Archive for January 11th, 2010

Return of Mandrea

11th January
2010
written by jed

The Jets (yawn) share the front page with Mr. Conan O’Brien, but only one story is actually front-page news (if it is, indeed, true).

WALK SHOW

Furious Conan ready to quit NBC in Leno mess

The Post’s EXCLUSIVE begins “Conan’s not laughing — he’s walking. The Tonight Show host is sick of the way NBC is treating him as it prepares to move Jay Leno back into the 11:35 p.m. time slot, and is ready to take his act somewhere else.”

Sounds like a done deal to me. Let’s go to pages 6 and 7 (not to be confused with Page Six, which is on page 12 today) and read more about this.

JUST CALL HIM CONAN O’FLYIN’ perpetuates the perception that the Post knows something that everyone else doesn’t. But if you squint real hard-like, you’ll see “O’Brien rep Leslee Dart last night said only that ‘Conan has made no decisions yet.’” Do I think Conan will walk? Prolly. Fox has never been a contender in the late-night talk-show wars, but not from lack of trying. And Conan moved his entire staff to Los Angeles to host The Tonight Show at 11:35, not to host the post-Leno 12:05 Tonight Show (which, as Seth Meyers so brilliantly pointed out, would not actually air “tonight”). Does Leno get more viewers than Conan? Yes. Does Conan get a more desirable demographic than Leno? Yes.

There is absolutely no way for NBC to maneuver out of this without looking like a bunch of idiots (which they have been for a long time now — and stay tuned for Rod “I’m Blacker Than Barack Obama” BluhGOYuhvitch [nice lady] in the new season of The “Celebrity” Apprentice!). I think Fox would be willing to shell out big bucks (and a multi-year contract) to give Conan and his recently-transplanted staff peace of mind — and to reap the rewards of NBC’s stupidity.

Incidentally, wanna know what NBC’s big idea is for their return to dramas in the 10:00 p.m. slot?

Law & Order: L.A. (why didn’t I think of that!)

NBC’s programming chief (Angela Bromstad) told the Post, “Even if, for instance, Law & Order the mothership, didn’t go beyond another couple of years, that way of telling stories is so unique that I actually think it could work in Los Angeles with a new look and a new cast. Also, there is not, other than Southland, a great L.A.-based cop show.”

Oh, you like Southland, too, Angela? I had no idea. Literally.

B’also, could Law & Order: Miami be next?

(as Roger Daltrey) Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

Is there life on Saturn’s ice moon, Encedalus? Or, at least, the means to support micro-organisms? Possibly!

RadarOnline reported that Casey Johnson was buried in New Jersey yesterday.

The Johnson Family immediately denied it.

Never a dull moment for that family, huh?

(good luck in the playoffs)

Ellen Massey was in the upper deck of Shea Stadium on Opening Day in 2007 with her two nephews (all three are Mets fans). A 300-pound drunk guy fell on her, breaking one of her vertebrae and requiring two rods to be inserted in her back.

The Mets have offered nine (9) different defenses, all completely absolving them of blame. They blame the fat guy, they blame their beer vendors and they blame Massey — for not paying attention to what was going on behind her.

Good luck selling out your new stadium, jerks.

Page 4 is a full-page ad for Fox News — “THE MOST POWERFUL NAME IN NEWS”

What’s really depressing is that they’re right. Not the most accurate, not the most even-handed, not the most intelligent, but easily the most powerful.

Harold Ford Jr. has repeatedly claimed to be pro-life and pro-civil unions for gay couples over the years. Then he decided to run in New York. Which is why his spokesman claims Ford is now pro-gay marriage.

An announcement of his new pro-choice stance should hit the airwaves aaaaaaaany minute now…

Remember the 2-page spread in yesterday’s paper that discussed Schumer’s betrayal of Hillary (as written in Game Change)? Well, today there’s a 3-sentence piece in the bottom corner of page 5 (Book: GOP was in Palin panic).

“Panicked GOP operatives forced a crash course on 20th century American history on Sarah Palin because the veep candidate couldn’t grasp basic facts — such as why there’s a North and South Korea, according to a new book.

After John McCain elevated the previously obscure Alaska governor to the No. 2 spot on the 2008 Republican ticket, senior staffers were stunned by her lack of knowledge of historical and diplomatic events, said the authors of Game Change, about the campaign. ‘Her . . . tutors are literally taking her through ‘This is World War I, this is World War II, this is the Korean War,’ co-author John Heilemann told 60 Minutes.”

You betcha.

I almost forgot — Michael “I Hate Mad Men With A Fiery Passion For Some Reason” Starr had a sidebar on the 2-page Conan spread, and he had an EXCLUSIVE of his own: “A person close to Fallon tells me Jimmy ‘won’t rock the boat’ and will do as told, so no worries there.”

A nation exhales. And laughs at Michael Starr.

