Videos
Didn’t sleep enough last night. I woke up at 7:00, made Teresa lunch, got a paper, drank a bunch of coffee and fell right back to sleep. Woke up again at 12:30 and now I feel more tired than I did earlier this morning. A loving God wouldn’t let this happen.
Before we begin our regularly scheduled programming, I thought you’d enjoy this video of interviews with attendees of Glenn Beck’s “Restoring Honor” rally. Is everyone that attended a moron? No. Are all of the people in this video? Yes.
I just spent the last hour on YouTube looking for incriminating Glenn Beck clips (the numerous times he called Obama a racist, the numerous times he defended doing so, the time he said that he hates the families of 9/11 victims because they’re always complaining, etc.), but then I remembered that I like the people that read my blog and there’s no reason to spend any more time on that Mormon douchebag than is absolutely necessary.
And now, the Post.
The top 60% of today’s cover is Lindsay Lohan lounging on a coach (her breasts partially exposed) under a hot pink headline: Luscious Lindsay! The rest of the cover is devoted to Roger Clemens’s mug shot (ACE IN THE HOLE: Clemens treated like common criminal).
You have to love that about the Post — they have at least two columnists who repeatedly criticize the media for keeping Lohan in the spotlight, but they’ll put her on the cover at the drop of a hat. And why is she on today’s cover? Because she gave an interview to Vanity Fair insisting that “her wild party-girl days are over.” The follow-up takes up most of pages 10 and 11. I can’t for Mandrea (and/or others) to tell me why I shouldn’t care in the coming days.
As for Clemens (who gets pages 6 and 7 all to himself), he was “photographed and fingerprinted in DC federal court.” He pleaded “not guilty” and is due back in court on December 8th. Jury selection is “tentatively scheduled for next April 5th.” Whatever happened to our right to a speedy trial?
The 60,000-square foot Barnes & Noble on 66th Street and Broadway (across the street from what used to be Tower Records) will close in January.
I wonder what will open in its place. My guess? Yankee Candle.
Starting at 6:00 p.m. on Sunday night, “Kennedy Airport’s longest runway was tied up for more than 14 hours — because the Port Authority couldn’t find anyone who knew how to change two blown tires on a private Lear jet.”
Every time I read about some asinine study that researchers have devoted years of their lives to (People lie in their online dating profiles! Old men prefer young women! People don’t like pain!), I wonder if decades of their pooled resources might have given us teleportation by now. Which would make the Port Authority and the MTA obsolete.
Roger Clemens gets over two pages of coverage. The 14 American soldiers in Afghanistan that have been killed in the last three days get three sentences in the bottom corner of page 8.
The MTA has ordered “340 new subway cars that will come equipped for surveillance cameras.”
Estimated cost: $748,000,000.
I’m so glad they found the money for this.
Paris Hilton amended her defense: “I thought the cocaine was chewing gum.”
She is being charged with felony drug-possession. “The low-level felony carries a maximum of four years in prison, but the statute calls for mandatory probation sentence and no prison if the drug possessor has no felony past.”
Too bad none of her DWIs were treated like the felonies they were.
A woman claims that she was rear-ended by a Ford Explorer driven by Harjinder Singh. The Explorer’s license plate? 1HAPPY. The woman was was rear-ended? Cindy Supersad.
Even more bizarre is Cindy’s middle name: Caraccidentsmakeme.
The editorial The Men Behind the Mosque demands that the Islamic cultural center must be paid for “with clean money.”
You know whose name doesn’t come up even once in the piece? Prince Alwaleed bin Talal.
Manny Ramirez now plays for the Chicago White Sox.
The Yankees beat the A’s (11-5) last night, but Tampa beat Toronto (6-2), so we’re still tied for first. Thames hit a 3-run homer (he’s hit at least one dinger in five of the Yankees’ last six games).
31 games to go!
Awwwww. Snooki’s boyfriend proposed to her on the cover of Steppin’ Out magazine.
No word on whether or not someone has read it to Snooki yet.
Where did the day go? I have to do some grocery shopping and then coach in Manhattan tonight. I’m a busy bee.
Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday, folks!
Big benefit tomorrow. Super-stoked.
Got to meet one of the comedians tonight (he brought his wife and mother to Let’s Have A Ball). Couldn’t have been nicer. He even invited me on his radio show (that he co-hosts with his wife) to plug this blog. And they live a few blocks away from us! And not only that — he appears in this video:
How serendipitious is that?
But the video I wanted to share today is below. If you have a weak stomach, do not watch it. It is fairly repulsive. Hilariously repulsive (repulsively hilarious?).
Hope to see you at Town Hall tomorrow!
This has to be doctored, right? Right?
I’m going to have nightmares about that kid for the rest of my life.
New Yorkers are generally passionate to a fault. Recent construction controversies have made them even worse.
