Archive for December 2nd, 2009

Yawn 2: The Quickening.

2nd December
2009
written by jed

Didn’t get to sleep until around 3 or 4. Slept late. Headache. Just ate two hard-boiled eggs.

And to make matters worse, I’m reading the Post.

30,000 troops and ONE missing word is perhaps the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen on the front page in a while (and that is saying something). “President Obama announced last night that he is sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan and will begin bringing American forces home in mid-2011 — but one word was MIA from the 4,581-word speech: ‘WIN.’”

First he’s dithering. Then he’s an idiot for considering NOT sending troops. Now he’s a defeatist because he didn’t say “win” in his speech. Maybe if the Post paid attention to his words instead of counting them, they’d be more inclined to be, I dunno, patriotic? Is that the word? I mean, when W. declared “Mission Accomplished” about 12 years early, anyone who questioned him hated the troops and wasn’t a patriot. So whycome “real Americans” don’t give Obama the same courtesy?

Charles “I Deserve to Be” Hurt chimes in with Gutsy move betrays the troops. “It is hard to overstate how much of a loathsome betrayal Obama’s liberal Democratic base finds the decision to send 30,000 more troops to the battlefield.” And yet, you just did, Chuck! You’re magic!

Chuck and the various other dimwits at the Post are also shocked (shocked, I tell you!) that Obama has the nerve to announce an exit strategy! Veterans are outraged! Better that we just keep sending Americans to die in a war against a noun (terror!) that can never be won.

But while this is on the front page (with follow-ups on pages 8 and 9), the real front page story (80% of the cover) is TIGER’S BIRDIES, which reveals two more women who might have had an affair with Tiger Woods. Kalika Moquin, 27, says they’ve been having an affair “for some time.” And Jaimee Grubbs, 24, has texts (“I will wear you out… When was the last time you got laid?”) that she claims are from Woods. You may also remember Jaimee from her appearances on VH1’s Tool Academy. Seriously.

And, as if that story wasn’t steamy enough, now comes word that The National Enquirer knew about Woods’ infidelities in 2007, but kept it under wraps in exchange for Woods doing a cover story for Men’s Fitness. Whatever happened to journalistic integrity, National Enquirer and Men’s Fitness?

Did I mention that one of the women accusing Woods of repeatedly sleeping with them was on Tool Academy?

NBC hasn’t renewed a labor contract with the National Association of Broadcast Employees and Technicians (that expired in March) and are using non-union folks for many of their live broadcasts. The NABET has threatened to strike, starting with tonight’s tree-lighting ceremony. NBC insists that, even if they strike, the Christmas tree show will go on.

That show, but not Southland. Jerks.

The fourth racketeering trial (in five years!) for John “Junior” Gotti has ended in (drumroll, please) a (fourth) mistrial.

Will the feds re-try him? And if so, will they be able to prevent jury tampering (again)?

Methinks yes… and no.

Michael Goodwin rails against NATO and takes pride in explaining to his teenage daughter why we’re still in Afghanistan (“‘Why do we have to do it?’ she wondered. The answer is simple: No one else will.”).

He also whines some more about holding the 9/11 trial in NYC. Blah blah bleh.

In other (lack of) justice news, the jury in the Joe Bruno trial is deadlocked on six of the eight corruption charges against Bruno.

The system works the shaft.

A silent (but in color!) home movie of Marilyn Monroe has been discovered. In it, she (seemingly) smokes a joint.

Marilyn Monroe did drugs? I am outraged and will now boycott all of her movies.

One of the many women who drove drunk and wound up killing and/or severely injuring children as a result, Carmen Huertas (one 11-year-old dead and 6 other kids — including her daughter — injured), has tried to commit suicide “a number of times” since the crash on October 11th.

We need to find the people who keep stopping her and distract them.

Michaele Salahi (if you look at her up close) is ugly. B’also? She’s a liar. So’s her husband. They’re fame-whores.  They say they were invited to the state dinner. Proof has been found that they weren’t (and that they knew they weren’t). But every microphone that gets shoved in their faces gives them a little thrill, so keep interviewing them and giving them more exposure.

