FATMAN & ROBIN

Super heroes Rex & Boy Wonder will sock it to Colts

And, see, what they did is they put Adam West’s Batman cape and cowl and they superimposed them onto Rex Ryan, who is a fat man. And then, see, they took Mark Sanchez’s head and put it on Burt Ward’s Robin body (though they changed his “R” to an “S”).

It’s like the Post heard my pleas to stop putting obese men yelling on their covers and they decided to continue doing it and also defecate on my childhood for good measure.

I hate you, too, Post. I hate you, too.

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This will end badly for all parties involved.

Burger King is opening a Burger King Whopper Bar in Miami Beach. Cans of Bud, Bud Light, Bud Light Lime and Miller Lite will be sold for $4.25 apiece (or $7.99 for a beer, Whopper and fries combo).

“Mommy, why is that man muttering angrily under his stinky breath?”

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Be on the lookout for female suicide bombers. So says the gub’mint.

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Michael Jackson’s estate was asked by Joe Jackson to provide Joe Jackson with over $15,000/month which, Joe Jackson argued, was what Michael would have wanted Joe Jackson to have.

Michael Jackson’s estate politely declined.

Poor Joe Jackson.

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The “stars” of Jersey Shore are demanding $10,000/episode for each of them. For season 2. Which hasn’t been confirmed yet.

My guess? They have a filing cabinet chock-full of other vacuous scumbags who will happily accept the “few hundred dollars”/episode MTV pays for their dignity. Expect a brand new cast for whatever gets filmed next.

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On January 12,2010, Youval Geringer-Ganot, 56, of Beverly Hills, California, thought it would be clever to ask a Delta employee at JFK Airport if he would hold his bag for him — and that “there is a small bomb in there.”

Oh that Youval Geringer-Ganot. What a card.

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Georgia.

A 12-year-old got bad grades. His mother wanted to punish him so she…

a) forced him to learn to read.

b) called the school to meet with his teachers and find out if she could help them help her child.

c) made him eat a pound of government cheese for every test or quiz he failed.

d) made him take up smoking.

e) made him kill the pet hamster he so dearly loved. With a hammer.

The correct answer is e.

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Guess who lost last night. By 32 points.

The multiple-record-settingly-bad Nets.

3-39.

They “play” Utah tonight.

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Now playing for the New York Mets: Gary Matthews Jr.

The Angels gave the Mets $21,500,000 just to take him off their hands (they got Brian Stokes in the deal, too, though).

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This is funny. You hear this? Have you heard about this?

Jay Leno will be on Thursday’s Oprah.

I wonder what the studio audience will be getting (besides bored and uncomfortable).

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The SAG Awards are tonight.

Betty White will be given a Lifetime Achievement Award.

For acting.

And sagging.

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If anyone has a good hangover cure than doesn’t require movement or noise of any kind, please do let me know. Soon.