How’s that for some good news on a freezing Thursday morn? Also un-greenlit was a remake of 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. Christmas has come 8 days early (what am I saying — it’s Hollywood! Happy Hanukkah!).

That’s it for the good news. Now comes the bad.

It’s a train wreck

* No free student rides * Subway lines dropped * Bus hours shortened * 700 jobs slashed

Subways: No more W and Z lines; the G will end its run at Court Square (at all times); the M will end its run at Broad Street (at all times); wait times for “letter” subways on weekends will increase to 10 minutes (at least); wait times on overnight trains will increase to 30 minutes (at least); an estimated 18 more people are expected in each subway car.

Buses: Say goodbye to the B23, B25, B37, B39, B51, B75, Bx4, Bx14, Bx20, Bx34, M6, M8, M10, M18, M27, M30m, Q26, Q56, Q74, Q75, Q84, X32, and X25. Say goodbye to weekend service for the B2, B4, B7, B16, B24, B48, B57, B65, B69, B71, Bx8, Bx18, Bx30, Bx33, M21, M22, M50, Q14, Q31, Q76, Q79, S42, S54, S57, S60, S76, X27, and X28. And say hello to reduced hours of operation for 47 bus routes (including the B67, B69 and B77, all of which we use).

There are more cuts and reductions — MetroNorth and the LIRR will have service reductions.

As for the 700 layoffs, it reminds me of that joke about the 500 lawyers buried under the sea.

I hate the MTA. Passionately.

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But you didn’t think that was the ONLY front-page story, did you? No, the MTA story (whose follow-up is on page is only 40% of the cover. The other 60%?

TOP DOG!

Tiger named athlete of the decade (and he golfed, too)

The Associated Press named Mr. Woods the Athlete of the Decade. And the Post decided that, especially now that Woods is in a suicidal funk, this was the best way to “report” that. The follow-up (on pages 6 and 7) also informs us that Woods liked to play blackjack (according to one of his numerous/voluminous mistresses) and that (according to his high school sweetheart, Dina Parr) Woods knew about his father’s affairs and that “that was the one thing about his dad that he could never get over.”

Oh, and the divorce is imminent and Elin wants $500,000,000.

Your thoughts, Kyle?

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Page 3 recently had a topless Rihanna. Today, it’s Sarah Palin (thankfully not topless).

She’s wearing a navy blue visor with the McCain campaign logo on it. Which she blacked out with a Sharpie.

What a (freakishly ungrateful) maverick!

Look out, America! She’s still going rogue! You betcha! Death panels! Birth certificate! Thanks… but no thanks (but actually, thanks)!

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Roy Disney, 79, has died.

The news that Wild Hogs 2 wasn’t being made was the last straw.

(it was that and stomach cancer)

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Poster Boy, aka Henry Matyjewicz (the guy who was slicing up ads in subway stations and turning them into hilarious works of subversive art) cut a deal with the DA — 210 hours of community service.

I miss his work(s).

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Senators Chuck Schumer and Kirsten Gillibrand were asked to turn off their cell phones so that the plane they was on could take off, but they ignored the stewardess (“according to a House Republican aide who was seated nearby”). The stewardess asked them to please comply with FAA rules and the Senators got off their phones. Then Schumer called her a “bitch.”

He has since apologized and the stewardess has accepted his apology.

Schumer does New York a lot of good, but he’s also (like just about every other politician ever) a pompous asshole.

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Speak of the devil!

Senator Tom Coburn (guess which party he belongs to) insisted that a 767-page amendment to the health-care proposal be read out loud.

Three hours and 139 pages later, the amendment’s sponsor, Senator Bernie Sanders (I-Vermont) withdrew it.

The amendment called for adding a government-run health-care system to any bill put forward.

That scene in Mars Attacks when the Martians kill everyone in Congress? That’s pornography to me now. That’s what arouses me. Thanks, Washington.

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John McCain’s charmingly stupid daughter Meghan loves that Twitter thingy. Yesterday, she offered this to the people stupid enough to care what she has to say about anything: “I just put a half a bottle of Drano down it and the Drano is foaming and not going down … I am unclear about how to use Drano. I can’t even begin to think about snaking something or plunging. I think I may have messed up my bath.”

If only there were instructions on the back of the bottle…

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Frances Bean Cobain, 17, has filed a restraining order against… Courtney Love.

And how did Love react? Here’s one of her many rambly coo-coo Facebook posts: “I hate to sound cold, but any kid of mine who pulls this shit has lost her position.”

I understand, Kurt. I really do.

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EXCLUSIVE

Brad “I Punched A ‘Woman’ In The Face On The TV!” Ferro tells the Post (exclusively!) that “he was so knocked out on booze that he has no memory of his loutish conduct.”

