Sorry for the delay (expect another one tomorrow — I’m attending an advance screening of The Wolfman in the early morning and won’t get to write until the late afternoon). Much to discuss.

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Mystery woman turns heads on the L.I.E. is one of the giant headlines today, superimposed on a photo of what appears to be a mannequin. YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHO insists the sub-head. And a quick flip to page 3 reveals… it’s a mannequin.

Wrong again, Post.

Kathleen Frascinella put a mannequin in her passenger seat (not a euphemism) to drive in the carpool lane, but an eagle-eyed sheriff’s officer noticed it was wearing sunglasses… on an overcast day!

Frascinella was given a $135.00 ticket. Front. Page. News.

The other front-page story is the stink being raised over “Governor” Paterson’s recent awarding of the video lottery casino at Aquedauct to the company of a friend of his — despite his buddy’s bid being $100,000,000 lower than a competitor.

Now that’s good ethics reform! Good luck luck against Cuomo, Magoo!

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B’also? Last month, Paterson said next year’s budget gap was projected at $7,400,000,000.

Looks like a January shortfall might make that $8,150,000,000.

Possibly even $8,400,000,000.

Oopsie-doodle.

On the plus side, I know where the city could get $100,000,000 really easily.

And 20% of New Yorkers will be on Medicaid by March.

And that’s before Kommisar Obama socializes your grandma at the death panels.

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Stunning signs of brain activity in the ‘vegetative’ is great news for relatives of fans of Two and a Half Men.

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When I say that the MTA are war criminals, you probably think I’m kidding. But you’re probably wrong.

On the heels of multiple reports that the MTA half-asses their numerous projects, gives them — at absurdly high prices — to morons and then rehires the morons to do more work that they’ve already proven they’re incapable of doing (I haven’t the time, patience or stomach to repeat them all here), comes the newws that there might be MORE service cuts and HIGHER fare hikes in 2011. Why?

“‘As far as a fare increase, the amount of money we expected from certain revenues are not coming into effect. And the conditions upon which we agreed to keep the fare hike at 7.5 percent could be impacted,’ one board member said.

‘When we agreed to the bailout, we agreed to certain revenues,’ the board member added. ‘Forget that they’re not coming in 2010 — those revenues also aren’t coming in 2011.’”

“Revenues… revenues… revenues… enthusiasms…” he continued. “A construction worker sits alone in a break room… this is the time for what? For individual sloth. There he sits alone… being paid to literally do nothing… but in the transit system, what? Part. Of. A. Team of sloths. Farts, scratches himself, burps, insults minorities, signs up for overtime — part of one big team. Naps himself the live-long day then goes home and beats his wife… Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb and so on. If his team does work, what is he? You follow me? Someone! Someone doing something! Fuck that noise; he’s union.”

Another board member said, ‘Albany did not deliver on what they thought they were delivering. That whole contract of no service cuts and 7.5 percent fare increases, it’s unfair to say the MTA should continue meeting that.’”

Such victims they are.

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Storm’s a-comin’.

Starting Friday night and going into Saturday afternoon, New York and New Jersey are going to get a blizzard (and not the Dairy Queen kind). “Potentially paralyzing” is how AccuWeather characterizes the impending snowfall.

That means me and the Mrs. will make a snowman in the park on Saturday. Sweet!

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He says he did it because demons told him to, but nighbors say that Daniel Ignacio set that fire because the Chan family always left their stroller in the hallway. That’s what he set fire to (he was allegedly too drunk [and/or possessed by {or under the guidance of} demons] to realize the fire would spread).

The mother died and her 2-month-old daughter (who the carriage was for) now has a fractured skull.

Let’s not send him back this time. Let’s drop him in a well here in the good ol’ U.S. of A.

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J.Lo and her husband, Emaciated Hispanic Frankenstein Marc Anthony used to own a German shepherd. It bit three people and they got rid of it in 2007. He was sent to a “K9 training facility” and ended up with The West Wing’s NiCole (not a typo) Robinson. The dog just bit someone else.

The dog’s name? Floyd Von Meierhof.

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Only 8% of online teenagers use Twitter.

(wipes proud tear from eye)

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Did John Edwards beat Elizabeth Edwards?

“‘When [John] made the decision to hit me, it was over,’ a friend said Elizabeth told her.”

Some friend. B’also, which one am I supposed to hate more now?

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Oh, What A Feeling To Drive… Toyota!

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Mandrea!

She hates on the teachers union (The state of this union is rotten) and Janet Napolitano (She said the t-word! Sanity hits Planet Janet), but the bulk of her page is devoted to an legitimately amusing story about Target (Where Israel did get wiped off map).

