I was correct in predicting that the Post would spend numerous column inches deriding Obama for attempting to negotiate with Iran. I was just off by a day.

Iran nuke bombshell sits above a photo of Obama and the giant headline NOW WHAT? on the front page, with an accompanying excerpt: “Despite Iran having been caught building its second secret nuclear plant, President Obama said yesterday he still favors a dialogue with the rogue nation.” As opposed to… going to (a third simultaneous) war? Making threats that our armed forces are in no position to back up?

Look, I’m no fan of Iran (million-dollar t-shirt idea #6,392), but after 8 years of cowboy diplomacy, I find it refreshing that the man on charge of my country would rather exhaust all other options before doing something that might result in American deaths (or any deaths, really).

And to show you just how enormous this bombshell is, there’s a photo of A-Rod advertising today’s 24-page Super Sports Saturday Special to the left of it (though it’s not as big as the headline) and yet still another announcement that, starting tomorrow, Victoria Gotti’s new book will be excerpted for everyone’s enjoyment (this is actually bigger than the Obama headline).

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But before they rake the POTUS over the coals, there’s a nice piece on page 3 about how the White House posted photos of Obama and the Spanish First Family on its Flickr page. Did I say nice piece? I meant more criticism.

O Goth! Bam outs Spain prez’s kids explains that no one in Spain had ever seen photos of the president’s kids (Laura, 16, and Alba, 13) because the president uses Spanish law to forbid the media from running photos of them.

And then the Post reprints the photo of them.

It’s kind of like announcing that a terrorist has been caught planning a weapon of mass destruction and then publishing the bomb’s ingredients.

P.S. – the kids look like they’re really into Twilight, The Cure and not attracting boys.

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In 1994, Anne Scripps Douglas was killed by her second husband, Scott Douglas. Her daughter, Annie, called police when her mother didn’t come to the door of their home in Bronxville and they found Anne beaten to death. Scott drove his car to the Tappan Zee Bridge and leapt to his death (his body washed up in the Bronx three months later). Relatives say that Annie never got over those events and it appears they were right.

Thursday night at roughly 8:00 p.m., Annie drove her car to the Tappan Zee Bridge and leapt to her death.

This is sad. I apologize. Below is something that will cheer you up.

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James Jimenez’ defense in the Kirsten Dunst/Simon Pegg theft trial is that he’s too stupid to have pulled it off.

Seriously.

He claims that his friend told him that it was OK to go to Dunst’s empty penthouse suite and that his friend gave him a white shopping bag to carry without telling him there was stolen property in it.

“He told me he was doing an errand for his mother,” the 35-year-old explained. The prosecutor replied, “At four in the morning?”

When everyone in the court stops laughing, I’ll let you know what James’ response is.

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Can I just point out that we seem to be capturing a lot of almost-terrorists in the U.S. recently.

Without torturing people.

Who’da thunk it?

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More details are available in the arrest of Randy Quaid and his wife, Evi.

Apparently, Evi was screaming at police about there being a “conspiracy with actors” to bring them down, forcing them to pin her to the hood of their car and handcuff her. Even Randy tried to shut her up.

A quick peek over here shows that Evi is accusing the arresting officer of trying to extort money from them.

I’ve tried searching for the letter that Randy is supposed to have released in which he thanks the sherif and calls it “a great arrest.” He also reportedly added, “Texas does not bother people over hamburgers ordered by room service, supposedly burglarized; I promise you, we have paid our bill.”

Cocaine is a Hell of a drug.

(it’s either that or insanity)

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More trouble with the creation of the Second Avenue Subway (originally slated for 2012… then 2015… now July 2017).

Good thing the MTA has only spent… $4,500,000,000?!?!

I hate the MTA so much.

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Hmmm… interesting.

CBS has an ad for the season premiere of 48 Hours (their investigative reporting show, not the Nolte/Murphy movie) tonight at 10:00 p.m.

“John Gotti’s family breaks its silence.”

And there’s a picture of Victoria Gotti!

So… I guess I don’t need to pick up tomorrow’s paper to find out about John Gotti’s secrets! Whew!

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Why polling is a waste of time:

According to an AAA survey, 1 in every 5 drivers (20%) admits to having written and sent texts while driving.

And 95% of drivers find texting while driving to be “unacceptable.”

100% of me is totes confused.

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I just learned something new about the John Travolta extortion case (besides the fact that his son was autistic, which John had denied for many years): Pleasant Bridgewater is a lady!

In a related story, come see my new improv group, Ms. Pleasant Bridgewater, next Wednesday at 9.

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And here begins the vilification of Obama.