Congratulations to James Cameron. Avatar is now the #2 movie of all time (behind his Titanic) with roughly $1,340,000,000 in box office receipts(worldwide).

Which I believe finally puts it in the black.

A United Airlines flight from Chicago landed safely at Newark Airport yesterday — despite only having two wheels to land on.

My advice to everyone? Avoid Newark Airport. And United Airlines. And Arby’s.

Fret not, Americans (and New Yorkers in particular)! Maggie Haberman used one of those newfangled touch-screen ballot-readers and it worked just fine.

A nation exhales.

Harry Reid (again, according to Game Change) made some insensitive remarks (in private) about Barack Obama. Obama has already forgiven Reid, but the GOP is calling for Reid’s resignation.

The Fat Reverend Al Sharpton called Reid’s remarks “unfortunate,” but added, “these comments should not distract America from its continued focus on securing health care or creating jobs for its people.”

Remember when Michael Steele said he’d attract minorities to the GOP by telling them “y’all come” and letting them know “I got the fried chicken and potato salad”? Or how he recently used the phrase “honest Injun” on (where else) Fox News?

People who live in houses made of ignorant comments shouldn’t criticize other people’s ignorant comments. Or something like that.

(Sharpton is the voice of reason here? Yikes.)

Jamie Jungers (one of Tiger Woods’ many many former mistresses) has been talking with Sarah Symonds (Gordon Ramsay’s former mistress) “about working on a project together.”

What’s his name? And who’s his wife?

Elijah Wood hosted an eating competition at Epstein’s Bar on the LES the other night.

It was called Lord of the WIngs.

And it made more money than The Lovely Bones.

Mandrea!

She’s terrified that Michael Leiter took his son on a ski trip “hours after the Christmas Day mass-murder attempt” by Jim Carrey-on (A terror analyst who terrifies us).

“Doesn’t it make you feel safe that it took two weeks for this administration to finally get that this is serious? Avoiding terror attacks has been a top-down embarrassment on Obama’s watch, not least because of the roving Leiter, who directs the National Counterterrorism Center — or should I call it the No One’s Home to Counter Terrorism Center?”

I see what you did there, you mannish harridan.

She also takes Jay Leno’s side (Peacock Network? Pea-brain Network!) and throws in “While we’re at it, it’s high time CBS dumped Katie Couric” for good (jealous) measure.

In SEX MESS: LET’S GET FISCAL, BABY, she writes, “The nation’s capital is mired in a sex scandal so tawdry that it’s drawing attention from such important matters of state as the search for the perfect presidential Hawaiian golf course.“ Oddly, she is referring to Peter Orszag and not any of the boy-fondling, gay-sex-soliciting, wife-abandoning-or-beating-and-choking antics of the GOP. Huh.

But her coup de (dis)grace is No glamour in this tragedy.

Mandrea on Casey Johnson: “Her death is a tragedy. A miserable waste. So please, don’t celebrate it.”

Who’s celebrating it (besides Tila Tequila)?

“Even now, Casey’s untimely death is being treated not as the sad and pathetic event that it was, but as a glamorous celebrity happening to which we should aspire — an episode of Great Deaths of the Rich and Famous.”

She died in a mansion overrun by rats and drug paraphernalia… of the many (many) articles I’ve read on the subject, I haven’t seen a single sentence that implied Casey (despite her wealth and celebrity) was anything but miserable. A glamorous celebrity happening to which we should aspire? Looks like someone bought a magnetic poetry set.

“Casey has been commodified, sanitized and held up, not as a self-absorbed basket case who threw away her life like a used tissue, but as a lost soul who, try as she might, could not help herself.”

Wow.

“She sank into a spiral of drugs and desperation over which, her fair-weather friends insisted, she was powerless. I cannot accept that. It was what she wanted.”

WOW.

“And yet, Casey’s death is held up as something beautiful.”

By whom? What are you talking about?

“Anna Nicole Smith. Brittany Murphy. Even Marilyn Monroe all died foolishly young. But being young, beautiful and famous, their unrealized potential is never called what it is: Nothing to celebrate.”

Who is celebrating Brittany Murphy’s death? Do we even know how she died yet? And yet you feel OK calling her death “foolish”?

Shame on you, Mandrea.

NBC has announced that it “will lose money broadcasting the Winter Olympics.”

Maybe they could enter Jay Leno in some of the events?

The Nets lost. Again.

3-34.

Oof.

Aroldis Chapman was scouted by just about every MLB team, but he signed with the Reds for 5 years/$30,000,000. Not bad for a 22-year-old who defected from Cuba last July.

Tomorrow’s entry will be a little late (endoscopy, don’tchaknow), but rest assured — there will be one.

B’also? My friend Miranda is one of the producers of the new Matthew Broderick movie, Wonderful World. If you are physically able to attend a screening (it’s at the Cinema Village on East 12th Street in Manhattan), please do so. Her kid’s gotta eat.

Happy Monday!

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