Archive for March 25th, 2010

R.I.P. B69, B75, and B77.

25th March
2010
written by jed

Two stories on the front page today.

Light on her feet introduces us to Jimmy Choo’s new $2,495 shoes (Fun Fact: They’re ugly!) that come with a small (but very bright) lightbulb in the heel. The Post describes them as “something Rainbow Bright would design for Carrie Bradshaw” (I think they mean Rainbow Brite). Another Fun Fact: The bulb in the heel lasts for just 100 hours and it cannot be replaced.

I wonder if Apple is going to sue Jimmy Choo for copyright infringement.

But the other story on the cover is the one that turns my stomach. MESS TRANSIT makes it official: The MTA has approved $93,000,000 in service cuts.

The V train has been eliminated entirely. So has the W. The G will only run to Court Square. The M and Q are being rerouted. And 110 bus lines will be either eliminated completely (like the B75 and B77 that my wife and I use every week) or eliminated on weekends (like the B69 that I use on the weekends, which is also being rerouted). “Most of the cuts will go into effect in early summer.” I’d better make sure I have comfortable walking shoes by then.

I’m also assuming that the MTA will drastically lower the cost of MetroCards, since so many of the things they used to be good for are no longer a viable option. And by assuming, I mean that I know that they won’t and I hate them all the more for it.

A man entered Rep. Gregory Meeks’ office in Queens yesterday, called Meeks a crook and a thief and declared, “I’m going to blow up this place.” Then he ran away.

Meeks is a scumbag of the highest caliber. Unless I really, really had to go, I wouldn’t pee on him if he was on fire. But with so many death threats being lobbed at Democrats across the country, I can’t just laugh this off. Thanks to the folks at Fox (and people like Boehner and the fat old redneck that shouted “Baby killer!”), Americans have been whipped into a frenzy and this is the next logical (illogical?) step. I mean, once Glenn Beck has convinced you that the POTUS hates White people (I’m still not sure how he managed to escape reprimand for that) and Palin and Bachmann convince you that they’ll also set up death panels and re-education camps, what else can you do but throw bricks and cut gas lines and threaten (and follow through on) murder?

Just as the Vatican is despicable for not owning their decades of ignoring (and practically encouraging) child abuse by their priests, the GOP is equally responsible for convincing America’s dimmest that the health-care bill will mean the end of the country.

Between March 1st and March 8th, Harris asked 2,320 Americans some questions about Barack Obama. Of the Republican respondents, 67% believe Obama is a Socialist, 57% believe he is a Muslim and 24% believe he is the Anti-Christ. Is it in the nation’s best interests for Boehner to declare that, no, our POTUS is not the Anti-Christ (let alone a Socialist Muslim)? Absolutely. Will he? Absolutely not. Because Boehner isn’t interested in harmony, he’s interested in his side winning. His side, not America.

Anyone who still believes that bi-partisanship can be achieved in any capacity, use your new government-run health-care to get your head examined.

Dwight “Doc” Gooden got into a car accident early Tuesday morning. He fled from the scene (because he had to drop his 5-year-old son — a passenger at the time — off at school). His son “bumped his head” (he was “unrestrained in the back seat”), but is doing just fine.

Gooden was charged with driving while under the influence of drugs and child endangerment.

I don’t understand why this man is allowed to care for a 5-year-old in any capacity (except pitching coach… maybe).

Dennis Hopper is reportedly too ill to give a deposition in his divorce case. He has prostate cancer and is unable to undergo chemotherapy. I would imagine this puts a crimp in his plans to attend his Walk of Fame induction ceremony tomorrow.

I’d wish Dennis a speedy recovery and toast to his health, but instead I will toast to his fuck.

(it’s from Blue Velvet)

Do you own an Infantino-brand SlingRider or Wendy Bellissimo model baby sling?

Well, they’ve been recalled. The company has promised anyone who purchased them “a free replacement baby carrier, activity gym or shopping-cart cover.”

If your child suffocated to death in one, however, you can choose two of the three replacement offerings.

Federal Judge Irma Gonzalez called Dr. Phil McGraw “a terrible, terrible man” during the trial of Matthew and Laura Eaton. “What a charlatan this man is.”

The system works (or, at least, watches Dr. Phil)!

Jesse James’ ex-wife claims that just two weeks after they got married, he started cheating on her. She also claims that everyone in James’ life knew he was cheating on Sandra Bullock (except Sandra Bullock).

A former employee claims that (in 2000) he locked her in his office, forced her to perform oral sex on him and later fired her.

I hope Sandra does divorce him because I want to marry him!