Spew Reproductive Organs (sorry, Ralph Peters) has a full-page tsk-tsk titled “IRAN’S NUKE LIE,” with the catchy sub-head “Appease-y does it for weak prez on road to a Mideast apocalypse.“

“Did it surprise a single Post reader that Iran’s been hiding a big nuclear weapons development facility? It stunned our president when he learned about it months ago. Then he kept it secret from you. Obama didn’t want you to know how much progress Iran had made. It’s an embarrassment.”

Actually, Ralph, I find what Bush did more embarrassing. See, he announced that he had proof of Iraq’s WMD’s (why don’t people call them W’sMD? it’s like saying Attorney Generals) and he started a war — that we’re still fighting many years later — only to find out later that he was 100% wrong. After years of being told “you don’t know what we know, so just shut up and accept what we tell you as fact,” we now have a POTUS that might want to make sure due diligence is done before scaring his constituents. You find that embarrassing and duplicitous.

But I find those qualities not in Obama, but in you, Ralphie Boy.

“How will it end? With desperate Israeli attacks that do only part of the job, followed by Iranian counterstrikes on Persian Gulf oil facilities, the closure of the Straits of Hormuz and oil above $400 a barrel. Only the United States can stop Iran’s nuclear program before it’s too late. And this president won’t.”

Sounds like someone’s glass is half empty. But it’s worth pointing the italicized last sentence of the article: Ralph Peters’ new best-selling thriller, “The War After Armageddon,” begins with Iran’s nuclear destruction of Israel.

I wonder how much credibility people would give to Stephen King if he started insisting that The Tommyknockers were on their way.

By the by – the publication date for Ralph’s book is September 15, 2009. Not sure how many copies it has sold (or if it can honestly be called a best-seller — it didn’t make the NYTimes’ top 15). I’ll keep my eyes open.

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Joe Lieberman has declared support for “whatever it takes” to preventing Iran from gaining nuclear weapons.

He said he’d even abandon his party and principles… oh, wait. That was just to keep his job.

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Oh, Shmuley. How could you?

Those tapes that Rabbi Shmuley Boteach has of his interviews with Michael Jackson (30 hours’ worth!) are chock-full of embarrassing comments (and being published as The Michael Jackson Tapes). Here are some clips of Michael (not) kissing and telling:

MJ had a crush on Princess Di, calling her “very feminine and classy. She was my type for sure, and I don’t like most girls.”

AND!

“I was 16, [Tatum O'Neal] was 13. And I was naive. She wanted to do everything and I didn’t want to have sex at all. I said, ‘Are you crazy?’”

AND!

He calls Brooke Shields “one of the loves of my life. We had one encounter when she got real intimate and I chickened out. And I shouldn’t have.”

AND!

“[Madonna] laid the law down to me before we went out: ‘I am not going to Disneyland, OK? That’s out… we are going to a strip bar.’ I said, ‘I am not going to a strip bar.’ Guys who cross-dress! Afterwards she wrote some mean things about me in the press, and I wrote that she is a nasty witch.”

B’ALSO!

He calls Adolf Hitler a “genius orator. To make that many people turn and change and hate, he had to be a showman and he was.”

You couldn’t leave that part out, Shmuley?

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United, American, Delta/Northwest and US Airways will be charging a $10 surcharge on every ticket sold for travel on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, January 2nd and January 3rd.

They call it a “fuel surcharge.”

I call it theft, plane and simple.

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The sister of one victim of Pan Am Flight 103 and the son of another victim met with Khadafy on Wednesday. They say it gave them closure (despite Khadafy never taking any responsibility for the attack).

The Post stops short of calling them wishy-washy hippie faggots, but you just know they wanted to.

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I don’t watch Oprah (especially after she told her viewers that, in the current economic climate, it’s OK to tip waiters 10% at restaurants), but I guess she had Chynna Phillips on to “laud Mackenzie for her courage.” But Oprah also read a statement from Bijou Phillips which claims that Mackenzie once told her that the incest “didn’t” happen.

Oprah also read a statement from Michelle Phillips, which says that Mackenzie has no credibility because she “had a needle stuck up her arm for 30 years.”

Mackenzie said that “when Michelle found out I was writing this book, she vowed to do everything she could to discredit me.”

But Denny Doherty’s daughter backed Mackenzie’s claims saying that her father (a member of The Mamas and the Papas) told her it was true.

My favorite part is still when Michelle called Bijou retarded.

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Danmell Ndonye will not be prosecuted for ruining the lives of five men she accused of raping her.

She’ll get psychiatric counseling and do 250 hours of community service.

I truly hope that the family of Rondell Bedward (who she later admitted never had sex with her, consensual or otherwise) takes her to civil court.

The law is a ass.

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Dalton Chiscolm is suing Bank of America for “$1,784 billion trillion” because some checks were rejected for having incomplete routing numbers.

Good luck with that, Dalton.

