Archive for November 5th, 2009

Joe Girardi: Super Manager, Super Samaritan

5th November
2009
written by jed

Read about Girardi’s post-game heroics last night here.

It’s official: I like him more than Torre.

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NYY 27, PHI 2

5th November
2009
written by jed

Hideki Matsui REALLY wants to come back next year and I have a sneaking suspicion that he just might. He had 6 RBIs in last night’s 7-3 victory and took home the World Series MVP trophy (as the 1st Japanese player to ever do so). Pedro Martinez stank like hot garbage.

Andy Pettitte got the win (he won the ALDS-clincher, the ALCS-clincher and the WS-clincher this year and was 4-0 in the postseason) and Mariano closed (it wasn’t a save, per se, but it was still beautiful).

And, thanks to the greatest wife in the universe, I watched the whole thing live at justin.tv (I had never heard of it before last night, but I’ll be returning every time I want to watch a ballgame).

I have a busy day (and night) ahead of me, so let’s get crackin’.

Victoria Gotti (John “Junior” Gotti’s mother) and Victoria Gotti (John “Junior” Gotti’s sister) went coo-coo bananas in court yesterday. The judge kicked two female jurors (the ones who have bickering for weeks) off of the jury, to which Victoria (da mutha) to scream, “This is a railroad job! Enough ow! Enough! Fucking animals! They’re railroading you! They’re doing to you what they did to your father! They’re the gangsters, right there! The fucking gangsters! You son of a bitches! Put your own sons in there! You bastards!”

I would like to call my improv group The Son-of-a-Bitches.

Victoria (da mutha) was led out of court by Victoria (da sistuh), whose younger brother showed off the tattoo he has on his forearm that reads, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

Which is exactly the context that Martin Luther King was going for when he said that.

O’S LOSING TEAM GOES FOR A ‘SPIN’ does a great job of reminding readers just how awful this newspaper is. A gigantic chart on page 6 illustrates the differences between the WHITE HOUSE VERSION and THE TRUTH (the accompanying photo of Robert Gibbs classily labels him “Obama mouthpiece”) . For example, for NEW JERSEY:

WHITE HOUSE VERSION: “If you look at the exit polling, which is pretty clear on this, people went to the polls and voted on local issues, not to… register support or opposition to the president.”

THE TRUTH: “Obama made five campaign appearances with Gov. Jon Corzine. OF COURSE it was partly about the president.”

For DEMS BACKING OFF HEALTH-CARE REFORM:

WHITE HOUSE VERSION: “I don’t think they will, and I am not concerned.”

THE TRUTH: “Realizing Obama’s coattails can’t help them at the polls next year, Democrats will run for the hills.”

Other articles in the two-page spread criticize Rachel Maddow for “minimizing” the GOP victory in Virginia’s goober-natorial election by pointing out that the party in the White House has lost every governor’s race in Virginia since 1977 (what a bitch!) and chastise Keith Olbermann for his mocking of the GOP and their NY-23 loss (though the author reluctantly adds, “although he also acknowledged the Republican ’slam dunk’ in the Virginia governor’s race”).

Charles Hurt (presumably with the help of some paint fumes or a gas leak) believes that “[t]he White House turned into a bunker yesterday as top aides to President Obama went into denial…” and Sen. Ben Nelson (D-Neb.) gets some free press (and a not-very-flattering photo!) by telling the Post what they want to hear (that voters in New Jersey and Virginia were telling Obama to “slow it down, don’t add more to the deficit”).

What if (just humor me for a second) the reason that more people voted for Obama a year ago than for the Democratic nominees in the New Jersey and Virginia gubernatorial races is that more people like Obama than Corzine and Deeds? Is that too absurd to consider?

Chris Christie, soon-to-be-governor of New Jersey, obviously didn’t get the memo that his election was a national mandate against Obama, telling reporters, “My job in 76 days is to be the governor of the state of New Jersey. What else is going on in the other 49 states, let them have it.” What a team player!

I love it when life imitates art. Especially The Simpsons.

A new app for the iPhone is available: The Cry Translator. The makers claim that they “have figured out a way to interpret the five major reasons a baby cries: hunger, tiredness, annoyance, stress and boredom.”

