Archive for August, 2010
Didn’t sleep enough last night. I woke up at 7:00, made Teresa lunch, got a paper, drank a bunch of coffee and fell right back to sleep. Woke up again at 12:30 and now I feel more tired than I did earlier this morning. A loving God wouldn’t let this happen.
Before we begin our regularly scheduled programming, I thought you’d enjoy this video of interviews with attendees of Glenn Beck’s “Restoring Honor” rally. Is everyone that attended a moron? No. Are all of the people in this video? Yes.
I just spent the last hour on YouTube looking for incriminating Glenn Beck clips (the numerous times he called Obama a racist, the numerous times he defended doing so, the time he said that he hates the families of 9/11 victims because they’re always complaining, etc.), but then I remembered that I like the people that read my blog and there’s no reason to spend any more time on that Mormon douchebag than is absolutely necessary.
And now, the Post.
The top 60% of today’s cover is Lindsay Lohan lounging on a coach (her breasts partially exposed) under a hot pink headline: Luscious Lindsay! The rest of the cover is devoted to Roger Clemens’s mug shot (ACE IN THE HOLE: Clemens treated like common criminal).
You have to love that about the Post — they have at least two columnists who repeatedly criticize the media for keeping Lohan in the spotlight, but they’ll put her on the cover at the drop of a hat. And why is she on today’s cover? Because she gave an interview to Vanity Fair insisting that “her wild party-girl days are over.” The follow-up takes up most of pages 10 and 11. I can’t for Mandrea (and/or others) to tell me why I shouldn’t care in the coming days.
As for Clemens (who gets pages 6 and 7 all to himself), he was “photographed and fingerprinted in DC federal court.” He pleaded “not guilty” and is due back in court on December 8th. Jury selection is “tentatively scheduled for next April 5th.” Whatever happened to our right to a speedy trial?
The 60,000-square foot Barnes & Noble on 66th Street and Broadway (across the street from what used to be Tower Records) will close in January.
I wonder what will open in its place. My guess? Yankee Candle.
Starting at 6:00 p.m. on Sunday night, “Kennedy Airport’s longest runway was tied up for more than 14 hours — because the Port Authority couldn’t find anyone who knew how to change two blown tires on a private Lear jet.”
Every time I read about some asinine study that researchers have devoted years of their lives to (People lie in their online dating profiles! Old men prefer young women! People don’t like pain!), I wonder if decades of their pooled resources might have given us teleportation by now. Which would make the Port Authority and the MTA obsolete.
Roger Clemens gets over two pages of coverage. The 14 American soldiers in Afghanistan that have been killed in the last three days get three sentences in the bottom corner of page 8.
The MTA has ordered “340 new subway cars that will come equipped for surveillance cameras.”
Estimated cost: $748,000,000.
I’m so glad they found the money for this.
Paris Hilton amended her defense: “I thought the cocaine was chewing gum.”
She is being charged with felony drug-possession. “The low-level felony carries a maximum of four years in prison, but the statute calls for mandatory probation sentence and no prison if the drug possessor has no felony past.”
Too bad none of her DWIs were treated like the felonies they were.
A woman claims that she was rear-ended by a Ford Explorer driven by Harjinder Singh. The Explorer’s license plate? 1HAPPY. The woman was was rear-ended? Cindy Supersad.
Even more bizarre is Cindy’s middle name: Caraccidentsmakeme.
The editorial The Men Behind the Mosque demands that the Islamic cultural center must be paid for “with clean money.”
You know whose name doesn’t come up even once in the piece? Prince Alwaleed bin Talal.
Manny Ramirez now plays for the Chicago White Sox.
The Yankees beat the A’s (11-5) last night, but Tampa beat Toronto (6-2), so we’re still tied for first. Thames hit a 3-run homer (he’s hit at least one dinger in five of the Yankees’ last six games).
31 games to go!
Awwwww. Snooki’s boyfriend proposed to her on the cover of Steppin’ Out magazine.
No word on whether or not someone has read it to Snooki yet.
Where did the day go? I have to do some grocery shopping and then coach in Manhattan tonight. I’m a busy bee.
Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday, folks!
Congratulations again to all of the folks that helped with last night’s benefit. It was a huge success.
I wanted to go out with everyone afterwards, but made the executive decision to drive back to Brooklyn with the cargo van. It was filled with bottles and furniture and miscellany and I didn’t want to have to descend into another garage (and risk further damaging our chairs) and then drink and then try to find a place to park in my neighborhood at 1:00 a.m. So I flew solo (I insisted — Teresa and the rest of the crew had earned their celebration).
