Archive for October 1st, 2009

Thursday! Thursday! Thursday!

1st October
2009
written by jed

More Polanski rape apologists (rapologists?) who have signed one of the petitions on Roman Polanski’s behalf (according to indiewire.com): Wim Wenders, Buck Henry, Pedro Almodovar, Julian Schnabel, Wong Kar Wai, Asia Argento, Harmony Korine, Wes Anderson, Jean-Jacques Annaud, Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Alfonso Cuaron, Luc and Jean-Pierre Dardenne, Barbet Schroeder, John Landis, Stephen Frears, Alexander Payne, Costa Gavras, Tom Tykwer and Debra Winger (and these are just the folks whose names I immediately recognized — there are a whole lot of others).

But the French Joel Silver (Luc Besson) refused to sign any of the petitions, saying, “I have a lot of affection for him, he is a man that I like very much but nobody should be above the law. I don’t know the details of this case, but I think that when you don’t show up for trial, you are taking a risk.”

Sacre bleu! Let’s look at Le Post!

DWI COP: I SAVED HER LIFE!

Outrageous claim by ’sober’ officer

Andrew Kelly’s lawyer claims that his client was not drunk when he hit Vionique Valnord with his Jeep, that he was totally sober. In fact, he was so sober that he was able to bring Vionique back to life before handing her over to medics (she died shortly after that).

When he’s convicted of drunken driving and vehicular manslaughter, I hope they send Kelly to the rapiest prison in town.

TRAVOLTA REVEALS UGLY CHOICE

Does this full-page article talk about John Travolta hiding his homosexuality by marrying Kelly Preston? No, it describes the horror he went through when he was told that, if he didn’t pay $25,000,000, two extortionists would concoct a lie that would make it look like Travolta was responsible for his son’s death.

Ironically, one could argue that if Scientology “believed in” autism and Travolta hadn’t spent years denying that that was what afflicted his son, then maybe he could have gotten Jett better care. Which translates to… John Travolta being responsible for his son’s death.

One could also argue that From Paris With Love looks absolutely horrible, but Luc Besson co-wrote it and he’s one of the only filmmakers who isn’t arguing for a Polanski pardon, so let’s just assume there are really cool car chases and leave it at that.

I don’t watch ESPN (it’s not a political choice, I just don’t feel the need to — whatever sports info I need is easily accessible online), so I had no idea who Erin Andrews was two months ago. She’s the sideline reporter who allegedly was videotaped through the peephole on the door of her hotel room (am I remembering correctly, that this happened in two different hotel rooms in two different cities?), producing footage of her naked which was then leaked (and fervently disseminated) online.

The site where the footage was posted is Dailymotion.com. Law enforcement has yet to ask for info about who posted the clips. In fact, law enforcement hasn’t even contacted anyone at the website.

Either this is an egregious example of half-assed police work or maybe (just maybe) Erin Andrews wanted more people to know who she is (this got her on Oprah, fer Chrissakes!).

Karla Giraldo had to be subpoenaed. She didn’t want to testify, especially against her scumbag boyfriend, Hiram Monserrate. Hey, Karla, why were you so reluctant to cooperate with the prosecution?

“I didn’t trust them anymore… [the prosecutors], the detectives who were harassing me, they were searching for me all over the place.”

Oh, OK. You didn’t cooperate with the prosecution because they were trying to contact you and get you to cooperate with them. Duly noted.

She went on to explain that she was really drunk at the time of the attack (she told a grand jury earlier that she had only had a couple of glasses of wine and was not at all intoxicated), and that Hiram was a “little bit jealous” after finding a cop’s PBA card in her purse (and that he wasn’t searching thorough her stuff — he was just trying to put his PBA card in her wallet). She was so argumentative (she refused to answer many of the prosecutor’s questions) that the prosecutor asks to treat her as a hostile witness.

