Archive for November 10th, 2009

This could be huge. Their DC Bureau Chief (Charles “Thinking Makes My Brain” Hurt) declared that the paper’s goal was to “destroy [President] Barack Obama”? Isn’t that treason?

B’ALSO! Rupert Murdoch said in an Australian TV interview that Glenn Beck was right when he called Barack Obama a racist.

I’m not sure how much longer I can give these people my money.

Two years ago today, my wife and I were married. Smartest thing I ever did.

And may God have mercy on her soul.

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FEDS KNEW claims that the FBI intercepted e-mails from Maj. Hasan to operatives of al Qaeda almost a year ago, but they “dismissed the lead” as “research” that Hasan was doing “as an Army shrink.”

If this is true, then I am mortified.

Remember when news organizations gathered facts from numerous sources and spent as much time as necessary processing them until they were actual stories that could be presented to the general public? Me neither. But it must have been nice.

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The other front-page story is J.Lo in sex tape scandal. Oh, boy.

One of her ex-husbands is shopping around a movie called How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J.Lo and Ojani Noa Story (J.Lo married Jennifer Lopez? How? Oh, right — watch the movie. Duh.) that contains footage of Lopez in her bra and panties looking in a mirror (!), Lopez in “skimpy underwear, being spanked in bed by Noa” (!!) and Lopez “jumping on a motorcycle in a short dress and no underwear” (3 exclamation points).

There’s also a videotaped argument between Lopez and her mother.

She has filed a $10,000,000 lawsuit seeking to bar the “movie” from being released. And for that, I thank her.

B’also? Maybe everyone should stop filming themselves doing naughty things? Right, Carrie Prejean?

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Roughly 1,000,000 Maclaren strollers have been recalled after 12 different children had their fingertips cut off by them.

In 20 years, these children will have become master criminals with no way of being identified.

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The good news: The six-day strike is over and Piladelphia once again has public transportation.

The bad news: It remains Philadelphia.

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Study warns of Canada syndrome may be the funniest headline of the day, unintentional or not. Yes, the health-care bill will turn us into Canada. According to a study by The Heritage Foundation (a conservative think tank).

Good one, Rupe.

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The University of Montana had proposed a total ban on tobacco for their entire campus starting in Fall 2011.

This will end badly.

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Obama has approved a surge for Afghanistan. 30,000 – 40,000 more troops.

Boo.

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Tonight at 9:00 p.m. (give or take a few minutes), John Allen Muhammed (The Beltway Sniper) will be killed by lethal injection.

Goodbye, John. Say hello to Robert Novak for me.

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Which one of these men is Sammy Sosa?

E-he.

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For too long, billionaires have had to use the same auction websites as the rest of this country. But not no mo’.

Billionairexchange.com requires a minimum bid of $1,000 for every auction. In exchange (or xchange), the uber-rich can sell their Fabergé eggs and yachts (minus a 5% commission).

I would love to read the feedback on that site (“This mansion is great! And it arrived almost immediately! Highly recommended!”).

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A bottle of beer that somehow survived the destruction of the Hinderburg will be auctioned off this month. The severely burned Lowenbrau is expected to fetch $7,500 for some reason.

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Ken Bird of Lincoln, Missouri writes in to say, “Unless we wake up and admit that Islamists are the enemy, we are doomed.” Ken Roberts of Lebanon, Ohio says, “There was a reason for interning the Japanese when we were at war with their country, and it served a duel [sic] purpose: to keep them safe if innocent and out of our way if they were not. I apologize to no one for that.”

Hey, Ken? You want us to round up all the Iraqis and Afghani-Americans? Hasan was neither. So… all Muslims then? Somebody needs to rent The Siege.

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Rich Lowry and Puke Shaped Like Dongs (sorry, Ralph Peters) weigh in on Hasan (surprisingly, they don’t like him). Peters once again ridicules the POTUS for not opening fire on a mosque in retaliation. Lowry is a little more level-headed, but the bar is set kinda low when you’re up against Ralphie Boy.

To make matters far worse, Joe Lieberman chairs the Senate Homeland Security Committee and has been screaming “terrorist act” since the story first broke. The stories currently unfolding seem to back up Joe. Which should never ever happen.

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Steven Tyler has quit Aerosmith, according to Joe Perry.

I can’t even pretend to feign interest.

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Joel Sherman claims that the Yankees will try to bring Damon, Pettitte and Matsui all back for 2010.

That’d be nice.

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The New York Giants started the season 5-0.

They are now 5-4.

The good news is that they can’t lose this week (they aren’t playing).

The bad news is that my father actually cares about the team (for now).

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Kyle Smith has decided to plagiarize Andrea Peyser with his almost full-page What’s ‘V’ really about? inthe TV section (the sub-head: A cute stranger arrives one day with free health care. Stop me if you’ve heard this one). Believe me, I tried but the column wouldn’t listen.

“[T]o conservatives, this is the perfect cigar to savor after a sumptuous meal — because it says that no matter who is nominally in charge, snaky, disingenuous liberalism is the ever-lurking villain.”

To conservatives, it doesn’t matter what actually happens, so long as we can use it to make liberals look stupid. Also, we enjoy sumptuous meals and cigars. Just like Joe America.

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Much to do before the anniversary dinner. Chores galores.

Have the loveliest of Tuesdays.