This morning was kind of awesome.

Like the five days before it, it started with my walking to Pierre’s and getting a paper. Except today there was a line. Fist in line was a man buying his groceries (unnerving). Then there was the woman carrying her tiny dog in a baby sling. The dog was wearing a sweater and cap. In a baby sling.

I stood in the line of three and wondered why the woman even bothered taking the dog out of the apartment in the first place; this couldn’t be described (in any language) as taking the dog for a walk. The woman turned and smiled at me. I smiled back and decided to look at the paper I was waiting to buy. Most of the front page is devoted to that knucklehead Obama (in reference to his recent Q & A with the GOP where they showed America that they’d rather hit their talking points than engage in rational discourse and he reminded America that a Harvard Law Degree makes you real smart-like? Of course not — it’s about the 9/11 trial possibly moving to Gitmo [GIT-D'OH!].). But on top of that is a picture of a dog (the exact same kind this woman was cradling) with the headline Does your dog really need a coat?

I saw that, chuckled, and looked back up to see the woman, her smile rapidly fading as she scanned the headline that made me chuckle. Her eyes darted back up at mine, as if to say, “Oh, is that what you think? That my dog shouldn’t be dressed like people?”

I mentally patted myself on the back for remembering to wear tinted sunglasses as the woman swiveled around, offering me a view of her back. The man left with his groceries and the woman spent a good solid minute making baby noises as “Pierre” (or, as I call him, Gort) played along in broken English.

It might have been my imagination, but I think I heard the woman “hmph!” at me as she exited with her bagel.

So thank you, Post, for the unintentional comedy that unfolded today. And all before I had a chance to sip my coffee.

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(starts reading paper)

I take it back. This newspaper is a jerk.

The continuation of the (main) cover story is on pages 4 and 5 and contain plenty of awful mini-pieces under a hilarious banner headline (BAY WHAT? GITMO EYED FOR KHALID). Rich Lowry’s A sheik-up call for O’s Justice joker is not, sadly, about The Joker. It’s also, sadly, written by Rich Lowry (who coins the new nickname for the idea of holding the trial in Manhattan — “Holder’s Folly”).

Osama blows eco-smoke reveals that Osama bin Laden’s latest video tape contains his views on global warming:

“This is a message to the whole world about those responsible for climate change and its repercussions — whether intentionally or unintentionally — and about the action we must take. Speaking about climate change is not a matter of intellectual luxury. The phenomenon is an actual fact.”

Great. So now if you believe in global warming, you’re on bin Laden’s side. Score.

Grim new WTC sift says that anthropologists will soon start sifting through Ground Zero debris to find more human remains. No word on why this sifting of debris (the last one took place in 2007) is considered grim (as opposed to jejune or  randy — maybe because it reminds us of the gaping wound that remains at Ground Zero?).

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Page 2 must be a typo — Obama’s Medicaid boo$t for weak NY claims that Obama plans on raising the amount of money New York will get for Medicaid in 2011 by 6.2%. The article also says that $25,000,000,000 in additional Medicaid money will be made available to the 50 states, but not who gets how much.

Because this is a horrible newspaper.

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Loverboy Eliot lacks mojo: gals begins, “Memo to Eliot Spitzer: Leave the romance advice to Ashley Dupre.”

Memo to The New York Post and all the women they interviewed who scoffed at Spitzer offering advice on love (folks like Ebony Ruffin, 29, who said, “It’s ridiculous. He needs to sit down and be quiet. No one values his take on love. It’s like he wants more attention.”): Ashley Dupre is a whore (pronounced “who-err”). How about you seek advice from someone who didn’t fuck strangers for money? How about you not value the “take on love” of an admitted whore?

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Page Six (today on page 10) reports that Kyle Smith has seen Joel Schumacher’s new movie (Twelve) at Sundance and that it stinks. I can report that I saw his last movie (Town Creek, aka Blood Creek), which was about Nazi vampire zombies that can resurrect the dead — even dead horses — and it stinks.

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Ah… the Obama-vs.-the-GOP Q & A session is on page 12 (Prez vs. GOP is a rip-roaring bout). But it’s an Associated Press article, which means that Churley Hurt isn’t accusing Obama of being an elitist jerk. So… what’s the point of reading it?

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The NFL has issued cease-and-desist letters to t-shirt makers who have been producing shirts that say “WHO DAT?”

The NFL claims they own “WHO DAT?”

The XFL, on the other hand, is still patiently waiting for “HE HATE ME” to catch on and encourages anyone that wants to co-opt the odd slogan to do so.

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Ronald Radosh writes a lovely op-ed about Howard Zinn (The History of Zinn) wherein he explains that the recently-departed historian “preferred propaganda” to facts and that his contention that history wasn’t about “understanding the past” but, rather, “changing the future” “should have disqualified him anyone from referring to him as a historian.”

Classy.

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L. Brent Bozell III’s Feminist Fury at Super Bowl ‘Choice’ bemoans all of the “feminists” who are angry about the Super Bowl ad that CBS accepted from Focus on the Family. Bozell says the decision “caused a firestorm with the radical Left because that group is proudly Christian.”

Hey, L. Brent? How do you and your proudly Christian buddies feel about two men kissing in an ad? It’s against Jeebus, right?

B’also? It isn’t just the radical Left and feminists who find it in poor taste to broadcast an anti-abortion ad during the Super Bowl, but not allow any homos to promote gay dating sites.

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The Nets’ recent winning streak ends at 1.

They lost last night to Washington — by just 2 points! — bringing their total number of games won in 2010 to 1 and giving them a win percentage of 8.9%.

P.U.!

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This is kind of sad.

Johnny Damon — who refused a 2-year/$14,000,000 contract with the Yankees earlier in this off-season — has started sounding like a battered wife.

“I’m not ruling out New York, whenever it is, whether I start the season with them, or whether they trade for me at the deadline, or if they sign me next year, or what not. I love New York.”

1) White people, even those with Indian blood, aren’t allowed to use “what not” (except ironically).

2) You aren’t starting the season with the Yankees.

3) The Yankees aren’t going to trade for you at the deadline.

4) The Yankees prolly aren’t going to sign you next year.

“I definitely thought there would be more talks monetarily-wise with the Yankees,” Damon also said.

I wish he was still a Yankee, too. But, unlike Damon, I’ve moved on.

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CBS will be airing a 2005 TV movie starring Keri Russell and Skeet Ulrich tonight. You have been warned.

Happy Saturday!