SHADY GAGA!

She ‘copied’ my kid to become star

Apparently, Lina Morgana was an early collaborator of Lady Gaga’s. They (allegedly) recorded a dozen (“or so”) songs together before Lina committed suicide at 19. Yana Morgana (Lina’s mom) is claiming that “it was [her daughter's] dark, edgy style that helped create Lady Gaga.” Yana wants Gaga to release Gaga and Lina’s songs. And for Gaga to admit that she was create with a help from Lina. Who will triumph — Yana or Gaga?

And is this story really worthy of pages three pages of coverage (including the cover)?

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One of Britney Spears’ former bodyguards is suing her for sexual harassment. Fernando Flores claims that Britney is guilty of “parading around in the nude, having sex in front of him, and making unwanted advances” and caused him “emotional distress by having violent quarrels with her boyfriend in front of her two children, and swearing at him to fetch her Slurpees.”

He is seeking compensation for the emotional distress caused by her hitting on him and swearing at him to fetch her Slurpees. Unless that’s a euphemism, Fernando is a pussy.

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OMG! Madonna was totally on the F train on Tuesday! I was on the F train on Tuesday also!

I think that makes me Madonna! Hooray!

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In a Post EXCLUSIVE, we learn that Pedro Espada has gotten the most summonses for littering (putting up illegal campaign posters on city property). As of Friday, he’s gotten 411 of them (411 x $75 = $30,825). Charlie Rangel has gotten only 26 (26 x $75 = $1,950).

Today’s New York Press endorsed Rangel, saying that he “still deserves the support, and votes, of his constituents after years of dedicated service.” Just when I thought that paper couldn’t go lower than employing Armond White, they support Charlie Rangel. Bleh.

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Derek Jeter is selling his Trump World Tower apartment. Asking price: $20,000,000.

Does this mean he’s moving to Florida for the off-season(s)? And, if so, will he put a baby in me before he goes?

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MOSQUE MAN CAVES claims that Hisham (also called “Hashim” in the article) Elzanaty (who has been the sublect of at least two inflammatory Post articles recently calling him a Hamas supporter and acusing him of insurance fraud) recently said, “Develop it, raze it, sell it. If someone wants to give me 18 or 20 million dollars today, it’s all theirs.”

Also on page 7 is Rauf: Move would spur a Muslim backlash, which begins, “The imam behind the Ground Zero mosque last night warned that caving in to pressure and moving the project would trigger a massive backlash in the Muslim world, jeopardizing national security.” Is that filthy beige person threatening me? Because, if he is, I’m even more against whatever it is he wants to do.

You know what isn’t on page 7 (or any other page of this shitty paper)? Terry Jones and his September 11th Koran bonfire. But that isn’t important, as it will have no negative effect on anyone. Right, Interpol?

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Andrew Kelly, 32, pleaded guilty to vehicular manslaughter. He was an NYPD officer when he drove drunk and killed Vionique Valnord, 33 (and refused to take a Breathalyzer and asked his cop buddies to help cover up his intoxication by giving him gum and bottles of water and delaying his eventual blood test).

And what kind of sentence does a police officer driving drunk and killing someone (and then obstructing justice) get? Three months in prison and five years’ probation. And Vionique’s family is OK with that… though they’re planning a civil suit against the city. Maybe they’re hoping that going easy on Mr. Kelly will get them a generous settlement offer?

We really have to stop calling it the justice system.

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According to Page Six (today on page 14), Susan Boyle (and a 100-piece children’s choir) was supposed to sing Lou Reed’s “Perfect Day” on last night’s America’s Got Talent. Lou Reed found out about it at the last minute and denied her permission to do so. So Boyle cancelled and flew back to the UK in tears. You mean they set up all of that equipment to make her sound better than she actually is for nothing?

Also on the page is Midget mayhem, which begins, “Martin Scorsese knows the secret to big ratings: little people.” Apparently, there’s a scene in the upcoming Boardwalk Empire HBO series that features “midget boxers duking it out.” That’s the secret to big ratings? No wonder Ryan Seacrest is so successful!

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A small article on page 19 (BP spreads spill blame) begins, “BP blames itself, other companies’ workers and a complex series of failures for the massive Gulf of Mexico oil spill and the drilling-rig explosion that caused it.”

And on page 21? That same full-page ad of the man and woman staring at the ground. “BP has taken full responsibility for the cleanup in the Gulf,” the ad proclaims. But not, it seems, the spill itself.

Stay classy, BP.

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Nyemah Nickens, 20, faces up to 25 years in jail for shaking her 7-month-old baby almost to death (the child is currently in “grave condition and unlikely to survive”). If she gets the maximum, she’d be serving over six times the sentence of the guy who repeatedly raped a 15-year-old boy and one hundred times the sentence of the cop who drove drunk and killed someone.

I bet she gets five years. If that.

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Yet another reason to love Newark Mayor Cory Booker:

Snooki posted to her Twitter account last night, “Ugh stuck in newark traffic is no fun”

Booker replied, “I can give u a ticket 4 texting & driving.”

A reason to not love Newark Mayor Cory Booker: He follows Snooki on Twitter.

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Shannon Wriska, of Milton, Florida, set fire her husband’s “go-cart, boat and Jacuzzi” because she caught him watching a Jennifer Lopez movie.

As if watching a Jennifer Lopez movie wasn’t punishment enough (unless it was Out of Sight, in which case I side with the husband).

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What could possibly go wrong?

OpenSkies, a British airline, is “guaranteeing that passengers on its luxury, all-business-class flights will be given a full refund if they are not completely satisfied.”

The guy next to me kept farting, there was turbulence and I didn’t like the movie. Thanks for the free trip to England!

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Peter Morgan, screenwriter of The Queen, is accusing Tony Blair of plagiarizing his script for parts of A Journey: My Political Life (Blair’s autobiography).

This has to be a first, right?

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For the third year in a row, NFL season ticket sales have lessened.

I’d imagine it’s due in part to the fact that you don’t need to buy a five- or six-figure Personal Seat License (or pay $50 to park) to watch games with your friends at home.

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On September 8, 2009, Nick Swisher hit a walk-off home run against Tampa Bay.

On September 8, 2010, Nick Swisher hit a two-run walk-off home run against Baltimore.

Our losing streak has ended. And Boston beat Tampa Bay, so we’re back to a 2 1/2 game lead (9 games ahead of Boston). We have today off, followed by series against Texas (3 games) and Tampa (3 games), then another day off, then 3 more against Baltimore, 4 more against Tampa, 3 against Boston, 3 against Toronto, another day off, and 3 more against Boston. That’s a brutal September (and 3 days in October) schedule.

Fingers crossed.

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Linda Stasi reviews Nikita. “Fresh, terrific and terrifically silly,” she calls it. “Great fun for females — young females — especially.”

She gives it… three stars.

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A new award for television excellence will hold its first ceremony in May of 2012. It is being created because many “TV execs” believe that the Emmys keep rewarding the same cable shows and underappreciating (if not completely ignoring) more worthy network shows.

I’ll hold off judgement until I see their inaugural nominees.

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The weekend is a mere 27 hours away! And Dog Court is holding their first anniversary show (for FREE) at The Creek this Saturday night at 10:00! Join me in the audience, won’t you (after seeing Let’s Have A Ball at the UCB at 7:30, of course)?

Why celebrate 9/11 by burning Korans when you can see two brilliant comedy shows?

G’night!