Archive for July, 2010
I’m off to rehearsal! Enjoy your Saturday!
Charlie Rangel gets the cover all to himself today (WASHED UP!: Rangel charged with 13 ethics violations), as well as pages 4 (A host of Post exposés got ball rolling wherein the Post takes credit for Rangel’s current woes),5,6,7,8 and 9 — which is Michael Goodwin’s page. There is very little new information (and plenty of finger-wagging hypocrisy), so let’s skip ahead. If you’d like to know more about the charges against Raspy C, use Google.
Steve Cuozzo is a great food writer. Sometimes he writes about real estate (I usually skip those pieces), but I’m sure he’s good at that, too. Today he writes about how residents on the Upper West Side have been complaining about bicycle-riding deliverypeople so much that Community Board 7 has threatened to withhold support for sidewalk and liquor-license renewals for any restaurants whose employees ignore safety measures. Steve’s piece (Blame the city for ‘cycles’ of violence) begins, “Good luck to Community Board 7, which has the audacity to want bicycle deliverymen to wear proper ID and, God forbid, obey traffic laws. Upper West Side residents tired of the terror will likely have to live with it, even if it means limping from injuries caused by careless, sociopathic cyclists.”
My SarcasMeter™ just exploded.
A partial set of Winston Churchill’s dentures were sold at auction yesterday for $23,723 — roughly three times the listed price. The upper dentures were purchased by someone who likes the smell of cigars, lager and gingivitis.
Two Brooklyn cops (Sgt. Raymond Stukes and Officer Hector Tirado of the 81st Precinct in Bed-Stuy) saw a guy on a street corner. They stopped him and discovered he had some packs of untaxed cigarettes. So they decided to arrest him and claim that they saw him selling the knock-off cigarettes.
Except that the man they tried to frame was an undercover Internal Affairs investigator — and the whole thing was caught on video.
Oops.
Enough Republicans voted against it (only 12 sided with the Democrats), so the bill that would have provided aid (free health care and compensation payments) to the people who got sick responding to the collapse of the World Trade Center was shot down 255-159 (it needed two thirds to pass). I like Anthony Weiner’s response.
And the guy who kept standing up and yelling at him? Rep. Peter King, who accused the Democrats of “moral cowardice” for requiring a two-thirds majority for it to pass. Yeah… God forbid the Republicans have to support something distasteful that the Democrats propose. Especially something like health care for the people who got sick at Ground Zero.
They’ll rally loads of support to fight plans for an Islamic cultural center two and a half blocks away, but for the actual 9/11 heroes? Fuck ‘em. Some of ‘em might not even live long enough to vote again, so they’re of no use to the GOP.
I need a good laugh. How about another video from Tennessee Repbulican gubernatorial candidate Basil Marceaux?
Great job!
The latest “conservative” estimated number of mislabeled graves at Arlington National Cemetery is between 4,900 and 6,600. For further proof that this country doesn’t care about its soldiers — alive or dead — visit a VA hospital.
Whose turn is it to recall hundreds of thousands of their cars? Is it Toyota’s turn? I sure hope so, as they just recalled 412,000 passenger cars in the United States (“mostly the Avalon model”) and another 16,420 in Japan.
39,000 Lexus models (LX 470s from 2003-2007) are also being recalled.
Shirley Sherrod plans to sue Andrew Breitbart.
Yes, please! Make that honky bastard pay!
Lisa Satayut always dreamed of getting married in a shoe store.
Her fiancé (Drew Ellis) kind of helped her realize this (nightmarish) dream when they were wed in a T.J. Maxx in Mt. Pleasant, Michigan. “It was perfect,” gushed the bride after the ceremony.
You lucked out, Drew. Your new wife is easily pleased. Very, very easily pleased.
MOVIE REVIEWS!
Lou Lumenick gives two stars to Dinner for Schmucks (“Despite some real laughs, we’ve got ‘Dinner’ reservations”), one star to Charlie St. Cloud (“This is the worst supernaturally themed sports movie since The Legend of Bagger Vance.”), and three and a half stars to Get Low (“pure gold”).
Kyle Smith gives one and a half stars to The Concert (“It strikes the wrong chord”), one star to What’s the Matter With Kansas? (“It’s condescending, it’s vague, it’s unfair and, ultimately, it’s pointless.” [JEDITOR'S NOTE: Just like Kyle Smith!]), and one star to The Extra Man (“Extra boring & nothing more”).
V.A. Musetto gives three stars to The Dry Land (“violence, sex, nudity”). I guess it’s non-Asian nudity.
Billy Heller (who?!?) gives Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore two and a half stars in a review titled Reigning cats? Put on the dogs! which I have stared at for three solid minutes and I cannot figure out what its supposed to mean. And the mini-blurb under the rating is “You can fight kitty, all” which is cringe-worthy. But Billy isn’t all incoherent — he also says, “Jack McBrayer is the standout human as a witless carny magician.”
Pete Hammond is missing today, but Jeff Craig calls Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore “an irresistible action comedy that’s pure tail-wagging family fun.”
The Yankees have won their last 2, but Boston has won their last 3 and Tampa has won their last 6 (which makes them due for some losses, methinks, which should come in handy over the next three days).
A-Rod was 1-for-4 last night. Still holding steady at 599.
Dustin Moseley gave up just one run off four hits in six innings (we won 11-4). Welcome to the rotation, Dusty!
The Knicks’ new superstar Amar’e Stoudemire arrived in Israel on Wednesday to “learn more about Judaism and learn Hebrew.” When the Post asked him if he was Jewish, he replied, “Yes.” He also got a Star of David tattoo on his arm.
Mazel tov and whatnot!
William Shatner interviewed (via telephone) the DC sniper, Lee Malvo, for his new TV series, Aftermath.
Someone thought this was a good idea? Well, it aired on BIO last night, which I didn’t know existed until eight seconds ago.
For just $1,340, you can own Panasonic’s “world’s first consumer 3D camcorder” in October. At that price, why would you wait until the kinks are all worked out?
Ellen DeGeneres is quitting American Idol (yawn) and it looks like Jennifer Lopez is replacing her (yaaaawn). Michael Shain writes the article about this (Ellen quits ‘Idol’) and refers to Ellen as “DeGeneris” three times and “DeGeneres” four times. Great stuff, Michael!
Not mentioned in the article is that the newest rumor is that Kara Whateverherlastnameis will be fired and replaced by Steven Tyler, making next season’s judges Randy Jackson, Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez. I can’t wait to not watch!
According to the TV listings, tonight’s episode of Wife Swap features “Child star mom vs. ‘Swamp Ape’ mom.”
(waves miniature American flag)
Have a great weekend, peeps!
Today’s cover features A.J. Burnett (who helped shut out the Indians in an 8-0 victory) and Taylor Momsen (she’s the new face of Madonna’s daughter’s clothing line! OMG!), but the lion’s share is devoted to BUTT OUT!: Judge nixes crackdown on saggy pants.
Julio Martinez was issued a summons which faulted him for acting in a disorderly manner because he had “his pants down below his buttocks exposing underwear [and] potentially showing private parts.” A judge in the Bronx has thrown out the summons. No word on how this will affect state Senator Eric Adams’ “Stop the Sag” campaign.