But when she was shown the video footage OF HIRAM VIOLENTLY DRAGGING HER, she started crying and told the judge “I can’t go on.” So a recess was called. When they reconvened, she whined, “Your honor, I really don’t want to watch that video. It makes me ill.” Me, too. But then, can you explain why you were being so brutally manhandled?

“He was not dragging me. He was just pulling me to take me to the hospital for my own good. And thanks to him, I’m all right and my face is all right.” For now, anyway.

And looky here! Even though though today is one of the (too many) days that Andrea Peyser gets her own page to be hateful and ugly, they gave her half a page to beg for the release of Hiram.

“Free the lovebirds! And then, let them kill each other,” she neighed.

Hey, I think what Giraldo is doing is detestable, but it amounts to little more than Battered Wife Syndrome (is there a Battered Girlfriend Syndrome?). I think that she thinks that he loves her. I think that she might actually believe that she was entirely to blame. And Peyser is only to happy to hope for her death.

I can’t decide if Peyser is uglier inside or outside.

According to Charles Hurt (oh no — his byline doesn’t say D.C. Bureau Chief anymore! did he get demoted? or did the Post stop pretending they have a D.C. Bureau?), the GOP are “plotting to make [Charlie Rangel] the face of the hapless, corrupt and out-of-control Democratic majority.”

I’m surprised it’s taken the GOP this long.

Please throw this fat liar under the bus, Dems. Please. Before he is used to turn the clock back 8 years.

John Liu beat David Yassky in the Democratic runoff election for City Comptroller, and he did it with the support of the Working Families Party. Or… did he?

“The bottom line is, the WFP made a lot of promises and they didn’t keep any of them,” said one of Liu’s senior advisers. “Once they couldn’t run the whole show, they basically took their marbles and went home.” Ouch.

Thankfully, the Post includes a nice checklist of what the WFP stands for (under the delicious title Bear left). Ready?

* Mandate paid sick leave for all workers

* Strengthen rent regulation by ending vacancy decontrol

* Stop effort to reform pension system

* Increase taxpayer financing of political campaigns

* Institute universal health care

* Make 1 million city homes environmentally friendly

* Hike taxes further on the wealthy

Even though I think it was the intention of the Post to make me horrified by these seemingly Communist policies, I find myself agreeing with most of them. I guess that makes me a Commie!

(waves miniature Russian flag)

Two more earthquakes yesterday, both in Indonesia. Thousands are feared dead.

This is God’s way of telling Republicans to stop being disingenuous assholes (I just finished reading The Bible Code).

Hollywood is rallying around Roman Polanski. Not to be outdone, Nike has resigned Michael Vick as one of their spokespeople.

In a related story, Sarah Palin’s “people” are reaching out to cosmetic companies in the hopes of getting endorsements (you know, to capitalize on her “lipstick on a pitbull” line!).

I wonder how many of her fans will find it repugnant that she quit her job to get $7,000,000 to “write” a “book” and is now trying to be a lipstick saleslady, b’also wants to be POTUS in 3 years. I’m thinking none.

A study shows that children who eat a lot candy “may be more likely to be arrested for violent behavior as adults.”

What I get from this: They aren’t more likely to exhibit violent behavior, they’re just too fat to run faster than the cops.

Happy Hallowe’en!

Is Kevin Dillon getting a divorce? And if so, will his wife get half of his obscurity?

Are Fat Joe and Jay-Z feuding? Oh, man. Now I know how Sophie felt.

Stalk fiercely, Harvard, stalk stalk stalk!

Emma Watson (Hermione in the Harry Potter films) is now a student at Brown University. She decided to attend the recent Harvard-Brown football game in Cambridge. The Post previously reported that she was surrounded by security guards at the game. Now they explain why.

The Harvard Voice (a student magazine) has a website. Before the game, a blog post on that website said, “We will be Live-Tweetin’ the game and possibly stalking Emma Watson, so keep your eyes peeled for that, too!”

