Spring training begins today! The Yankees are in Tampa and, as someone who cares not for hockey, basketball, football, soccer, the Olympics, wrestling or boxing, I couldn’t be happier. Do it again, boys.

But Spring fever (and the sexy photo of sexy Derek Jeter being sexy) are only part of today’s front page. FROM BID TO WORSE lets us know that AEG estimated their revenue projection for the slots at the racino at $2,900,800,000. That was $400,000,000 less than SL Green’s estimate — and the lowest estimate of all firms bidding. Then “Governor” Paterson told everyone to revise their bids. Every single firm’s projection stayed the same… except AEG. Their estimate went up to $3,614,300,000,000.

That doesn’t seem odd to me. You?

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The conversion of the Farley Post Office into the Patrick Moynihan train station will begin (just 10 years after Chuckie Schumer started the ball rolling!), now that the feds kicked in $83,300,000 (bringing the total to $267,000,000).

It’ll be finished by 2015.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(wipes tear from eye)

2015. That’s funny.

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Critical Mass has reached critical mass (City wins bike battle).

Manhattan federal judge Lewis Kaplan cited the “city’s substantial interests in safety, efficiency and traffic flow” in ruling that groups of 50 or more bicyclists will have to get a parade permit for their rides.

Why do I have a feeling that the folks who take part in Critical Mass won’t abide by this ruling?

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Steven Mandala, 29, told Merrill Lynch that he was a partner at Maxim Group. He wasn’t. He did work there (from 2004 to early 2009), but as a $100,000/year broker. He told Merrill Lynch he was a partner who managed $300,000,000 in client assets. He gave them fake pay stubs and fake tax forms and they hired him.

Then — on April 24, his first day at his new job — he asked them for a $780,000 loan. And they gave it to him. And he bought a $250,000 Ferrari. And intermittently showed up at work. He resigned on June 29th.

Is Merrill Lynch too stupid to fail?

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Hey, everyone! It’s Churlie Hurt! He’s back with Evan’s bye-bye a rebuke to Dems, and it’s everything you’d expect from an idiot.

“…Evan Bayh has emerged — soul apparently intact”

“Could anyone deliver a more crushing rebuke of the Democratic reign we have seen over the past 13 months?”

When Charles Hurt complements a Democrat, you need to look closer at that Democrat. Bayh is not the centrist that everyone says he is. His wife is on the board of WellPoint and was paid over $350,000 in 2007. WelPoint is the company that just raised their rates 39% (38% in Bayh’s home state of Indiana, where he works for the common man) as they paid exorbitant bonuses to folks like Director William H.T. Bush (brother of George H.W. Bush). Mrs. Bayh’s annual salary (sorry, “director’s fees”) is currently estimated at well over $1,000,000.

I take back my prediction of an Obama/Bayh ticket. Support from Hurt is enough to make me dislike Bayh intensely.

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Goodwin!

He calls Obama “The Decider” (isn’t that the retarded cowboy’s nickname?) in Tough talk isn’t worth Hill of beans and laments that Iran is going to kill us because our POTUS is an effete pussy (I’m paraphrasing).

He also attacks Bloomberg (Mike blew his chance to bite back at Biden) for not making the following offer: “If Biden and Obama would be willing to move their wives and children here and subject them to the same risk of a terror attack they demand millions of innocent New Yorkers face, then the trial is welcome.”

Really, Mike? You’d stop screaming about the trials if the Obamas and Bidens came to town? Really? Seems bluffy to me.

But today’s crown jewel is Holder’s Tali-fan club, reprinted below in its entirety.

“The capture of the Taliban’s second- in-command is fantastic news — unless Attorney General Eric Holder forces interrogators to read him his Miranda rights. If that happens, I say we give Holder to the Taliban and call it even.”

And I say we push Goodwin down some stairs.

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Robert Pattinson did a photo shoot where he was surrounded by naked women. And what did the heartthrob have to say about it?

“I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vagina.”

Does this mean that Kristen Stewart has a penis? The Twilight saga just got interesting…

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Is Gerard Butler cheating on Jennifer Aniston?

How could anyone not?

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According to Page Six (today on page  11), Andrew Dice Clay is staging a tour celebrating the 20th anniversary of The Adventures of Ford Fairlane. He claims that some of his co-stars in the film (Billy Idol and Shiela E.) have expressed interest in joining the tour (?) and he hopes that Priscilla Presley (??) and Ed O’Neill (um, he has a career still, Diceman) will join them.

Hickory dickory dock,

Double-check the clock.

Your time has expired,

Your act became tired

And the chick was all like “OH!”

(smokes cigarette in a goofy fashion)

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Q-list celebrity feud!!!

Kelly Osbourne vs. Peaches Geldof!!!

Everybody wins!!!

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Cindy Adams has a “note” for “Kevin Smith, that chunky filmmaker”: “Remember the 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not weigh more than the refrigerator.”

What is keeping this relic (what some might consider) alive?

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Andrew Cuomo calls Hiram Monserrate’s attempt to hold onto his Senate seat “dangerous” and “absurd.”

How gubernatorial!

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Police are looking for the boyfriend of the Rev. Fat Al Sharpton’s daughter (who was recently arrested for driving erratically and cursing out the po-po) for punching her in the mouth and shoving her out of a parked car yesterday.

Hitting a woman is never OK. But I’m not convinced that Dominique Sharpton is a woman.

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The winner of Best in Show at the 134th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show:

Sadie the Scotty!

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Lance McGraw saved a straphanger who had fainted and fallen on the tracks at the Eighth Avenue station in Brooklyn. He jumped onto the tracks and helped pull Rosie Rittenberry to safety as an N trian approached.

And where was he when Justin Grace fell onto the tracks? Nowhere, that’s where.

Jerk.

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If only he was being ironical.Paul L. Whiteley Sr. of Louisville, Kentucky, writes in to complain about hiw special interests have destroyed “how we do politics.”

“Republicans should designate Rush Limbaugh to be one of the representatives to speak for them at the health-care summit. He is the omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent voice of the Republican Party. No one articulates what the GOP is all about better than Limbaugh.”

Bill Ahearn of Brooklyn writes in to say, “The Democrats wanted President George W. Bush to fail in Iraq so badly they did everything short of selling terrorist war bonds.”

In the land of people who read the Post, I am king.

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Maggie Gallagher is the president of the National Organization for Marriage (or NOM NOM NOM, as I call it) blames the current state of Washington on a “culture war.”

If her side wins, we’re fucked (you betcha).

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Steve Cuozzo gives the Russian Tea Room four zeros (wait… what?).

Not “zero stars” or “one nyet” or “four zeroes,” but “four zeros.”

Bozhe moi!

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The Nets beat Charlotte 103-94! The Search For Five Wins is over!

The Struggle For Six Wins begins!

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Chien-Ming Wang is now a Washington National, just like Brian Bruney.

Godspeed, ex-Yankee hurlers.

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Kevin Eubanks, 52, is quitting his job as Jay Leno’s bandleader. Not before the Tonight Show returns in March, but soon thereafter. The current frontrunner to replace him?

Darius Rucker a.k.a. Hootie (of Blowfish fame).

How many reasons can NBC give me to not watch this show?

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Modern Family is a repeat tonight. As was House earlier this week. Sigh.

Morning rehearsal got bumped to Friday, so I can actually do some housework before my afternoon and evening appointments. Hot damn! Everything’s comin’ up Milhouse!

Later, gators.