All of page 3 is devoted to President Obama appearing on The View. It airs today. I hope Elisabeth (further) embarrasses herself.
Jersey Shore’s new cast member (Deena Nicole Cortese, 23) has a 2008 video on her MySpace page complaining about men who hit on her and her pals at the same time. “And now we’re gonna play you out, nigga! Do not try to play us!”
I wonder if the folks who work at MTV are born without shame or if there’s a process they go through to remove it once they’re hired.
Last year, 69% of NYC students (grades 3-8) passed the statewide reading test and 82% passed the statewide math test.
This year, 42% passed the reading test and 54% passed the math test.
Last year, most students would’ve been able to tell you what the difference between those percentages is.
Hey! Sherr’Una Booker is back to being Sherr-una Booker!
B’also? Former Court of Appeals Chief Judge Judith Kaye has ruled that “Governor” Paterson “didn’t tamper with a witness or commit any other crime in connection with a violent domestic dispute involving a now-suspended aide,” although he did make several “errors of judgment.”
So, the governor telling the victim of domestic abuse not to press charges against her assailant is just an error of judgment. Good to know.
According to Page Six (today on page 12), Sumner Redstone may soon be sued for sexual harassment by a former senior executive at Viacom.
Oh, come on, lady. You know you wanted it. Look at him! Who wouldn’t want to be propositioned by this foxy 8,326-year-old man?
The guy replacing Tony Hayward at BP (Bob Dudley) warned politicians that trying to restrict BP’s drilling operations could have “unintended consequences.”
Fuck you, Bob.
On the bottom left corner of page 15, there’s a 3-sentence article titled Climate report hot off presses. It begins, “Melting glaciers, more humid air and eight other key indicators show that global warming is undeniable, scientists said yesterday, citing a new comprehensive review of the last decade of climate data.”
Thus disproving global warming.
The Health Department has started issuing letter grades to restaurants around the city. I have a bad feeling a lot of my favorite places won’t fare too well.
A Staten Island man is suing the company (who was under contract with the US government) that his son was a contractor for in Afghanistan. His son was killed and he believes it was the company’s responsibility to keep him safe. He is also accusing the company’s president of knowing that his company’s “strong-arm tactics, personal threats and corruption” lead to a “higher rate of attack compared to other security companies operating in the same arena.”
The company? Four Horsemen Industries (a subsidiary of Four Horsemen International).
As an Agnostic (and a human being), that creeps me out for a number of reasons.
Hey! It’s that full=page full-color BP Cleanup ad again!
I wonder how much they paid to show me this pretty (and unnamed) body of water (again). And to tell me what a concerned company they are (after the fact).
Wired magazine has concluded that people who own iPads are likely to be “wealthy, well educated, power-hungry, overachieving, unkind and not altruistic.”
Well, duh.
Arthur Herman asks Just whose side is Bam on [in the War on Terror]?
And I ask Just how many children does Herm have tied up in his basement?
The starting pitcher for the Yankees tonight is Dustin Moseley. I don’t know who that is either.
A-Rod went 2-for-5 last night. Neither of the hits were a home run.
The newest rumor regarding who will replace Simon Cowell on American Idol?
Jessica Simpson.
What a great idea.
Oh noes!
Rachel Uchitel walked off the set of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew!
But don’t worry. Producers found her the next day and convinced her to return.
Awww… a publicity stunt with a happy ending.
(wipes fake tear from eye)
Sorry for the lateness of today’s entry. Tomorrow’s shant be as tardy. The landlord is spraying our back patio area for carpenter bees, so we’ve closed all the windows and sealed up our air conditioner. We’re using an oscillating fan for when we go to sleep and it’s cold comfort. Or, rather, musty comfort. Hopefully we can return to normal in the next couple of days.
And it looks like you can’t buy tickets to individual shows at the DCM. So, if you already paid for the $25 all-access ticket, come see Let’s Have A Ball on Sunday. And if you haven’t, come see us next Saturday.
Kisses!
CHARLIE
WRANGLE
Pol defiant as desperate Dems demand he deal
Democrats (who are desperate, apparently) would like Charlie Rangel to resign, thus avoiding a (possibly lenghty, definitely embarrassing) trial. “I think it’s best that he settle,” said Rep. George Miller (D – California). And why’s that, George? “Because I just said so, that’s why. That’s my feeling.” Touché. But Rangel (OMG! I just got the headline! LOLZ!) is insisting on a trial.
The trial is scheduled to start tomorrow. Let’s hope justice is served.
CORRECTION
For the first time ever (at least for the nine years [give or take] that I’ve been reading it), the Post is issuing a correction on page 2 — and it’s prominent. The story they ran on Monday about Johnny Concepcion and the liver transplant that he got at New York-Presbyterian Hospital seems to have been erroneous — Concepcion did NOT get a liver transplant at the hospital.
“The Post relied on two NYPD sources for its report, and it is now evident they were misinformed… Prior to publishing the story, the Post sought official [sic] response from New York-Presbyterian. The Post was denied information by the hospital, which stated it could not discuss individual cases because it would be in breach of the Health Information Privacy Act (HIPA). Curiously, the hospital now sees itself free to publicly discuss Concepcion’s case.”
That’s curious to you? Really? Maybe the hospital sees itself free to discuss his case because you lied about it on your front page? And maybe you could be clearer about the correction — did he get a liver transplant at a different hospital? Or was the entire liver-transplant story (and yesterday’s angry follow-up) completely false?
Jersey Shore has found a replacement for Angelina Pivarnick! Her name is Deena Nicole Cortese! She’s 23 and describes herself as “fucking classy” and “addictive & expensiv3 lik3 cocaine!”
(cue “The Greatest Love of All” by Whitney Houston)
Jamie Hicks, 48, was driving drunk (and erratically). Her 10-year-old son and 12-year-old daughter were passengers. Luckily, the daughter was smart enough to call 911 and report her mother’s recklessness (she must get her intelligence from her father). Hicks was arrested and charged with “aggravated driving while intoxicated with passengers under the age of 16″ and released on $2,000 bail.
Tell me again why this isn’t attempted murder?
This will make you feel great.
That $10,000,000,000 that BP has pledged to helping clean up their mess in the Gulf? It will be covered ENTIRELY by BP’s tax credits.
That’s right. BP got TEN BILLION DOLLARS in tax credits this year.
I bet this makes their stock go up, rewarding everyone who bought stock in the company that repeatedly ignored the safety of their employees (and the environment) in order to make more money. Summer bargain indeed.
The civil suit filed in the wake of the Sean Bell shooting has been settled.
$3,250,000 goes to Sean Bell’s estate. Joseph Guzman (who was wounded) gets $3,000,000. Trent Benefield (who was shot) gets $900,000.
Add to this the $9,900,000 recently given to Barry Gibbs (for being framed by a crooked cop and serving 19 years in prison) and the millions paid out to drunken idiots who fall on subway tracks and it’s easy to see why New York City is financially screwed.
The MTA has some more good news for their customers (and by “good news” I mean “wallet-rape”).
Want to get a discount on your pay-per-ride MetroCard? Well, you’ll have to spend at least $10 for the 7% bonus (it used to be $8 and a 15% bonus). LIRR and Metro-North fares will jump 7.6 — 9.4%. And the rate hikes in 2011 with be repeated in 2013.