Subsequent Twattings included “In enemy territory. Looking for a certain witch.” and “WATSON FOUND. i repeat WATSON FOUND.”

The website later posted a photo of Watson and declared its stalking mission a “success.”

I get it. She’s a celebrity. A multi-millionaire. Understood. But she’s also trying to get an education and create a personal life in a strange country. Do I think the Harvard folk intended her physical harm? Of course not. Everyone at Harvard is a pussy (I just finished reading The Bible Code II). But the fact that she needed to be surrounded by security just to watch her college team play football is pretty sad.

And many readers of The Harvard Voice agree. One wrote, “There is a locatable cause of Watson’s experience at Harvard Stadium and a blameworthy party. Anybody can do anything unfeelingly to anybody in this day and age, especially if they feel imbued with entitlement from membership in Harvard College.”

See? They even chastise like pussies!

Dennis Hopper, 73, was rushed to a hospital in Manhattan yesterday with “flu-like symptoms.”

Get well soon, Frank Booth.

More ACORN hate!

Did ACORN get Al Franken elected through fraudulent ballots?

Didn’t this already go to court? For many many months?

Did Justin Timberlake just dump Jessica Biel over the phone? Is he trying to date Rihanna?

I better buy this month’s Tiger Beat to find out fer sure!

Is there a better song to write snark to than Ben Folds’ The Bitch Went Nuts?

Cindy Adams claims that Verne Troyer went to the movies and screamed, “I’m telling you for the last time, down in front!”

I think Cindy is trying (to be funny).

More Peyser!

She says that, even though she’s a die-hard Mets fan, she’ll be rooting for the Yankees in the post-season. Why? Because, like a lot of sad sack New Yorkers, she wants to jump on a bandwagon that has a chance at a(nother) World Series ring! Way to stick to your convictions! And bonus points for saying it’s because “the Jeter Squad is no longer hobbled by the whiner Joe Torre” and not because you desperately want to be liked by the millions of Yankee fans in (and out) of New York!

She also lashes out at Roman Polanski (and Woody Allen for defending him) and tells the sad story of Barbara Juris who says, “I was the JAPiest of the JAPs!” until her husband’s business went under. Now, she (according to Peyser) “slaves long hours hawking schmattas” in the garment district. Are you weeping for her yet? Juris is particularly angry at Michelle Obama for JOKING that everyone should have personal assistants. “Michelle Obama isn’t a real person! I’m a real person.” If by “real person” you mean “shrill bitch who should be grateful to have a job doing anything” then I wholeheartedly agree.

But it’s the tiniest piece on the page that made me laugh the hardest. Fears of a left turn in union city laments that, now that the Working Families Party-backed Bill de Blasio and John Liu won their primaries, “ushers in new strength for the forces of higher taxes and union control in a city already awash in both. ‘Don’t even get me started,’ said a pal, who is hiding her disdain for the leftist squad so as not to hurt her kid in our lefty Brooklyn school. ‘But taxes, ObamaCare,’ she said of universal health care. ‘Where can I move? Nowhere is safe.’”

So… the Working Families Party will hurt her child? And universal health care is ObamaCare? And this stupid woman — WHO DIDN’T VOTE IN THE PRIMARIES — is whining that she has nowhere to run away to?

Also, Peyser has a pal? Who knew?

The Post is making me a big fan of the WFP.

Two more pages on Polanski. OK. I get it. He’s a child rapist. Yes. OK.

Can you cover some, um, news now?

And you thought the thief was stupid!

The jury in the Kirsten Dunst/Simon Pegg robbery trial deliberated for 6 1/2 hours yesterday and will resume deliberations today.

That must be a really swanky jury room.

The article says that Conan O’Brien has been banned from Newark Airport by Cory Booker. It says that Booker was so angry at a joke Conan made at Newark’s expense that Booker put him on the Newark no-fly list

This seemed odd to me, so I did some research. Here’s the YouTube video that Cory Booker posted (which is where the Post got the info for this article):

Please note that “Officially” is in quotes. And that Booker is obviously kidding. And that the Post is a horrible newspaper.