Luckily, I found a place to park right by our house and managed to unload the van relatively quickly. Then I showered, then I slept. Teresa returned with 4 of the Dog Court boys in tow — she was so exhausted by the end of the night that they insisted on escorting her home. We are so blessed to have people like Alex, Justin, Sam and Jeff (and Mike and Susan) in our lives.
What I would like to do is go back to sleep (I woke up at 9:00 to return the van), but I owe you three days of newspaper criticisms. So let’s do that. And then I’ll sleep.
SATURDAY
The 17-year-old daughter of the US ambassador to Thailand fell 22 stories to her death from the 25th-floor balcony of a 25-year-old’s apartment (she landed on a 3rd-floor balcony). Nicole John had been drinking (a lot) at Tenjune earlier in the night (with her friends, most of whom were also underage). The Post reprinted some of her blog posts.
“Let’s make a stew — vodka/redbulls + long island iced teas+ ambiens + xanax = om nom nom”
“Friday night went to a house party and played beer pong, etc, got shwasted/cross-faded.”
And from two weeks ago, “Whaaaaaat a fuckin’ EPIC weekend. Intoxication for about 40 hours straight, starting Friday night. I never use the word epic, but it is actually appropriate this time.”
If only there were warning signs.
The Post is happy to point out that Michael Enright’s journals show no sign of anti-Muslim sentiments. They use this as proof that there is no violent anti-mosque movement. I use it as proof that the folks on the right (the Post included) have created such a fervent anti-mosque sentiment that even someone like Enright can be driven to violence — even if it goes against everything he once believed (as long as he’s heavily intoxicated).
But what do I know?
78% of Muslims like Obama (down from 86% a year ago). So do 61% of Jews (down 16%), 50% of Catholics (down 17%), 43% of Protestants (down 15%) and 24% of Mormons (down 21%).
Well, what do you know. He is uniting the country!
Jon Gosselin’s ex (Hailey Glassman) said in a December interview that Gosselin “is hung like a 9-year-old boy.”
Adorable.
Page Six (today on page 10) informs us that actor Bokeem Woodbine “freaked out” at Greenhouse on Thursday night. “‘He kept repeating lines from his movies,’ including Dead Presidents and Jason’s Lyric.”
Whoever the source on this is, I would love to know how he (or she) identified lines from Jason’s Lyric.
Snooki has a new boyfriend! His name’s Jeff Miranda! His ex-girlfriend (Rebecca Hansen) has a restraining order against him for “threatening her life and beating her”!
“Miranda also allegedly beat Hansen and at one point pulled a shotgun on the woman when she balked at having sex.”
This new relationship is a stick with two short ends.
Speaking of restraining orders, Leonardo DiCaprio got a restraining order against Livia Bistriceanu, 41.
Livia claims they’re married and that she is pregnant with his child. Leonardo insists that she’s dreaming.
Or is she?
67-year-old hoarder Billie Jean James went missing four months ago. Police and search dogs went through the house she shared with her husband, but didn’t find her. Her husband found her body in the house this week.
If you can’t smell a three-month-old corpse in your house? You have issues.
(like every issue of the Saturday Evening Post bundled up in piles next to a mountain of almost-empty cans of Hormel chili)
A school in Australia awarded the grand prize in their costume contest to a boy dressed as Adolf Hitler.
“To me, it’s a mountain out of a molehill,” said the school’s principal.
He then offered anyone that was offended that he would “throw another shrimp on Klaus Barbie” for them.
How terrible in the New York Post? Page 17’s VULTURES CIRCLING CIPRIANI features a huge color photo with the caption: “Cipriani… is being forced to auction off everything from soup to nuts from Cipriani 42nd Street and other locations.”
The seventh paragraph of the article: “The 42nd Street and Wall Street locations will not be part of the auction.”
I’ve seen second-grade dioramas with more journalistic integrity.
Michelle Malkin’s Katrina Race-Baiting’s Lasting Stain is just plain awful. It actually ends with her chastising Obama because “he won’t lift a finger to repudiate the smears against his unjustly accused predecessor.” And Malkin won’t admit that most (if not all) of those smears are based in fact.
Microsoft co-founder (and current head of the private asset management company Vulcan Inc.) Paul Allen is suing Google, Apple, eBay, Facebook, Yahoo!, AOL, YouTube, Office Depot, OfficeMax, Staples and other companies for violating his patents.
Is he out of his Vulcan mind?
Yanks lose, Tampa loses, Boston wins.
Was Susan Boyle’s voice Auto-Tuned in the viral clip that kajillions of people sent to each other? Yup.
“The sounds are cleaned up. It’s an open secret and an industry standard. This goes for everyone, even Susan Boyle’s audition was smoothed out in post-production to give it the best possible sound.”
Is nothing sacred?