Yesterday, the Post had a scathing editorial about how Obama and high-ranking members of his administration weren’t obligated to participate in ObamaCare. Today, there’s a new editorial (Way To Go, Bam!) that applauds his recent announcement that he and other executive-branch officials will fully participate. “President Obama’s decision yesterday to get his personal medical insurance through the exchanges that will be set up under his health-care reform speaks to his confidence in it. Or, perhaps, to his willingness to pretend to confidence [sic] in it.”

Fun Fact that isn’t mentioned in either of the editorials, nor in the Prez: I’ll switch insurer article on page 12: The part of the reform bill that included that alleged presidential loophole in coverage? That was written by (are you sitting down?) Senator Tom Coburn (R – Oklahoma). Makes you wonder if it was intentional, huh?

Five sentences.

On page 12, in the bottom left corner, is Spate of threats vs. Dems. It mentions “at least 10 House Democrats reporting death threats or incidents of harassment or vandalism at their district offices over the past week.” It mentions that the FBI is now involved. And it does all this in just five sentences. And the (New York) Post didn’t even write them! They picked it up from the Washington Post, which I’m sure devoted just as much space to this story.

Disgusting.

You know what story (also on page 12) got twice as many sentences (and double the column space)?

Tiger in ‘LeAnn hook-up’ (Tiger Woods dated LeAnn Rimes before he married Elin).

This is a fantastically awful newspaper.

Sarah Sailverman tells Playboy that, since gays can’t get married in most states, “If you’re getting married today, it’s the equivalent of joining a country club that doesn’t allow Blacks or Jews.”

Marrying Teresa was the best thing I ever did — and I wouldn’t undo it for all the money in the world — but I totally see her point.

Is Lindsay Lohan going to beat Cindy Adams to the grave? Here’s LiLo after a few drinks.

lindsay lohan is drunk again

LiLo + alcohol + heels + gravel = trainwreck.

Fun Fact: She blames the paparazzi (the ones helping her up) for her tumble (they deny it).

Sean John P. Diddy Combs (if that’s even what he’s calling himself today) recently told guests at Greenhouse that “If you’re not drinking Ciroc, you’re drinking pee pee.” Martin Silver (who owns vodka brands Georgi, Majorska, Argent and Alexi) is planning on delivering “a toilet bowl full of Ciroc to Combs’ corporate offices today.”

Somebody’s gonna get shot.

Mt. Sinai is considering buying St. Vincent’s Hospital in Greenwich Village.

Socialism!

Nadya “I Trip On My Vagina” Suleman (aka Octomom) has agreed to put a sign in her front yard that advocates animal neutering (oh, the irony!), in exchange for $5,000/month and “a one month supply of veggie burgers and veggie dogs for her whole family” from PETA. See, she was in danger of losing her house in foreclosure so she agreed to this trade-off.

And, for some weird reason, she is still allowed to care for her 3,482 children all by herself.

(waves miniature American flag)

For originality… a 27! For personality… a 0! For lip synch… a 0!

Krystal Gardner, 28, of Dallas, Texas, saw a repo man trying to repossess her car. So she threw her 1-year-old child into the back seat. Then her 15-year-old shot the man in the leg with a 12-gauge shotgun.

And the battle between South Carolina and Texas for the title of America’s Biggest Shamepit™ continues.

There’s a half-page ad for a company (I shan’t name it), whose advertising is handled by a company I used to occasionally proofread for (I shan’t name them, either). By quickly scanning it, I found two typos.

Oopsie-doodle!

Goddamnit.

The Nets won last night (by 14 points!) and are now 8-63 (11.3%).

They have to lose the rest of their games in order to have the worst record in NBA history (or lose all but one to tie it).

Stop. Winning.

Opening Day is 10 days away.

I like the Yankees.

Linda Stasi gives LMN’s Amish Grace “No stars at all” in her review (‘Grace’ under fire).

“In fact, Amish Grace is so bad they should have called it Amish Disgrace. So what’s so terrible about this Lifetime Movie Network original movie? Basically everything from the fictionalizing of a modern tragedy that rocked the nation to creating lead characters who were never there because they don’t exist.”

I can’t believe Lifetime Movie Network would sink to the level of most Hollywood biopics.

Robert Culp is dead at 79. He collapsed outside his home in Hollywood and was found by a jogger. He was most famous for starring with Bill Cosby in I Spy, but I’ll always remember him as Bill Maxwell.

Godspeed, Bob.

The History Channel has digitally (and in 3-D!) recreated The Real Face of Jesus (Spoiler: He isn’t Black!). Sadly, Linda Stasi’s EXCLUSIVE (Is this Christ?) neglects to provide a specific airdate (“next week” is as close as it comes).

But I kind of like the idea of people waiting by their televisions for the Jesus special to appear (just have faith!).

And there you have it. I think the Mrs. and I are going to head down to Coney Island today. Don’t worry — we’ll bundle up.

Have a lovely Thursday!

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