Archive for February 24th, 2010

Dry Mouth, Wit.

24th February
2010
written by jed

Had dinner (and two bottles of wine) with Rachael Mason last night. Hours of wonderful merriment (featuring Teresa’s famous seafood soup) followed by sleep and waking up with a throbbing hangover. Thank God my afternoon rehearsal was cancelled (my only notes would have been “that scene was too loud” and “improvise me a bucket STAT”).

Hopefully my coffee will help me get through this. Lord knows the Post will only make it worse.

JAIL FOR THE GIRL WHO CRIED RAPE is today’s cover story. Biurny Peguero Gonzalez claimed that William McCaffrey raped her in 2005. He didn’t, but he was convicted and spent almost four years of his life in prison as a convicted rapist.

He’s now free (thanks to new DNA evidence that proved his innocence) and Gonzalez has been convicted of perjury (her priest convinced her to come forward with the truth last year). Her sentence? One to three years.

What a crock of shit. At the very least, she should serve what McCaffrey served. And fine her the court costs for the original trial and this one. If you waste the court’s time, you should pay their bills.

She’ll be eligible for parole in a year. Shame on Gonzalez and shame on Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Charles Solomon.


Tony Kornheiser made fun of fellow ESPN employee Hannah Storm’s outfit (“She’s what I would call a Holden Caulfield fantasy at this point” among other comments) and was suspended for two weeks.


The Post describes him as an “ogre” and a “jerk,” and his comments as “catty” and “crude.”

I hope today’s paper has more about Tiger Woods’ jowls.

There was a protest at the city’s Department of Health yesterday for Shiraj Islam (and all street vendors).

Give Vendors A Break! was the most popular sign, but kudos to We Need to Pee just like everyone else and HEY, HEALTH DEPARTMENT PISS Off

Had I known about the rally, I would have brought my Let Me Sell Nuts B’Also Empty M’Nuts When Necessary! sign.

Tomorrow and Friday are possibilities for mo’ snow.

AccuWeather says to expect 6 to 10 inches.

Then AccuWeather’s wife rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath.

There’s a small piece on page 6 (not to be confused with Page Six) about complaint forms being submitted regarding tollbooth attendants on the NJ Turnpike (Collectors’ rage takes toll).

If you have a few minutes (and a strong stomach), take a gander at the thirty (30) examples posted at The Smoking Gun (click here).

Five appeals-court judges are fighting for Lynne Stewart to serve more than the 28 months she was given for smuggling messages to and from terrorists.

That’d be nice (she’s a horrible person).

Great photo on page 7 of Rep. Gregory Meeks and Assemblywoman Barbara Clark and NOAH-F board member Mortimer Lawrence holding up an oversized novelty check for $11,210. It was raised at a benefit concert for Katrina victims. But no one seems to know where that money went (BETTER CHECK AGAIN FOR LOST ‘CANE $$).

If no one ends up in prison for all of this, then we need to seriously rethink our justice system.


After just four hours of deliberation, Natavia Lowery was found guilty of murdering Linda Stein. But Lowery’s stepfather insists that she “is innocent. This is the kind of case that will be back. We are preparing an appeal.”


He either really loves his stepdaughter or he really wants to meet Al Sharpton.

The city is proposing the doing away with of “rubber rooms” for teachers. Their suggestion is that once a teacher is accused, they are suspended without pay. If they are found innocent, they get all of their back pay.

Sounds fair to me.

Goodwin!

Ford keeps his pedal to the metal spends a lot of time trying to convince me that Harold Ford Jr. (who still hasn’t announced his candidacy) is happy with the current polls (Gillibrand is beating him 2-to-1).

I can’t wait for it to be an actual story!

Tune in to help keep KSM trial out is an ad for the WOR 710 talk radio special that Goodwin will be a part of tomorrow. Miss it if you can.

Call it ‘Ho (hum), Canada’ complains that when Canada is your “most worthy opponent” in the Olympics, “it’s like beating your cousin in checkers.” I guess Mike has stupid cousins? Must run in his family.

Baring the Bam myth reveals that Obama doesn’t care about what America thinks (he’s a jerk like that). And that “the vast public rejection of the [health-care] overhaul, the clear message of the upset Republican victory in the Massachusetts Senate race, are being ignored.”

Goodwin’s wife is Jennifer J. Raab, who serves as the President of Hunter College, whose Office of Admissions’ mission statement claims that the school “embraces the College’s commitment to create an educational environment of the highest quality.”

Which must mean that Goodwin isn’t allowed on campus.


People are very (rightfully) angry at Toyota.


But what’s the alternative? Buying a Kia? A Hyundai? An American car?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Thousands of misdemeanor convictions might have to be thrown away.

