It’s funny that during my horror-movies-with-”Don’t”-in-their-title experiment, I forgot about Edgar Wright’s fake (and extremely gory) trailer in Grindhouse.

B’also? Add Don’t Look Up to the list of horror movies whose titular advice has nothing to do with the actual movie (a better title would have been Don’t Try To Finish Making That Movie That Killed Its Previous Director Decades Ago). In fact, Kevin Corrigan would have survived if he had looked up and saw the thing that was about to fall on him.

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Three stories on today’s cover. First, Bobby Thomson, 87, has passed away (he’s the guy who hit “The Shot Heard ‘Round The World” in 1951). The second story is How ‘Tattoo’ girl landed dream role (there’s a two-page follow-up, but before I read it, I’m going to guess that she got the part because she was in David Fincher’s last movie and Fincher is directing this one and Fincher wanted an unknown and she probably slept with Fincher).

But the main story on today’s cover is WHO TUBE: Columbia biz grad demands Web site bare heckler’s ID. In true New York Post fashion, the writing is awful. Carla Franklin claims that she “suffered damages in the form of distress and mental anguish” because someone “labeled her a ‘whore’ on YouTube.” Oh, did someone post a video? Nope. Carla’s despair arises from “a comment attached to a video posting of her.” And, I think we can safely deduce, that comment was “whore.”

“Franklin became aware that some short video snippets she had done for Columbia… had been uploaded to YouTube with the single-word slur posted in the comments section of the video.” Oh, so it was one slur posted to one video. Except that the Post later refers to “the single-word slurs” and that “there were three user names involved in the posting.”

Great job, Dareh Gregorian.

B’also? In the 1981 case of Francis “Psycho” Soyer v. Leon, the presiding judge (Sergeant Hulka) ordered the plaintiff to “Lighten up, Francis.” Which I predict will be the final ruling in Franklin’s case, as well.

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Congratulations to Rachel Steiringer, 19, today’s Queen Stupid! Rachel thought it would be funny to post a wacky picture of her 11-month son to Facebook:

What a silly photo! You’re silly, Rachel! And under arrest! And today’s Queen Stupid!

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Charles “Should Be” Hurt’s President chooses the wrong side — again explains that “In a roomful of Muslim-Americans observing a religious feast at the White House, Obama once again embraced them first over the victims, survivors and rememberers of 9/11″ by saying that he thought Muslim-Americans had the right to build an Islamic cultural center within walking distance of Ground Zero. Let’s see how many wonderful things that one sentence accomplishes:

1) Muslims observing a religious feast? In the White House? That ain’t my ‘murrica!

2) Obama embraced them? I knew he wasn’t no real Chris-chin!

3) He likes Muslims more than the victims of 9/11? More than the survivors? More than the remembererers? I hate that guy!

Hurt later adds, “Obama determined once again that it is Americans who must do more. Survivors of 9/11 need to just get over it. They really need to be more tolerant.” That’s exactly what that Kenyan Marxist said and meant.

What a colossal asshole you are, Churlie.

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The article on page 5 (GOV TO MEET ON MOSQUE ‘MOVE’) ridicules the owner of the site that is scheduled to become Park 51 for saying “We are nowhere near the World Trade Center site.” To show how ridiculous that statement is, the Post provides a map with a straight line going from Park 51 to Ground Zero which measures “560 feet.”

Keep in mind, the line is going through two buildings. But, if Kitty Pryde of the X-Men (or The Vision or Martian Manhunter or the Gentleman Ghost or any number of other fictional characters) wanted to walk from Park 51 to Ground Zero, it would be a 560-foot trip.

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The Public Integrity Commission wants to fine “Governor” Paterson $96,375 for demanding tickets to Game 1 of the 2009 World Series from the Yankees.

His defense? “I never saw Game 1 of the World Series.”

(See what I did there? Paterson can’t.)

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Rod Bluh-GOY-uh-vitch (nice lady) has been found guilty!

Of one of the 24 things he was charged with. But, thanks to one female holdout, the jury was deadlocked on the other 23 charges.

Rod faces up to 5 years in prison for “lying to federal agents.” The prosecution has promised a retrial on the other 23 counts. Let’s hope that at the next trial, none of the jurors get bought.

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According to Page Six (today on page 13), Conan O’Brien is denying that he had dinner with Maury Povich and Connie Chung the other night (“Whoever’s impersonating me — aim higher.”).

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And speaking of Maury, “In the case of 9-year-old Jinky Young, exhumed corpse of Bobby Fischer… you are NOT the father.”

Of course, this being the Post, Fischer’s name is spelled “Fisher” at one point in the article.

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We all remember Ice-T’s recent run-in with the police, right? Surely his blatant disregard (and disdain) for the NYPD would result in some kind of punishment, right? Wrong. His charges have all been dismissed. The system works?

In other music news, “Erykah Badu has been fined and will serve six months’ probation for stripping off her clothes to film a music video at the site where President John F. Kennedy was assassinated.”

Sadly, there are no more media outlets that play music videos, so we’ll never see it.

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Whose turn is it on the Mass Recall of Automobiles list? General Motors!

“Nearly 250,000 crossover vehicles worldwide” are being recalled.

This is Obama’s fault, right?

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Taking a page from Sarah Palin’s play/coloring book, “Dr.” Laura Schlessinger has announced that she will quit her radio show at the end of the year in order to “regain my First Amendment rights.”

See, if you’re on public airwaves and you say “nigger” eleven times in five minutes, people get angry. But if you’re not on the air, you can say it all you want and no one will care!

And she says gay people are an aberration…

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Dr. Frank Ryan, the plastic surgeon who operated on Heidi Montag “at least 10 times,” drove his car off a cliff while sending a text message.

“He was the most amazing person I have ever known. [He] changed the world,” said Heidi.

And you just know that if she was still capable of crying, she totally would.

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Did you know that 20% of Pakistan is currently underwater?

On the bright side, maybe Osama bin Laden is currently drowning.

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American Apparel is close to declaring bankruptcy.

Oh no! Now where will prostitutes shop?

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Apple is trying to offer a “baby iPad” by Christmas 2010. It will have a 7-inch screen (as opposed to the 9.7-inch screen on a regular iPad).

A line is already forming.

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The Yankees won, but so did Tampa Bay. We remain tied for first.

A-Rod was diagnosed with “a low-grade strain of his left calf” and Pettitte still has “a slight strain of his left groin.” A-Rod is expected back this weekend, Pettitte is expected back… in September. Sigh.

Only 43 games left to go!

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In yet another extended middle finger to their fans, the New York Giants have announced that fans will be able to buy single-game tickets to home games this year — without buying a Personal Seat License.

In other despicable football news, Brett Favre says he’s going to play for Minnesota this year (at least that’s the last thing he said on the subject by the time this paper was published — stay tuned for updates).

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Linda Stasi complains about the return of some of the contestants on America’s Got Talent.

“But most unforgivable is bringing back 11-year-old Dippa. I hate that kid! He’s the most annoying small ham on TV since Miley Cyrus. Doesn’t anyone fear that he could grow up to be Vanilla Ice? Vanilla Ice Milk.”

I have no idea what that means.

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And that’s Wednesday. See you all bright and early tomorrow.