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White Castle > Wendy’s?!?

8th September
2010
written by jed

I am listening to the newest episode of Citizen Radio and laughing (and occasionally crying). I will never be able to listen to Weezer again.

B’why is today’s paper so heavy? Because there’s a 48-page fashion extravaganza (YOUR ULTIMATE GUIDE TO FASHION’S NIGHT OUT) in it! Hooray! That Betsey Johnson doesn’t look a day over 312!

Today’s cover features the aforementioned pullout, a promo for the two-page Revealed: The best and worst fast-food burgers, and BACK HOME: Iconic column returns to WTC (heralding the return of the first of two steel “tridents” to the 9/11 memorial at the hole in the ground that was the World Trade Center nine years ago).

Personally? Some of the people that died on 9/11 were crushed by falling steel. Also, Muslims used steel in Cordoba. So I find the placement of the tridents to be in extremely poor taste.

First Pedro Espada wouldn’t tell anyone how much money he spent on the food giveaway that he held in The Bronx. Now he is claiming that he gave $17,000 to Hunts Point Terminal Market.

$17,000 for fruits and vegetables. But it gets better: A spokesperson for the HPTM said, “The Hunts Point produce market is a real-estate entity and is not a seller of produce,” so it makes no sense that Espada would write them a check. It’s like going to the Union Square green market and getting food from various vendors and then writing a check (for three times the food’s value) to the Parks Department.

Someone please put this scumbag in prison. Please.

Most of pages 4 and 5 are devoted to Lean, mean Khalid drops 40 lbs. — but stays all evil. Apparently, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has lost weight in Guantanamo Bay. The gigantic photo of the current Khalid shows him with a big bushy beard (so you can’t see most of his face) and a giant robe (so you can’t see any of his body) and he’s holding a Koran.

See? Korans are what our evil enemies use, so Korans are evil and must be destroyed.

America was founded on freedom of religion. And you still have freedom of religion in this country. Unless it’s the wrong religion.

Amen.

Rodney King is getting married to Cynthia Kelly. Cynthia was the only Black person on the jury that awarded King $3,800,000. They began dating the day after the trial.

That reminds me of a joke: Why couldn’t Rodney King get married? No justice! Of the peace!

Remember Ian Benardo? Me neither. But allow me to refresh our memory.

The fact that the YouTube clip calls him “Gay idiot” might make you feel like he’s being unfairly victimized. Watching the clip will change that. He is probably gay and mos def an idiot (although I’m not sure he was actually “in” American Idol as much as “on”).

Anyhoodles, he’s suing American Idol for $100,000,000. Why? He claims they told him to “gay up” his act. He also went to the 19th Precinct on the Upper East Side to file a report seeking protection from the various death threats he says he’s gotten online (on August 31st, someone posted “I will give $20k to the first person to kill this fag!!!!!” on TMZ.com). The police refused to file his report.

Bonus points: Benardo is representing himself in the $100,000,000 workplace discrimination suit he filed. I would love to see all three minutes of that trial.

Mark David Chapman’s request for parole was turned down again.

Yoko Ono was so pleased with their decision, she made horrible noises.

Look for the album later this year.

The best fast-food burgers (from best to worst): Five Guys, Fuddruckers, White Castle, Wendy’s, Burger King, McDonald’s.

On a scale from 1 to 10, Five Guys got a 7.9. And the Post justifies their victory with a quote from Consumer Reports: “The meat was juicy but left an oily taste.”

I still haven’t tried Five Guys, but I’ve tried all of the others. Fuddruckers (7.7) is decent (their secret is that they butter their buns) but White Castle got a 6.7?!? Let’s look at some customer comments:

“I think they’re gross. But I come at least once a month. It’s mostly a guilty pleasure. They’re easy and they’re cheap.” — Shawn McDonald, 48, Nyack

“The only thing I eat are the fish nibblers. I won’t eat a 25-cent burger because I don’t trust a burger that’s inexpensive. I’ve never tried a burger here and I never will.” — Hank Saunders, 56, Manhattan

One guy thinks they’re gross, the other refuses to even taste it. And it still scored better than Wendy’s? I call bullshit.

(which, ironically, is one of the main ingredients in the White Castle’s fish nibblers)

Michael Goodwin has a lot of bile to spew today. In O ducks ‘pit’ stop, he writes, “Last week, there was speculation about whether President Obama would come to New York to mark 9/11 and risk facing protests over his support for the Ground Zero mosque. Yesterday, we got the answer. He’s sending Vice President Joe Biden. Wimp.” Yeah, if he was a real man (like Mikey!), he’d come here and get yelled at by people who have no respect for the dead! Asshole.

In Let’s make a deal on GZ mosque, Goodwin offers a compromise: “[Terry] Jones voluntarily holds off on his bonfire [of Korans], and the Ground Zero mosque developers decide to find a new site. That’s the spirit of America to me.” How about, instead of equating a Floridian asshole’s contempt for the religion of millions of our citizens with the construction of an Islamic cultural center that isn’t at Ground Zero, you admit that burning the Korans make us look like the Islam-hating nation that al Qaeda claims we are (while the building of the cultural center proves that we aren’t). Why does the spirit of America that Goodwin so loves sound so much like blackmail?

In NY becoming as American as ‘Apple’ pie, Goodwin trumpets, “In political and some cultural ways, New Yorkers are starting to act like their fellow Americans instead of aliens from a liberal planet.” If you don’t conform to Cletus’ point of view, you’re an alien. Got it.

