Archive for January 13th, 2010

Gallagher, Too!

13th January
2010
written by jed

Boy, watching Sarah Palin on The O’Reilly Factor is difficult to do. One of the first words she used in her new position as a Fox News analyst? “Uncomfortable… ness.”

O’Reilly just laughed at the prospect of CNN reporting on health care. After Palin praised Fox for their “fair and balanced” news coverage. Then she said that there is no excuse for what Harry Reid said about Obama (who she thinks is destroying this great country, you betcha). And then she explained why we need to go to war with Iran. Don’t forget Yemen, Sarah!

By the by, Sarah and Bill, not knowing “why there is a North and South Korea” is not the same as knowing that there is a North and South Korea. And not knowing “the nature of your son’s mission in Iraq” isn’t “a bunch of crap” that “the rest of American doesn’t care about.”

And Bill proposed that Palin might run on “The Tea Party Ticket” in 2012. And Sarah demured that she just might do it.

Both of these people need to start falling down stairs. And never stop.

Conan O’Brien and Barack Obama share the cover. CONAN NIXES ‘TONIGHT’ SHIFT (Show stopper) is the smaller piece, leaving more room for Dear Mr. President, WHY DO YOU HATE US? I wish I were kidding. Obama’s disdain for New Yorkers will be examined in Michael Goodwin’s column on page 7. I can’t wait. Actually I can, so let’s see what’s in the paper before that.

Page 2 makes fun of Comptroller John Liu — for the fourth or fifth consecutive day — in Screwy King Liuy tongue-tied; mocks the Working Families Party — who supported Mr. Liu — in ‘Trying’ time for WFP; and throws the Post’s support behind Harold Ford Jr.’s run for the Senate (Go ahead, Harold). Mind you, the paper isn’t supporting Ford — they’re supporting his becoming a candidate, which will lead to more in-fighting in the Democratic Party and further embarrassment for Obama, who is supporting Gillibrand.

“Governor” Paterson’s 15-year-old son, Alex, has been arrested for shooting craps for money (with his fellow Beacon School students) and for having a debit card in his wallet that didn’t belong to him. Another student “mouthed off” to the police as they arrested Alex and he, too, was taken into custody.

Alex and the other student are Black. The three other students shooting craps (they were playing “Cee-lo”) who were let go are all White.

No snake eyes, no peace.

Some science-talkin’ folks at Oxford University claim that “pear-shaped” women have a lower risk of heart and metabolic diseases.

When reached for comment, Kyle Smith whined, “but they’re lazy and ugly!”

A magnitude-7.0 earthquake hit Haiti yesterday. I was going to make a joke about how hard it is to tell which areas were affected by the quake and which always look like that, but it’s too soon.

I do find it odd, however, how many people are tripping over themselves to send money to Haiti — when millions of their fellow countrymen are losing their homes (to banks, not earthquakes).

Dan Rather’s lawsuit against CBS has been laid to rest. Rather, 77, is expected to follow shortly.

Here’s Goodwin.

He calls Comptroller John Liu “King Wacky” in Comptrol freak’s a real Liu-Liu. In Hey, O, terror takes no holiday, he writes “The president, of course, is in no position to complain. Doing a good imitation of Punxsutawney Phil, he stayed hidden in his Hawaii hole until a perfunctory appearance on Dec 28. He then went back to more golf and tennis until after New Year’s Day.”

And again I ask where his outrage was when Bush took 6 days of hiding at his ranch in Crawford. And then went back to letting his war criminal buddy, Dick, run the country.

But, as promised, it’s Goodwin’s cover story that resonates most. NY gave Bam our love — but he despises us begins, “It’s enough to make you think Barack Obama doesn’t love New York. OK, let me be clear: The president of the United States hates us.”

“President” should be capitalized, right? B’also, Goodwin actually says that the POTUS “hates” and “despises” American citizens? Really? Are New Yorkers stupid enough to believe that?

“The only hitch is that New Yorkers aren’t as smart and tough as everybody thinks. Our savvy pugnacity is an urban legend.”

Oh, my God! Michael Goodwin hates and despises New Yorkers!!!

When O’Reilly and Palin fall down those stairs, I hope Goodwin is in their path.

Remember that lady who said that David Copperfield (the illusionist, not the novel) raped her on his private island?

After a 2-year investigation, no charges have been filed. The allegations… disappeared!

Meanwhile, Doug Henning continues to solicit sex from passers-by on his private puddle of urine somewhere in Midtown.

New Jersey’s Legislature wants to legalize medical marijuana, but doesn’t want New Jersians (or whatever they call themselves) to be able to grow that marijuana. Apparently, they’re afraid that pot would become their main industry, displacing Aqua Net and misery.

Charles Hurt has a nice tiny piece about how a Democrat’s TV ad in Massachusetts features “a picture of [Rush] Limbaugh, appearing to give a Nazi salute.”