Then sue Bravo.

Cindy Adams says that Rudy 9iu11ani might be gunning for Baseball Commissioner.

And that David Spade was seen in the West Village on Sunday at noon “looking like he was out all night or maybe could use a shower.”

I liked it so much better when she was on her extended Thanksgiving hiatus.

Rich Lowry says that last night, Obama “inspired no confidence.”

Upchuck Penises (sorry, Ralph Peters) says Obama is Setting Up Our Military To Fail.

Obama’s Surge reiterates (for the cheap seats?) that Obama didn’t say “win” in his speech (“Not once.”), but later (miraculously) it continues, “For now, though, Americans should support the president — his decision, the troops and their mission.” I hope they fire whatever defeatist hippie wrote that.

Rea Hederman (he [!] is a senior policy analyst at The Heritage Foundation) reveals “the real bottom line on Reid’s health reform” which is, naturally, You Will Pay More.

Michelle Malkin reveals that global warming is all made up by liberal monsters (and that she is a hateful shrew).

Google says it will allow media companies to limit access to their paid content.

The Post and The New York Times both allow people to read pretty much the entire newspaper in exchange for an e-mail address. I wonder if this will change that…

Ragtime might be closing on January 3rd. Bye Bye Birdie is mos def closing on January 24th.

The Knicks won! They’re 4-14 now!

But the Nets… oh, the Nets… they play their 18th game tonight. Will their awfulness break records? Fingers crossed!

(although they’ve got a new [male!] coach named Kiki Vandeweghe, so maybe the other team’s giggling will help them win?)

Allen Iverson is playing for the 76ers? Again?

History repeats itself!

Rex Ryan brought Joe Girardi to the Jets’ practice to have him teach Mark Sanchez how to slide.

Hilarious.

The Yankees offered no arbitration to Pettitte, Damon or Matsui (or Hairston Jr., Hinske, Molina and Nady).

I love them all (and would love to see them all return), but the only person I am adamant about seeing in pinstripes next year is Andy (if he doesn’t retire)(again).

Linda Stasi is horrified (shocked, I tell you!) after watching Inside the Mind of Google. “Did you know that no, you do not own your own Google searches?”

Actually, I was aware that Google keeps all of our searches on file, along with all of our gmail and all of our other Google-aided web activities. But I also know that they don’t share it with anyone. Yes, this could change and yes, some third party may become amused (or shocked, I tell you!) by my various “I’m bored” Google searches. But until that happens, I’m happy for the free mail account, the free video chats I can have with my friends across the country, the free web searches and the free videos on their subsidiary YouTube.

Hey, Linda? Did you know that you do not own your own poorly-written columns for the Post?

Hey, BOC! Great news! Fantasia Barrino is getting a new reality show on VH1!

No, it isn’t called Please Read Me This or Learnin’ To Pay M’Bills.

It’s called Fantasia For Real.

I sincerely hope that Disney sues the show for copyright infringement. Or public indecency.

Also making the leap to reality TV is that idiot lady from South Carolina (that narrows it down) who tried to explain why many Americans can’t find their own country on a map during the Miss Teen USA 2007 pagaent.

Look for Caitlin Upton on the next season of The Amazing Race (or, better yet, don’t).

Realizing how strange it would be for her to gush (again) about a reality TV show so soon after declaring the entire genre to be beneath contempt, Michael Starr takes time away from his puzzling Starr Report (today he informs us that Leighton Meester was “hangin’ at the Nylon mag party [1Oak]“ and that “Richie Ornstein’s brother, grappler ‘Wildman’ Jack Armstrong, helped Lou Ferrigno recover from hip/knee surgery”) to tell us (again) how inspirational and wonderful Find My Family is.

Dane Cook will be on The Jay Leno Show tonight.

You have been warned.

Happy Hump Day!

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