FREE

DUMB

TOWER

I’ll take it! Oh. Tis is the Post’s way of telling us that the Freedom Tower at Ground Zero will no longer be called the Freedom Tower. It will now be forevermore known as One World Trade Center.

Oh, well. I guess the terrorists win.

No. Wait. That’s not what I meant. What I meant is, I don’t care.

They should have rebuilt them exactly as they were.

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Except for the burning airplanes sticking out of the side.

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Too soon?

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According to Michael Riedel, the Spider-Man musical will feature the Green Goblin, Carnage, Electro, Rhino, Swarm and the Lizard.

Swarm? The Nazi made of bees? Are they going to use the only line (one word – his name!) he had on the old cartoon?

Did I mention what a terrible idea this is?

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Iranian researchers say that drinking scalding hot tea may cause throat cancer.

Great job, guys.

Please let us know if dropping bowling balls on your feet causes any diseases.

Kthnxbi.

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Teresa? Cross Brazil off the list.

President of Brazil Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva gave a press conference in Brasilia yesterday with British Prime Minister Gordon Brown. During the chat, Luiz explained to Gordon that the world’s financial crisis was caused by “white people with blue eyes.” He went on to explain, “I am not acquainted with a single Black banker.”

Of course they don’t become bankers! They’ve been bred for athletics, silly!

Fun fact: Luiz was once a lathe operator!

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That British 12-year-old who thought he got his 15-year-old girlfriend pregnant? Well, the Brits gave him a paternity test and, in the case of Maisie Steadman, Alfie? You are NOT the father.

He was probably too mature to breakdance when he found out, though.

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About 18 months ago, the NYPD shut down their highly successful Vice Squad operations on Craigslist. No one seems to know why.

Gee, you think maybe George Weber’s family might sue the NYPD?

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Oh, New Jersey. You so ridiculous.

A 14-year-old girl posted nude photos of herself online, so the Passaic County Sheriff’s Office is using Megan’s Law to charge her as (and force her to register as) a sex offender.

The mother of the Megan in the title of the law is absolutely outraged.

Me, too!

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Oh, Boston. You make New Jersey seem like Xanadu.

The headmaster of the Boston Latin School sent a notice to teachers, students and parents denying that vampires were roaming the campus.

Apparently, the rumors were becoming more and more of a distraction in the classrooms.

Retahded.

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Rihanna got a small gun tattoo on her right side.

This was on the front page today.

I hate the Post.

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Charles “I’m Begging You To Make Me” Hurt ends his latest wank-piece with, “Surveying the political landscape here today, Obama is thinking of that adage cherished by cutthroats everywhere. If you and a buddy are walking in the woods and encounter a hungry, angry bear, you don’t have to outrun the bear, You simply have to outrun your buddy.

I’m guessing Chuck doesn’t have a lot of buddies. And those he has? Every one of them is faster than he is.

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Nicolas Cage is filming The Sorcerer’s Apprentice in Park Slope. And the photo of him as… whatever he is… looks like Bob Dylan as Ghost Rider.

Nic? Why not just take your sushi waitress, buy an island and let us try to remember why we once liked you in peace? Please?

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A state appeals court has ruled that you can commit a hate crime against a building.

I read about swastikas on synagogues almost every week — if this will help put the assholes that do that away for a slightly longer time, then I’m for it.

But, would 9/11 also count?

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Miguel Tejada has been sentenced to one year of probation for lying to Congress.

And yet W. hasn’t even been formally charged yet.

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Jason Savage, 29, was arrested at a car wash in Saginaw, Michigan.

Witnesses called police once they realized he was fucking one of the vacuums.

Teresa? Cross Michigan off the list.

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A housing project in Britain has had pink bulbs installed in their public lamps, in hopes that it will cut down on the packs of teens that routinely loiter.

The logic behind the pink lights making teens disperse? Pink light makes acne stand out more.

With teeth like that, you think some pimples are going to frighten away British teenagers?

Freshen yer drink, guv’nah?

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Adam Brodsky wants to know Why Is the Prez Snuffing Out Hope?

Do you remember when video rental stores were a new thing? You’d drive half an hour to the only one in town and you’d walk around the aisles looking for something that grabbed you? And then you’d see the box for a movie that — even though you had no idea what you were actually looking for — was the textbook example of what you weren’t looking for, and could therefore move on to another box?

That’s what Adam Brodsky’s piece made me think of.

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Bill O’Reilly explains why Fox News has increased viewership since “the Democratic takeover in Washington” — he calls it “the remorse factor.”

I don’t think he’s kidding, either.

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Anybody else feel like the folks behind 12 Rounds missed out on a golden opportunity to incorporate the 12 labors of Hercules into the script? I know the target audience is stupid, but even so. Isn’t 12 Labors just as good a title, if not more accurate?

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Dan Aquilante’s review of Morrissey’s Webster Hall show: No hope in mope pope

(He didn’t like it.)

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Jeter THEN Damon?

Either this will destroy a no-brainer batting order or this is the start of a beautiful season.

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The advertising agency hired to come up with a new branding initiative for the Sci-Fi Channel has gone public with their reasoning behind the change to SyFy.

“While we’d love to take credit for all the branding initiatives our clients take on, we just can’t. SyFy was a name generated internally and pre-tested at the channel before our involvement.”

“I believe it was one of Whistler’s.”

“You bastard.”

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Hopefully, I’m gonna go take m’wife home!

Happy Impending Weekend!