Archive for October 22nd, 2009

Another Frantic Day of Scrambling.

22nd October
2009
written by jed

Have to pick up paperwork, salad dressing, sneakers, prescriptions, and a few other things, too. My father is having (very minor) surgery tonight and I am heading up to Hartsdale to keep him company until Mom gets home from work.

My friend Don will NOT be coming in today, as he was held at the last minute in Chicago. He may fly in before year’s end; I hope we can meet up then.

But let’s get right into the nitty-gritty, shall we?

STEVE’S LUST doesn’t strike me as a pun, so I don’t understand why it’s the front-page headline (Why not PHILLANDERER or RAGING BROOKE or THE UGLY FUCKLING?). The two page spread inside discusses the mistress’ Path from vid geek to superfreak, the Craigslist ad she placed (she wanted a woman to call Phillips’ wife [posing as a fellow ESPN employee] and break the news of her husband’s affair) — complete with the script she wanted the person to read (my favorite part is the stage direction “(pause and act like this is really hard)” which is also what he said [rimshot]), and Phillips’ admission of the affair.

Which he says lasted three days. Which means either Steve is {whatever the opposite of exaggerating is} or Brooke is cuh-RAY-zee. Or both.

ESPN has granted Phillips’ request for a leave of absence. Oddly enough, Brooke still works there.

The Post claimed that the online version of the story had more photos, so I looked. Brooke Hundley has some ugly photos of herself, but also some ver flattering ones. There’s no timeline, so I’m not sure what she currently looks like, but the readers comments were uniformly cruel (“if you’re gonna cheat, do it with someone prettier than your wife, not a DOG!!!”).

Memo to self: never look at the Post online.

The MTA which, despite hemorrhaging money, is considering an “off-peak” fare for nights and weekends. It will begin when the new Smart Cards take effect.

1) How is the weekend “off-peak”?

2) Stop with the Smart Cards.

3) Since most of the subway stops near us on the F line are closed on the weekends, the MTA has replaced the trains with shuttle buses that travel from train station to train station. It’s a fast way to get around (there’s a shuttle bus every few minutes). One question, though: Why aren’t you charging passengers anything to ride? They’d pay for the train, you’re replacing the train (and hemorrhaging money), ergo they should be charged to ride.

4) I hate the MTA.

Senate Minority Leader Dean Skelos (R-LI) is demanding that Paterson stop flirting with his 18% tax on sugary drinks.

What’s wrong, Dean? Jealous?

A Delta flight from JFK to Heathrow was grounded after a mouse was spotted running through the cabin.

Teresa, cross Delta off the list.

Holy shit! On May 15th, 2008, someone strangled a woman to death in the back of the Eden Dry Cleaners and Laundry on Tenth Avenue in Windsor Terrace.

That’s um, down the block from us.

We moved in a couple months after the incident.

Damn.

The Fat Reverend Al Sharpton has done it again.

In 2007, Megan Williams (20 at the time) claimed she was held captive in a trailer by seven White people who beat her, raped her, scalded her, and taunted her with racial epithets. When the story first broke, Fat Al scrambled down to West Virginia and demanded that the police indict the seven alleged attackers. The local NAACP urged caution. Fat Al urged action. The indictments were made.

All seven of her attackers pleaded guilty and are serving time in prison. Except now Williams, who is “developmentally challenged,” claims that her mother made her make up the original allegations and insists that the attacks never happened.

This is an ugly story filled with ugly people doing (or possibly not doing) ugly things, but Fat Al’s involvement only made matters worse.

The woman known as “New York’s most famous nurse-midwife” is being sued for gross negligence.

Carla Muhlhahn (featured [along with Ricki Lake's bathing suit area] in the documentary The Business of Being Born) was handling the labor and delivery of a couple on the Upper West Side. The baby was strangled by its umbilical cord. The parents claim that, had they been at a ospital, the baby would have lived.

It will be interesting to watch this case and see if it has any ramifications for midwives and how they conduct their business. And, unlike the documentary, I wont see any children popping out of Ricki Lake.

It took less than a month.