“I couldn’t believe that I’d ever do anything like that. I was raised to act in a respectful manner to women,” said the guy who punched one in the face.

His attorney said, “I think Brad should be given a second chance to show he is a person of much higher character than has been shown on this video.”

I agree and hope he gets his old job back, too. I mean, it’s not like he punched a woman — as hard as he could — in the face.

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Mandrea!

She says that Diane Sawyer will fail miserably in her new gig as anchor of ABC’s World News (ABC dyin’ with Diane), demands that Chuck Schumer “not be permitted to fly on the taxpayer dime” (Ground Chuck!), hates on the Health Department for their anti-soda ads (ACTING POUND-FOOLISH) and mocks the folks who protested the “Botax” in Times Square recently (Saving face-lifts).

I’m glad she smokes. I wish she smoked more.

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Nancy Pelosi and a “large delegation” are taking one (possibly two!) Air Force jets to Copenhagen for the climate summit.

Therefore, they are hypocrites.

Therefore, global warming is a farce.

Well played, horrible newspaper.

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“The film Nine lived up to its title. Tuesday’s premiere was set for 7:30. And when did Nine actually start? Just before 9. My outfit was out of style before it finally began.”

Cindy Adams, ladies and gentlemen.

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Ziad Tayeh has been cleared of all charges.

His exoneration came after four (4) hours of jury deliberation.

The system works.

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Baggage handlers and check-n staff at Heathrow and Aberdeen airports are now on strike, joining the British Airways cabin crews.

Hope no one I like planned on going to or leaving England any time soon…

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First there was 212. Then came 718. Then 347 (and 917 for cell phones).

A fourth (fifth if you count 917) area code (as yet undetermined) will be introduced in mid-2012.

Beat that, Akron!

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Remember that scary Phillies fan who tried to trade her nasty ass (literally) for some World Series tickets? Charges against her have been upgraded from promoting prostitution to outright prostitution.

Philadelphia, ladies and gentlemen. America’s shame.

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So many letters about how right Ralph Peters is and how full of shit Al Gore is.

America, ladies and gentlemen. America’s shame.

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Citigroup is down to $3.45 a share.

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Is Dan Aykroyd’s Crystal Head Vodka really that good? Or are people paying $50 for the skull-shaped bottle?

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The Nets… lose! Again!

2-24! That’s 0.077%!

Hot garbage!

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The Mets just might be adding a fifth year to their offer to Jason Bay (making it $75,000,000). They may also keep the contract at four years, but offer him $75,000,000 anyway.

And if Bay has never heard of the New York Mets, he might just take it.

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What did Hideki Matsui get from the LAAoA?

$6,000,000 for one year.

I wonder what they would have offered him if he wasn’t the 2009 World Series MVP.

Godspeed, Gojira.

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Is Nick Johnson coming back to the Yankees? Possibly!

If so, Johnny Damon is as good as gone (which I think he already is).

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Bravo issued an online survey yesterday where people were asked to “agree” or “disagree” with various statements about the Salahis. An example: “If a network gave them their own reality show, it would negatively influence my opinion of that network.”

I disagree only because I couldn’t possibly have a more negative opinion of Bravo.

Other statements folks were asked to choose sides on were, “They would make great ‘love to hate’ characters on a reality show” and “Featuring this couple on a reality show would be rewarding their actions” and “Michaele Salahi is great eye candy.”

Congratulations, Bravo. You are the scummiest network on TV (including that new pay-channel co-owned by Spice and NAMBLA).

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Michael Starr forgoes his “column” to pen a shocking exposé: This will be the last season of American Idol.

How does he know this? Because Simon Cowell says this is his last season as an Idol judge and that he’ll move to the American version of his The X Factor in 2011.

Cowell is paid $35,000,000 for each tedious season of Idol he suffers through, but he owns The X Factor (which would mean a lot more money… unless people are tired of watching national talent shows… naaaaah).

What I find odd is that between now and 2011, American Idol will have 7 seasons (or so it seems). Why can’t Simon feign interest for one more year?

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The 2009 World Magic Awards are on Channel 9 tonight at 8:00… or are they?

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Me and the Mrs. are going on holiday starting Saturday.

I’ll write tomorrow, but after that I make no promises.

Happy holidays to you all.

Oh! And even though I will be on the other side of the country, Dog Court is re-defending their title at the Magnet Inferno Sunday night at 9:30. It’s $5 and lots of fun. Please to support these guys. They’re worth your time.

And now, I must away into the freezing cold and return home to cook dinner at call Time Warner. Again.

G’day!