Linda Stasi has outdone herself. Her review of Carlos begins, “If you’ve about had it with TV spies, terrorists, explosions, Palestinian bad guys, fantastical plots, beautiful female agents and gorgeous male mercenaries, have I got a show for you. It’s a three-part series by Olivier Assayas debuting Oct. 11 on the Sundance Channel called Carlos, and it’s filled with spies, terrorists, explosions, Palestinian bad guys, fantastical plots, beautiful female agents and gorgeous male mercenaries.”
Cindy Adams would be proud.
SUNDAY
Paris Hilton was found with a vial of cocaine (cops were questioning her for being in a car that marijuana smoke was wafting out of when it fell out of her purse). She plans on arguing that the purse she was carrying wasn’t hers. Hey, it worked the last eight times.
Michael Goodwin has included a delightful cartoon of relief workers at a still-smoldering Ground Zero on his page. One of the workers points off-panel and says, “GOLLY! WOULDN’T THAT BE A GREAT PLACE FOR A MOSQUE?”
1) You can’t see the proposed Islamic cultural center from Ground Zero.
2) Why wouldn’t it be? Oh, wait. I forgot. Muslim-Americans are only worth 3/5 of an actual American.
The Post claims 300,000 attended Glenn Beck putsch rally in D.C. on Saturday. Albert Pujols also spoke, as did Sarah Palin.
The rally was titled “Restoring Honor” (and not, oddly, “Pooholes ‘n’ Pujols!”). But were there actually that many people there? What say you, Christian Science Monitor?
“Rep. Michele Bachmann (R) of Minnesota, at her own rally held on the edges of Mr. Beck’s event, said, ‘We’re not going to let anyone get away with saying there were less than a million here today because we were witnesses.’
However, a firm hired by CBS News to estimate the crowd put attendees at between 78,000 and 96,000. The firm, AirPhotosLive.com, had three estimators go over high-resolution aerial photos of the event, and then combined the three estimates.”
I guess Bachmann and Beck (and the Post) were exaggerating. What else in new.
According to a Harris Poll, a group of people (what kind of people? and how many? and where do they live? details, details…) weer asked which candidate they would vote for if the midterm elections were today, 34% would vote Dem, 33% would vote Rep, 5% would vote Other and 28% are Not Sure. The same folks (I think?) were asked the same question with the addition of a Tea Party candidate to the ballot. 34% would vote Dem, 22% would vote Rep, 11% would vote for the Tea Party and 33% are Not Sure.
Context would really come in handy here, though it’s nice to see unwavering support for the Democrats.
THIS WEEK’S WINNERS & LOSERS is a Sunday staple that features three people in each category. Normally, a photo of one is placed at the end of the arrow that isn’t pointed (with the three names listed along the arrow’s shaft). Today, the photos cover the arrow points.
Everyone at this paper is a moron.
V.A. Musetto has some advice for moviegoing perverts: “You say you’re turned on by bony female knees? Then you mustn’t miss Claire’s Knee… Best scene: Claire exposing her knee as she climbs a ladder under a cherry tree.”
Thanks for the tip, Uncle Creepy!
ASK ASHLEY!
The other day I “caught” my husband perusing casual encounters on Craigslist. He hadn’t actually logged on yet, but he was about to. After much prying, he finally confessed to logging on before when he “feels rejected by me sexually.” That said, he claims not to have contacted anybody.Truth be told, when we were going through a hard time a few years ago, I did catch him actually writing an e-mail to someone on Craigslist. I want to believe him now — his body language seems to indicate he’s telling the truth, plus his actions speak very loud (he’s always home on time, etc.) — but I can’t help but be wary. Should I be worried or just let this go as curiosity or arousal? — Caroline
ASHLEY: “Whether he pursued or contacted anyone doesn’t even matter. No, I take that back. It does matter.”
ME: “Why did you put caught in quotes? Did you not actually catch him? And why are your options to be ‘worried’ or ‘let this go as arousal’? You’re OK with your husband seeking arousal from strangers? Do you even understand what words mean?
There’s this guy I’ve been friends with for a while. He always flirts with me, but I’m not really interested. (Though, we did kiss once . . .) Anyway, I think part of me is turned off by his Rico Suave-ness. Some of the lines he uses just seem so unreal and fake, plus he’s a flirt in general so I can’t help but feel like I’m not the only one he’s feeding them too. It’s weird. I want to blush and melt, but instead I’m left wondering if he’s for real. How do I know? — Cara, 31, Greenwich Village
ASHLEY: “‘If it smells like a skunk, looks like a skunk and acts like a skunk . . .’ You know the rest of the saying.”
ME: “Cara, have you met Caroline? She doesn’t understand words, either. ‘Too’ is not the same as ‘to.’ B’also? You’re not interested but you want to blush and melt? What the fuck does that mean? Don’t worrym though — I can assure you that no man could ever be interested in a woman who makes Gerardo references in 2010.”
