‘I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH THAT WOMAN’ is the full-page headline on today’s cover. The quote is attributed to “Governor” Paterson and the accompanying paragraph begins, “Gov. Paterson pulled a Bubba yesterday…”

The reference is to Bill Clinton, who also denied having sex with a not-his-wife lady. But we all know Clinton did have sexual relations with that woman. Which makes me think that the Post purposely created the phrase “pulling a Bubba” as a legal way of saying “despite his objections, we totally know that Paterson’s doing that not-his-wife lady” despite there being far less evidence (and none of it damning) that an affair exists with Paterson than there was of The Lewinsky Affair (patent pending).

The two-page follow-up is more about his frustrated denials of “tales of affairs & drugs“ than the actual tales themselves. Giant red flag, no?

Even Frederic, you dicker (sorry, Fredric U. Dicker) points out that Rick Lazio (he’ll prolly be the GOP’s gubernatorial candidate running against Cuomo) has told the press that they have “a moral obligation to stop the drama anf the psychological warfare on Gov. Paterson.”

Which I read in a newspaper that credits him with “pulling a Bubba” on the front page.

Which I call “pulling a Rupert.”

---

Page 2.

It’s the ‘F’#@! line

Nightmare shutdowns for B’klyn subway

“…the beleaguered F line will be completely shut down… for at least seven different weekends over the next 11 months.”

And I bet they still won’t charge people to ride the shuttle buses, making them more crowded and less profitable (actually, with no income they’d be operating at a loss, justifying future service cuts).

War criminals.

---

According to a study of 60,000 people in Singapore, “People who consume two or more sugary soft drinks a week have a much higher risk of pancreatic cancer.”

Don’t worry! They’re making smaller cans!

---

Three coyotes were spotted at Columbia University on Sunday morning.

Another was seen walking in Central Park on Sunday.

I hope they caught the people the coyotes were smuggling in — they’re taking our jobs!

---

It’s Hiram or fire-him day for Senate reminds us that John Sampson promised to resolve this issue before the state Senate’s President’s Day weekend break (which starts tomorrow for some reason).

(crosses fingers)

---

Remember when AccuWaether promised that “potentially paralyzing” blizzard last week (which ultimately blanketed NYC with a couple of inches of snow)? Well, they’re doing it again.

It’ll start tonight and end tomorrow but “Up to 12 inches expected to fall.“

I can’t wait for those overcrowded shuttle buses!

---

Remember the guy who allegedly killed a woman and then sent text messages to her family claiming to be her (and framing her boyfriend for her murder)? They caught him.

Evan Ganthier, 30, has confessed to stabbing Rebecca Koster four times (in the chest), throwing her in his car’s trunk, driving (via ferry) to Connecticut and set her body on fire.

Lock him up and throw away the key. Then torch the cell.

---

What?

WHO SPENDS WHERE breaks down where a married couple with two kids and a single man spend their money in the five boroughs.

For a single man in The Bronx (which is fairly large), the top restaurants are Starbucks, Blue Bay and Applebee’s. Blue Bay is where my maternal grandfather ate dinner at least once a week for decades. It’s a tiny Greek diner in Riverdale. In my family, Blue Bay is the punchline to many a restaurant-themed joke. I still have nightmares about the chicken parmigiana I ordered there as a teenager.

That has to be a typo.

---

Nice x-ray of a Saints fan’s throat on page 14.

She swallowed a fleur de lis earring when she tried to take her vitamin supplements in the dark.

Who Dat? A moron.

---

Beer (“particularly pale ale”) builds strong bones.

Which you are more likely to break when drunk.

---

OMG! Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are back together!!! They spent her birthday together in Cabo San Lucas!!! There are photos even!!!!

And by some bizarre coincidence, their movie, The Bounty Hunter, opens on March 19th!

WHAT ARE THE ODDS???1??

---

According to Page Six (today on page 16), Shepard Smith (a Fox News Channel staple) got a free sample of gelato from the Maximo Pino Café on 13th Street and 6th Avenue, then left without buying anything.

Based on what I’ve heard about Smith (coupled with the neighborhood this occurred in), I bet he just wanted to get a bad taste out of his mouth.

A bad taste… named Ramón.

---

Today, Cindy Adams channels her long-dead husband Joey, who used to have a column in the Post that made Larry King’s read like Shakespeare

“So cold in DC that a 33rd Degree Mason dropped down to 10 degrees… Cold? Our Superman president nearly froze his ‘S’ off…”

I bet she’s wearing Donna Karan; her humor also has a certain DK about it.

---

Ex-NYPD Commissioner Bernie Kerik has been labelled a flight risk by the prosecutors in his case.

Hilarious (when you consider that Kerik will be out in a year and he’ll be isolated from the other prisoners and he’ll probably have cable TV and frequent visits from 9iu11ani).

---

Mrs. Tiger Woods has given Mr. Tiger Woods six months to prove that he has been sexually rehabilitated.

Ruh-diculous.

---

Technicolor Yawn Schvantzes (sorry, Ralph Peters) rips into the Obama administration for “playing politics with fear” (MIRANDA WRONGS). “Let’s strip out the politics and lay out the facts from an intelligence professional’s perspective:

* The administration claims Abdulmutallab is now cooperating. That’s either dishonest or idiotic or both.”

That’s not a very intelligent intelligence professional’s perspective, Ralph. You’re either a moron or a moron or both.

---

Rich Lowry writes a cushy fluff piece on the Tea Party Movement (Tea-Party Leaves) that ignores Palin’s cheat sheet (though he describes her speech as “rapturously recieved”) and Tancredo’s call to take the vote away from minorities. It also ignores sentence structure.

“In her convention keynote address, Sarah Palin said that ‘in many ways, Scott Brown represents what this beautiful movement is all about.’ She spoke about the new Massachusetts senator — who is pro-choice, shrugs at gay marriage and amassed a record in the state Senate that makes him look like Noam Chomsky compared with most of the convention attendees. He is lionized nonetheless.”

If the “–” in that second sentence were a comma, then it’d make sense. But, as published — and reprinted on the NYPost website — it appears that Lowry didn’t finish his thought.

Great job!