Outstanding.
Almost a third of Michael Goodwin’s page is devoted to Just the facts, John (thanks to the inclusion of an enormous photo of Jack Webb).
“Wacky King Liu is at it again. ‘The Metropolitan Transportation Authority just has to escalate and elevate its commitment to make sure that escalators and elevators are working,’ is how the city comptroller began a press release yesterday. Obviously, John Liu never met Sgt. Joe Friday. As the man from Dragnet said, when it comes to serious business, ‘Just the facts, ma’am.’”
Goodwin is taking the city comptroller to task for using a mediocre play on words in a press release. He gets an entire page to discuss ANYTHING HE WANTS and he spends 1/3 of it complaining that John Liu make a(n admittedly weak) joke instead of just “sticking to the facts.”
Is that hypocrisy or irony or both?
Wyclef Jean is entering himself as a candidate in Haiti’s upcoming presidential election.
“Better this than working with Lauryn Hill again,” he told me at dinner last night. “That bitch crazy.”
“Sister Milindia” is getting “death threats from her neighbors,” according to her daughter (whose name is LaPrince LaGrande).
Poor thing. I’m going to start up a collection for her.
Foxy Brown asked a Brooklyn judge for an order of protection against the person who has an order of protection against Foxy Brown (which Foxy recently violated).
The judge politely refused Foxy Brown’s request.
That is the first and last time “politely” and “Foxy Brown” will ever appear in a sentence together.
The Yankees lost (for the second game in a row, A-Rod went 0-for-4). Tampa and Boston both won; we’re just two games ahead of the Rays.
Local ratings for the Yankees have gone down 5.4% since last year, but the Mets’ ratings are up 1.9%. The Washington Nationals got the biggest increase (up 139%) and Boston took the biggest loss (down 36%) in viewership.
Elton John and Justin Timberlake have both announced that they will NOT be replacing Simon Cowell on American Idol. That leaves Chris Isaak and Harry Connick Jr. (kids LOVE those guys!), which might explain why “Industry insiders are speculating that Idol is toying with the notion of ditching the concept of a judges panel for the upcoming season.”
Linda Stasi hated the season premiere of Jersey Shore. So she gave it two stars.
Until tomorrow, I remain.
Thanks to the Post’s recent cover story, Andrew Cuomo has issued subpoenas for Sister Milindia and the other folks at St. John’s Pentecostal of Crown Heights (yesterday it was St. John’s Pentecostal Curch of Our Lord… I can’t wait to see what the Post calls it tomorrow!). Well done, Post (says the Post to the Post)!
Remember when “Governor” Paterson promised not to fire state workers until 2011? Well, he now calls that promise a “plan” that might not be possible anymore. It will be at least 1,000 years before New York elects another blind Black governor.
FARE IS FOUL AT ARENAS exposes the rampant health-code violations at the nation’s arenas and stadiums (stadia?), according to an ESPN study. Washington, D.C.’s Verizon Center was rated the worst — 100% of its vendors have been cited for at least one “major” offense — while Wrigley Field has a perfect record (“although, that may be because Chicago conducts its investigations on non-game days, when no food is being prepared”).
61% of Madison Square Garden’s vendors were cited this year “with inspectors spotting large amounts of mouse droppings throughout [the venue]” (“53 mouse excreta” were found at just one concession). 48% of Yankee Stadium’s vendors and 45% of Citi Field’s were also cited. When asked if this would affect his gustatory habits at the ballpark, Yankees fan Dave Muñoz, 30, said no. “Where there’s food, there’s roaches. There’s going to be violations. Even McDonald’s is not perfect.”
Set that bar high, Dave!
How will the MTA fuck us in 2011. Let me count the ways.
* The 1-day Unlimited Fun Pass and 14-day Unlimited MetroCard? ELIMINATED.
* Weekly Unlimited MetroCards will go up to $28 and have a 22-ride LIMIT. For an unlimited Unlimited card, you’ll pay $29.
* Monthly Unlimited MetroCards will go up to $99 and have a 90-ride LIMIT. For an unlimited Unlimited card, you’ll pay $104 (that’s $15 more than it costs today).
* Single rides will cost $2.50.
* You know how, if you put more than $4.50 on a pay-per-ride card, you get a 15% bonus? That will become 7%.
I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate the MTA.
Ice-T went on Ustream to explain why he was so rude to that cop the other day.
“Everybody heard that I called the cop a punk bitch. The reason I did that was because he pretty much was a punk bitch. I got respect for cops when they got respect for me.”
You hear that, cops? If you ask Ice-T to pull over and he doesn’t and then you force him to and you learn that he’s driving without insurance and with an expired license and he isn’t wearing his seatbelt, RESPECT HIM.
What a punk bitch.
A cop in Brooklyn was chasing thieves when he was hit by a motorcycle. He went into a coma for 11 days.
When he came out of it, his first words were, “Derek Jeter.”
(wipes tear from corner of eye)
Nissan is recalling 51,000 Cube compacts.
Is there any car company that hasn’t recalled tens of thousands of cars in the last year?
A full-page ad on page 11 trumpets FOX & Friends as the most Powerful Name in Morning News Beating the Competition COMBINED. Congratulations, guys! You win! You may not always get the facts right (or even try to), but at least you’re the most powerful! Yay!
A story on page 15 claims that the new Willis Avenue Bridge arrived at its final destination yesterday. But didn’t I read about this, like, a month ago? Has it really been floating in the East River for that long? You’d think the article would answer my question, but it don’t.
Another day, another embarrassing recording of Mel Gibson yelling at Oksana.
“Did you get my last message about me being a bad father and [Oskana's other babydaddy] Tim[othy Dalton] being a great dad now? Didn’t hear that one? Well, you should go and fuck him, you know? So fucking sorry I had a child with you. You fucking ingrate! The game’s over; let the new games begin — so you can get it on with anybody else and your son can watch it.”
I can’t wait for The Beaver to come out.
Oliver Stone told The Sunday Times of London that Hitler did more damage to the Russians than the Jews, but that no one in America talks about it because of the “Jewish domination of the media.”
“There’s a major lobby in the United States, the most powerful lobby in Washington,” Stone said, obviously referring to the Don’t Talk About Dead Russians B’also Talk A Lot About The Jewish Holocaust (DTADRBTALATJH) lobby.
I can’t wait for Wall Street 2 to come out.
Senator Claire McCaskill (D – Missouri) has been investigating the “shameful grave mix-up” at Arlington National Cemetery and believes that the number of mislabeled plots “could be in the thousands.”
Whoever is responsible should go to prison. Wait. Scratch that. He/she/they should go to Afghanistan.
Page 17 is another full-page ad for BP and the great progress they’re making with their Cleanup efforts.
The water sure looks blue in the photo (not a single drop of oil!), so I guess they’re right. Great job, BP!
Yay! Another hilarious bank robber!
A man in Pittsburgh robbed a bank wearing “a woman’s blond wig, fake breasts and clown pants, and brandish[ing] a stolen toy gun.”
He didn’t even pay for the fake gun! Keep up the great (and highly amusing) work, criminals!
