Archive for April 27th, 2009

Mmmm… swine flu.

27th April
2009
written by jed

150 NY kids ill amid swine flu crisis

It’s a powerful headline. Or, it would be if it was made into the headline. But, this being the Post, it plays second fiddle to the actual headline:

HOG WILD

Here are some headlines that almost made the cut:

DOCS SAY: FIRST DO NO HAM

PORK-YOU-PAIN

WHEN PIGS FLU

SCORE ONE FOR THE MUSLIMS

(I don’t mean to imply that Muslims are behind the swine flu attack, rather that their “eat no pork” rule comes in handy during swine flu outbreaks. B’also? I think the Post likes double entendres like that.)

So 8 kids at a school in Queens have the swine flu. Another 140+ are exhibiting “flu-like symptoms.” Symptoms include cough, sore throat, headache… what child doesn’t go through this on a bi-weekly basis? Why not add “desire to watch TV” or “wants french fries” to the list of symptoms, guys? Then even more parents could freak out now!

[Incidentally, did anyone else get a kick out of the Governor of Texas -- shortly after his "maybe we oughta secede!" speech -- asking the feds for help with the swine flu outbreak? So... does this mean that you no longer want to secede and you'll stop saying that you "do America" better than any other state, Bubbas?]


According to the Jew Liberal Media Left-Wing Secular Apologists at Washington Post/ABC News, 69% of Americans approve of Obama’s decisions during his first 100 days. 27% expressed disapproval. Which means that that rabid, teabagging mob of “Nobamaheads” isn’t as big as it claims.

Can I, therefore, say everything that the right wing said about the Million Man March about their teeny protests (except that Black people showed up, obviously)?

I don’t remember if I mentioned this last week, but a guy got super-mad at Morton’s when he noticed he had been charged $2.50 for ice ($0.50/cube) in his cocktail. This made the Post wonder what other culinary shenanigans are going on in the cit-ay.

Bobo in the West Village charges $1.00/glass of tap water (‘cuz it’s filtered!).

Company in Chelsea charges $3.00 for bread, $2.00 for butter (it’s clearly listed on the menu… in Italian).

Grotta Azzurra in Little Italy automatically adds a 20% tip on every check.

And Nobu Next Door will sell you take-out, but they add 10% of the check to cover “packaging materials and the costs of handling the volume of calls.”

I think the world would be a better place if people came to terms with Apocalypto. I mean, is this really how you want to spend your last 4 years on earth? Sneaking a $2.00 butter charge onto your customers’ bills?

Apocalypto is coming. Make no mistake about that.

What the Post says: Jamie Lynn Spears’ boyfriend/babydaddy (Casey Aldridge, 19) was in a car accident at 1:30 a.m. on LA 606 in Louisiana. He had just left a bachelor party. He was charged with a misdemeanor (careless operation of a motor vehicle). And he cracked his skull.

What the Post doesn’t say: had he been drinking (at a bachelor party? no way!)? Was anyone else in the car? Was anyone else involved in the accident?

The fact that I considered (however briefly) checking TMZ to find out more about this chills me to the bone.

Tyra Banks is taking the stand in the trial of her alleged stalker this week.

Will she wear the fat suit? That would be awesome.

And he’d probably stop stalking her!

Cindy Adams is off today.

Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.

Johnson & Johnson No More Tears Baby Shampoo.

Every baby uses this (at least they did when I was a baby). Turns out it contains formaldehyde and 1.4-dioxane, both of which cause cancer.

So does CVS Baby Shampoo, Baby Magic Soft Baby Scent Baby Lotion, L’Oreal Kids Extra Gentle 2-1 Fast Dry Shampoo, and L’Oreal USA’s Burst of Cool Melon. So if you have a baby and you don’t want to give it cancer, don’t use these shampoos.

Except for Baby Magic Soft Baby Scent Baby Lotion, which I don’t think is intended for babies.

Matt & Kim’s manager claim that the police who enter their new video towards the end were not actors and once the director showed them (off-camera) his permit, they let the naked duo finish shooting their one-take video. Which ends in front of the Viacom Building.

I call bullshit.

Judge for yourself.

Now that Circuit City and Tower Records are bankrupt, what’s Best Buy doing to avoid a similar fate?

Devoting eight square feet of shelf space to… vinyl records.

You have to be kidding me. This is like Barnes & Noble’s graphic novel section. I appreciate that it brings new readers to the fold, but if you’re looking for a graphic novel (or record album) that wasn’t released in the past year, then you need to go to a store that specializes in comics (or records). And there are puh-lenty in NYC.

I give the vinyl section seven months. Unless they also devote some space to tricked-out record players.

Yanks got swept by Boston. They’re in third place behind Toronto and Boston. Shut up.

The Jets are considering picking up Plaxico Burress. Nice.

Seriously, stop giving me A-Rod updates. Seriously.

House is finally back tonight. But I’m leaving mine now to drop off laundry and do some food shopping.

Have a slendid day, ever’buddy.

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