Yanks win, Tampa wins, Boston loses.
TODAY
There’s a photo of Christina Aguilera and her husband (Jordan Bratman) on page 3.
Not sure if you can tell at this size (it’s three times the size in print), but he looks exactly like a bearded version of the girl from Welcome to the Dollhouse.
Page 4 has a nice story of six guys who spent Saturday night drinking in Staten Island. Then they “sped off in a car — and wrapped it around a light pole in a grisly crashed [sic] that killed two of them.”
I think I’m the only person who reads this paper and speaks English.
“Taliban leaders are hoping opposition to the mosque and community center [near Ground Zero] will undo the project and fuel Muslim outrage overseas and in the US, where they predict the debate will inspire homegrown terrorists.”
My irony meter just imploded. An article in the New York Post (Terror thugs claim Tali-boost from NYC protests on page 5) very clearly explains that opposition to the center is expected (by the people we’re fighting in Afghanistan) to create anti-American sentiment overseas and domestic terrorists here. But the same paper will continue to call it the Ground Zero Mosque and run articles like the other one on page 5, which paints Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf as “an alleged slumlord” who is shady and can’t be trusted (MOSQUE ‘SLUMLORD’).
The Taliban thanks you, Rupert.
Andrea Peyser wants you to know:
* That the number of pedestrians “mowed down by kamikaze bicyclists may be far higher than the city admits.” But then, it also may not. Though Mandrea neglects to say that (but she does demand that the city “count those who’ve given limbs to promote [cycling as healthy].” And how many of those people are there, Mandrea? (crickets)
* That “the geese [in Prospect Park] must die” because “it’s the geese or us.”
* That “five-year-old Sarah Jane Donohue, brain-damaged after a nurse violently shook her, came out to protest the Empire State Building’s failure to light up for Mother Teresa’s 100th birthday.” That’s right. Sarah Jane woke up and said, “Mom? Dad? Can I go to the Empire State Building to protest their failure to commemorate Mother Teresa’s 100th birthday?” Because brain-damaged five-year-olds are extremely political. One almost became Vice President in the last election!
* That she’s proud that she was forced to leave The Barclays tournament because she “repeatedly asked” Tiger Woods, “Do you still love your wife?” What a classy person you are.
In a Post EXCLUSIVE, we learn that Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne will both be Batman (and will start a Bat-franchise across the globe) starting… well, they don’t say. But in the Comic Shop News article I read a few weeks ago, it said that Batman, Inc. #1 hits the stands in early November. Bonus points: the Post refers to it as Batman Inc. (sans comma).
On Friday, I said that the AL East standings could look a lot different than they did that afternoon. Then the Yanks and Rays were tied for first with Boston 5 1/2 games back. Today, the Yankees and Rays are tied for first with Boston 6 1/2 games back.
Marcus Thames has hit three home runs over the last two games. Pettitte says he might return from the DL in two weeks (at the earliest).
Our next four games are against Oakland. Hopefully, we’ll move ahead of Tampa.
Is Elton John replacing Simon Cowell on American Idol?
Does anyone even care anymore?
Well, that took forever.
But at least I’m caught up (on blogging if not sleep).
See you all tomorrow.
All of the people I expected to love tonight proved that I underestimated their magnificence.
A heartfelt thanks to every single one of the people who supported this event.
I just showered and am lying in front of my air conditioner and I still can’t stop sweating.
I believe this is what Harry Chapin’s grandfather called “good tired.”
Good night, peeps.
Big benefit tomorrow. Super-stoked.
Got to meet one of the comedians tonight (he brought his wife and mother to Let’s Have A Ball). Couldn’t have been nicer. He even invited me on his radio show (that he co-hosts with his wife) to plug this blog. And they live a few blocks away from us! And not only that — he appears in this video:
How serendipitious is that?
But the video I wanted to share today is below. If you have a weak stomach, do not watch it. It is fairly repulsive. Hilariously repulsive (repulsively hilarious?).
Hope to see you at Town Hall tomorrow!
Today’s cover story (PANTS ON FIRE: ‘Lying’ gov may face rap on Yankee tix) features a photo of “Governor” Paterson with a nose like Pinocchio (the Post loves Photoshop). Apparently, Independent Counsel Judith Kaye has concluded that Paterson was “inaccurate and misleading” when he testified (under oath) about the free Yankee tickets he asked for (and got). Kaye has passed her 41-page report on her findings onto Albany County District Attorney David Soares, and Soares might press criminal charges against Paterson as a result.