I just browsed Facebook and found this article posted by TJ Shanoff. Hilarious.

Police announced that they have finally solved a 20-year-old Long Island rape and murder case by using DNA that the suspect was finally forced to give them.

Glenn Beck could not be reached for comment.

LaRhonda McCall pled guilty to manslaughter 13 years ago. She had brought her 2-year-old daughter to the hospital where doctors examined the 14-pound girl and determined that the girl had almost starved to death. She died a few days later. McCall was sentenced to six (6) months in jail and 5 years’ probation. For manslaughter.

McCall moved to Oklahoma. Police recently learned that she had been keeping her now-14-year-old son tied up in a bedroom closet for four (4) years, scarring and starving him. She faces 40 counts of child abuse and neglect.

Explain to me why it’s wrong to sentence this woman to death. Please.

Remember “The Center for Consumer Freedom”? You know, the lobbyists for Big Tobacco who try and discredit Mothers Against Drunk Driving? They have another full-page ad in today’s paper. Next to a photo of a cup of soda, they ask What’s next?

Under that it says, “The New York Department of [Health has an X over it] Hype is attacking soda. Some of our friends are even attacking diet soda! Why don’t we also kill:

Pizza (Seriously, do you need that cheese?)

Hot Dogs (Tofu dogs almost taste the same)

Corned Beef (Turkey breast is much leaner)

Let’s get a government Department of Menus!

I forget — does pizza cause cancer, like diet soda does? Let’s get a government Department of Prosecuting Lobbyists Who Take Out Full-Page Lies In Order To Confuse Stupid People!

A 10-year-old girl in England put her 61-year-old grandmother (who she described as “annoying”) on eBay.

The auction was removed before it ended, but “there were quite a few offers.”

Eyew.

Sherri Shepherd will be signing her new “book” Permission Slips at the Barnes & Noble on 66th this Saturday. The ad says she will ONLY be signing the book. Damn.

(puts globe back in closet)

Spit Up Cocks (sorry, Ralph Peters) declares that “The Obama administration’s primary legacy to the world is going to be a nuclear-armed Iran.” And Ralph Peters’ primary legacy to the world will be hate-mongering and the journalistic equivalent of hurled poo.

Two of the five letters sent in today actually take Kyle Smith to task for his “foggy-headed” attack on Michael Moore, disputing many of the half-truths Smith hurled at him.

(wipes tear of joy from eye)

Granted, I still haven’t seen Capitalism: A Love Story, but Kyle Smith is a jerk and he didn’t review the film — he reviewed the director’s politics.

Steven Malanga tells us Why the WFP Dooms NYC Democrats.

I’ll save you the trouble of reading the “piece” — it’s because they have removed the “soul” of the Democratic Party.

One more article like this and I’ll start volunteering at the nearest WFP office.

The National Review calls a video of Burlington, NJ elementary school students singing “Hello Mister President/We honor you today/For all your great accomplishments/We all do say ‘Hooray!’” to Obama “inspiring New Jersey schoolteachers to North Korean levels of mindless adulation.”

I sincerely wish that I (or they) were kidding.

Sirius XM has started charging its subscribers an extra $2 a month. They claim that subscribers were notified. Some subscribers have called that bullshit.


I can’t wait for Stern to quit and for that the inevitable bankruptcy filings.

Toy Story and Toy Story 2 as a 3-D double feature?

Yes, please.

The Yankees lost last night (thanks in part to Joba’s awful pitching), ending their winning streak at 7. They have tonight off followed by 3 games against Tampa Bay. And then… playoffs.

House has returned to its excellent former self. Happy to see Andre Braugher has stuck around. Sorry to see Taub go (if, in fact, he does).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have doots.

Happy Thursday!

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Jon Stewart Does It Again.

1st October
2009
written by jed

Thanks, Jon.
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