Archive for September 10th, 2009

Captain Clutch went 3-for4 with a walk last night. He and Gehrig are now tied for most hits as a Yankee. Babe Ruth is in 3rd place.

Boston won, but who cares?

Big ups to Jorge Posada, too.

What a nail-biter last night’s game was. If not for Obama’s speech (and, most specifically, the Republicans’ reactions to it), it would have been a great night.

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Front page headline: BAM’S BAND-AID

The implication? Obama’s solution isn’t a solution. It’s a flimsy band-aid.

The sub-head (Dr. O bares his Rx for America) is also awkwardly worded, but that’s to be expected.

The two-page banner headline on pages 4 and 5 is PREZ: PUT FAITH IN MY HEALING would be silly if one of the Republicans’ favorite memes wasn’t that Democrats see him as the Messiah and he has a God complex. I wish the Post treated Bush like this (PREZ: GOD SEZ ATTACK IRAQ).

Other articles within this 2-page fiasco:

* SI Dem still is not sold – freshman Representative Mike McMahon still has questions about the healthcare plan. Fascinating.

* Outsider turns to DC snake-oil salesman — Charles “The Guy Everyone Should” Hurt reveals that last night’s speech was “the moment President Obama officially went completely Washington on us.” Amazingly, Chuck is especially angry about Obama’s offer of tort reform (the ONLY thing that the despicable Republicans applauded for). That’s right, Chuck. How dare he (yet again) try to get Republicans onboard. Fuck them and fuck you.

* Poll numbers sick — 52% of Americans disagree with the way Obama is “handling health care.” And this vaguely-worded poll was taken… doesn’t say. But it does say that the results were made public hours before last night’s address. So… chances are the numbers have changed since last night. Great job, Post.

* Devil in details: docs — most of the doctors that are discussing the speech have positive things to say. But how can the Post pass up a chance to run a picture of Obama with the giant word “Devil” above him?

And in the main article, we learn that CNN did a flash poll of 427 people immediately after they watched the speech. 56% said their reaction was “very positive.” How about a headline for this (“Poll numbers recuperating”)?

And if you manage to turn the page, you’ll get to see Rich Lowry’s gripping A dandy speech — if truth doesn’t matter which is astonishingly idiotic. Dick suggests that Obama is trying to “rewrite the calendar” in the hopes of making us forget August happened. Because it was in August that the GOP came up with their health plan. And people stopped bringing assault weapons to town halls. And giving this asshole any more of my (and your) attention is a waste. Moving on…

… to South Carolina’s new shittiest politician, Representative Joe Wilson! He yelled out “You lie!” during Obama’s speech.

I’ll say that again. During the President of the United States’ address to Congress, a Republican Rep. from South Carolina HECKLED HIM by shouting “You lie!”

There will be a civil war in this country within the next three years.

Only Apocalypto can save us from it.

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Paula Abdul is being replaced on American Idol by… Ellen DeGeneres?!?

I owe you a dollar, Teresa. I guess the show can get gayer.

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Page 7 has an article on a new designer clutch with the word TAXI written on it which lights up when you need to hail a cab. The graphic of the handbag has been set so that the fourth and fifth paragraphs are impossible to read.

Great job!

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In case you were wondering, all three of Michael Jackson’s kids will continue to be home-schooled. By the same teacher. Which means that either Blanket, 7, is exceptionally smart, or Prince Michael, 12, isn’t.

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The brave 23-year-old man who leaped onto the court and kissed Rafael Nadal, sharing his heart with the tennis star by telling him “I love you” was immediately arrested. His name? Noam Aorta.

Hardy-har-artery.

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Charlie Rangel (prominently featured during last night’s address) has donated over $2,000,000 to the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee since 1995. He’s also given $3,800,000 directly to Democratic candidates since 1999.

So, if you’re wondering how he holds onto his job (and freedom), there’s that.