It’s a longshot, but Paterson could conceivably go to prison for this. Espada, Monserrate and Rangel will all remain free men, but the governor might not. Justice is blind (just like Paterson!).
Capitol One has announced the sale of all of Cipriani’s inventory (from the furniture to the fixtures to their recipes) to pay off their $4,000,000 debt to the bank. The restaurant still hasn’t paid back the $10,000,000 they owe for tax evasion, but they insist that none of their restaurants are going anywhere.
Man, if I worked there, I’d be so confused that I’d probably wind up pushing a stranger in front of an oncoming train.
Too soon?
Page Six (today on page 10) informs us that Hayden Panettiere was recently in Ann Arbor, Michigan with David Arquette. And why were they there? Because they’re making a movie: Scream 4.
Looks like Wes Craven has run out of idea.
Rep. Bobby Bright (D – Alabama) isn’t.
While talking to a group of his constituents, he said that he might not vote for Nancy Pelosi to be speaker next year because she “might lose her own election, decide not to run for the speaker’s job or otherwise not be available,” according to the Montgomery Advertiser. When The Washington Post called the man who reported this to get clarification on the last part of Bright’s remarks, the reporter gave them his exact quote, “Heck, she might even get sick and die.”
And so might Bobby Bright.
Jimmy Carter successfully negotiated the release of Aijalon Gomes, 31, from a North Korean prison. Gomes had been there since January after beng found guilty of crossing the North Korean border from China. He was supposed to serve eight years of hard labor and pay a fine of $600,000. Carter requested amnesty and Kim Jong Il granted it.
Worst American President my ass.
American Airlines has been fined $24,000,000 for “chafed electrical wires that caused it to cancel thousands of flights in 2008.”
Good thing they’ve started adding hefty fees for baggage, food, drinks, blankets, pillows, movies, sitting in the first few rows of coach… the only thing you still get for free on their flights is the use of the bathroom.
For now.
It’s been a long day. If I had more time and energy, I’d explain why the editorials by John Podhoretz (BLAMING AMERICA: What liberals love about Imam Rauf) and Bill O’Reilly (Left’s Bogus Race Ploy on Mosque) are grotesque misrepresentations. But I’m just too tired. And anyway, someone else at the Post will just regurgitate their talking points tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that.
According to TechCrunch.com, Mark Zuckerberg is trying to trademark the word “face.”
0 people like this.
MOVIE REVIEWS!
Kyle Smith gives two and a half stars to The Last Exorcism (“Boo bayou.”), and two stars to Centurion (“a film that begs to be classified in the historical/epic category, or maybe the allegorical/self-important file, but actually belongs in the lawnmover/weedwhacker class”).
Lou Lumenick gives two and a half stars to both Flipped (“interesting enough that you wish it were better”) and Takers (“a pulse-pounding footchase and some terrific stunt work [offset] its hackneyed plot and dialogue”).
V.A. Musetto gives two and a half stars to Mesrine (violence, sex), three stars to The Milk of Sorrow (mature themes — “some viewers might be turned off by the sexual themes,” but V.A. sure wasn’t!), two stars to Change of Plans (mature themes) and one and a half stars to Highwater (nothing objectionable).
Lee Bailey of EURweb.com (I looked it up — it’s Bailey’s own site and it stands for Electronic Urban Report) calls Takers “this generation’s Heat.”
Jen Yamato of Movies.com calls Lottery Ticket “Friday for a new generation.”
Doesn’t this generation know how to rent movies?
Albert Pujols (pronounced “POO-holes”) hit his 300th home run last night, making him the third-youngest player to do so (Ken Griffey Jr. did it at 30 and A-Rod did it when he was 29).
Hooray for Pujols!
The Boston Red Sox are 73-55. So are the Minnesota Twins, putting them at the top of the AL Central (by 3 1/2 games). The AL West is led by the Texas Rangers who are 72-55. But Boston is in the AL East, so their record puts them in third behind the Yankees and Rays by 5 1/2 games. But Boston is starting a series against Tampa tonight, so these standings might look a lot different in a few days.
Burnett takes the mound tonight against the White Sox. He is currently 9-11. Never forget.
Bristol Palin has joined the cast of this season’s Dancing With the Stars.
How long do you think it will take “The Situation” to get her pregnant?
Tomorrow night is Let’s Have A Ball. The following night is Friends with a Benefit.
There is still time to get tickets for both shows, but I implore you to support the latter. It’s a great show (co-produced by my wife) with a great cast for a great cause (the American Bird Conservancy). Tickets are still available here.
And that will do it for this week. Enjoy your weekend!
This has to be doctored, right? Right?
I’m going to have nightmares about that kid for the rest of my life.
