I was sure that today’s headline would read A.J. BURNOUT, but no (it’s actually BRING IT ON HOME Yanks can win it all in Bronx).

A-Rod’s double in the 1st scored Damon. Then Utley hit a 3-run shot off Burnett. 3-1 Phillies.

In the 3rd, Jayson Werth’s single knocked in Utley, Ibanez’s single scored Howard and Ruiz’s dribbler was good enough to score Werth. 6-1 Phillies.

In the 5th, Damon’s ground-out knocked in Hinske. 6-2 Phillies.

In the 7th, Utley homered (again) and Ibanez homered. 8-2 Phillies.

In the 8th, A-Rod’s double scored Damon and Teixeira. Cano’s sacrifice fly scored A-Rod. 8-5 Phillies.

In the 9th, Jeter hit into a double play, but it brought Posada home. 8-6 Phillies.

And that’s the final score. Burnett was taken out of the game in the 3rd (I’m afraid of him again).

But the Yankees should win the World Series in their new home. And tomorrow night, they will.

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Fairleigh Dickinson University claims that Jon Corzine is leading Chris Christie in the polls 43%-41% (with Daggett getting 8%).

Quinnipiac University says that Corzine has 40% to Christie’s 42% (with Daggett getting 12%).

All I know is that Christie illegally co-opted (and poorly edited) an old Monty Python sketch for a TV ad.

So he should lose.

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Fred Thompson and robo-calls from Rudy 9iu11ani have been tearing into Doug Hoffman’s Democratic opponent, hoping that Hoffman will win the election in the 23rd Congressional District.

Fun facts: Hoffman doesn’t live in the 23rd Congressional District and 95% of his campaign donations came from outside of the 23rd Congressional District.

(feverishly waves miniature American flag)

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If Bill Thompson (who is estimated to have 38% of the vote) snags every “Undecided” voter in the city today, he’ll only lose by 2%!

Congratulations, Bill!

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For Christ’s sake…

Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) added a lil’ sumthin’-sumthin’ to the current health care overhaul bill.

It would require insurers to cover Christian Science prayer treatments as medical expenses.

Which would eventually allow “It is God’s will” to be used as a diagnosis/treatment.

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Oh no!

Remember the lady who had her husband exhumed so that she could sell his crypt (located directly above Marilyn Monroe)? Remember how she got a bid on eBay for $4,600,000?

It fell through (which is what her husband was hoping would happen to him, am I right?).

She put it back on eBay (with just a $500,000 reserve!) and no one bid.

So… will she put her husband back?

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The Post claims that Michael Lohan was on Entertainment Tonight last night and that he played the answering machine messages wherein Dina Lohan laments that her daughter (Lindsay) is a drug abuser and that “she fears Lindsay will end up like Heath Ledger.”

I’ve looked all over the Internet and cannot find a second source on this. But if the Post says it happened, then it must have happened.

Right?

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Page Six (today on page 12) alleges that Courtney Love claims that she moved to New York because “her double-crossing employees” staged “bogus police raids” on her Malibu home “in a bid to help themselves to the fortune of her late husband, Kurt Cobain.”

But “sources” tell Page Six that those “bogus police raids” were actually “attempts by her drug counselor to stage an intervention.”

I don’t know what’s more ludicrous — that Love believes that her employees would hire fake cops to raid her home in the hopes of snagging chunks of her late husband’s riches, or that her drug counselor thinks she can be helped.

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Prosecutors accused Edward Porter, 75, of compromising concrete tests for the rebuilding of Ground Zero, the new Yankee Stadium and other projects in New York City. He pled guilty to conspiracy in September, admitting that “he knew or should have known concrete strength tests hadn’t been done when he formulated concrete mixes.”

Yesterday, his case was “conditionally discharged.” Porter will pay the court costs (plus $100,000) and the case will be closed without him serving any jail time or probation.

Justice is blind and structurally questionable.

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Kevin Spellman successfully delayed his blood test for 5 1/2 hours after he hit and killed a 67-year-old woman with his car.

The results of that test are back. His blood alcohol level was 0.21 (0.08 is the legal limit).

If you would like people to stop driving drunk, then you have to make gigantic examples of people like Spellman.

My biggest fear? That the attorney for Andrew Kelly (the NYPD’s other “yes, I hit and killed the person with my car, but I wasn’t drunk and I won’t take a Breathalyzer test for many many hours for some reason” poster boy) will use Spellman’s test results as proof that his client had to have been sober.

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When the juror in the John Gotti trail who keeps starting fights and taunting her fellow jurors (she recently responded to a fellow juror’s question with “I’d rather the phony people not speak to me at all.”) isn’t fucking with our justice system, guess where she works. Go on. Guess.

Did you guess the US Postal Service?

Correct!