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Page 18 has a photo of a lady photographing her (I hope) child on the way to her first day of kindergarten. The look on the girl’s face is… what’s the opposite of adorable?

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Garrison Keillor had a minor stroke and is being treated by the Mayo Clinic.

Get well soon, Garry!

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Will the GOP torpedo a “green jobs bill” today in Albany because they’re afraid it’s secretly funnelling money to ACORN?

Oh, Republicans. You so pathetic.

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One out of every thirty-three women.

That’s how many women (who regularly attend a house of worship) get hit on by their religious leader.

Over two thirds of those women are married.

Amen.

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According to Page Six (today on page 24), Star “Magazine” recently wrote a story on Mary-Kate Olsen’s recent weight gain (“Bye-bye billion-dollar looks, hello bloat.”).

Really, Star? Bloat? What does she weigh now? 32 pounds? I hope your daughters read this and start starving themselves for your approval. Jerks.

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Oh, that lady’s offer to Ben Roethlisberger? It also required him to donate $100,000 to the Committee to Aid Abused Women.

If he was classy, he’d make the donation anyway.

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Oh-HO! 11 ACORN workers are suspected of falsifying hundreds of voter applications last year! And the cops have arrested them! Based on a tip from… ACORN?

Wait. ACORN found shenanigans and called the police on themselves?

That’s all well and good, but where’s Obama’s birth certificate?

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Page 35 (today on page 35) has an artist’s rendering of the updated designs for the basketball arena in Brooklyn.

It’s pretty ugly.

Prit-tee prit-tee… ugly.

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Hilarious op-ed piece by John Bolton wherein he blames the release of Abdel Basett al-Megrahi on… (wait for it)… Obama.

Why do people continue to give this man an audience?

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, Post. You suck eggs.

Back on page 6 (not Page Six), the Post’s “Panel of Experts”  graded Obama’s speech.

Dr. Jonathan Gruber (MIT health and economics policy expert) gave Obama an A+, Mary Mundinger (dean of Columbia University’s School of Nursing) gave him a B+, and Michael Tanner (senior fellow at the Cato Institute) gave him a C+.

Tanner’s comments make it seem like he wasn’t actually listening last night. But if you turn to page 39, there’s a great op-ed (All Sizzle, No Substance) that compares Obama to Chicago’s Billy Flynn. It starts and ends with lyrics from Razzle Dazzle ‘Em. And it’s written (poorly) by… (wait for it)… Michael Tanner.

Where are Gruber and Mundinger’s editorials? Oh, that’s right. They liked the speech.

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Time Warner is moving DC Comics to its film division.

But it was my understanding (though my source is fairly unreliable) that DC Comics fell under R & D for the film division (which is why no one cared if they lost money — they were a giant tax write-off for Hollywood).

Oh well. Good to see Guillermo Del Toro is considering a Deadman movie.

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Shit. I spent so long writing that I missed the first showing of All About Steve.

Oh, well. I have cleaning to do today anyhow.

And, if there’s time later, I might read the 94-page Page Six Magazine that came with today’s paper.

Have a lovely Thursday, peeps.

HALL OF FAME FOR JERKS INDUCTEE #2

Lizz Winstead posted a link to a sports column Mark Whicker wrote on Monday for the Orange County Register. It’s in phenomenally poor taste (basically, he’s recapping the big sports stories of the last 18 years for Jaycee Dugard, the girl who was held against her will and raped and forced to bear two children by her assailant). Note the last line of the column.

Here’s the article. The comments that run below it on the OCR site are pretty angry (not to mention the ones that were taken down for being too angry). On Wednesday, two days later, Whicker wrote an apology. But before that apology was published, Michael David Smith over at AOL Fanhouse published Mike’s replies to some questions regarding the article and the fallout. You can read that here.

I love that he’s “quite surprised” by how offended people were by his column. Here’s his apology.

Hopefully he won’t have a job much longer.