He even attacks Rihanna for no good reason in Rihanna’s shot at love. “Before they got sick of crime, bleeding-heart libs used to claim that teens carrying guns were really crying out for love. It seems Rihanna has taken the claim seriously, and literally. The singer now sports a large gun tattoo on her leg, and her new album has a song saying all she wants is love. Insert your joke here.”

I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll be inspired to say it again, but Michael Goodwin is a disingenuous bag of douche.

According to Page Six (today on page 16), a woman approached Elliott Gould at the recent screening of M*A*S*H at the Walter Reade Theater and shouted, “I know you… You’re Donald Sutherland!” Gould nodded and said, “Yes.” The woman replied, “You look really good!” Gould said, “Thank you.”

This reminds me of the time I saw Donald Sutherland and shouted, “I know you… You’re Kiefer Sutherland! What the fuck happened to you?”

A tiny piece on page 18 (Auditor: Rev. Al group doing better) claims that the National Action Network is no longer in the dire straits the Post recently claimed it was. Which explains how they able to get that EXCLUSIVE — lazy reporting.

Michael O’Connell married Jessica Vega on May 2nd. Before that, Vega started telling people that she had a terminal illness (leukemia), prompting complete strangers to donate “her dress, plane tickets and a time share” on Aruba (where they honeymooned). But she never got any sicker. So Michael called her doctor — who told him she was never a patient there. Michael decided to get a divorce and is currently seeking sole custody of their one-year-old daughter (wait a minute… they got married four months ago… but have a year-old daughter… they didn’t wait!).

Vega’s defense is that “her health rebounded after she started eating fresh fruits and went to another doctor.”

That’s totally plausible. I bet Michael regrets divorcing her now.

Oksana Grigorieva is asking Mel Gibson for $84,000, which she claims she needs to pay public-relations people to help her fight her custody battle against Mel Gibson.

Only in Malibu, kiddies. Only in Malibu.

(Cindy Adams is never coming back soon, despite the claim on page 22.)

Floyd Martin, 44, was busted for stealing 15 DVDs from a Duane Reade on the Upper East Side.

Have you ever looked at the DVDs Duane Reade sells? The manager should have thanked him!

The University of Baltimore is offering Zombies 101, which includes 16 movies and some comic books.

Other new courses include Sleeping 101, Eating Foods 101, Drinking at Parties 101 and Bowel Movements 201 (you’ll need to have taken either Bowel Movements 101 or Advanced Urination to enroll).

“Prosecutors have dropped all but one charge against raunchy rapper Foxy Brown stemming from her standoff with a Brooklyn neighbor — guaranteeing that she will get no jail time for violating a protection order.”

The system is a ass.

James Jimenez, the “veteran car thief, shoplifter and gun-toter” who stole Kirsten Dunst’s purse from the Soho Grand (and whose lawyer called him “a little Mongoloid”) was sentenced to four years in prison.

That’s the same sentence that that train cleaner got for repeatedly raping a 15-year-old boy. Which means that our legal system values children as much as Kirsten Dunst’s purse.

The system does whatever the opposite of works is.

One of today’s editorials begins, “Sarah Palin was right — the Democrats are for death panels after all. Unfortunately for them, it’s their own vulnerable House members that the Dems are preparing to euthanize.”

Did the Post ever actually point out that Palin was knowingly lying about the death panels in the first place? Because if they didn’t (which I’m fairly certain they didn’t), then the start of Death Panels With a Twist doesn’t really work.

Actually, making light of a stupid woman’s willful fearmongering of the elderly doesn’t really work on any level. Especially when you continue to hold her in high esteem.

Jacob Sullum’s Stalking Craigslist: Conn. AG’s sick quest for votes attacks Richard Blumenthal for helping to remove the Adult Services section from Craigslist.

I can only assume that Sullum is angry about his having to look elsewhere now for transsexual prostitutes.

Noce full-color, full-page ad for FOX NEWS channel and FOX BUSINESS on page 30. Apparently, they’re THE MOST POWERFUL NAMES IN NEWS.

TWO NETWORKS.

TWICE THE POWER.

WE REPORT. YOU DECIDE.™

IN NEWS AND BUSINESS

When I look for good journalism, the first thing I think of is power.

Crude oil is back down to $74.09/barrel.

Wait! Wait! Wait!

Sabathia gave up five runs in 6 1/3 innings in the Yankees’ loss to Baltimore last night (his first home loss since July 2009). Tampa Bay beat Boston (14-5), so our lead is down to 1 1/2 games with just 23 games left to play.

Ivan Nova is pitching today against Brad Bergesen. Bergesen’s 2010 record against the Yakees is 0-1 with an ERA of 23.14. As the fourth inning begins, the Yanks are up 1-0.

Linda Stasi reviews Terriers (“Lots of fun — and I for one am thrilled to see a show in which most of the characters don’t look like they took time off from modeling to act.”) and The Day Before, a documentary mini-series about Fashion Week (“These show [sic] are now not just about the clothes, but about the celebs they get to sit up front.”).

She gives Terriers three stars and The Day Before three stars.

Lastly, I’ve noticed that traffic on this site has started to drop off. This is unacceptable. Please spread the word. Today, Windsor Terrace, tomorrow the world!

Happy Hump Day, ever’buddy!

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