Archive for March 12th, 2010

Firstly, my friend Mickey sent me a link to photos of the “NYC Lego repairs” done in the name of art. You can peruse them here. They (and Mickey) are swell.

Teresa is working from home today and allowed me to sleep in (she’s ginchy). I have coached four rehearsals since Tuesday night and I have a fifth tonight (I’m subbing). I’m tired, but I love it. I’ve been working with some really talented folks and it keeps me off the streets. Win-win.

And speaking of really talented folks I’ve been working with…

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…someone decided to retrieve their bag from the subway tracks (at 77th and Lexington) yesterday at 3:45 p.m. That person got hit by the train. That person died. That person was Rose Mankos, 48.

Her bag looks frighteningly similar to Justin Grace’s, though hers contained “exercise clothes, toiletries and her cellphone,” whereas Justin’s contained some uncooked pasta and a ratty-ass sweatshirt.

Peoples. If you drop something on the tracks, don’t try to retrieve it. And if you do, make sure no trains are coming.

I’ve always thought of the subway tracks as the American Ganges. Why would you want anything that fell in a puddle of stagnant water, rat excrement and leaking batteries (and, at the southbound Columbia University stop, uncooked pasta)?

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Remember Sony? Their PlayStations used to be the bee’s knees. Then came the Wii. Two years ago.

Now comes the PlayStation Move. It’s like the Wii (some say exactly like the Wii) with one upgrade — the Eye. The Eye is a camera that allows players “to project their images and movements into the action.”

Somewhere, Robert Zemeckis has a raging hard-on.

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Irina Krupnik, 31, is suing NBC Universal for $10,000,000. Why? Because a photo of her (taken when she was a 21-year-old model) was used by Jon Favreau in the movie Couples Retreat as a masturbatory aid.

Yes, Irina signed a release form for the photo of her in a bikini (with her breasts mashed together and the hint of a pubic cameltoe) back when it was taken, but she never dreamed it would be used in a “quasi-pornographic context.”

The $10,000,000 she wants is for “great humiliation, embarrassment, emotional distress, shame, mortification and injury to her reputation and career.” Methinks Lindsay Lohan has found a new best friend.

Irina’s attorney added that what Favreau did in the movie (pretend to masturbate to her photo) “would be a crime if Mr. Favreau attempted it on a New York City subway.”

What a perfectly cromulent point.

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The MTA is absolutely raising fares by 7% in 2011. No question. It’s happening.

B’also? They might be raising fares this year, too.

Less service and less reliability for more money. With a business model like that, the MTA can’t lose!

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Hey, Aqueduct Entertainment Group! You aren’t going to be providing video slot terminals at Aqueduct! Thanks for playing!

In a related story, Andrew Cuomo has stepped down from his investigation into “Governor” Paterson’s shenanigans.

“I wish to avoid any possible appearance of any political interest or conflict whatsoever,” says the Man Who Will Be Governor.

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Richard Belzer on his accuser: “The sad part of it was that police officers were called and had to report to the scene, and God knows we don’t need all that manpower wasted on a trivial accusation that was clearly done either for attention or to embarrass a famous person.”

Respond, Milan Agnew, 21! “I’m not star-struck by anyone. I approached him like he was a regular customer. I asked, How can I help you?’ He told me what he needed, and then before I was able to speak again, he lunges in and grabs my neck. It was no gentle manner. There is no gentle manner to grab someone’s neck. I just think something more could have been done. Had it been someone else, there would have been some repurcussions.”

iFindthishilarious.

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Jules Kirby is angry that she’s being portrayed on the CW’s High Society as, in her words, “a stupid bitch.”

One of her on-air comments: “My friends do not tend to be homosexuals, fat or Jewish-y bald… I use the N-word sometimes, and I really think it should be okay to say…”

One of her Facebook posts (defending her on-air comments): “The show is scripted, and we are given lines and characters. My grandmother is married to a Jew…”

Jules Kirby, ladies and gentlemen.

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Up to 10,000 different food products might be recalled in a salmonella scare.

Rather than read a list of affected foodstuffs, just throw everything in your kitchen away and start from scratch.

(the culprit is hydrolyzed vegetable protein)

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Merlin Olsen, 69, has passed away.

[insert joke about sending flowers from FTD]

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Michelle Malkin and Rich Lowry? Why hast thou forsaken me, God?

The askew-eyed Malkin believes the Eric Massa scandal will completely destroy Nancy Pelosi’s career (A Festering Swamp) and the other fella believes that a Republican Congress is in Obama’s best interests (Bam’s Best Hope: A GOP Congress).

But wait! Jonah Goldberg’s Health-Reform Hell declares that there while there is light, there is no end of the tunnel (“There is no ‘over’ to this debate.”). I guess that’s the most offensively stupid editorial in today’s pa- WAIT!

Bill O’Reilly’s Oscar Lefties’ Wi$e Silence is coming up the inside track! He says he “was ready” for “left-wing bomb throwers like George Clooney, Sean Penn, Barbra Streisand and co-host Alec Baldwin” to make “politically charged comments.” But they didn’t! And Bill knows why! “The answer to that question is money, pure and simple.”

Yes, Bill believes that the reason George Clooney didn’t attack the POTUS this year (like he did in 2003) is because Hollywood’s revenue is drying up (despite the fact that Hollywood’s revenue is not drying up in the slightest).

We have our winner!

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Citigroup is up another $0.22, making it $4.18/share.

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MOVIE REVIEWS!

Lou Lumenick gives Green Zone three stars (“Bourne again.”), one star to Our Family Wedding (“a cringeworthy, unfunny example of a culture-clash romantic comedy”), two stars to Stolen (“contrived kidnap thriller”), and two and a half stars to The Exploding Girl (“not much really happens”).

Kyle Smith gives Remember Me one star (“A stroll down cliché lane.”), two stars to Tales From The Script (“Bulletin from Hollywood: Screenwriters are anxious and whiny.”), one and a half stars to both Delta (“the camera floats tediously over the lush scenery”) and Severe Clear (“falls well short of its target”), and two stars to She’s Out of My League (“Not quite ready for the majors.”).

Bonus points: Smith’s review of Severe Clear mocks how the protagonist’s “view that invading Iraq was ‘payback for Sept. 11′… reveals an alarmingly poor understanding of the facts” — the day after his review of Green Zone revealed his own alarmingly poor understanding of the facts.

V.A. Musetto gives Mother three stars (it’s Korean and there’s nudity).

Pete Hammond is suspiciously silent.

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The Mets are 6-5, the Yankees are 4-5.

The Nets are terrible.

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Michael Starr manages another dismissive jab at Mad Men today (he also announces the release of Kukla, Fran and Ollie on DVD and congratulations to Pam Golum of The Lippin Group for being among the honorees at the ICG Publicists Awards).

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Linda Stasi gives Dinoshark four garbage cans. To me, that says she didn’t like it. And yet, the title of the review is Jurassic ‘Shark’: SyFy’s ‘Dino’ is so outrageously bad, it’s good (so I guess she did). Then she calls the movie “fantastically bad” (so she didn’t like it?), but later says “I loved every minute of it” (so she did like it?).

She gave three garbage cans to those reality shows she hated (but that she watched — just in case!), but I guess four garbage cans is a good thing now.

Linda Stasi is becoming Cindy Adams.

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That’s it, kids. Enjoy the soon-to-begin weekend and remember to tip your waitstaff.