* World Series may not accurately reflect the entire world, especially any part of it that falls outside of the continental United States and Toronto.

Last night’s game was more of a nail-biter than my stomach would have liked, but Andy got the win, Mariano got the save and all of the game’s most horrific errors were committed by Angels.

The reason I begin with the Yanks is because today’s front page shows Jeter, Teixeira and A-Rod embracing after the final out of last night’s clincher. I’m sure Derek and Mark are jumping in the air and Alex is crouching before joining them, but man does he look tiny in comparison. JOY! proclaims the headline beneath them… which implies that the Post is referring to New York City as Mudville.

Which I think is incredibly racist.

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Fredric(,) U. Dicker has the hot EXCLUSIVE that Andrew Cuomo has secretly notified Rudy 9iu11ani that he intends to run for governor. Now Rudy can stop telling the press that he “thstill hathsn’t dethighted whethuh awe not [he'ths] going to theek electhsheun.” B’also? “Insiders” predict that when Cuomo officially throws his hat into the ring, he’ll be so far ahead of Paterson in donations that the incumbent will have no choice but to drop out of the race.

We’ll see, insiders. We’ll see.

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Ivanka Trump got married to Jared Kushner yesterday.

Wouldn’t it have been funny if, after the bride and groom kissed, Donald Trump popped out from behind the altar and shouted, “You’re married!”?

And then he fell on some thumb tacks dipped in tabasco sauce?

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Six Harvard medical researchers were poisoned by drinking coffee laced with sodium azide (a common lab preservative) in August. They were treated at a hospital once their symptoms appeared and are now all fine. Police still aren’t sure if it was a malicious act, an accident or proof that Harvard has dropped its standards considerably after losing billions in the stock market.

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“This movie features body doubles, no doubt about it. I think people will tear this movie apart.”

That’s Joe Jackson on the upcoming documentary of his son, This Is It.

He even beats documentaries about his kids!

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Paranormal Activity was the #1 movie this weekend? It even beat Saw VI?

Does this mean we’ll be spared Saw VII? Please?

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“Steve Phillips is no longer working for ESPN. His ability to be an effective representative for ESPN has been significantly and irreparably damaged, and it became evident it was time to part ways,” said an ESPN spokesman. Steve is entering a treatment facility “to address personal issues.”

And, presumably, have a taco.

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O’s Afghan ‘ploy’ is a marvelous ploy. See, the article quotes Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) on yesterday’s State of the Union (on CNN) accusing Obama of “playing politics” with the troop levels in Afghanistan. Hatch expressed concern that Obama is “waiting until after this election because they have some tough governorships up for election.”

Whether Hatch meant that Obama is ignoring the war to focus on the elections or that Obama knows he’s going to do something unpopular and is waiting until people have voted before revealing his plan, I don’t know.

What I do know is that accusing someone of playing politics is a form of playing politics. Jerk.

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Jeffry Picower made billions through Bernie Madoff and was the target of a $7,000,000,000 lawsuit from Madoff’s victims. He was found floating in his pool yesterday. BERNIE’S BUDDY DROWNS IN CASH also reveals that his body showed no injuries and police are still investigating.

A family spokesperson claims that Picower also had “heart-related medical issues.”

[insert joke here]

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That amnesiac teenager is from Washington. Her name is Kacie Peterson, 18. This was her second known amnesia attack.

Happy ending!

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The MTA thinks that the solution to the overcrowding of the B61 line is to cut it into two lines (the B61 and the B62).

That makes perfect sense. To fight the congestion of the area, make people have to transfer to a different line to get where they’re going. Smooth sailing guaranteed!

From the creators of Smart Cards!

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James Gandolfini and The Fat Reverend Al Sharpton met for the first time recently when they shared an elevator. The next day, Al Sharpton found a three-pound salami and a card in his office from Gandolfini.

Unless the card read, “For your ass, you monster.” I do not approve.

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Levi Johnston (Bristol Palin’s babydaddy) has a manager named Tank Jones (seriously) who is “90 percent sure” that Levi’s upcoming Playgirl shoot will feature full-frontal nudity.

As opposed to one of those Playgirl shoots that consist entirely of tasteful nipple pics?

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Cindy Adams relates the story of a well-to-do woman who brought her baby into a Starbucks, filled the baby’s bottle with milk from the fixin’s bar and left.

Which reminded me of the other day when a woman (dressed in expensive workout clothes, texting on her iPhone) filled her entire thermos with coffee from the free-sample communal dispenser at Trader Joe’s on Court Street.

This is exactly what Rome was like right before their empire crumbled.

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Andrea Peyser borrows a page from the GB1990 folks (they’re the people that keep asking for proof that Glenn Beck didn’t rape and murder a girl in 1990 [they have no reason to believe he did, but they also have no hard evidence that he didn't]).

Andrea (allegedly) got an e-mail from Organizing for America that tells the story of “Jenny U.”

Jenny (allegedly) donated a kidney to her son and was thereafter branded as “having a pre-existing condition” by the insurance companies and has been denied coverage for herself ever since.

Andrea doesn’t say that Jenny isn’t a real person. That could get her in trouble. Instead she asks, “Is Jenny for real? I’m still waiting.” and refers to Jenny’s story as “the nasty insurance fable.”

“Jenny U.,” she later asks, “where are you?”

The GB1990 folks are satirists. Peyser is just a scumbag.