Wait… now you’re against using Nazi imagery as short-hand for “I don’t agree with this person’s policies”? Like, what Limbaugh has been doing to Obama since before he was elected?

(plays harmonica solo from Dylan’s “The Times They Are A-Changin’”)

Brad Ferro (the guy who punched “Snooki” in the face on Jersey Shore) is being fired by the Department of Education.

Hmmm… firing someone for punching a woman in the face… that sounds like a great idea…

… wouldn’t you agree, Hiram Monserrate?

A report is due in the next few days that will recommend that Monserrate be censured and expelled. Monserrate has vowed that, even if that happens, he won’t give up his seat.

His lawyer, Joseph Tacopina (Spanish for “penis that smells like tacos”), is 100% behind his client (because he’s afraid to stand in front of him).

An NYU professor jumped from his 16th-floor apartment (owned by NYU) to his death last night. His wife had recently given birth to preemie twins.

What is it with NYU and suicides?

The MTA is considering rerouting the B77 bus to make stops along the B75 route (which they are terminating).

It damn well better.

Cybill Shepherd’s son (Cyrus Shepherd-Oppenheim, 22) was arrested after a cross-country flight, during which time he was allegedly going through other passengers’ carry-ons and stealing some of their things.

The TSA responded by banning all carry-on luggage.

Linda Stasi’s SIMON’S A BITTER QUITTER is an anamoly.

“Simon Cowell can declare once a day, every day, for the next year that he didn’t know he was quitting American Idol until the day before the ninth-season debut last night. But you’d have to be Ray Charles not to have seen in the first two minutes of the opener that the guy was lying like a Tiger Woods‘ mistress.”

That would be an excellent way of starting an article, Linda, if the Post hadn’t run an article on Mr. Cowell yesterday that included this: “‘I said years ago that I was going to leave at the end of this contract period,’ Cowell told reporters in Pasadena, Calif. ‘Everyone thought I was negotiating. I was not.’”

Linda Stasi can declare that she’s not an idiot once a day, every day, for the next year, but you’d have to be Linda Stasi to not see what an idiot Linda Stasi is.

From Cindy Adams’ latest: “I had a tooth pulled. Yesterday, brushing the temp, it fell on the floor. Being extremely brilliant, I boiled the thing to make it germ-free. The phone rang. The water boiled out. Adhering to the bottom of the pot, the plastic tooth disintegrated — never ever to be dislodged. Please, do not anyone ask me to smile until next Wednesday.”

Lady, how many signs from God will it take? Also, where were you brushing your teeth that the tooth fell on the floor and not in the sink?

Get in.

Fun fact: that gun buy-back program in the Bronx? This year, you can get $50 for every airgun or BB gun you bring in (maximum payout: $150). According to the Post, “BB guns retail for between $40 and $60.”

Anybody feel like making $30 through arms trafficking?

I’ll never condone murdering a cartoonist for drawing something (or the newspaper that published said cartoon), but I totally see how one might.

Hamas’ TV station aired a 6-minute pilot A Special Mission that featured (according to the caption in the Post) “a giant-nosed Jewish villain slaughtering kids as a Palestinian Authority cop does nothing.” It was a big hit. It got picked up.

But, as disgusting as it is to read about this (and the fact that the sub-head of TOON IN TO HATE is Hamas kiddie TV’s ‘blood-drinking Jews’ — despite there being no mention of the blood-drinking anywhere in the accompanying article), the full-color 1/3-of-a-page photo is worse. The Post cropped it substantially in uploading it to their website, but it’s all I could find. Don’t look at the photo below if you have a weak stomach.



a special mission hamas cartoon




I guess the drop of blood on the chin of the pointy-eared feminine Uzi-toting Jew is where they got the blood-drinking from. Thanks for spreading the propaganda, guys.

It’s like every day the Post tries to out-shitty themselves. And they almost always do.

An editorial on how Obama should butt out of the Gillibrand-Ford race? Oh man! I did not see that coming!

Maggie Gallagher puts down her giant tub of Edy’s Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup ice cream just long enough to complain that health-care reform will weaken marriage because married people would have to pay $1,500 more in taxes (if each person makes $25,000/year) and so many people won’t get married. To save $750.

So, gays can’t get married because it is a sacred institution that must be respected and faggotry is disrespectful, but it’s so meaningless that heterosexuals would prefer $750 to marrying the person they love? That seems… disrespectful to the sanctity of marriage.

“Durdle.”

The Nets (3-34) play the Celtics (26-10) tonight.

I can’t wait!

The Yankees claim that the only money they have left to spend on a left-fielder for the 2010 season is $2,000,000.

Poor Johnny Damon.

I just found out that nine (9) different candidates in Vermont are pushing for secession.

Aw, man… Texas and South Carolina stay and Vermont goes?

Boo.

Happy Hump Day!

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