Archive for March 10th, 2010

Knock knock. Who’s There? Interrupting Cow. Interru-

10th March
2010
written by jed

MOO!

Hey, at least I don’t chew my cud, says breast milk cheese mom

“I eat healthier than your average cow and I’m not pumped full of steroids!” So declares Lori Mason, wife of Daniel Angerer (had she taken his name, the headline could have been Angerer Angers or Anger for Angerer). And if you think she’s crazy and/or creepy, the photo of her on page 7 helps your case immensely.

The Post asked Liz Thorpe (vice president of Murray’s Cheese in Greenwich Village) to taste the breast-milk cheese, which she did. “It was slippery, slightly crunchy and tasted like pickles. I give it a thumbs down.”

Mason continues to mock the only people who aren’t throwing up at the prospect of eating her slippery and crunchy pickle-esque offering. “We may need security to stop the weird fetish people from coming in.” You know what else is a weird fetish? Convincing your husband to feed strangers with your breast milk.

Also on the front page today is Lindsay Cries to Mommy over baby ad. Apparently, after she saw the E-Trade ad during the Super Bowl, Lindsay Lohan called her mother in tears. “She said, ‘Mommy, help me. This is wrong. How can they do this?’” said Dina Lohan, her horrible mother whose idea it was to sue.

“They’re little babies doing this, mocking another child who’s just trying to survive Hollywood, basically… I’m just basically glad I took a stand. I’m not going to let them do this to us anymore. Everyone knows Lindsay, like Cher or Madonna.”

You’re basically full of shit.

Oh boy! Page 3 features a steamy photo of Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston from their sexy W magazine photo shoot!

I still have no desire to see their new movie!

After a week on the job, the guy who replaced the old State Police Superintendent has handed in his resignation, too (effective Friday). And Jay-Z and Floyd Flake have removed themselves from the Aqueduct Entertainment Group (they were “key local partners”). And “Governor” Paterson “said that on the advice of his lawyer, he was recusing himself from any further matters involving AEG. ‘I’d rather not talk about that — but it had nothing to do with the process or my role,’ Paterson said.”

It has almost stopped being funny. Almost.

The MTA is considering saving some of the bus routes slated for service cuts… in the Bronx, Queens and Manhattan.

Sigh.

Did you watch Eric Massa on Glenn Beck last night? That guy is ridiculous. The things he says are straight out of Lewis Carroll (“They forced me out. I wasn’t forced out. I forced myself out. Because I knew they were forcing me out.”).

It takes quite a buffoon to make Beck appear to be of sound mind (albeit briefly).

Robert Joseph Halderman has pleaded guilty to trying to extort $2,000,000 from David Letterman. In exchange for his plea he’ll serve six months on Rikers Island (though they believe he’ll be out in four months), 1,000 hours of comunity service and 4 1/2 years of probation. In exchange for the plea, he can’t talk about Letterman’s sex life anymore.

But what’s to prevent him from writing down information and passing it along to Lil Wayne? And what if Lil Wayne puts out a double album called The Late Shaft?

Michael Goodwin.

They’re off at Aquesuck, so it’s gov’s turn to bolt (see what he did there?) rehashes what I’ve already read (in today’s paper!) about the Aquefuct racino (see what I did there?). We’re not buying it, O is more angry rambling about how awful Obama is (Bonus: ‘Mercy’ me, what a weak argument is a nice two-sentence aside that equates the health-care reform with murdering your parents: “When Obama told Democrats they need to pass his flawed health bill ‘to maintain a strong presidency,’ he reminded me of the child who killed his parents, then begged the judge for mercy. See, he’s an orphan.” What it reminds me of is the story of the president who told Americans that disagreeing with any of his foolish policies was unpatriotic.

More Toyotas are causing more problems (just like Biggie and Diddy warned us!).

A 61-year-old drove his Prius for 35 miles at over 90 mph on a California highway.

Wait. There are highways in California that you can drive for 35 miles on without stopping?

Oh, he drove from Lakeside to Boulder Oaks. Nevermind.

Fun Fact: Toyota still doesn’t know how to fix the problem in the Prius.

According to Page Six (today on page 12), Demi Moore recently gave her daughter (Rumer Willis) pole dancing lessons at a party at the Chateau Marmont.

“Everyone was cheering and Leo [DiCaprio] gave Ashton [Kutcher] a high-five,” said a “partygoer.”

Harf.

Page Six also claims that Bob Balaban wrote Gosford Park.

If only they had access to imdb or Google or a copy of Gosford Park…

An interesting follow-up to the Armond White vs. Noah Baumbach story can be found here.

Turns out he never said Baumbach’s mother should have had an abortion. He did, however, say “You look at Noah Baumbach’s work, and you see he’s an asshole. I would say it to his face.”

I think Armond’s just jealous because Noah is Wes Anderson’s friend and he isn’t.

This is going to hit Park Slope hard.

Baby slings are responsible for a number of baby smotherings. The gub’mint will be issuing a warning shortly.

This weekend I saw at least 20 men with babies in slings. I guess the men’ll have to go back to letting undocumented nannies carry their kids.

Oh, how nice!

The Post has given Marc A. Thiessen half a page to defend his and Liz Cheney’s repugnant assertion that people who defended terrorists are somehow suspect (Naming Terror Lawyers Is No Smear).

Hey, Marc? The reason Eric Holder isn’t keen on naming “the al Qaeda Seven” is because you and your buddies have smeared them and questioned their patriotism. Repeatedly. And you’re still doing it.

Go burn a book, you buffoon.

Bret Wallach of Hicksville (tee hee) writes in to thank Kyle Smith for his “review” of Green Zone. “Instead of seeing the film, I will spend my money on something pro-American.” Like Avatar?

Citigroup went up $0.26/share to $3.82.

God of Carnage might be switching to an all-Black cast soon. Michael Riedel claims “Eddie Murphy is at the top of the list.”

But isn’t he supposed to be making Beverly Hills Cop IV?

Maybe Riedel mixed up his list of possible GoC actors with his list of trannie-kissers?

Does Joe Nathan (closer for the Twins) need Tommy John surgery? Maybe!

The Yankees are 3-5, the Mets are 6-3.

Washington is 0-7.

A new Alex Rodriguez drug scandal?

Sigh.

Nick Johnson hit two home runs in yesterday’s game against the Pirates.

Please stay healthy and uninjured, Nick.

Southland got 2,500,000 viewers on March 2nd.

That makes me so sad (roughly 9,000,000 watch Two and a Half Men in syndication).

Please watch Southland.

Linda Stasi gives High Society and Pretty Wild three garbage cans each.

“It’s all horrible. However, I will admit that I watched extra episodes — just in case!”

I read the entire “review” and have no idea what that sentence refers to.

Bravo, Linda.

Modern Family has already been renewed, so you don’t have to watch it tonight, but you should anyway.

Have as good of a Hump Day as you possibly can.

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