Archive for April 11th, 2009

I just watched the introduction to this show. Not the show, just the pre-credits “get ready, America” kinda-sorta explanation of what is about to follow.

And for the life of me, I cannot imagine anyone wanting to continue any further than I got. The FOX affiliate in Panama City refused to air the show below BASED ON A CLIP IT WAS SENT. Even they didn’t make it through the show. It’s like they asked people what they don’t want to see on television and then whatever the top twenty answers were, that’s what they do on this show (“Never put a unitarded Jack Osbourne on a Segway.” “Don’t show me Kelly Osbourne pretending to feed old Jewish women shriveled-up penises.” “Can I please not watch more strangers’ relationships get destroyed?” “I wake up at night worried that The Osbourne family will build a set that looks like the briefing room that the White House Press Secretary gives conferences in and film a sketch and air it on television and if I ever actually see that, I will go on a killing spree unlike any the world has ever seen.” “Under no circumstances should a close-up of the unitarded ass of a farting Ozzy Osbourne be shown to humanity.”).

If you are capable of watching this, please let me know if it is as terrible as it appears.

(although I did giggle at the “Hills” version of Ozzy, but after the seizure-inducing horrors that preceded and followed it, I might be romanticizing it – I’ll never know as I’ll never see any of this ever again)

One more pile of awful has been heaped onto the pushcart that is our current state of affairs. A beloved relative has taken a bad turn.

I’ve heard “when it rains, it pours” but I feel that maybe “when it rains, men will break into your house and nail you and your wife to the ground outside and fire water cannons in your face” might be more appropriate.

Teresa goes back to work on Monday, so I’ll be able to sit down then and restart this blog properly-like.

Thank you for your patience.