WHAT A DISGRACE
Raging drunk slashes Muslim cabby: cops
Michael Enright, 21, of Brewster had a lot to drink and got in a cab. He asked his cabby “if he was a Muslim and exchanged pleasantries in Arabic before going berserk and slashing the driver’s neck and face through the taxi’s partition, police said. He has been charged with attempted murder as a hate crime for the attack, in which he allegedly shouted, ‘This is a checkpoint, motherfucker! I have to put you down!’”
Michael spent five weeks embedded with Marines in Afghanistan (he returned in May) and has done work for Intersections International, “a non-profit group that supports the mosque and ‘promotes interfaith dialogue and cross-cultural cooperation, specifically with our Muslim brothers and sisters.’”
The Post is quick to point out that “Tuesday’s stabbing must be taken for what it was: the act of a disturbed individual who is now in custody” and not “evidence that the debate over the Ground Zero mosque is getting out of hand” (from the editorial The Cabby Attack). Jonah Goldberg concurs with his The Islamophobia Myth: Taxi stabbing proves little.
Do you suppose anyone at the Post appreciates the irony in their insisting that we not hold an entire group of people (those against Park51 — which is still not a Ground Zero mosque) accountable for the actions of one man (replace “those against Park51″ with “Muslims” and “one man” with “nineteen men”)?
Folks on the right have already started floating the idea that Michael did this to gain sympathy for the pro-Mosque crowd. What a disgrace.
Timbaland (the music producer, not the boot) was distraught over the loss of his $2,000,000 watch (sadly, not a typo), which had been stolen “by a close associate.” So he took off in his Escalade and texted (to someone — great reporting, Post!) that he was “near a cliff and ‘tired of the stress.’” His family called the police, who used a helicopter to locate him. They “determined he was not a threat to himself.”
“Later, Timbaland phoned Ryan Seacrest’s radio show to say he had not been suicidal.” Until he phoned Ryan Seacrest’s radio show.
Did I mention that Tiger Woods and his wife are divorced? Well, they are. Elin gets $100,000,000 and shared custody of the kids, Tiger gets boners for skanks.
Approval has been granted for the skyscraper that will be erected on the former site of the Hotel Pennsylvania (15 Penn Plaza).
Which means I’ll have to redo my tramp-stamp tattoo of the New York City skyline for a third time.
Buried in Churlie Hurt’s latest fellating of the Tea Party is this: “Okay, so maybe [Sarah] Palin scares us a little bit. This is understandable.”
Baby steps, Churlie.
List of people/things that Mandrea spits venom at today: Tiger Woods, Chris Simms (son of Phil), Brad Pitt, Eliot Spitzer and the madam who provided him with Ashley Dupre (though she doesn’t mention Ms. Dupre), and people who are against the construction of the Islamic cultural center 15 Penn Plaza.
Today’s expensive full-page, full-color BP ad focuses on Economic Investment and Environmental Restoration. There’s a photo of a old White guy walking with a Black woman in a pink shirt with a BP logo. They’re both staring at the ground. We can’t see what they’re looking at, but it’s safe to assume it’s oil and/or dead things.
Money well spent, BP.
Over on page 30, there’s a small piece titled ‘Drunk’ desecration at mosque. It begins, “A drunk barged into a mosque last night and shouted anti-Muslim slurs as he urinated on prayer rugs, cops and witnesses said.” The man (Omar Rivers) was “very intoxicated” and called the worshippers “terrorists.”
And yet the Post saw fit to put quotation marks around the word drunk. And drew no connection between this act of vandalism and the battle over Park51. Classy.
First Churlie Hurt disses Sarah Palin, now comes the editorial John McCain: Where He Belongs.
“Arizona Republicans soundly renominated John McCain for a fifth term in the US Senate over a Tea Party-backed GOP challenger. Yes, McCain’s an ideological drunken driver. But it was a wise choice. To be sure, McCain had to hustle aggressively to score this primary win — discovering new enthusiasm for conservative positions on illegal immigration, ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ and cap-and-trade. That’s nothing to be proud of… But America is a safer place with John McCain in the Senate.”
What next? An article on how Ken Mehlman has finally admitted that he’s gay?
(Not in today’s paper, probably not in tomorrow’s either. But he totally is.)
The Yankees lost last night, but so did Tampa Bay. The tie remains until at least tomorrow night (we both have today off).
Is Manny Ramirez headed for the Chicago White Sox? Maybe!
Linda Stasi is livid (livid, I tell you!) because Sunday’s episode of Mad Men included a scene where young Sally Draper (played by 11-year-old Kiernan Shipka) masturbates. “This is an 11-year-old child whose life has been compromised by being made to feign masturbation on national television! It’s like starring in a training film for pedophiles.”
That’s exactly what it’s like, Linda. I give your hyperbole three stars.
