking to you) or THE SIX-WORD HEADLINE OF YOUR NEWSPAPER (wait for it), that’s kind of inexcusable (in my humble opinion).

And, for the record. I was not asked if the comma preceding “too” at the end of a sentence was obsolete, and I did not vote to rescind that grammatical law, so I will continue to put it in my sentences. People who don’t can take pride in making our country dumber as we slowly devolve into grunting cavemen (first, they came for the commas…). They can kiss m’ass, too.

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NOT SO

FAST YOU

GREEDY

BASTARDS

Really? No comma between FAST and YOU? Huh.

Today’s headline refers to Geithner claiming the government may tax those AIG bonuses at 100% (and that the bonus money will be deducted from AIG’s bailout moneys).

And what does Michelle Malkin think of this? Spare us your fake fury, DC hypocrites

Why is it always people like Malkin and Limbaugh and Coulter — who have built careers on fake outrage — who throw around “fake outrage” like an insult?

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Governor Onhiswayout Magoo has ripped apart Malcolm Smith’s MTA bailout plan and is now trying to meet with Republicans to try and get a better deal from them.

Tick tock, Dave.

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The feds are going after Bernie Madoff’s family now.

In a related story, Henry Winkler has been cast as Alice the Goon in Lars Von Trier’s new Popeye film.

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Natasha Richardson is brain dead and her family gathered at a opital on the Upper East Side last night to say their final goodbyes. Michael Riedel begins his mini-editorial with, “As beautiful and talented as she is, Natasha Richardson should have a much bigger film career.”

Which would have been a much nicer thing to say BEFORE her brain stopped working and her family was discussing ending what remains of her life.

Jerk.

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Does schadenfreude get any better than two Q-list celebrities gettin’ up in each other’s grills?

Remember Jeremy Piven and Stephen Dorff exchanging words about who had the more pathetic career (I believe they were on line for the bathroom at a club — as if the story needed to be more hilarious)? That was a good one.

How about Nikki Blonsky and Bianca Golden? One was fat in that movie with the singing and the other was on a reality show for people who want to be the next top model or something. They and their entourages came to blows at the Turks and Caicos airport last August. Golden claimed that the melee began when someone in her family asked one of the Blonsky bunch to move some bags to free up a seat, and the Blonsky replied with a muttering of the n-word. Blonsky claims the fight started when someone in the Golden group declared (apropos of nothing), “I don’t want to sit next to any white bitch!”

Golden’s mother got her nose broken and her skull cracked.

And now the Blonsky family is being sued by the first lawyer they got in T & C.

And you all still have no idea who they are.

The system works!

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There is a picture of Amy Winehouse on Page Six (which is on page 11 today) that will ad some hefty logs to the embarrassment fire that is her life.

AND THIS IS THE PHOTO OF HER ON HER WAY TO COURT.

Oh, England. Thanks for making (most of) the cast of Sober House look intelligent.

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If there is a “Crazy Charles” Carneglia bio-pic being rushed through production, please cast Bill Noble (one of my favorite Annoyance mainstays back in the dizzay) as the convicted murderer. I actually turned the page and thought, “Oh no! Did Bill Noble get arrested in his pajamas? Again?”

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(For my older, more learned readers)

Sarah Jane Olson was released from prison last night. Already there are rumors going around that she will be named to Obama’s cabinet. Possibly to head up Homeland Security, possibly to be yet another straw man for pundits to cling to.

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The family of the woman who was mauled by that chimp on Connecticut is now suing the chimp’s owner for $50,000,000. Um… yeah. The woman showed up with a teddy bear for the chimp. She knew him to be friendly. The family has no case (and the defendant don’t got no $50,000,000).

Sorry, Charla.

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Oh, Danny boy. You played right into her hands!

Daniel O’Brien, 30, was told by his 28-year-old wife that she was considering aborting their child (she’s 10-weeks pregnant). He wanted to explain that he found that unacceptable because of how precious life is, but he couldn’t find the right words. So he threw her on the bed, sat on her belly and slapped, choked and kicked her instead.

He was arrested for reckless endangerment and assault. His son will be so proud.

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OMG! We haven’t had access to NY1 in years, and we miss waking up to In The Papers.

Pat Kiernan is now launching patspapers.com which will be a national version of ITP.

Yayz!

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I thought I was going to make it through an entire paper without reading about the Gossip Girl cast. Thankfully, someone at the TV section wanted everyone to know that Rolling Stone will have an article about them and they just love working with each other.

And I just love seeing all of the shitty horror movies they all starred in prior to their TV show.

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And I love… you! Happy Wednesday!