Jailbreaking your iPhone is now legal, according to the Copyright Office of the Library of Congress.
Congratulations, iPhone owners! You are now free to change service providers!
(though your calls might still be dropped until you get the “death grip” fix that Apple is dragging its feet in providing)
Crude oil is now going for $78.98/barrel.
Citigroup is up to $4.15/share.
The Yankees beat Cleveland last night (3-2) with Rivera getting his 21st save (ERA 0.96). Boston and Tampa also won. A-Rod was 0-for-4. Expect home run #600 in late August.
Possibe replacements for Simon Cowell on American Idol: Chris Isaak, Harry Connick Jr., Justin Timberlake.
Why? Did Justin Bieber say no?
The American version of MasterChef premieres tonight at 9:00 on Fox. Linda Stasi gives it her signature rating — three stars.
Correction! Oprah doesn’t want to give Sarah Ferguson a talk show. She wants to give her a “docu-series.”
Feh.
Michael Starr takes time away from rephrasing press releases to inform us that Mad Men had it’s strongest season opener yet (2,900,000 viewers!). Amazingly, he didn’t call it overrated in the four-sentence piece he penned.
But he got to really spread his wings in the feature Why, O, why about President Obama going on The View (the show will air Thursday). What I find interesting about this article is that the title implies Obama is doing something regretful (or that the reasoning behind it needs clarification). But if you read the piece (which I don’t recommend to anyone), you’ll find nothing but explanations for why it’s a great idea. Not a single voice of dissent. Everyone thinks it’s a good idea. But then why, oh, why would Mr. Starr title his article the way he did?
Because he is one of the worst writers at America’s worst newspaper.
It’s gorgeous out! I’m-a go shopping! G’day!
SATURDAY
If you read the Post every day, you might be confused by the way the names of the people in their stories seem to change. For example, CJ Raymond. Today’s front page story (NOTE CLUE) tells us that “a charred note reading only ‘am sorry’ was foused fused to a butane lighter” near the bodies of CJ’s mother and siblings, who were “the victims of her suicidal, pyromaniac 14-year-old son [sic] CJ.” But the real revelation is that his name isn’t CJ Raymond — it’s CJ Raymond Romoy.
And remember Sherr-una Booker? The woman who was allegedly contacted by “Governor” Paterson and asked to drop her claims of domestic violence against her boyfriend (and Paterson aide), David Johnson? Whose name appeared in the Post every day for weeks? Turns out her name is Sherr’Una Booker. At least, that’s what it is today.
This is an excruciatingly bad newspaper.
Today’s weather forecast (according to AccuWeather meteorologist Mike Pigott) calls for “heat indexes above 100.”
“‘Your normal high this time of year is 85,’ Pigott noted.”
Thus disproving global warming.
The folks in Mumbai, India have put together a $35 version of the iPad. The article notes some of India’s other “‘world’s cheapest’ innovations” like “the $2,127 compact Nano car, the $16 water purifier and $2,000 open-heart surgery.”
If I lived in Mumbai? I don’t think a $16 purifier would get me to drink a glass of water.
The American Cancer Society claims that women who sit for more than six hours a day “increase their chance of dying by 37 percent… even if they chain themselves to their treadmills.” Apparently, sitting “suppresses hormones that affect triglycerides and cholesterol, which could trigger heart disease.”
Don’t worry, Teresa. I just threw out all of our chairs.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
Kerry’s $lick sailing tears into John Kerry because he bought/docks his yacht in Rhode Island, thereby saving himself $437,500 in sales tax and $70,000 a year in excise tax. This is the same paper that sides with the hedge-fund managers who are considering moving their companies to Connecticut to save on taxes. But then, the hedge-fund managers didn’t lie about fighting in Vietnam.
Zsa Zsa Gabor is in critical condition and “not responding to human contact.” No word on whether or not she’s responding to her husband Prince Frederic von Anhalt.
The Vatican “lashed out” at “gay priests who are leading a double life, urging them to come out of the closet and leave the priesthood.” Nice priorities there, Catholic Church.
Lindsay Lohan’s “jailers are now taking special precautions to keep away from her anything that could cut skin” because they’re afraid she’ll start “deliberately cutting herself.”
I hope these kid gloves help Lindsay learn the lesson that she’s no better than anyone else.
For the first time ever, a sea lion was born at the New York Aquarium in Coney Island — on June 30th (nice birthday!).
Is it just me or does the sea lion remind you of:
Two of Bret Michaels’ tour buses were pulled over in DeKalb County, Indiana (Bret was in one of them). Police found “marijuana and other unidentified controlled substances.” Since celebrities are treated just like the rest of us, expect Michaels to pay a $200 fine and be on his merry way
Mel Gibson update: Oksana claims he once said “I want Jew blood on my hands!” in reference to taking TMZ’s (and The People’s Court’s) Harvey Levin into the desert, kneecapping him and leaving him to die (naked!) in the heat.
Harvey Levin has already come forward to say he doesn’t believe that the story is true. Which means he’ll only report it as true on his show four times.
North Korea has issued a warning of “nuclear deterrence” to the U.S. and South Korea if they go through with plans for naval maneuvers this week. Oh no! If we don’t cave into North Korea’s demands, they’re going to nuke us! Either that or do nothing!
Senator Jim Webb (D – Virginia) wrote an op-ed column for The Wall Street Journal calling for an end to government-run diversity programs, insisting that “[a] plethora of government-enforced diversity policies have marginalized many white workers.” He goes on to complain that immigrants from Asia, Latin America and Africa “have frequently been the beneficiaries of special government programs. The same cannot be said of many hardworking white Americans.”
It’s refreshing to see that politicians on both sides of the aisle can be racist fearmongers.
There was a bomb scare on Eighth Avenue between 46th Street and 47th Street at noon on Friday. The unattended suspicious package contained “a hydraulic tool.”
I don’t know what that is, but I guess it isn’t a bomb.
Vladimir Putin announced that Russia plans to build a new $800,000,000 spaceport. And the editorial One Giant Leap… Backward wonders if this is “one small step toward the end of US global prominence?”
Yes. Yes it is. The thing that Russia says it plans to build at some point proves that this country is no longer a superpower. And it’s all that colored guy’s fault.
So much hate mail about the mosque (that’s actually a cultural center) being built at Ground Zero (actually it’s a few blocks away)!
Alfonso Ruiz, of Manhattan, asks, “Do they honesty believe that this mosque is for religious purposes only? With so many places available, why build one there? We are at war, and we have loved ones fighting and dying for us. Let’s stop blowing sunshine where it doesn’t shine.” 1) No they don’t because it isn’t — it’s a cultural center. 2) To spite you. 3) Some of those loved ones dying for us are Muslim. 4) Only if you stop blowing men.
Robert Prowler, of Pompano Beach, Florida, writes, “I believe in diversity and freedom of religion, but if the mosque is allowed to be built, the terrorists have won. We might as well convert to Islam and be done with it.” And I believe that Robert is right, except that I don’t.
Phil Serpico, of Queens, hates Bloomberg and Muslims. “I’m afraid Bloomberg would even approve building on the site itself. Certainly a more remote location would be feasible — like the Mojave Desert.” Shut up, snitch. (Oh, wait. That was Frank Serpico. Nevermind.)