Devrian Global Industries of New Jersey (*snicker*) imports “tens of thousands” of globes from China and one miniature model in particular was for sale exclusively at Target stores (they have 1,744 stores in every state but Vermont). The globe sold thousands of units before someone noticed that the spot that should say “Israel” instead says “Palestine.”

I think I know how this happened. Pay attention to this gentleman’s name:

“‘Obviously, it was a mistake. We obviously offended some people. Now we’re pulling them off the shelves,’ said chief merchandising officer Larry Fine.”

I love it when stories provide their own punchlines.

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A source close to A-Rod says he broke up with Kate Hudson because she was “too clingy.”

And not, as was previously assumed, because she didn’t look enough like this:

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Jerry Lewis and Richard Belzer were seen having lunch together. I imagine the conversation went something like this:

“Oh, Richie BAY-by, you have to try this kasha.”

“Yeah. Great, Jerry.”

“Did I ever tell you about the time Dean and I went to Tiajuana?”

“Llllllemme think. Yyyyyyyeah. Yeah. You did. A lot.”

“I’m so lonely, Richard.”

“Yeah. Great.”

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“She hates when I’m messy when it has to do with her nice stuff. Like, I can’t throw my jacket on the Marilyn Monroe piano — but I do.”

That’s Nick Cannon assuring me that my lack of faith in his marriage to Mariah Carey is wholly justified.

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Elton John paid $2,100 at Barney’s for a single pair of shoes? That is so gay.

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Rip Torn on writing his autobiography (according to Cindy Adams): “I was born Feb. 6, but in my memoir, which I’m now writing in longhand, I’m claiming Feb.8 because that’s Jimmy Dean Day.”

Someone is laying the groundwork for an insanity defense (and someone else needs to get in the box).

Fun fact: Rip Torn and Sissy Spacek are cousins!

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The baton (or “asp” as it is unfortunately known in po-po circles) that was allegedly inserted into Michael Mineo during an arrest has been found to have traces of three men’s DNA on it — and Mineo might not be one of them.

The DNA could be other cops’ sweat, skin, saliva…

… or it could be the blood of three other people who had the misfortune to be arrested by a sexual deviant.

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A federal appeals court has ruled that New York City is allowed to limit the number of billboards in its parks and on its roadways.

Which is bad news for

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Two full pages on the ‘Bling Ring’ (STAR SNATCHER’S WILD LOOT TALES) and Alexis Neiers in particular (plus a nice sidebar on newly-revealed celebrity hoarder, Lindsay Lohan [Lindsay's heaps of 'garb'-age]!). The caption for the photo of Alexis, her mother and her sister contains three phrases that hurt my soul.

“{Alexis Neiers, at right with sis Gabrielle and mom Andrea in a Vanity Fair shoot}, {is making a reality show} and {sees herself as “Angelina Jolie, but even stronger.”}

Say hello to my two buddies, Cut and Paste!

“She told the magazine that she sees herself “being like an Angelina Jolie, but even stronger, pushing even harder for the universe and for peace and for the health of our planet. God didn’t give me these talents and looks to just sit around being a model or being famous. I want to lead a huge charity organization, I want to lead a country, for all I know.”

[JEDITOR'S NOTE: That bears repeating: "I want to lead a huge charity organization, I want to lead a country, for all I know."]

“She has become the subject of an upcoming E! reality show about the party life she lived with her childhood pal, Playboy model Tess Taylor. A camera crew filmed her arraignment and a makeup artist was even seen working on her as she waited to go before a judge. Neiers admitted to Vanity Fair that she was with Prugo, Lee and others, including Tamayo, when they went they broke into Bloom’s home and stole some $500,000 in valuables, but claimed she wanted out.

‘What are you doing?’ she said she yelled when she saw the theft. ‘Get me the fuck out of here!’

Prugo told Good Morning America about the crime wave: ‘Now that I look back, I realize how serious it was. Looking back, it scares me to death.’”

If only.

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A frightened dog wound up on the autobahn in Germany. So the police ran it over (rather than close the highway to traffic). Then they sent the owner a $400 bill for the damages to the police car that killed his dog.

Which can only mean that Germany and China are up to something… mark my words…

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Regurgitant Members’ (sorry, Ralph Peters‘) Terrorizing Terrorists applauds the One thing Obama’s doing right.

“As the administration fiddles and fumbles with its soft-on-terror policies at home, one Obama-blessed campaign abroad is hitting al Qaeda and its franchises hard: the drone war.”

“Obama-blessed” is a nice nod to the meme that Democrats think he’s the second coming of Jesus, thus ensuring that even a complimentary article will be slathered in insulting condescension. Case in point (again): “Yeah, we may (theorectically) lose some intelligence by not waiting years for an uncertain opportunity to capture these terrorist kingpins . . . but there’s no Gitmo issue or any warm bodies for Attorney General Eric Holder to hug. And no dead terrorist has ever blown up an airplane.”