Archive for March 29th, 2009

“What color is it?” “Dark red.”

29th March
2009
written by jed

(the title is there to remind me to make sure Teresa tells you all about her LHH roommate)

Her calcium levels have spiked up today and it look like she may finally be granted the sweet release of… release.

(memo to self: find thesaurus)

Another day with the folks (watching two more NCAA games, but it made Dad happy, so I didn’t even scowl once), another day meeting more Lenox Hill employees that further restore my faith in humanity.

I left early tonight so that I could eat with the folks and get a ride home (Teresa had a couple of friends coming by to say a quick hello so I knew she wouldn’t be alone until the end of visiting hours). Jacques’ Brasserie makes a mean Crispy Skin Trout with White Polenta, but I have to admit liking the Windsor Cafe’s French onion soup better (at half the price!).

I had intermittent napping last night and overslept this morning — I cannot stop yawning and I just want to sleep. But a cyber-promise is a cyber-promise.

Hopefully the Mrs. will return to gen-pop (aka the outside world) in less than 24 hours. That’s d be great.

Dear Brooklyn Senator Marty Golden,

I understand that you are feverishly drafting legislation to submit to Albany this week. The legislation seeks to permanently change the name of One World Trade Center to The Freedom Tower. I feel like this is a knee-jerk reaction on your behalf, to what really isn’t that big of a deal. So I jotted down some knee-kerk reactions to reading about your bill.

1) Millions of people refer to (the previous) Yankee Stadium as “The House That Ruth Built” even though its mailing address has always remained Yankee Stadium. Do you call it “1600 Pennsylvania Avenue” or “The White House”? Let the building’s owners call it whatever they want to. And then let the public majority decide what we know it as.

2) Is it just me or is it kind of disturbing to think that, where once the two tallest buildings in the world stood as the World Trade Center, there will now stand one tall building known as “One World Trade Center”? If this one gets blown up will we rename Ground Zero “None World Trade Center”?

3) While I applaud your efforts to cross party lines to find support for this initiative, Marty, I do kind of feel that Republicans need to cross party lines on issues that actually affect the entire country — not just on their own glorified vanity projects. Maybe once our soldiers are home from the TWO WARS they’re fighting and maybe once the thousands and thousands of families that are newly bankrupt and/or jobless after Madoff and Stanford and Adler, et al, maybe then we can call French fries “freedom fries” and we’ll sell them in the Freedom Tower where “Freedom” by George Michael will play on a loop in the Freedom Tower Gift Shop of Freedom and Freedom Freedom Freedom in the Freedom!

Sincerely,

Eric Lindberg

P.S. – Are you really Brooklyn Senator Marty Golden?

Does someone have a tape of Joe Biden’s youngest (Ashley, 27) doing lines of cocaine at a party? His lawyer says yes.

He wants $2,000,000.

He’s been offered $250,000.

$2 says it isn’t her.

B’also? The Bush twins were alcoholic whores (alcowhorelics?) and they got a kind of free pass. Roger Clinton lived in a dumpster and aspired to fart the alphabet just once before he died (or to eat a meal intended specifically for him and not cobbled together from leftovers and garbage) and Bill wasn’t crucified for it. Heck, George H.W. Bush had a retarded son who once owned the Texas Rangers (whatever happened to him?). So let’s not jump on the VP’s social-worker daughter just yet, k?

Thnx.

UPDATE: The lawyer of the guy who is trying to sell the tape just quit. LESS THAN A DAY AFTER THE STORY BROKE. So, if you hear any bloviating douchebag on Fox say that “we don’t know if the tape is real” to cast further aspersions on Ashley Biden, please remember that they the guy who was guaranteed a thick percentage of the selling price just walked away.

Kenley Collins moved out of her(ex-)boyfriend’s apartment. Or, as the Post’s headline says,

Cat hurler meow-ves out

See what they did there?

Is the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade being marched away from Broadway? Maybe!

I live in Brooklyn now! Yo no care!

http://www.nypost.com/seven/03292009/news/regionalnews/nyu_dorms_hidden_pot_fantasyland_161900.htm

Paraphrasing wouldn’t do it justice. Some NYU students cut a hole in their wardrobe and made an alcove they called Narnia where people could swing by and get stoned. The article is written by Annie Karni (who I’m assuming is a great-grandmother), and includes factoids like, “The dorm’s latest hippie hangouts are the ‘Green Room’ and the ‘Lounge,’ according to students.