But my favorite is from Manhattan’s Richard Weinstein. “We are at war with those responsible for 9/11, and now we are supposed to let Muslims build a monument of sorts? No way!” 1) We’re at war with Saudi Arabia? Since when? 2) At least someone is building something down there.
Don Kaplan and Stefanie Cohen co-authored a piece on men and women who use grills to cook (FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE). Neither one of them knows the difference between than and then. They credit Andrew Fischel with saying, “If I’m not getting smoky and getting greasy, than I’m not cooking.”
Yanks win, Boston wins, Tampa loses.
And Posada got his 1,000th (and 1,001st) RBI. And it was his seventh straight game with at least one RBI. And he’s now 12th on the Yankees’ all-time RBI list, just 12 behind Bob Meusel.
How bad have CSI’s ratings gotten?
Justin Bieber will guest-star in their season premiere, which will be “the beginning of a story arc that will play out over the rest of the season, with Bieber returning several times.”
Bieber and Fishburne, together at last!
SUNDAY
Today’s EXCLUSIVE cover story (BAD HABIT) is all about “Sister Milindia,” a nun who begs for donations in Little Italy. Except she’s not a nun. Her real name is Mindy LeGrand and her “church” is St. John’s Pentecostal Church of Our Lord, which isn’t a real church. Also, it was founded by “Bishop” Devernon LeGrand, who was convicted of murdering his ex-wife, raping a woman in the “church” and killing (and then burning and hacking them up and dumping them in a lake upstate) two teenage members of the “church” because they threatened to testify against him in a fraud case. He died in prison in 2006.
The new head of the “church” is “the Reverend” Noconda LeGrand, who served eight years for raping the same woman his father raped (they did it at the same time… all my father ever did with me was coach my little league team).
So, if you see this woman…
…don’t give her any money. And do NOT go back to her “church” with her.
“With the sacking of hundreds of station-booth agents, the MetroCard turnstile readers that they usually clean daily with alcohol-soaked cards will stay filthy longer, leading to more errors that can deny entry and rob you of a fare, union officials and transit advocates say.”
Well, at least they’re raising the fares again soon!
According to a British newspaper poll, New York City is the 22nd coolest thing in the world.
“The 100 Coolest Things on the Planet” lists the iPod at #4, the Internet at #3, Apple at #2 and the iPhone at #1.
How empty their lives must be…
O NOES!
“Some inmates have been taunted Lindsay Lohan so mercilessly — chanting ‘fire crotch’ at her — that she pitched a ‘hysterical fit’ and had to be placed in lockdown.”
But don’t get too concerned. “Lohan may get a break from nasty prison life, however; she reportedly could get her walking papers as early as this week.”
Lesson learned!
Remember CJ Raymond? The 14-year-old whose name changed to CJ Raymond Romoy in yesterday’s paper? Well, now he’s C.J. Romoy. B’also? The handwriting on the “am sorry” note “appears to match that of the dead mother.”
Hmmm… so C.J. might not have been the killer? “A high-level police source” says that “all signs were still pointing to… C.J.” Oh. So he did kill everyone and set the house on fire? Not necessarily… according to the boy’s father “who hasn’t seen his son in almost seven years.”
“If anybody could’ve done it, it would’ve been the mother because of her temper,” Earlston Raymond said. He also claimed that “a close friend of [the mother] called him after the tragedy to say the mom earlier told her that ’she was going to kill the youths and burn the house down.’”
And why would the absentee father lie about something like that?
Tom Robbins wrote a great article in last week’s Village Voice (The Downtown Mosque Plan Riles the Loons), which begins by describing Sharif El-Gamal’s (the Brooklyn-born developer of the planned Islamic cultural center) speech to the folks who showed up at Hunter College for the Landmarks Preservation Commission hearing. “[H]e was in the middle of describing himself as ‘proof of the American dream’ and the proud father of two beautiful American daughters, when the heckling from the yahoos kicked in. A few rows behind him, a guy in a porkpie hat and a T-shirt cupped his hands around his mouth and hooted, ‘You’re no American!’”
I mention this because Michael Goodwin’s ACTIVIST’S ‘DEFENSE’ JUST A MOSQUERADE ridicules Ibrahim Hooper for relying on “cheap partisanship and name-calling that… actually damages his cause” at the same meeting Robbins attended.
“‘Given the political right’s hate-filled and hysterical response to all things Muslim, one has to ask whether American Muslims face a future in which they will no longer be treated as equal citizens,’ began Hooper, the flack for the Council on American-Islamic Relations. He went on to tar opponents with a ‘neo-McCarthyite response’ and threw in tired charges of bigotry and genocide.”
Read the letters your shitty paper gets every day, Michael. Listen to the people who proudly proclaim that El-Gamal is “no American” because his religious beliefs aren’t the same as the Pope’s. How dare you, the flack for Rupert Murdoch’s shitty yellow-journalism factory, call Hooper’s charges of bigotry “tired.”
Putz.
“Michael Jackson had an unquenchable thirst for Nazi documentaries [sic] as well as Judy Garland TV specials and dramas depicting troubled boys in dysfunctional families.”
In other news, Jackson also enjoyed dancing.
According to Public Policy Polling, Charles Rangel will nab 39% of the votes in September 14th primary. Adam Clayton Powell IV will get 21%, Joyce Johnson will get 7% and Jonathan Tasini will get 6%. And the guy I was rooting for, Vince Morgan, will get 2%
That leaves 25% up for grabs. And me thinking less of Rangel’s consituents.
Six more MTA bus lines are being rejiggered. The X1, X7, X9, X10, X12 and X17 will all have new routes starting next month.
Keep up the great work, war criminals!
A man shot a member of the Hell’s Angels “several times in the head” and then “stomped his face so hard that he left bloody footprints.”
Police are currently searching for the murderer, who they describe as “having huge balls.”
Jonathan Strong is outraged by how Liberally biased the members of JournoList were during the run-up to the 2008 election. For example, Ed Kilgore (“managing editor of the Democratic Strategist”) wrote, “Sarah Palin’s just been introduced to the country as a brave, above-party, oil-company-bashing, pork-hating maverick ‘outsider.’ What we can do is to expose her ideology.”
HOW DARE HE?!? If the Republicans want to sell an unknown as being everything she actually isn’t, who is he to challenge them?
Jonathan Strong is a writer for The Daily Caller, which runs stories that parrot Fox News, who then uses The Daily Caller as proof of their assertions. Which sounds more like a conspiracy than what JournoList did/does.
Peggy Noonan wants Shirley Sherrod’s speech to become “required viewing in the nation’s high schools.”
I look forward to tomorrow’s editorial, Peggy Noonan: Racist.
A photo of Carl Paladino giving a speech at a rally while standing next to a Teabagger (dressed in Colonial garb, including the pointy hat) is captioned “Paladino is trying to catch the power of the tricorne.”
I’ll assume they mean “tricorner,” as the article is about how Paladino wants the Tea Party’s endorsement, but the Tea Party has been refusing to provide it. Paladino wanted to name his third line on the ballot “T.E.A.” but insists that he “never meant to imply association with the Tea Party.” Oh, OK.