The weekend is a mere 29.5 hours away! And that means Let’s Have A Ball is only 55.5 hours away! And the Friends with a Benefit show is… on Sunday night (I don’t feel like using a calculator).
If you haven’t bought tickets yet, please do. If you haven’t spread the word to every New Yorker you know, please do.
See you all tomorrow!
I don’t agree with Bloomberg on a lot of things, but I have to admire his firm stance on building Park51. Most politicians have been trying to placate the angry mobs through “compromise” (“Governor” Paterson keeps suggesting that the mosque be built somewhere else). Even Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver (one of New York’s greasiest politicians) has flip-flopped, saying, “[The people behind Park51] should be cognizant of the feeling of others and try to find a location that doesn’t engender the deep feelings that currently exist about this site.”
Sorry, Sheldon, but the United States of America doesn’t negotiate with terrorists — and that’s exactly what I’d call anyone who victimizes American citizens through threats and intimidation.
Fun Fact: Silver’s district includes Ground Zero but not Park51. Yet another reason to stop calling it the mosque at Ground Zero — they’re not even in the same district!
“Several MTA board members demanded the agency include an option for a $130 monthly MetroCard in the latest round of fare-hike public hearings — though agency brass don’t endorse the idea. ‘About six board members were interested in it, not to say they’d vote for it,’ a board member said. ‘They’re interested in hearing the views of the public.’” Allow me.
The public hates the MTA. They are already paying too much for too little. You are all war criminals.
Case in point: “The antiquated LIRR switch system that caught fire and caused chaos on the railroad this week has been in operation since 1925 and was supposed to be replaced more than three years ago — but cost overruns of 167 percent made the upgrade yet another long-delayed MTA project… The original completion date was supposed to be June 2007, at a cost of of $16 million, budget documents shiw. That price is now up to $42 million.”
How much you wanna bet that the damage caused by the fire makes this cost at least another $40,000,000?
I think Michael Goodwin might be… um… “differently-abled.”
In the two-sentence Brake-able China, he writes, “Shhhhh — don’t tell New York, but China’s got the mother of all traffic jams, stretching 60 miles and lasting 10 days and counting. Let’s hope City Hall’s bicycle zealots don’t try to top it.” You really stuck it to those crazy bicycle zealots, Mike! They sure are crazy with their promotion of a safe, zero-pollution alternative to driving a car! Bicycles cause so many traffic jams! They’re so crazy!
And in his Bloomberg-bashing piece He still doesn’t get it, he asks, “What does 9/11 mean to [the developers of Park51]? Sadly, I think we’re starting to find out.”
Keep mongering that hate and fear, Mike!
According to Page Six (today on page 13), Heidi Montag wants to have her G-cup breast implants removed. “My boobs are crushing me. I have major anxiety about it,” she told Life & Style magazine. And if you do have surgery to remove them, what then?
“I won’t get anything done ever again.” Really? “At least not for a long time.” Touché.
Nathan Lee Parada, 31, tried to break into Paris Hilton’s home. He was brandishing two large kitchen knives.
Sadly, no one was hurt.
After a little more than three weeks, Lindsay Lohan is a free woman. Remember when the judge said she would serve her full 90-day sentence in rehab? Well, that isn’t the case.
Congratulations, Lindsay. Let’s see how long it takes you to fuck up again (I’m putting $5 on a December DUI).
That traffic jam in China is expected to last until “mid-September.”
Damn you, crazy bicycle zealots!
Crude oil dropped to $71.63/barrel.
The Yankees won, but so did Tampa Bay. We’re still tied for first.
Swisher fouled a ball off of his foot and left the game early.
I love my porcelain Yankees.
Simon Cowell’s hit UK show, The X Factor, has admitted to using Auto-Tune to make its contestants’ singing sound better (and, in some cases, worse). Cowell (the creator, judge and producer of the show claims he had no idea that Auto-Tune was being used.
I can’t wait for the American version!
Linda Stasi reviews the new Investigation Discovery series, Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?, calling it “fascinating, scary, nearly incomprehensible.”
She gives it… three stars.
Sorry for the brief post today, but my plate is full. And anyway, brevity is… supposed to represent wit.
Until tomorrow, I remain.
New Yorkers are generally passionate to a fault. Recent construction controversies have made them even worse.
“[It] is really a sign of the gentrification of the neighborhood, and you never know what will happen,” says artist Serge Mikel, 37. Carrie Dutcher, 36, disagrees. She is “totally against [it] because we don’t need it. Maybe in the morning it will help, but people always figure out the way it is now. And [it] is going to make people drive crazier.” They aren’t talking about the Islamic cultural center, though. They’re talking about a traffic light being installed in DUMBO (at Jay and York) — the first traffic light in the neighborhood.