In the extended version of the article (which is available only in my head), Annie explains that she formed a real bond with the two NYU students who gave her the names of not only the latest hippie hangouts, but also the biggest pot dealers at NYU. “So, consider your days numbered, Heywood Jafingermyass and Mike Hunt-Isacauldronofdisease.”

Page Six (on page 12 today) nforms us that Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas each used a little flashlight to read the menu at Bella Blu. So… they’re old. Great. Thanks.

What next? Hume Cronyn Gold Bond Powders his sac before bed?

Some fat women pointed at Richard Simmons in Miami International Airport, so he sang “Single Ladies” by Beyonce and they clapped and I’m so glad I wasn’t there.

Cindy Adams has amassed the world’s shittiest collection of IRS jokes. Included are such zingareenos as, “Look, a reason there isn’t enough funding to go around is because there’s just too many special interests. I mean, a lobby for Short Trannies With Head Colds in Great Neck? Seems to me frivolous.”

“Moses came down from Mt. Sinai with two tablets. One was the Ten Commandments. The other? His expense account.”

“Washington could easily balance the federal budget. All they have to do is close 27 states.”

Please get in the box.

I love the British.

Someone broke into Les Smith’s historic pub and painted the entire place pink.

When interviewed, Les said, “I’m annoyed and it’s inconvenient, but they’ve done a proper job.”

Adorable.

Is Italy the new Japan?

The University of Bologna has invented a vending machine that will make (and cook) a pizza from scratch in under 3 minutes.

It’s called Let’s Pizza.

Why not?

The Post warns that without the tax incentives, most TV shows will pull up stakes and film elsewhere.

Shows like Flight of the Conchords. Which, according to one of the two leads, is ending with this season.

Why do I know more about this shit than reporters?

In 2007, over 4,000,000 children were born in the United States.

Seriously, we have to solder Octomom’s vagina shut.

Debra Burlingame, your brother (the pilot of Flight 77 who was killed on 9/11) was a true hero. And your pain is unfathomable. But your recent quote about One World Trade Center needs to be addressed.

“If we can’t say the word ‘freedom’ out loud, God help us.”

I will assume that you said this out loud and that the lack of ellipses and stutter-stops signifies that you were fully capable of saying “freedom” without God’s help.

Seriously, folks, it isn’t being named Hug An Arab Plaza or One They Should Have Run Faster Down The Stairs Center. It’s the old name (sorta). Say freedom all you want. Rename things freedom. Buy a bird, call him freedom.

But shut up about the WTC. I’m still not sure the fucker will ever actually be rebuilt (especially not in time for Apocalypto!).

56% of New York City residents polled are Yankees fans and 33% Mets fans. In fact, IN QUEENS the Yankees top the Mets 46% to 43%.

Is it because of the 2007/2008 back-to-back megachokes? Nick? Mookie? Anyone?

How bad is the economy?

AdWeek, BrandWeek and MediaWeek are going to merge into one single publication (most likely AdWeek).

I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. HOW bad is the economy?

A teacher in Pocatello, Idaho figured out a way to save his school $315 in paper purchases. He got his class a sponsor.

Molto Caldo Pizzeria.

In exchange for purchasing the paper for the classroom, the pizza place got to print (in bright red one-inch letters)

MOLTO’S PIZZA 14″ 1 TOPPING JUST $5

on the bottom of every page.

What year was Mike Judge’s Idiocracy set in?

“Is it good when banks buy each other? They make it sound like the most natural thing in the world: ‘Wachovia… now part of Wells Fargo! WaMu… now part of Chase!’ But to me, that just sounds like, ‘Poland… now part of Germany!’” – Larry Miller

“I’m bringing a civil rights case against Bernie Madoff. How are you gonna steal $100,000,000,000, but not a dime from Black people. That’s just racist.” - Dick Gregory

“I was thinking about truth or dare, and what the first dare was. I bet it was a cave man daring a cave woman to throw a burning stick at a monster. And I bet she was like, ‘Fine, truth.’ And I bet he was like, ‘OK. What’s your biggest fantasy?’ And I bet she was like, ‘Agriculture.’” – Eugene Mirman

Good night, ever’buddy!

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