Fun Fact: Rick Lazio is viewed “very favorably” by 7% of the people (whoever they are) Rasmussen polled and “very unfavorably” by 15%. Paladino is viewed “very favorably” by 10% and “very unfavorably” by 10%.
Funner Fact: Neither one stands a chance against Cuomo.
Nathan Belofsky lists some of the “strange and curious legal oddities” in New York City’s law books.
“Swill milk laced with plaster and chalk was banned in the 1870s, and the milk we drink today can’t contain blood, puss, manure or even vermin.”
Puss? Really? I don’t know if that’s Nathan’s typo or the Post’s, but either way it’s embarrassing.
ASK ASHLEY!
My wife — whom I’ve known and been with since college, and is also the mother of my three children, recently told me she’s no longer in love with me. I moved out and am now I’m stuck with the impossible task of also trying to move on. Any suggestions? I haven’t been with another woman in over 15 years. — I.R., Philadelphia
ASHLEY: “[J]ust be positive, energetic and funny (if you can!). Don’t be a downer (even though you may be a little blue because of your situation). Nobody likes a sad sack.”
ME: “You can still win her back. Make her fall in love with you again by constantly sending her gifts and following her around. Women love dead flowers and stuffed animals with hunting knives stuck in them.”
What’s the protocol for getting (and giving) someone your information these days? Do people still exchange business cards? Also, if you both swap cards, who’s supposed to get in touch first? — Brooke, 38
ASHLEY: “I think guys should give business cards because it proves their credibility, while girls should only give their phone numbers because you never know — the guy could turn out to be a total creepster.”
ME: “I think women should give out business cards because it proves their credibility, while guys should only give their phone numbers because you never know — the girl could turn out to be a total whore.”
My girlfriend and I briefly broke up, during which I got a tattoo. We’re now back together, and she wants me to have it removed. Doesn’t this seem a bit extreme? — J., Williamsburg
ASHLEY: “Ask yourself this: Do you like the tattoo? Does it make you happy? If the answer is yes, then keep it. But also consider this: Do you like her? Does she make you happy? Both are easily ‘removable,’ so you do have the option to choose one over the other.”
ME: “Have you ever noticed that the (former?) prostitute always seems to call women ‘girls’? And now she’s further objectifying them by referring to your girlfriend as easily removable. Ask yourself this: Why do you care what this woman-hating bimbo thinks? What’s more important to you? Your tattoo or your girlfriend? No one can answer that question but you.”
Uh-oh! There’s a photo of Jason Sudeikis “admir[ing] rumored gal pal” January Jones. Does that make it official? And, if so, are they Jasuary or Januason?
The Yanks lost (despite 2 home runs from Teixeira), Boston won, Tampa won. We’re still 3 ahead of Tampa and 6 1/2 ahead of Boston.
BONUS! Dog Court videotaped last night’s show (their ninth victory in the Inferno). Here’s the show in its entirety! Part One:
And Part Two:
(I’m the husky one)
TODAY
The EXCLUSIVE story LIVER LET DIE: Transplant for ‘wife-killer’ explains that Johnny Concepcion admitted to killing his wife and then destroyed his liver in a “botched suicide bid” (he ate rat poison), but he somehow managed to get a transplant ahead of “nearly 2,000 other desperate New Yorkers.” That sucks.
And if he kills himself in prison, anyone whose relative died while waiting for a liver transplant would have a pretty decent case against the United Network of Organ Sharing.
Los Angeles authorities are looking into the possibility that house mold might have played a role in the deaths of Brittany Murphy and her husband, Simon Monjack.
You’d think that wouldn’t be an issue for millionaires…
Inception is still the #1 movie in America and after reading this article, I can recommend it to everyone. I hadn’t been able to decide how much I liked it (it was gorgeous and interesting, but I had story issues). But that article (which should only be read by folks who have seen the movie, obviously) explains away all of my concerns and I can’t wait to see it again.
We’ve gone ahead with our naval exercises that North Korea warned us not to go ahead with.
And may God have mercy on our souls.
It’s official: C.J. Romoy did NOT kill his mother and siblings. Leisa Jones, his “deranged mom,” commited the crimes (according to the autopsies).
Isn’t rushing to judgment fun?
So… Pakistan has been double-crossing us in the Afghanistan war? Since 2004?
So… are we going to go to war with them, too?
Oh no! Michael Lohan is no longer engaged to Kate Major (his daughter’s former personal assistant)! He is, however, trying to sell a topless photo of Major “passed out in bed with her engagement ring still on her finger.”
What a classy fellow.
Tony Hayward has stepped down as CEO of BP. But don’t cry for him — he’s getting $18,200,000 for his troubles.
Thank God. I was really worried there for a minute.
The Yankees and Tampa both won, Boston lost. Granderson hit two home runs but A-Rod hit none.
We play seven games in the next seven days — four against Cleveland, three against Tampa Bay.
VH1’s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew can finally say they have a celebrity in the cast: Eric Roberts (brother of Julia, father of Emma). I wonder if he’ll hit it off with Rachel Uchitel! ()
Amanda Bynes has announced that she has “unretired.”
How unexpected! How unintersting!
Oprah Winfrey has offered Sarah Ferguson her own talk show on OWN. Why? Did Roman Polanski say no?
Do you like TV? Do you like desserts? Well, then, tune in to The Learning Channel tonight! At 6:00 and 6:30, there’s DC Cupcakes! Then at 7:00, it’s Fabulous Cakes! At 8:00 and 8:30 and 9:00 and 9:30, there’s Cake Boss! Then at 10:00 it’s time for Fabulous Cakes again! And at 11:00 and 11:30 and 12:00 and 12:30, you can watch some more Cake Boss! And at 1:00 and 2:00, why not watch some more Fabulous Cakes?
What exactly are people supposed to be learning?
And now we’re all caught up.
There’s no Let’s Have A Ball this Saturday because of the Del Close Marathon. However, we’ll be performing in the DCM (at the UCB) on Sunday at 3:30. And Dog Court still doesn’t know when they’ll be performing in the Inferno again (we have to face off against the two former champions, but the host hasn’t decided when that will be yet). Such is life.
Thanks for stopping by. See you all tomorrow.
Woke up, got bagels, went to Manhattan, coached an improv group, went to the supermarket, waited for a bus in the rain, arrived home and discovered that my fly had been open all day.
I hope this means that Dog Court is going to win tonight. Or that I’m going to win the lottery soon. Or both.
Come to the Inferno tonight! Then read a triple entry tomorrow!
In the meantime, watch this!
If you enjoy reading this blog, chances are you’re the victim of at least one bully. Consider this video a public service announcement. One that, if you follow its advice, will almost certainly lead to your murder.
And if you’ve never visited Everything Is Terrible, then you haven’t lived.
Happy Saturday, kids!
Today’s cover features two stories.
1) Boy, 14, massacres his family on Staten I. tells the story of CJ Raymond, who (allegedly) slit the throats of “at least two” of his siblings before setting the family home on fire. Mother Leisa Jones, 30, and her three other children (Brittany, 10, Melanie, 7, and Jermaine, 2) were found in the living room. CJ was found face down on his bed with a straight razor under his arm (he is reported to have slit his own throat after starting the fire). Police have no idea what motive CJ might have had (not that a plausible one exists).