Andrea Peyser’s “David Letterman Countdown Clock” is no longer appearing on her twice-weekly page of idiocy.

In its place (today, anyway) is JUST LAUGHABLE, DAVE, which chronicles how the National Organization of Women President Terry O’Neill asked for a sit-down with CBS’ higher-ups to discuss Letterman’s “toxic” workplace environment. The mini-piece begins with “I guess some of David Letterman’s best pals are Eskimos, too.” This is never explained.

What is explained is that Worldwide Pants’ Rob Burnett responded to Terry with a list of all of the women who have worked with Dave over the last 25 years. He also explained that HR interviewed every single member of his staff and, after 29 years in the business, he has never been accused of sexual harassment.

For some reason, this infuriates Andrea Peyser.

Other highlights include referring to the New York Times as the Taliban Times (hilarious!), claiming that Richard Heene’s recent antics “may well murder reality TV” (erroneous!), and how Steve Phillips “would really be in trouble if the sex [with Brooke Hundley] was good” (someone send this to Terry O’Neill immediately!).

Newest Hollywood couple that must not be allowed to breed: Gerard Butler and Jessica Simpson.

If enough monkeys are working at enough typewriters, one of them will eventually write an article that restores a semblance of faith in the American justice system.

Terrance Breazil has been (re-)convicted of murder. His retrial did not end in his favor.

(waves miniature flag with “JUSTICE” written on it)

Lil Wayne wants the touch DNA testing that links him to the loaded weapon found on his tour bus (the billowing marijuana smoke wafting out of it alerted police and when they approached the bus, Lil Wayne threw away a Louis Vuitton bag — containing the gun that isn’t his) to be thrown out of court.

Good luck with that, Lil.

And they said it might last, it might not last, but please don’t make us think of them having sex.

Rosie O’Donnell and Kelli Carpenter may be getting a divorce. Kelli has moved out of their home and Rosie is writing lowercase nonsense on her blog (“marriage is hard”).

This is why gays shouldn’t be allowed to get married.

I’m totally kidding. Gays should definitely be allowed to get married. But Rosie shouldn’t be allowed to blog.

Bernie Kerik has refused to be separated from the general population of the jail he now lives in.

Presumably because he wants some of that child molester pizza he’s heard so much about.

That guru guy, James Ray? I have a feeling he’s going away for a very very long time.

People are starting to come out of the woodwork to tell horror stories about his retreats.

Oprah, you got some ’splainin’ to do…

How odd that the Post never ran a single piece on the recent discovery of Ardipithecus ramidus, but there’s a nice big article about how the recently-discovered fossil known as “Ida” is not related to apes, humans or monkeys.

They neglect, however, to mention that Ida is 47,000,000 years old.

Know your audience, as they say.

I just realized… did the Post finally decide that Dick “I enjoy the urine of prostitutes” Morris is no longer worthy of editorial space? Haven’t seen him in a while.

(that is NOT a complaint)

The Galleon Group appears to be sinking.

What a waste of a perfectly awful rap song.

Loads more on Steve Phillips’ affair. Everybody loves a nut describes Brooke Hundley as “a full plate of nuts. Crazy pants. Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.”

Her letter to Marni Phillips is also broken down and “translated” by Raakhee Mirchandani (gesundheit). Here’s the first and best example:

“Hi Marni”

Translation: Hey, chump!

With a dry cool wit like that, Raakhee has a future in… um… yeah.

Armond White is the Chairman of the New York Film Critics Circle? Are you kidding me?

Fox is announcing that White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen will be a part of their World Series coverage.

This will not end well.

Joe Torre will not be managing in this year’s World Series. Sorry, Joe.

Lifetime has pulled a Wife Swap episode featuring the Heene Family.

Take that, Dick!

Sam Jones III played Pete Ross on Smallville. He was just busted by the feds for trying to buy and distribute over 10,000 oxycodone pills. That’s five times as much as the guy from Big Brother!

Super, man!

Have to go to Carnegie Hall now and see if my tickets are actually there. Will I miss part of Game 5 tonight? Hopefully.

And hopefully there won’t be a Game 6.

The weekend is near, kids!

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