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Sidley Austin has fired Brian Schroeder. The Harvard Law School graduate who set fire to a 9/11 memorial is now unemployed.

Fun fact: Sidley Austin had 600 employees in the World Trade Center on 9/11, but only one of them died.

Sadly, it wasn’t Brian Schroeder.

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It must be terrible to have someone in authority trick you into doing something that you’ll look back on and regret. A woman in Westchester’s Bedford Hills prison claims that a guard took scantily-clad photos of her, which he then sold to the National Enquirer. She sued the prison and won $8,750.

Her attorneys are charging her $13,125 for handling the case.

Fun fact: The woman is Pamela Smart.

In name only.

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Newsmax has taken out a full-page ad featuring their INCREDIBLE OFFER!

For just $4.97, you can get a copy of Sarah Palin’s new “book” PLUS a FREE 4-month subscription to their magazine.

I just looked at their website. It’s like the Bizarro Huffington Post. One of their front-page stories is Obamamania Cools to Luke Warm [sic], another is ACORN Aims to Tip New Jersey Election in Corzine’s Favor.

What this means (to me, anyway) is that Newsmax has purchased thousands (if not more) copies of Palin’s “book.” Which will help it get to (and remain at) #1 on the best-seller list for that much longer.

Some of Newsmax’s “hard-hitting” reporters include Bill O’Reilly, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Ben Stein, Dick Morris (who calls Newsmax “my favorite magazine — a must read.”), and John Stossel.

And if you act now (I wish I were kidding), you’ll also get a copy of Newsmax’s recent special report, Sarah Palin and the Newer Feminism.

Nothing says female empowerment like a stupid woman who lies and quits. You betcha.

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Theodore Piel! He’s 24! He lives in Colonie! For Halloween this year, he dressed up as a Breathalyzer!

(can you see where this is going?)

He got drunk! He drove his car! He got pulled over in Albany!

He refused to take the Breathalyzer test, but cops smelled the booze on him (and his glassy eyes) and arrested him for DWI.

Well done, Theodore!

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Bernie Kerik has been released form crazy-person jail and put back in regular-person jail.

The judge feels he is no longer a threat to himself.

Awwwww.

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Rich Lowry mocks Obama for visiting more foreign countries in his first year in office (16) than Clinton (3) and W. (11), implying that he should focus more on America. Then he criticizes Obama for not attending the anniversary of the Berlin Wall falling down in Germany next week.

Great job, Rich. You’re a one-man point-counterpoint.

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Apple is trying to institute a new service that would allow subscribers to download as many TV shows as they want for $30/month.

As long as there are cable companies, I don’t see this happening.

(though this might spell the beginning of the end for cable companies)

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The ad agency responsible for Little Caesars’ “Pizza! Pizza!” ads and the Wendy’s “Where’s the Beef?” ads is closing up shop.

Rest in peace, Cliff Freeman & Partners. You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last.

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The Phillies are a super-classy bunch.

I already told you what Cole Hamels said after his meltdown in Game 3 (“I can’t wait for [the season] to end.”), but after last night’s game, Brett Myers passed by Hamels in the locker room and (in front of numerous reporters) asked him, “What are you doing here? I thought you quit.”

“Go fuck yourself,” replied Hamels.

A team official “escorted” Myers away before he had a chance to offer one of those acerbic bon mots that Philadelphia is best known for (like “No, you go fuck yourself.”)

Cuh-lassy.

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David Wells discusses A.J. Burnett’s poor showing last night in his “column” today. He also talks about a chat he had with Kirk Gibson about whether benching Posada was the right thing to do.

“Kirk was like, ‘What about the comfort zone Burnett has throwing to Molina?’ I was like, ‘Yeah, but it’s about offense.’”

I like that, like, they’ll stop, like, publishing David Wells soon, nah-mean?

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Lest you think that Burnett was the only pitcher that had an embarrassing night for the Yankees, I’d like to give the world Phil Coke. He faced four batters and gave up 2 home runs.

Another reason we were weak last night? Melky Cabrera is gone. He injured his hamstring in Game 4 (that’s why Brett Gardner was playing center field last night).

Game 6 will be interesting, as we’ll no longer have to bat our pitchers and can reinstate our DH (hello again, Hideki Matsui!).

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Jessica Simpson Twatted some venom against the folks who fired her talentless sister. Try and find all the typos!

“CW catching up on MP.who writes this crap?i have had bad scripts to work with,but this?thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press”

Wait… Jessica Simpson’s movies have had scripts?

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Hey, Andrea Peyser! All that free press you gave (and continue to give) to David Letterman?

It boosted his ratings 13%.

Oops.

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And that’s Tuesday. Hopefully, this cold I’m fighting will go away soon (without visiting my wife on the way out).

See yizzall tomorry.