2) From that grim tragedy, let’s move on to something more spiritually uplifting. CHARLIE CHARGED: Faces ethics trial — could get boot announces that Charlie Rangel will be facing a public trial for his tax shenanigans (among many other things) and he could wind up being expelled. I’ve been waiting a loooooong time for this. The only way for Rangel to save (what little) face (he can) is to drop out of the upcoming election. But he won’t.
Gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino called the mosque that is expected to be built near Ground Zero is “an affront to the American people — and it must be stopped.”
Again, I implore every Muslim-American currently in the armed forces to resign. You are putting yourself in harm’s way for a country that proudly denies your existence. I’d make the same request of homosexuals (in the wake of Dan Choi’s recent discharge), but we’re fighting two wars and if every homosexual quit, we’d become New China in a week.
Frank Frazetta’s painting “Conan the Destroyer” was sold to a private collector this week for $1,500,000.
Worth every penny.
I asked bank robbers to follow the Bouquet Bandit’s lead and be more creative with their robberies. And at least one of them has.
A man dressed as Darth Vader (but with camouflage pants and a blue cape) robbed the Setauket Chase bank (the one on Route 374) with a semiautomatic handgun yesterday. He remains at large.
What’s next? Here’s my prediction: A group of people pretending to film a reality show and, when they finally get caught, the tapes they made during their robbery (or robberies) will be used as evidence against them. Either that or Ronald McDonald.
“I am public enemy No. 1 or 2 to the Democratic Party, the progressive movement and the Obama administration, based upon the successes my journalism has had.” — Andrew Breitbart
This is the man who knowingly edited a 24-year-old video to make Shirley Sherrod look like a racist and posted it on his Web site. He said he did it to illustrate that the NAACP is racist.
The article this quote appears in (Obama apologizes) doesn’t condemn what Breitbart did or the fact that he refuses to apologize. At the end of the piece, we learn that there’s an Editorial on page 28 and an Opinion piece on page 29.
The editorial is Another Rush to Judgment and Breitbart isn’t mentioned once. Instead, it draws (negative) parallels between the Sherrod incident and the Henry Louis Gates incident and Obama’s response to both. Because, the real story here is that Obama mishandled his response. Not that one of the most powerful right-wing fearmongers maliciously (and unapologetically) spread lies about a government employee in an attempt to discredit the NAACP.
And there are two opinion pieces. Bill O’Reilly’s She Deserved Better From Us All doesn’t mention Breitbart. And it’s a kinda/sorta apology for O’Reilly’s own rush to judgment, but he maintains that maybe Sherrod shouldn’t have gotten her job back. “Sherrod may not be a great fit for the USDA. She is obviously a very political person with a strong point of view. Public servants are supposed to look out for all the folks; it is tough for polarizing people to do that.” Wow. When will Fox’s assault on everyone with an educated opinion stop?
The other opinion piece is Happily Ridiculous: Beyond the Sherrod farce by Rich Lowry. “It’s why the story Shirley Sherrod told at the NAACP conference was a heartening one, contrary to the distorted impression created after conservative activist Andrew Breitbart released a videotape without crucial context.” And I would praise Lowry’s piece, except his thesis is that America used to be much more racist, so when folks like the NAACP cry racism, they should consider that Whites used to be able to beat and shoot and frame Blacks without consequence. That’s why the Sherrod incident is a “farce.”
I hate everyone that works at this newspaper. Except maybe Lou Lumenick. Maybe.
45 homes were evacuated in Woodmere, Long Island, after a gasoline tanker crashed yesterday morning. 2,000 gallons of gas leaked onto the street.
Residents claim that Long Island actually smells better as a result.
According to Page Six (today on page 12), Snooki told Rolling Stone, “The only reason people talk negative is because they’re jealous. Every time they call me a midget, Oompa-Loompa, orange, they’re just jealous. It makes me want to be more ridiculous and more stupid.”
Impossible.
Why did the Staten Island Ferry crash in May, injuring 48 and causing millions in damages? Possibly because no one replaced the oil filter. In fact, the Department of Transportation has no official procedure for replacing oil filters on those ferries, and the idea that the filter would ever need to be replaced surprised them (according to the Coast Guard).
Which makes me wonder why all of the other ferries haven’t crashed yet.
Todd Venezia reports that BrewDog has created The End of History, a beer with 50% alcohol content. It costs $763 per bottle. And, Todd says, “it comes with the taxidermied remains of a small animal inside, such as a squirrel or rabbit.”
Almost $800 for a beer with a dead squirrel in it? Surely Todd’s mistaken, yes? Yes.
After 15 seconds of research, I found BrewDog’s Web site and this. The bottle is in the animal, not the other way around. B’also? No rabbits. You can get it in a stoat or a grey squirrel. Actually, you can’t get either, as they’ve sold out of both.
Great work, Todd!
More Mel Gibson news. This time it’s a text message that incriminates him.
The day after Mel allegedly punched Oksana in the face (and possibly also grazed their baby), he sent her the following text: “Oksana, I wasn’t safe for you last night. I spent two hours with a therapist today and have regained some perspective. What I’m telling you now is that I am safe & would like to come by and make amends to you, Sascha and Lucia.”
That must be some therapist!
Brooklyn is getting its first gastropub-movie theater at 147 Front Street in DUMBO. It’s called reRun (it’s next-door to reBar and owned by the same folks) and you can get popcorn with drawn butter, brown butter, sage brown butter, bacon fat, duck fat…
When Jerry Springer has to destroy one of my bedroom’s walls in order to take my 1-ton ass to the hospital, it will be reRun’s fault.
“People who watch big-screen romantic comedies with Hollywood hunks and sexy leading ladies and often wind up with shattered relationships because of it, according to a study released yesterday.”
Then, for the sake of my marriage, I will never see 27 Dresses, Valentine’s Day, I Hate Valentine’s Day, When In Rome, The Ugly Truth, Fool’s Gold, The Bounty Hunter, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, Failure to Launch, Leap Year.. hey! I was never going to see these movies anyway! Marriage saved!
Bill Murray dove into a “Dumpster pool” several times during his Wednesday appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman and wound up with a gash on the side of his head (he hit it on the Dumpster). He stayed for his entire interview, despite the bleeding.
And that, my friends, is what we in the business call a professional.
One of the backers of the Weinstein Brothers’ attempt to buy back Miramax has dropped out, leaving the brothers without enough money to make a competitive bid.
Word is that the backer “found the brothers tough to deal with.” Um… had he never heard of them before offering to finance them?
Crude oil is selling for $79.30/barrel.
Citigroup is back up to $4.05/share.
MOVIE REVIEWS!
Kyle Smith gives two stars to Salt (“Don’t be Russian to see it.”), and three stars to Countdown to Zero (“one of the most frightening documentaries you’ll ever see, or endure”).
Lou Lumenick gives three stars to both Ramona and Beezus (“Pleasure in sweet ‘Beezus’”) and Life During Wartime (“Todd Solondz finally grows up”).
V.A. Musetto gives three stars to Farewell (violence). He must have been sitting near an Asian woman when he saw it.
Pete Hammond is gone from the Inception ad again (was he ever really there or did I dream it?).