Other “musings” on her page include accusing Rosie O’Donnell of treating her soon-to-be ex like a slave (“Rosie routinely calls Kelli her ‘wife.’ And during Rosie’s 2003 federal trial for breach of contract, I saw Kelli wait on her ‘husband’ hand and foot — bringing food and drink, rubbing Rosie’s back, and speaking only when invited to do so.”) and a nice piece that reprimands ESPN for continuing to employ Steve Phillips (hey, Andrea, turn to page 5 of today’s paper).

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God must be so proud!

The parishioners at St. Patrick’s Church in Chatham, New Jersey were asked by the replacement priest to focus on forgiving José Feliciano for murdering Rev. Edward Hinds.

They hissed at him. They literally hissed their disapproval.

Amen.

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We jump from the story about a janitor who murdered his boss in the hopes of keeping his job, to a woman from California who took a cab ride from Manhattan to Long Island yesterday and, upon realizing she was $62 short on the charge (not including tip), she sprayed the driver in the face with pepper spray and ran away.

Amina Williams, 22, might have gotten away with it, too… except she took the cab to the Marriott in Melville. Where she was staying. And where police found her and arrested her.

So close, Amina!

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Another person was mugged in Central Park yesterday after someone asked him what time it was.

I have yet to read about someone who answers, “I don’t know what time it is” and still gets mugged. Seriously.

Wear your ignorance like a shield, New Yorkers!

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Yesterday morning, a guy goes to a restaurant in Iowa City, Iowa. Another guy approaches him, accuses him of being a zombie and punches him in the face. He tries to call the police, but the other guy punches him in the face again, breaking his nose.

Woody Harrelson couldn’t be reached for comment.

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The Brooklyn woman (Myrna Chen Phang, 25) and her boyfriend (Steven Dadaille, 26) accused of beating her 4-year-old son to death last week are in police custody. A source claims that Steven “said the mother was too easy on the kid.”

They (allegedly) beat the child with a belt for two days, starting last Wednesday night.

Tell me again why the death penalty is wrong.

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So… it’s Gore Vidal’s fault?

George F. Will discusses Michele Bachmann’s rise to power in the surprisingly complimentary Minnesota’s Republican Firecracker (it’s surprising because I thought George F. Will wasn’t an idiot — my bad).

“She and her husband danced at Jimmy Carter’s inauguration. Shortly thereafter, however, she was riding on a train and reading Gore Vidal’s Burr, which is suffused with that author’s jaundiced view of America. ‘I set the book down on my lap, looked out the window and thought: That’s not the America I know.’ She volunteered for Reagan in 1980.”

Fun fact: Bachmann used to be the nanny for Gretchen Carlson, co-host of Fox & Friends! LOL!

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NBC stations are starting to get angry about The Jay Leno Show. In 44 of the top 56 metered markets, the 11:00 p.m. newscasts are losing viewers — an average of 13% in the first four weeks of the season. New York is down 22%, Miami is down 30% and Philadelphia is down 37%. Hope it was worth it NBC.

Thanks again for killing Southland.

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Page 30 is a full-page ad for the Christmas release of Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel. It includes an “alvin pumpkin stencil” that will help you carve a crude Alvin face into your pumpkin (what could be more Halloweeny?).

They forgot to remind parents to save the knife for their eyes when they bring their kids to the movie in December.

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Don Mattingly was supposed to meet this week with the Cleveland Indians about possibly becoming their new manager.

They just hired Manny Acta.

Sorry, Donnie.

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U.S. basketball player Kevin Widemond, 23, played for the Ovarense Dolce Vita. During a break in the game yesterday, he dropped dead of cardiac arrest.

Rafael Castro, 18, played in the New York Mets’ Latin America farm system. He died on Friday in Venezuela of what is being called “an apparent heart attack.”

In a related story where nobody dies, Yusei Kikuchi, 18, has decided not to play baseball in America (the Mets and others were enthusiastically courting him), opting instead to keep playing in Japan.

Looks like the Mets will have to go to Plan Q (or is it R now?).

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Pedro Martinez starting Game 2 of the World Series? Yes, please!

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Jets QB Mark Sanchez was caught on film eating a hot dog on the sidelines during the 4th quarter of yesterday’s game.

“I want to apologize for doing that. I wasn’t feeling very good and couldn’t eat much before the game. I felt a little queasy and toward the end of the game I probably should have eaten one of those [energy] bars or something.”

No, Mark. Eating a stadium hot dog really fast and then running around in football equipment is usually great for nausea.

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Torii Hunter on the Yankees: “We got beat by the best team. If they lose [the World Series], I’ll be ticked off.”

You and me both, Torii.

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Most playoff wins of all time for a pitcher? Andy Pettitte with 16.

16… and counting.

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So… it’s Chelsea Handler’s fault?

Jennifer Aniston had so much fun as a guest on Chelsea Lately that she agreed to host her own talk show on OWN (the Oprah Winfrey Network and I swear I’m not kidding).

I think she’s only doing this so that she can meet celebrity men.

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Linda Stasi loves the new show on TLC about a guy who makes cakes. It’s called Cake Boss. And it’s just like all those other people-who-make-cakes-for-a-living shows with one major difference: This one is called Cake Boss.

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Sorry for the delay — the bus back from Pathmark was mad late. Tomorrow I’ll get a much earlier start. Peace out.