Archive for April 8th, 2009

Kal Penn is no longer on House. Now he’s associate director of the Office of Public Liaison for the Obama administration. One of my favorite TV actors is now working for my BPF.

Reading the Re(pub)lic(an)s’ snarky dismissal of Kal’s decision is telling in oh-so-many ways, but it always makes me smile when the party that continues to deify the ghost of Ronald Reagan (along with Ron’s fellow celeblicans Clint Eastwood, Charlton Heston, Ah-nuld, etc.) is always all-too-happy to dismiss a liberal performer as “just some idjit bleeding heart actor.”

Kal has decided to make a difference. Feel free to mock him, but only if you, too, are doing something positive for your country (besides paying taxes).

Is it just me or did it get really quiet all of a sudden?

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Woody Allen is suing American Apparel for $10,000,000 because they used his image in an ad without his permission. He called their products “low-end” and their ads “sleazy,” “adolescent” and “infantile.”

American Apparel, proving that they aren’t at all like those adjectives, demanded records from the Woodman showing whether or not his “highly publicized sex scandal and custody battle” affected his earnings.

That’s it, American Apparel. You just crossed the line. From now on, I’m only masturbating to ads for the New York Lottery and Old Navy.

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iTunes is no longer charging $0.99 for each song. Some (like Take This Job and Shove It by Johnny Paycheck and All That She Wants by Ace of Base) will still be that price, others (like Assassin by Jefferson Starship and Monkey by George Michael) will be $0.69. But songs that people might actually consider purchasing will be $1.29.

If only someone had the bright idea to take a whole album of songs and burn it to a disc and then sell that for $10 or so. That’d be a fair price, right?

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Education Secretary Arne Duncan spoke to a group of middle- and high-school students (400 of ‘em) in Denver and said, “Go ahead and boo me. I fundamentally think that our school day is too short, our school week is too short and our school year is too short. You’re competing for jobs with kids from India and China. I think schools should be open six, seven days a week; 11, 12 months a year.”

Before you roll your eyes, it’s worth noting the kids reaction according to the Post: “Instead of boos, Duncan’s remark drew an unsurprising response from the teenage assembly: bored stares.”

(waves miniature American flag)

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My BPF is allocating tickets for the White House Easter Egg Roll to gay and lesbian families.

Somewhere Dick Cheney is angry (and his fag daughter is silently thrilled across the table from him).

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Edward Cardinal Egan has postponed his operation to get a pacemaker.

Apparently, someone jokingly told him that maybe “man shouldn’t lay down with another man” meant that you shouldn’t let a guy knock you out and cut you open. Egan reportedly freaked out and is now curled up under his (incredibly expensive) desk, refusing to do anything except read the Bible, make, sleep and nibble on the body of Christ.

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Charlotte Rampling agreed to having a biography written about her. She gave the author access to her family, friends and personal correspondence.

After two years of research and writing, the book was presented to her. She decided she changed her mind.

The publisher walked away. The author is beside herself. And Rampling’s lawyers? They claim that the book is a violation of her “right to privacy under the Human Rights Act.”

Which I’m pretty sure is exactly what the Act’s authors intended it to be used for.

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Who’s my BPF gonna make ambassador to France?

Madeleine Albright!

No way will she be involved in a sex scandal!

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What’s wrong, Post? Crabbe grass not witty enough for a headline? Harry Pot-head was the best you could do?

Jamie Waylett, 19, plays Crabbe in all of the Harry Potter movies. Cops found $3,000 worth of pot plants growing in his house. And eight bags of weed in his car.

Jamie Waylett may get way fired for this.

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70-year-old Alberto Fujimori! You’ve been found guilty of human-rights crimes (including the two massacres you ordered your death squads to commit in the 1990’s)! Where are you gonna go now?

Prison! For the rest-a you life!

Rot there!

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Yesterday, the New York City branch of tourism and promotion (NYC & Company) launched the “Rainbow Pilgrimage Campaign” – a 12-month advertising program that is geared at luring gay and lesbian travellers to NYC.

Doesn’t Bravo already do that all day long every day — for free?

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Happy Birthday, ghost of McCabe!

This year, my brother’s late dog’s birthday marks the elimination of 21 bus routes (including the B75!) and longer wait times on the weekend for the lettered subway lines.

We miss you, McCabe.

We despise you, MTA.

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Almost half of the people polled in France* are in favor of workers locking up their bosses in order to negotiate contracts (see: Sony, 3M, Caterpillar, et al).

59% of white collar workers were against it. 40% were for it. 1% was napping.

*Do you think when someone mentions the word “poll” to a Frenchman, enough time has passed that he won’t immediately get scared and shout, “We didn’t know! They controlled our government! We were powerless to act!” before running away

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Dear ElisabethVincentelli,

We both know that isn’t a real picture. Come on. That’s a picture of a man in a wig.

B’also? The line is “familiarity breeds contempt.”

Your “review” of the new “play” Rock of Ages includes the passage, “And guess what? Familiarity does breed content.”

If you were “being clever” it might have helped to take out the “does” since it is superfluous and breaks up the rhythm of the original quote which you want people to think of as they read your “parody.”

Also, that can’t be your real photo, right?

Sincerely,

Jed Resnik

P.S. – Is Michael Riedel that gay in person

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Dear America,

We knew it was only a matter of time.

Congratulations on taking the final step to losing your televisual soul.

We are, of course, referring to Fox’s upcoming show Someone’s Gotta Go wherein co-workers at a company (a different one each week!) have to decide which person(s) amongst them should be fired.

Personally, we would have added the smelling of a teenager’s soiled undergarments, but that’s just our ancestors talking.

We also look forward to pirated copies of the new CW show, Blonde Charity Mafia which has been described as Washington D.C.’s version of The Hills (we think it was meant as a compliment).

Welcome to the shame!

Sincerely,

Japan

P.S. – Why was Clay Aiken asked to be the judge for an acting challenge on America’s Next Top Model? Are the models supposed to act like they aren’t gay? Or are they supposed to act like their being gay isn’t flamingly obvious?

P.P.S. – Also, is Michael Riedel really that gay in person?

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Don’t mean to be a sissy, but I want to thank everyone again. Dan (two of ‘em), Rich (three of ‘em), Bethany, Brian, Manning (both of ‘em), Ben, Tom (two of ‘em… Jesus Christ I need friends with different names!)… I could type for another five minutes and still leave out a bunch. Just know that your support strengthens us both and we love you all right back.

Tomorrow you’ll get snark before the sun sets.

Scout’s honor.

P.S. – Mom’s CT scan was negative. She ain’t no Natasha Richardson.

…but wanted to share this with you.

Old media is called that for a reason. Click… HERE.