Archive for August 31st, 2010

If I Heard That, I’d Believe It.

31st August
2010
written by jed

Didn’t sleep enough last night. I woke up at 7:00, made Teresa lunch, got a paper, drank a bunch of coffee and fell right back to sleep. Woke up again at 12:30 and now I feel more tired than I did earlier this morning. A loving God wouldn’t let this happen.

Before we begin our regularly scheduled programming, I thought you’d enjoy this video of interviews with attendees of Glenn Beck’s “Restoring Honor” rally. Is everyone that attended a moron? No. Are all of the people in this video? Yes.

I just spent the last hour on YouTube looking for incriminating Glenn Beck clips (the numerous times he called Obama a racist, the numerous times he defended doing so, the time he said that he hates the families of 9/11 victims because they’re always complaining, etc.), but then I remembered that I like the people that read my blog and there’s no reason to spend any more time on that Mormon douchebag than is absolutely necessary.

And now, the Post.

The top 60% of today’s cover is Lindsay Lohan lounging on a coach (her breasts partially exposed) under a hot pink headline: Luscious Lindsay! The rest of the cover is devoted to Roger Clemens’s mug shot (ACE IN THE HOLE: Clemens treated like common criminal).

You have to love that about the Post — they have at least two columnists who repeatedly criticize the media for keeping Lohan in the spotlight, but they’ll put her on the cover at the drop of a hat. And why is she on today’s cover? Because she gave an interview to Vanity Fair insisting that “her wild party-girl days are over.” The follow-up takes up most of pages 10 and 11. I can’t for Mandrea (and/or others) to tell me why I shouldn’t care in the coming days.

As for Clemens (who gets pages 6 and 7 all to himself), he was “photographed and fingerprinted in DC federal court.” He pleaded “not guilty” and is due back in court on December 8th. Jury selection is “tentatively scheduled for next April 5th.” Whatever happened to our right to a speedy trial?

The 60,000-square foot Barnes & Noble on 66th Street and Broadway (across the street from what used to be Tower Records) will close in January.

I wonder what will open in its place. My guess? Yankee Candle.

Starting at 6:00 p.m. on Sunday night, “Kennedy Airport’s longest runway was tied up for more than 14 hours — because the Port Authority couldn’t find anyone who knew how to change two blown tires on a private Lear jet.”

Every time I read about some asinine study that researchers have devoted years of their lives to (People lie in their online dating profiles! Old men prefer young women! People don’t like pain!), I wonder if decades of their pooled resources might have given us teleportation by now. Which would make the Port Authority and the MTA obsolete.

Roger Clemens gets over two pages of coverage. The 14 American soldiers in Afghanistan that have been killed in the last three days get three sentences in the bottom corner of page 8.

The MTA has ordered “340 new subway cars that will come equipped for surveillance cameras.”

Estimated cost: $748,000,000.

I’m so glad they found the money for this.

Paris Hilton amended her defense: “I thought the cocaine was chewing gum.”

She is being charged with felony drug-possession. “The low-level felony carries a maximum of four years in prison, but the statute calls for mandatory probation sentence and no prison if the drug possessor has no felony past.”

Too bad none of her DWIs were treated like the felonies they were.

A woman claims that she was rear-ended by a Ford Explorer driven by Harjinder Singh. The Explorer’s license plate? 1HAPPY. The woman was was rear-ended? Cindy Supersad.

Even more bizarre is Cindy’s middle name: Caraccidentsmakeme.

The editorial The Men Behind the Mosque demands that the Islamic cultural center must be paid for “with clean money.”

You know whose name doesn’t come up even once in the piece? Prince Alwaleed bin Talal.

Manny Ramirez now plays for the Chicago White Sox.

The Yankees beat the A’s (11-5) last night, but Tampa beat Toronto (6-2), so we’re still tied for first. Thames hit a 3-run homer (he’s hit at least one dinger in five of the Yankees’ last six games).

31 games to go!

Awwwww. Snooki’s boyfriend proposed to her on the cover of Steppin’ Out magazine.

No word on whether or not someone has read it to Snooki yet.

Where did the day go? I have to do some grocery shopping and then coach in Manhattan tonight. I’m a busy bee.

Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday, folks!


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