But if you want to hear a somber person’s opinion on the Islamic cultural center, look no further than Mr. Tasteful himself.
“I’m a big believer in freedom of religion, but I think the mosque being in that location is absolutely wrong,” offers Donald Trump.
And if you’re after some more purposely misleading fearmongering, check out the article on page 6 (not to be confused with Page Six which is on page 10 today) titled US worse than al Qaeda: imam.
Did you hear that, people? The imam behind the mosque-that-isn’t-a-mosque at near Ground Zero said that we’re worse than al Qaeda! Expect that he didn’t. Which you’d know if you read any of the accompanying article which begins, “The Islamic cleric who wants to build a mosque two bocks from Ground Zero once claimed in a jaw-dropping speech that the United States has killed more innocent civilians than al Qaeda.”
1) It’s not a mosque.
2) Rauf was citing the US-led sanctions against Iraq, which the United Nations credits for the deaths of “over half a million Iraqi children.” Has al Qaeda come close to killing half a million people? And how many innocent people did we kill in order to end World War II? Rauf didn’t say we were “worse” than al Qaeda and what he actually did say is numerically accurate. Shame on the Post for implying otherwise.
But we aren’t finished with New Yorkers’ passions towards Muslims. ‘BAD FAITH’ IN REGENTS EXAM points out that Islam and Buddhism are being given “the kid-gloves treatment” on the Regents exam, while Christianity is treated more critically. Two of the examples of the obvious bias against Christianity (as cited by the Post): “Idols, temples and other material evidences of paganism destroyed.” and “In a converted community, services and fiestas were regularly held in the church building.”
Disgusting. Why don’t they mention all of the Buddhist monks that molested children and then got moved to other temples instead of facing consequences? Why must they focus on fiestas and things that actually happened?
Speaking of religion, I just saw this on Facebook. Watch it before it gets removed.
I totes want to be a Mormon now.
The case against Joran van der Sloot is at a standstill. Why? Because Peruvian authorities can’t find a Sanish-to-Dutch interpreter.
Will someone call Peru and tell them that there are Web sites that do that for free?
Page Six reports that Donna Karan and Christie Brinkley showed up to a benefit in the Hamptons wearing the same dress.
“A rep for Brinkley said that she wore the dress to honor Karan and that they ‘were the perfect example of the versatility of her brilliant de-
And that’s the end of the item. I can only assume that the writer was dictating and died unexpectedly.
“Service on the Long Island Rail Road yesterday was cut nearly in half during the evening rush hour after a fire ravaged a main switching tower at Jamaica station.”
Keep up the great work, MTA!
Jersey Shore’s Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino will make $5,000,000 in 2010. He is expected to make $10,000,000 in 2011.
Most of it will be spent on penicillin.
US District Judge Royce Lamberth has ruled that the lawsuit brought by the nonprofit group Nightlight Christian Adoptions can do ahead. Which means that the expansion into stem-cell research that the Obama administration put forth is now on hold.
And why is NCA suing? They claim that “the government’s new guidelines will decrease the number of human embryos available for adoption.”
Oh no! People might have to adopt actual children that are already alive!
There’s a traffic jam in China that has been going on for nine (9) days. It’s 62 miles long.
Local merchants have been selling meals to the motorists at grossly-inflated prices.
I thought the Chinese were communists, not capitalists…?
Ben Lieberman’s op-ed (Post-Spill, It’s Still ‘Drill, Baby, Drill!’) explains that, “If the Deepwater Horizon spill really was the absolute worst that could happen, then the benefits of producing American oil sure seem worth the risks.”
Ben is credited as “an associate fellow in environmental policy at the Competitive Enterprise Institute in Washington. Who is CEI (according to their Web site)? “Founded in 1984, the Competitive Enterprise Institute is a public interest organization dedicated to advancing limited government, free enterprise, and individual liberty.” Ben also works for The Heritage Foundation. Ben is also a scumbag.
Crude oil is just $73.10/barrel. And Citigroup is at $3.75/share.
The Yankees lost and Tampa Bay won, so we’re once again tied for first place in the AL East.
The good news is that Ivan Nova gave up just two runs on six hits in a little over five innings.
In other news, Johnny Damon might be returning to the Boston Red Sox. Hilarious.
There is work to be done. I must away. Try to enjoy your rainy Tuesday.
ABOUT
I read the New York Post so you don't have to.
RECENT POSTS
RECENT COMMENTS
- No face on Not Safe For Work(ing Eyes).
- jed on This Would Make A Great Movie.
- No face on This Would Make A Great Movie.
- ScottF on More Required Reading.
- jed on More Required Reading.
Clicky here…
This month’s stats
3,503 | Unique Visitors |
Archives
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009