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Cabbies in Chicago are trying to get a rate hike (of 22%!) passed by the City Council. Additionally, they want to impose a $50 fine for puking in the backseat.

I’d love to see them try and collect that $50 from the drunk who just puked in their cab.

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Cherry Hill, New Jersey is currently under siege.

By wild turkeys.

Seriously.

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Natie Stewart of South Africa tried to break the world record for handling venomous snakes. He was attempting to spend 121 days with 40 snakes.

Can you guess what happened next?

He was rushed to the hospital after a puff adder bit him.

Maybe you could grow your fingernails really long, Natie? Or eat a lot of something?

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And here’s some more (a LOT more) hating on Obama.

Benny Avni’s op-ed (“No More ‘Kumbaya’”) begins, “After a dreamy week in which President Obama presided over an endless chain of ‘Kumbaya’ moments at the United Nations, yesterday was wakeup time on Iran.”

Can I call that racist? No? Well, then, can I at least call it horribly worded? I mean, what does “wakeup time on Iran” even mean?

Not to be out-scumbagged, Jonah Goldberg’s op-ed (“O’s Arrogantly Foolish UN Speech”) begins, “It was the most Obamaesque address to date. ‘For those who question the character and cause of my nation,” the president pronounced at the United Nations on Wednesday, “I ask you to look at the concrete actions we have taken in just nine months.” America is 233 years old. Some think that there are ample accomplishments speaking to our character and cause that predate Obama’s ascension to the presidency. Feh, Obama seems to be saying. Look instead to our new greatness, for we have elected a man like him!”

Can I call that racist? No? Can I call it spurious and insulting? I mean, is he really chastising Obama for not listing America’s accomplishments over the last 233 years?

It’s called damage control, you disingenuous asshole. Bush made us the laughing stock of the world. Obama is trying to fix that. But, yeah, let’s pretend that what he was doing is tooting his own horn because he’s the ascendant Messiah.

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But Obama isn’t the only victim in today’s paper.

In “Rats Deserting a Sinking ACORN,“ the Post writes, “ACORN’s sudden loss of friends may presage an eventual demise of the tainted, radical group that’s done so much harm. Hey, we can hope, can’t we?”

Hope what? That everyone ignores all of the good that the organization has done over the years? Is there corruption in it? Absolutely. Is there even more corruption on Wall Street? In the health insurance industry? In politics? ABSOLUTELY! But ACORN is more deserving of scrutiny and slander, I guess.

Which has absolutely nothing to do with racism.

Scout’s honor.

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The UN also gets smacked around, thanks to the letters sent in.

Tim Walter of Milford, Pennsylvania says, “Lets get that stinking swamp out of our country. It can take President Obama, make him the president of the world; Khadafy can be his vice president.”

(Teresa, cross Milford off the list)

Phil Peters of Staten Island suggests that we, “Close the United Nations, and push it into the East River.”

Steve Becker of East Meadow says, “I suggest moving the United Nations to Pitcairn Island. Khadafy and the other loons can mingle with the descendants of the Bounty mutineers.”

And Joseph J. Santora of Manhattan declares, “The UNGA is the biggest assembly of criminals in New York since the Mafia met upstate in the 1950s. The assembly is funny enough for ‘Laugh-In’ and sufficiently pernicious for a meeting of Stalin’s Politburo.”

Tim hates our president. Phil is into littering. Steve once read a book and is thrilled that he got to finally reference it. And Joseph needs cable. Badly.

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UBS gave the IRS the names of 250 US citizens with Swiss bank accounts.

Last month, they gave the IRS another 4,450 names.

Poor rich people.

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If you go see a special sneak preview of Whip It tonight, you get a free t-shirt!

(wipes tear from corner of eye)

And the full-page ad tells me that it got 4 stars from (*snf*) Pete Hammond of Boxoffice Magazine.

Welcome home, Blurbman.

(he also gave The Boys Are Back 4 stars — if anyone can find a Pete Hammond review of something he hated, place send it my way)

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New York and Boston will face off again in an hour. We kicked their butt last night (final score: 9-5, number of stolen bases by the Yankees: 7) and have Sabathia on the mound today. The Magic Number is now 3 (for the AL East title).

I can’t wait.

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Oh! I didn’t notice this (I was watching on my computer as we also watched FlashForward, which is convoluted and silly): Melky Cabrera hit a bullet into the leg of Boston pitcher Jon Lester. Lester was later diagnosed with a bruised right quadriceps muscle.

Gracias, Leche!

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Guess who’s leaving Law & Order: Criminal Intent (besides viewers).

Vincent D’Onofrio? Yup.

Kathryn Erbe? Yup.

Eric Bogosian? Yup.

Jeff Goldblum? Nope.

Julianne Nicholson? Yup.

Thanks for playing!

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Get outside! It’s breezy and beautiful! Just like me!