The Yankees were down 3-2 after two innings yesterday, but managed a 10-4 victory for Sabathia’s 13th win. A-Rod hit his 599th dinger (which means he’ll hit #600 in seven weeks) and Jeter hit the second inside-the-park home run of his career. His first one was the sixth home run he ever hit — in 1996. Fun Fact: The two-run shot he hit in 1996 was also against the Royals (in Kansas City). The guy he drove home? Catcher Joe Girardi.
Burnett (7-8) is pitching tonight. Let’s hope he doesn’t get mad at any doors before then.
One of the contestants on the current season of Big Brother is telling everyone that his wife is suffering from melorheostosis and that he needs the $500,000 grand prize to pay for an operation.
On Wednesday’s episode, Matt Hoffman gleefully admitted to the ruse in his video confession. The folks at the Melorheostosis Association are not amused and are demanding a sitdown with CBS.
Remember when TV shows featured actors? Talented people who could entertain audiences by breathing life into talented writers’ scripts? Me neither.
Tomorrow night’s Let’s Have A Ball still has reservations available for some weird reason.
And Sunday night’s Inferno will be Dog Court’s ninth show. HOWEVER, it will not be their last show (if they win).
But they have to win. They just have to. So, if you can, swing by the Magnet Theater at 9:30 on Sunday. You’ll be glad you did. Well, I’ll be glad you did, anyway.
Happy weekend!
Is the state of Connecticut trying to convince the hedge-fund managers in New York City to move their businesses to the Nutmeg State by promising lower taxes (and the avoidance of the proposed $50,000,000 tax that’s currently floating around the halls of Albany)? Yes.
Remember Tom Golisano? He loved New York (and its residents) so much that he wanted to be governor. He ran (and lost) in ‘94, ‘98, and ‘02. But when he realized that he would have to pay more taxes, he moved to Florida. Now, he gets to remain a billionaire, as opposed to remaining a billionaire with slightly less money.
You know how the right wing loves to talk about patriotism? About making sacrifices in times of war? Then why, in a time of two wars and the worst economic environment since the Great Depression, is it considered OK to run away from higher taxes? Is $50,000,000 a lot of money? Yes. But if your hedge fund made 10 times that (if not more) last year, then why not bite the bullet? No one will lose their yacht or their summer home, but the city’s elderly could keep their bus lines (maybe) and we wouldn’t have to close as many firehouses, we could hire more cops… Wouldn’t that be a real act of patriotism, one that made everyone safer?
Sigh. I guess capitalists hate America.
Oh, Foxy Brown (real name: Inga Marchand). Why you gotta be like that?
She still has beef with Arlene Raymond, the woman she threw her Blackberry at years ago (because, nine days earlier, she had the audacity to ask Foxy to turn down her car stereo). But Arlene has an order of protection against Foxy. So when Foxy decided to stand outside Arlene’s window and call her a “fucking bitch” and scream, “I’m going to fuck you up!” the police were called and Foxy was arrested.
Tupac and Biggie are gone, but she’s still alive? So unfair.
Oksana Grigorieva is now being investigated for claims that she was trying to extort Mel Gibson.
Either way, he’s a monster. A monster who really, really wants a blowjob.
The MTA is doing away with discounts for people who buy Metro-North and/or LIRR tickets online or by mail.
B’also? They will now charge a fee for getting a refund.
B’also also? Those single-ride tickets you buy? The ones that are currently valid for six months? They’ll now be valid for “only one to two weeks after purchase.”
I hate them so much.
Churlie Hurt’s O the race ‘healer’ just another heel begins, “After nearly two years of Hope and Change, the seas have not receded, the world has not turned into a gentle dove in His hands, and we have not slipped the surly shackles of partisanship.”
He goes on to explain that it was the Obama administration who “turned a routine situation into a poisonous racial fight.” Not Breitbart, not Fox News — the Obama administration.
That’s some solid political commentary there, Churlie. I can see why you’re the Post’s D.C. Bureau Chief.
Try not to get hit by a bus.
Lindsay Lohan’s mother and sister had a nice long visit (85 minutes!) with the incarcerated has-been yesterday.
Um… is that allowed? Well, no. Visits only happen on weekends, and they don’t ever last that long. Unless you’re Lindsay Lohan.
Yeah… she’s learning her lesson all right.
The Bouquet Bandit has been busted.
Edward Pemberton, 44, was arrested yesterday and charged with “at least” six robberies.
I can only hope that the rest of NYC’s criminals took note of Edward’s creativity.
Robbing with guns is so 2009.
A “source close to Viacom” tells Page Six (today on page 12) that Sumner Redstone isn’t ashamed of his recent attempted bribery of a journalist. “Sumner wants to be consequential. Sumner is really proud of what he did… He likes people to know he’s still alive.”
And what better way to let people know you aren’t dead than to try and make TV stars out of talentless sluts and then bribe the guy who found out how awful their pilot is?
“The Naked Cowboy is seeking a court order to force the Naked Cowgirl to cover up.”
Her attorney says that the Naked Cowboy “does not have a monopoly on scantily-clad guitar playing.” And I would agree… if his client didn’t look like this:
Good news, everyone! It looks like Cheryl Mercuris’ plan is working!
She’s being “inundated with phone calls and e-mails from guys looking to cozy up to the single shapely mom.”
And, surely, they’re interested in her personality and not the fact that she spent $500,000 for a 2-week house rental.
A Queens man (Joshua Hirsch) with tooth decay is suing Trident because their Xtra Care gum “failed to live up to its promise of ’strengthening and rebuilding’ his pearly whites.”
If he wins, it will set a dangerous precedent, especially with regards to my pending lawsuit against Red Bull (I still don’t have wings).
BP has another full-page ad on page 25. It’s the same Beaches ad they ran a while back (the one where people are “cleaning” a beach that’s already clean, in front of clear green and blue water as far as the eye can see).
Money well spent, BP!
(heh… well spent)
Poor Tiger Woods. He only made $90,500,000 last year.
That’s almost $30,000,000 more than the guy who made the second-most (Phil Mickelson).
I’m going to go buy some copies of “Tiger Woods PGA Tour 11″ to help him get back on his feet.
The Yankees had a 6-5 lead after six and a half innings against the Angels (it was a 6-0 game after four innings). With two men on base, Brett Gardner argued a called strike and was ejected from the game. Colin Curtis (who?) took over his 0-2 count and hit a 3-run homer. The final score was 10-6. Teixeira and Jeter each got 3 hits.
Sabathia pitches today (1:05 p.m.) against Kansas City.
Only 69 games to go!
Regis Philbin told the cast of Jersey Shore that they should’ve gotten more money.
“They’ve got tons of money at MTV. They should have gotten more. I mean it, Snoozi, get out there and tell them you want more!”
I can’t decide if calling Snooki “Snoozi” is a malapropism or an eggcorn.
Please stop billing the “as-yet-unnamed” show that Sara Gilbert and Sharon Osbourne (and others) are doing at CBS as “The View for moms.” Everyone on The View is a mother! And most of the people who watch The View are mothers!
It’s like calling something “The Hills for idiots.”
Linda Stasi gives Mad Men’s Season 4 premiere four stars.
Michael Starr is inconsolable.
The end.
See you all bright and early tomorrow.
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