Back to Lenox Hill tomorrow for a 9:00 a.m. appointment (they couldn’t see me today). My doctor is doing this as a precaution, but he feels confident that Teresa’s and my fear that I have a hernia (and not just the already fantastically diagnosed herniated disc) is incorrect.

Will I be back in Brooklyn for the start of Picnic 2: Did I Say Bi-Pedal? I Meant, Um, Bi-Pedal With Occasional Wincing? I hope so (LHH’s track record is such that my 9:00 a.m. appointment will prolly start at 10:00 and finish by 11:00), but who knows? I’ll get there a little early and pray for the deaths of whoever’s ahead of me.

And I am fighting falling asleep as I type this, so once again you, the reader, get the shaft.

No grand sweeping essay on why NATM:BATS is no better or worse than any other film aimed at 9-year-olds.

No evisceration of the Post (I am so far behind that the Yankees reached 1st and fell back to 2nd [trailing Bahstin by 1/2 a game], one of Mike Tyson’s young children died [but not because he ate her], the GOP has been gagging on their legs while trying to court the Hispanic voter bloc while blocking a Hispanic from the Supreme Court [see what I did there?], and so so much more), but I had to share this one blip before I drift off to Sleepytown. Verbatim:

“The official Summer Redneck Games in East Dublin, Georgia are back, even though the radio station that has sponsored it pulled out following a lawsuit last year by the family of a boy who lost his arm in a competition. Events include the cigarette flip, armpit serenades and the mud-pit belly flop.”

I would think that losing your arm at the Redneck Games guarantees you the gold.

B’also? In my doctor’s waiting room today, I sat next to an Asian woman who was trying to get her insurance company to allow her to switch her primary doctor. For the entire call, she was eating some form of nut or cracker, loudly crunching while she was speaking and while the person on the other end was speaking. They were explaining that HealthNet (despite [allegedly] assuring her that she’d be able to switch doctors whenever and wherever she pleased) only allows her to see doctors in California.

My first thought was, “What an inconsiderate bitch!” followed shortly thereafter with, “The next time I call Oxford I am totally eating a case of Pop Rocks! Brilliant!”

But then she called her friend (husband?) and continued doing it. So it wasn’t a subtle way of annoying HealthNet. She was just an inconsiderate bitch.

B’also also? For the FOURTH time in the last WEEK, I have heard “Mambo No. 5″ by Lou Bega. If there is a fifth, I’m buying a fifth of hooch.

OK. Cake is baked (I did;t have the time, patience or energy to try something new, so it’s a strawberry, blueberry, golden raspberry, cherry and banana cake. And if Bethany doesn’t show up, everyone else can eat it and we can feed the leftovers to the ducks.

Good night, all.

(in Columbo voice) Oh, uh… there’s just one other thing. Armond White, in the latest “issue” of the New York Press, eviscerates Up for being a boring and stupid regurgitation of Pixar’s tired old formula that every other critic is tripping over themselves to praise (Lou Lumenick called it the best movie of the year, if not the century). The movie he gave a good review to? Dance Flick. He called it subtle.

He has to be a bit, right? Right?