The voice of Danny DeVito could not be reached for comment.

Remember that debate between Bill Clinton and George W. Bush? Not happening anymore. They say it was over-hyped and so the two ex-prezzes backed out.

G’balls.

Bernie Kerik’s attorneys are worried that their client’s pompous swagger and massive ego will screw up today’s plea deal, so they coached him on how to be humble in court.

He should have asked his old buddy Rudy 9iu11ani for help with being humble.

Andrea Peyser out-stupids herself today. Don’t ask, don’t look takes the side of the cabby who kicked out his two gay passengers because they hugged (“In this town, gay rights trump religious and aesthetic sensitivities every time.”), while IVY IDIOTS GET ‘WIRED’ ridicules Harvard for using The Wire to teach students about “systemic urban inequality” (Harvard’s words), as opposed to having students wander the streets and learn for themselves (“So a show scripted in Hollywood and play-acted by well-paid thespians in a safe environment is our new Ivy laboratory for learning about icky big-city reality? I guess you can’t expect today’s soft-skinned students to walk outside and meet actual, foul-smelling poor people, can you? That would be hard.”).

I sincerely doubt that Andrea has ever watched The Wire. And if she has, I sincerely doubt that she understood half of what it was about. Especially Season 5 — the one where we learn why newspapers are dying off. B’also? Did she criticize Schindler’s List for featuring actors who were merely pretending to be the victims of the Holocaust? I mean, I bet Liam Neeson had a cushy trailer for the entire shoot! And Sir Ben Kingsley isn’t even Jewish!

There’s also a Moebius strip of a mini-column (Get over yourself, Dominique) that mocks Dominique Sharpton for asking police “Do you know who I am?” Peyser replies, “It seems cops knew who she was. Does anyone care?” Well gee, Andrea, it appears that you do. I mean, if she’s such a nobody that you (and everyone else) don’t care about, then (especially days after the fact) stop writing about her.

In fact, just stop writing.

A 22-year-old was run over by an MTA bus in Hell’s Kitchen yesterday at 8:44 a.m. He was pronounced dead at Roosevelt Hospital at 9:11 a.m.

Never forget (how shitty the MTA is).

South Carolina’s Rodell Vereen was sentenced to three years in prison yesterday. He pleaded guilty to having sex with a horse.

He was caught by Barbara Kenley in late 2007 after he fell asleep next to her horse after sodomizing it. He pleaded guilty and and got probation (he also had to register as a sex offender).

He was caught again in July of this year, hence the three-year sentence.

South Carolina, ladies and gentlemen.

23 CIA agents are now fugitives from Italian justice.

A judge sentenced them (in absentia) for kidnapping an Egyptian cleric on a street in Milan in 2003. Former Milan CIA station chief Robert Seldon Lady got 8 years, the other 22 folks got 5 years.

Can’t wait to see what happens in the next few weeks…

On page 32 (PAGE 32!!!!), there’s a teeny-tiny piece called Study lauds health plans. Here’s the first sentence: “New York’s small businesses could save tens of billions in health-insurance costs over 10 years under ObamaCare or more conservative, market-based plans, a study released yesterday found.”

This is a 4-sentence article (one of six on page 32). Nicely done, Post.

Also on page 32 is NY1er a whiner, which provides further transcripts of Dominic Carter’s court appearances wherein he (and his attorney) insist that Carter is too famous and his time is too precious to have to deal with these pesky court appearances.

B’also? The article’s first sentence?

“Poor Dominic Carter.”

I’m calling my attorney.

A woman called the Findlay, Ohio police to complain that “her husband claimed that her daughter — his stepdaughter –had performed oral sex on him and was far better at it than her mom.”

The policeman who took the call then asked her to repeat what she had just said in “low, hushed tones.”

Well, Michael Lohan may or may not have gone on Entertainment Tonight with those answering machine tapes, but RadarOnline has an exclusive two-minute recording of Lindsay weeping and babblng incoherently about not being loved, provided by her absentee father.

