Went for my follow-up endoscopy this morning. Came home, drank coffee, napped, and am now ready to share my disdain for the New York Post with you all.

There has been a $20 bump in the total for Teresa’s fundraising. Many thanks, kids. It means a lot to us both.

(Just kidding — what do I care if kids can read?)

B’also? I just realized there’s a 2:00 p.m. showing of Shutter Island across the street. I am confident there are no bedbugs, as none of the 72 free Brooklyn papers have mentioned anything in months. I haven’t seen a movie in a theater in far too long. So… you’ll read this long after the fact, but know that I haven’t forgotten about you, nor am I neglecting you.

Daddy just needs to go to the cinema. That’s all. A review will follow later in the week.

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What a mediocre movie! B-!

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SMOKING GUN

Gov instigated cover-up of top aide’s ‘violence’

Yeah, I hate to agree with Post columnists/editorials, but maybe Paterson needs to just go away. Apparently, he “personally directed his press secretary to call [Sherr-una Booker] and tell her to downplay the violence when talking publicly.” And the violence allegedly included David Johnson choking her, as well.

On top of this new revelation, Paterson took a chopper to Albany yesterday, but never left his mansion.

Our fiscal year starts on April 1st (appropriately enough) and we have a $9,000,000,000 (that’s billion with a b) state budget defecit to discuss. It’s bad enough that he can’t do the job with dignity, but at least he could try to do the job. Or he could go away.

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Eminent domain! In Brooklyn! Thanks, unnamed judge!

Turns out 12 private landowners who refused to sell to Bruce Ratner can suck it. Their property can (and most likely will) be seized. For the Nets.

Talk about adding insult to injury!

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“Sneezing, congestion and runny noses from hay fever may be lasting longer because climate change could be extending pollen seasons, doctors in Italy say.”

Thus disproving global warming.

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Harold Ford Jr. is NOT running for the US Senate.

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Next up on the network vs. cable company fight card: ABC vs. Cablevision.

ABC/Disney wants $40,000,000/year more for their channels (currently Cablevision pays them over $200,000,000). Cablevision doesn’t feel like paying them that much (more).

Guess what channel this Sunday’s Academy Awards are on.

Fun fact: ABC’s contract with Cablevision expired over two years ago. They’re been re-upping it on a monthly basis. It’s like having a job at SNL!

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NBC’s Today was all set to hold a complete Brady Bunch reunion (of the alive ones), but it was cancelled once Jan found out Marcia would be there (Marcia at a Brady Bunch reunion? WHAT ARE THE ODDS?). Jan is still angry that Marcia wrote a book that claimed the two actresses had a lesbian affair. Jan insists it never happened. Sam the butcher had no comment.

But how will Today fill their six-hour block now?

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Horror stories are coming in from JFK airport (the runway was closed for one day and arrival delays AVERAGED an hour and 45 minutes).

If you plan on travelling this year, fly out of LGA.

Or drive.

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O.J. Simpson is donating the suit he wore when he was acquitted of those murders he committed to the Smithsonian (O.J. suit is fit for museum).

“A Smithsonian spokeswoman said she doesn’t know if curators will accept the threads.”

Either way, Night at the Museum III just got a whole lot inappropriater.

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Legislator Tom Cilmi (R – Suffolk County) is proposing the ban the sale of “booze-themed board games like beer pong to minors.”

Silly Republican, beer pong is not a board game. It’s a game you play on a ping pong table with a ping pong ball and plastic cups.

I propose that we pronounce his last name “kill me.”

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Atrazine is a weedkiller. It also turns male frogs into females.

However, your lawn will look great (if you ignore all of the frogs shouting “hey, girl!” to each other).

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Chynna Phillips filed for a divorce from Billy Baldwin on Friday after 18 years of marriage.

On Sunday she changed her mind (and decided to hold on for one more day).

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Robert “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” Kiyosaki on Suze Orman: “I can’t believe this lady. No way in hell she believes what she teaches.”

Suze Orman on Robert “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” Kiyosaki: “At least… I did not lead millions of people down the path to lose all their money in real estate as you did. Shame on you.”

Oh, get a room.

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Dick Ebersol is the guy who won the charity auction where the prize was Carly Simon whispering who “You’re So Vain” was written about in his ear (for $50,000). He says it isn’t David Geffen.

Case closed!

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From today’s Cindy Adams thing:

I HAD the extreme pleasure — an excitement reserved for precious few mortals — of a private conversation with Howard Stern Himself.

Me: So? The latest on your maybe American Idol gig?

HS: “They’d have to pay me a huge load of money before I’d . . . “

Me: Yeah, yeah, we all know that line. You’ve said that everywhere. You have to tell me something different.

HS (annoyed): “No, I don’t. I don’t have to tell you anything at all.”

Me: Yes, you do.

HS (still annoyed): “Why?”

Me: Why? Because it’s me, that’s why.

HS: “OK, you want me to tell you something different? I won’t go on unless they dump Ellen DeGeneres. She’s a stiff. And they’d have to get rid of that no-talent Kara. I’d bring in all my own people. As for the lousy contestants, I’ll have a trapdoor that will open, plus an electric dog collar.”

His wife, Beth Ostrosky, said in horror: “Howard, she’s writing this down.”

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Over 900,000 Toyotas in the U.S. also have faulty oil hoses!

Oh, what a feeling to drive… Toyota!

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I watched the first three minutes of Jay Leno’s return to The Tonight Show. Wow.

And why’d you have to drag Betty White into it?

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There’s a TV show called Ax Men. It’s about guys who cut down trees in Oregon (not my cuppa). Jesse Browning and his father are two of the stars. Jesse’s 4-year-old daughter was mauled to death by the family Rottweiler on Sunday.

Sunday also marked the four-year anniversary of the time police had to remove a Rottweiler from the family home after it bit one of the family members.

Maybe it’s time to buy a fish. Or one of those birds that says things like “Brock! Rottweilers will bite you or your loved ones! Brock!”

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The National Organization of Women are demanding that White Plains Mayor Adam Bradley step down.

Bradley counters, “I did not in any way mistreat my wife.”

Most of the Middle East agrees.

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For just $8.00/roll, you can now own glow-in-the-dark toilet paper.

(waves miniature American flag)

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In Al’s Latest Global-Warming Whopper, Alan Reynolds claims Al Gore is “still citing predictions that science has disproved.”

Thus disproving global warming.

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The Missouri Senate unanimously voted to rename the stretch of Interstate 70 that is currently “The Mark McGwire Highway.”

Might I suggest “The Drive Faster! You’re Still In Missouri! Highway”?

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If I had cable, I could watch the Yankees play the Phillies tomorrow and Thursday. But I don’t. Oh, well.

(waves miniature Yankees pennant)

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Fred Kerber says, “The Nets are a walking, talking, breathing (sometimes) version of Fenway Park. No lead is safe.”

Sounds more like Wrigley Field to me.

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Linda Stasi’s review of Parenthood mentions that this is the second attempt to make it a TV show in its title (Third time’s still charming for Parenthood).

Her first sentence? “Parenthood, the drama that’s been redone more times than Joan Rivers’ face, is finally starting tonight…”

You’re still got it, Linda!

Now see a doctor.

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The US/Canada hockey game was the Biggest hockey game in 30 yrs ratings-wise.