An appeals court just ruled that Bronx Chief Judge Judith Kaye had “no legal standing” to merge the Bronx Criminal Court and the Bronx Supreme Court in 2004 and that it was “unconstitutional.”

Things are about to get real ugly in the Bronx.

Marvell Scott used to be the WABC/Channel 7 sports anchor. He left to practice medicine. He also found a 14-year-old prostitute in Times Square and brought her home for some statutory rape (and endangering the welfare of a child and patronizing a prostitute) after negotiating with her pimp. That was June 2008.

Prosecutors say it took this long to bring the case to court because of “difficulty locating all witnesses.”

Besides the accuser and the pimp, what other witnesses?

The Pentagon is planning on rescinding the ban that currently prohibits women from serving on submarines.

What year is it again? 1952 or 1953?

The jobs bill just passed.

Does this mean I’ll finally get a job?

Is James Frey John Twelve Hawks?

Is James Frey Pittacus Lore?

Did you understand those sentences?

Dr. Earl Bradley of Lewes, Delaware is now facing “471 counts of sexual crimes.”

He is accused of molesting — and videotaping the molestation — of 103 children.

His indictment was 160 pages long.

Tell me why we shouldn’t slit his throat and watch him slowly bleed to death. And “because you don’t want to sink to his level” doesn’t work because killing him wouldn’t psychologically damage 103 children (though it might offer 103 children eventual closure).

Come see my new improv group, Eventual Closure next Tuesday at The Creek!


On page 21, under an article six times as large (‘BUMMER’ RENTAL — how the guy who paid $195,000 for a six-week rental of a house in the Hamptons feels that he got ripped off ["pool heating system was inoperable" and the pool was "filled with debris"]) and next to the Weird BUT true sidebar, is Zazi rats on fellow fiends. It begins, “Subway suicide bomb plotter Najibullah Zazi is not only flipping on his co-conspirators — he’s turning on the whole al Qaeda network, sources said yesterday.”


Even though someone read him his rights!?!?! How is such a thing possible?

Good thing they buried it on page 21.


“A drunken Jersey City cop whose speeding car mowed down an aspiring lawyer in the Financial District last year was sentenced yesterday to serve at least 3 1/2 years of prison.”


A drunk driver kills someone and is sentenced to less than 4 years in prison? Not to mention he was a police officer.

Disgraceful.

Jayson Williams, on the other hand got five years for the “accidental shotgun slaying of a limo driver and subsequent botched coverup.”

He’ll be out in less than 2 years. Just you wait.

Holder’s Tainted Justice takes that page 21 story about Mr. Zazi and wholly discounts it. Why?

“Everybody involved in the Zazi case deserves congratulations. But it would be easier to take Holder’s larger claims seriously if he wasn’t packing the department full of lawyers who previously represented terrorists.”

Nine (9) lawyers. Put aside the argument that lawyers who defend terrorists should never be allowed to serve in the Justice Department (which is total bullshit) and think about that number. Nine lawyers (out of thousands) is “packing the department.”

This is the New York Post telling its readers that they are stupid. Sadly, a healthy chunk of them agree.

From the office of Senator Richard Shelby (R – Alabama): “Sen. Shelby supports the spirit of the Volcker rule — limiting risk to financial institutions and the taxpayer through excessive risk taking — but is not convinced that the proposal itself is necessary.”

Yeah… if only there were some proof that financial institutions shouldn’t take unnecesssary risks…

The Search For Six Wins continues!

The Nets don’t play again until Saturday, so their 5-52 (8.8%) record is secure.

And awful.

Aaron Boone has announced his retirement from baseball.

We’ll always have 2003, Aaron.

Andrew Koenig sightings are being reported in Vancouver.

Good. Let’s hope he’s OK.

In Michael Starr’s Starr Report, he discusses ratings for the Lifetime Movie Network and the Disney Channel and the Knicks and Geraldo Rivera and then at the end asks “Anyone else sick of Lady Gaga yet?”

Oh, Michael. You’re a po-po-po-po-po-poor excuse for a columnist.

Jessica Simpson on Oprah?

What next? A Blues Brothers TV show?


Judy Belushi Pisano and Anne Beatts are working on a TV series based on the movie The Blues Brothers.


What next? Charlie Sheen in rehab?


Charlie Sheen’s in rehab.



Modern Family is a repeat tonight, but there’s an episode at 8:00 and another at 9:00, so if you haven’t been watching, now’s your chance to see it twice in one night.


If you’d rather get nauseous, The Learning Channel has Half Ton Mom at 7:00, followed by Half Ton Dad at 8:00 and Half Ton Teen at 9:00.

Happy Tuesday!

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