They also posted a recording of Dina Lohan telling Michael that she has tried to stage an intervention and/or get Lindsay into rehab, but that she was unsuccessful.

Speaking of unsuccessful, Michael Lohan.

Lindsay’s Twatted responseS? “My father’s such a loser & those recordings are from years ago” and “To release personal things is foul enough, but to edit them. I used to think that he needed the book for dummies on learning how to be a father. Haha — he needs the book for dummies on HOW TO BE A MAN” which have been selected as finalists for Twitter’s Least Typos Award.

Is Lindsay a walking punchline? Absolutely. Does she deserve to have this piece of shit appearing on every TV and radio show that will have him, telling the world that she’s a walking punchline? Absolutely not.

If we all ignore Michael Lohan, he will go away. I promise.

Remember Willie Aames? From Charles In Charge? And Zapped? And Bibleman? Well, he declared bankruptcy, had his wife of 25 years leave him and became homeless (and, at one point, started cutting himself).

When you read that, you probably thought of the same thing I did: music videos!

Which is why VH1 will be airing Broke and Famous: Willie Aames this Thursday night (and then thrice daily until Apocalypto). I hope this means that they have plans for more Broke and Famous specials!

Fun fact: Willie Aames now wants to be a financial advisor!

Medhat Mohamed (who Andrea Peyser totally feels for) has a different take on the homo-exile he’s accused of.

“I told them, ‘OK, guys, if you want to stay away from each other, I’m going to be very welcome to have you here and drive you to your destination.’ They kept hugging and kissing. He was almost sitting on his lap. And I said, ‘OK, guys, come on, I’m driving.’”

“I wanted to pay attention to getting them to their destination instead of worrying if they were going to have sex or not.”

Medhat’s boss added, “There’s no kissing allowed in the cab. A man has to be a man.”

Well said, guy who hates homosexuals.

Julia Vitullo-Martin has a piece on Good Enough to Eat and their current troubles. Apparently, they were shut down last Thursday afternoon when a ConEd meter reader smelled gas in the building that GEtE is on the ground floor of (an inspector arrived, found numerous leaks and shut the gas off).

Getting the gas turned back on turned out to be a bureaucratic nightmare. Carrie Levin (the owner and author of some pretty amazing cookbooks) has been trying ever since to right the wrongs and reopen. But, as time continues to drag, re-opening may not be a possibility.

This is the place that made our wedding cake. This is the place where we had our “Farewell, New York” party. We used to wait on line for an hour (sometimes twice a week!) just to eat brunch there. It used to be one of the (if not the) best restaurant(s) in New York.

Now, it’s overpriced, poorly-staffed and in danger of going out of business. Which makes me very sad.

Big ups to Gleen Beck’s appendix.

It caused him enough discomfort for him to leave his radio show and get an emergency appendectomy. A source claims that he’ll be off the air for the rest of the week.

Any time Glenn Beck feels excruciating pain, an angel gets its wings.

More magazines are feverishly shedding employees. Time, Fortune, Sports Illustrated, People,…

Again I ask: If trees are a resource that we need to protect, then why are we still printing millions of newspapers and magazines every month when the content can just as easily be put online?

Happy 40th anniversary, Sesame Street! The Post has a photo of the cast in 1969 and the cast today. I recognize so many of the people (Gordon! Maria! Luis!) and most of the puppets (including life-partners Bert and Ernie).

But I still miss Mr. Hooper.

Johnny Damon was phenomenal in the postseason this year, but the fact that he had to leave last night’s game with a strained calf muscle seemingly proves that his body is getting old.

His stealing third base will go down as one of the (if not the) highlight(s) of the series, but if the Yankees have to pick an outfielder with questionable legs, I’m hoping they keep Matsui and give Damon a nice fruit basket (though if he wants to DH with Jorge next year, that’d be cool.

I’m sorry that Mike Mussina never got a ring, but I’m very happy that A-Rod (who had never even played in a World Series!) and Sabathia and Matsui and the rest of the ringless Yankees did.

Girardi is the new Torre. And I guess his 3-man rotation wasn’t such a horrible idea, eh, fanboys?

The Yankees are World Champions. All is right in the world.

Happy Thursday!

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