Archive for December 9th, 2009

South Carolina, Ladies and Gentlemen.

9th December
2009
written by jed

“He couldn’t do nothing for his self and I couldn’t do but so much.”

Thanks, Alex!

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The Struggle Continues.

9th December
2009
written by jed

MISTRESS: TIGER PAID ME has a follow-up on (are you sitting down?) pages 4 and 5, b’also 6 and 7. Here’s the basics (there are many Tiger Woods-related stories on these 4 pages):

Rachel Uchitel (the first other woman) demands that people stop calling her a whore. Jamie Jungers claims that Tiger paid her for sex (I’m pretty sure that means we’re allowed to call her a whore). Veronica Siwik-Daniels (known in pornographic circles as Joslyn James) considers herself “a full-time mistress” of Tiger’s and was also allegedly paid for the rental of her nethers (also, by definition, a whore). Other tidbits include: Gatorade dropping its Tiger Woods drink, “Tiger Focus” (wouldn’t it have been easier to rebrand it as “Tiger Fucked Us” and market it to all of Tiger’s mistresses?); an Orlando attorney is angry that a Florida prosecutor denied a trooper’s request for a blood sample from Tiger Woods to see if he was driving drunk; and Tiger’s mother-in-law fainted at his house.

And now, some actual news (sort of).

Thanks to the conviction of Joe Bruno, some folks in Albany are proposing some ethics reform in the… form (sorry) of a ban on using state workers for personal business.

But why stop there? How about this: if you are an elected official, that is your ONLY job. You can’t run a side business, you cant be a practicing attorney, you can’t be a man of the cloth. You do the job you were elected to do AND NOTHING ELSE.

Why do I think that that will never ever happen?

Two people were arrested by police for (re-)spray painting those bike lanes in Williamsburg. The two were caught by the Shomrim Patrol (how is that not a TV show yet?) early Monday morning, but the cops let them go. Then the guys decided to post their crime on YouTube.

Congratulations, dummies!

Michael Goodwin starts Bam’s whiny blame game with: “The other day, I wrote that President Obama has ‘run out of both charm and ideas.’ I was too kind.”

Too kind or too dependent on disingenuous hyperbole?

Putz.

Yesterday, Bryant Gumbel (remember him?) told the audience at Live with Regis and Kelly that he had a cancerous tumor removed from his lung two months ago.

Willard Scott still hasn’t stopped laughing (but that’s mostly due to his dementia).

OMG! According to Page Six (today on page 14), Jude Law and Sienna Miller are back together!

And they said it wouldn’t not last…

Nicolas Cage owes $6,300,000 in back taxes.

And he still owes me for the $8.50 I spent on Snake Eyes.

Charles Hurt is back to laugh at all the dummies in Copenhagen. What dummies they are! With their “science” and their “education.” Up yours, hippie dummies!

That bank robber whose note read (in part) “No due packs. No alarms U-R beng wetch.” has been apprehended.

Presumably at a Sarah Palin “book” signing.

A Bronx judge has ordered posthumous DNA testing of Jermaine Williams (former bodyguard for Busta Rhymes) to see if he is the father of a child that was born four months after his death.

Then Busta punched the judge.

The Democrats have agreed (according to this horrible paper) to completely drop the public option from their health-care reform bill.

If this is true, I will never vote again.

As the World Turns has been cancelled. It has been on the air for 54 years. That isn’t a typo. Fifty-four years.

That’s a lot of dopplegangers!

If subpoenaed, the Salahis say they will plead the Fifth Amendment.

I bet the HSC still hasn’t gotten the tapes from Bravo.

Jerks.

Eric Ferguson, 19, punched a nun in the face during a two-week “robbery spree” and will serve 15 years for the crime(s).

You should have beaten your infant stepson to death, Eric! You’d be out by 2015!

Citigroup stock has fallen to $3.91.

The Nets won again! Now they’re 2-19!

They really suck!

Welcome to the New York Yankees, Curtis Granderson. Goodbye, Austin, Phil and Ian.

Barbara Walters’ 10 Most Fascinating People special will feature: Glenn Beck, Lady Gaga, Kate Gosselin, Jenny Sanford (wife of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford), Tyler Perry, Michael Jackson’s three children and Adam Lambert.

This might beat out Lookwell! as the lowest-rated TV show in history.

Also, Babs and I have different definitions of “people.”

Tah-dah.

Thanks to the Public Library for the free wi-fi. Now Jed needs coffee.

Happy Wednesday!

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