Ali G In Da House movie was hard to sit through. Borat made my sides hurt (but it’s starting to feel like American Beauty; I’m afraid that if I watch it again, I’ll be angry that I ever thought highly of it). Da Ali G Show (the US one) was hilarious (all three characters were brilliant in 7-minute weekly chunks).

Understand that I truly believe that Sacha Baron Cohen is the Peter Sellers of our generation (though he doesn’t appear to be as uncomfortable in his own skin). But Bruno is my least favorite of his creations and, after setting the bar so high with Borat, I feared that I would be let down by Mr. Vass-up.

Red flag #1: This movie made more money than any other film this past weekend, and it’s playing in the smallest theater in the Pavilion. Hmmm.

Did… did I just watch a clip of Courtney Cox’s new TV show Cougartown? And did someone try and winkingly explain that the show ISN’T about Cox being a “cougar” — it’s about how much the town she lives in loves their high school _____ team, who are known as the Cougars? B’also that Cox will date younger men on the show?

Ken Jeong popped up in trailers for The Goods and Couples Retreat. The two other people in the theater are freaking out about how many movies he’s in. Maybe I should go counsel them…

Rumor has it that the Vaughn/Favreau movie Couples Retreat was originally going to be called Swingers 3: The Motions, then it became Diminishing Returnz. Then The Day the Clown Cried. Then Shoah Much Fun!

From the very start of the movie I am reminded of how much I like watching SBC. But I’m also reminded of the Tom Green v. Jackass debate.

A lot of my friends love(d) Tom Green and his TV show(s). I couldn’t watch. A lot of my friends hated Jackass. I loved it. My reasoning was simple: Tom Green thinks it’s funny to put dog shit on a microphone and then shove it in the faces of people on the street, while Steve-O thinks it’s funny to staple his scrotum to his own thighs. One of these people are correct (hint: it isn’t Tom Green).

As I watched Bruno, I realized that SBC was leaning more towards Tom Green this time around. Case in point: did Ron Paul really deserve to be made to feel that uncomfortable? He thought he was being interviewed and instead he is led to a bedroom and a German man starts to undress and make sexual advances. Ron yells at him to stop blocking his exit and leaves. This is what any sane man (gay or straight) would probably do. Could no one think of a better way to make a RuPaul joke?

Additionally, it was hard to see what was real and what was fake in Borat (not counting Pamela Anderson), but the opposite is true here. Am I really supposed to believe that Bruno was hired to be an extra on Medium? Really? And that after ruining 10 takes, no one kicked him off-set? And that he still had an agent?

Granted, hearing “You tried to make my face pregnant” in a faux-German accent is funny. “Schvartz-listed” is funny. Watching him shoot a fire extinguisher into a ladyboy’s tuchus is funny.

But how much of his focus group were legit? And if six people say they don’t like your TV show because it’s nothing but slow-motion penises being shaken and an annoying German homosexual being flamboyant (and a Z-list “celeb” playing “Keep It Or Abort It?” in reference to Jamie-Lynn Spears’ fetus [they agreed that she should abort it]), does that expose their inner homophobes? Or does it just prove that these six people don’t like their time being wasted?

How real were the “Middle East Peace Talks” that he held? Did he actually tell a terrorist that bin Laden looked like a dirty wizard or homeless Santa? And did the terrorist really and truly tell him that if Bruno didn’t leave immediately that he would kill him?

Likewise, the many parents who agree to EVERYTHING that Bruno wants their extremely young children to do on film (“Oh, he LOVES lit phosphorous!” was actually uttered, and affirmatives were offered in response to “Can your 30-pound baby lose weight in a week?” and “If she doesn’t, would you consider liposuction?” and “He’ll be wheelbarrowing baby Jews into an oven — is that OK?”). This is what I like. The parents are revealing how little regard for their kids they have, if hundreds of dollars are on the line. That’s funny.

And when Bruno goes on a fake TV show (hosted by Richard Bey whom I have dearly missed) to talk about the black baby he traded for in Africa, the predominantly Black crowd (who don’t know that this is a fake TV show?) become enraged and reveal that they hate gays… who steal children from Africa… meh.

His visits with “gay converters” were fun (Dr. Paul Cameron is a Second Stage Gay Converter! Well done, Paul!), but his time with the National Guard revealed that officers don’t like it when you disobey orders and act obstinate. The swingers party was fun (he gets yelled at by a guy getting a blowjob!), but surely that woman was not improvising. Surely that window was constructed for him to jump through.

“My asshole’s just for shitting” and “We don’t like fags in Arkansas” highlight what Act 3 is all about and, quite frankly,  I got bored. Bruno sets up a big wrestling match and the crowd thinks he’s some macho TV star. But when he winds up making out with another man in the ring, can you believe that the crowd gets angry?

Me, too.

Is the movie worth seeing? On cable, yeah (if for no other reason than the musical number at the end — mad respect to Bono, Sting, Elton John, Chris Martin, Snoop Dogg, Slash…). But don’t expect to be amazed. Settle for slightly amused.

C