“[It] is really a sign of the gentrification of the neighborhood, and you never know what will happen,” says artist Serge Mikel, 37. Carrie Dutcher, 36, disagrees. She is “totally against [it] because we don’t need it. Maybe in the morning it will help, but people always figure out the way it is now. And [it] is going to make people drive crazier.” They aren’t talking about the Islamic cultural center, though. They’re talking about a traffic light being installed in DUMBO (at Jay and York) — the first traffic light in the neighborhood.
But if you want to hear a somber person’s opinion on the Islamic cultural center, look no further than Mr. Tasteful himself.
“I’m a big believer in freedom of religion, but I think the mosque being in that location is absolutely wrong,” offers Donald Trump.
And if you’re after some more purposely misleading fearmongering, check out the article on page 6 (not to be confused with Page Six which is on page 10 today) titled US worse than al Qaeda: imam.
Did you hear that, people? The imam behind the mosque-that-isn’t-a-mosque at near Ground Zero said that we’re worse than al Qaeda! Expect that he didn’t. Which you’d know if you read any of the accompanying article which begins, “The Islamic cleric who wants to build a mosque two bocks from Ground Zero once claimed in a jaw-dropping speech that the United States has killed more innocent civilians than al Qaeda.”
1) It’s not a mosque.
2) Rauf was citing the US-led sanctions against Iraq, which the United Nations credits for the deaths of “over half a million Iraqi children.” Has al Qaeda come close to killing half a million people? And how many innocent people did we kill in order to end World War II? Rauf didn’t say we were “worse” than al Qaeda and what he actually did say is numerically accurate. Shame on the Post for implying otherwise.
But we aren’t finished with New Yorkers’ passions towards Muslims. ‘BAD FAITH’ IN REGENTS EXAM points out that Islam and Buddhism are being given “the kid-gloves treatment” on the Regents exam, while Christianity is treated more critically. Two of the examples of the obvious bias against Christianity (as cited by the Post): “Idols, temples and other material evidences of paganism destroyed.” and “In a converted community, services and fiestas were regularly held in the church building.”
Disgusting. Why don’t they mention all of the Buddhist monks that molested children and then got moved to other temples instead of facing consequences? Why must they focus on fiestas and things that actually happened?
Speaking of religion, I just saw this on Facebook. Watch it before it gets removed.
I totes want to be a Mormon now.
The case against Joran van der Sloot is at a standstill. Why? Because Peruvian authorities can’t find a Sanish-to-Dutch interpreter.
Will someone call Peru and tell them that there are Web sites that do that for free?
Page Six reports that Donna Karan and Christie Brinkley showed up to a benefit in the Hamptons wearing the same dress.
“A rep for Brinkley said that she wore the dress to honor Karan and that they ‘were the perfect example of the versatility of her brilliant de-
And that’s the end of the item. I can only assume that the writer was dictating and died unexpectedly.
“Service on the Long Island Rail Road yesterday was cut nearly in half during the evening rush hour after a fire ravaged a main switching tower at Jamaica station.”
Keep up the great work, MTA!
Jersey Shore’s Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino will make $5,000,000 in 2010. He is expected to make $10,000,000 in 2011.
Most of it will be spent on penicillin.
US District Judge Royce Lamberth has ruled that the lawsuit brought by the nonprofit group Nightlight Christian Adoptions can do ahead. Which means that the expansion into stem-cell research that the Obama administration put forth is now on hold.
And why is NCA suing? They claim that “the government’s new guidelines will decrease the number of human embryos available for adoption.”
Oh no! People might have to adopt actual children that are already alive!
There’s a traffic jam in China that has been going on for nine (9) days. It’s 62 miles long.
Local merchants have been selling meals to the motorists at grossly-inflated prices.
I thought the Chinese were communists, not capitalists…?
Ben Lieberman’s op-ed (Post-Spill, It’s Still ‘Drill, Baby, Drill!’) explains that, “If the Deepwater Horizon spill really was the absolute worst that could happen, then the benefits of producing American oil sure seem worth the risks.”
Ben is credited as “an associate fellow in environmental policy at the Competitive Enterprise Institute in Washington. Who is CEI (according to their Web site)? “Founded in 1984, the Competitive Enterprise Institute is a public interest organization dedicated to advancing limited government, free enterprise, and individual liberty.” Ben also works for The Heritage Foundation. Ben is also a scumbag.
Crude oil is just $73.10/barrel. And Citigroup is at $3.75/share.
The Yankees lost and Tampa Bay won, so we’re once again tied for first place in the AL East.
The good news is that Ivan Nova gave up just two runs on six hits in a little over five innings.
In other news, Johnny Damon might be returning to the Boston Red Sox. Hilarious.
There is work to be done. I must away. Try to enjoy your rainy Tuesday.
Trey Parker & Matt Stone – SouthPark Creators from JREF on Vimeo.
I don’t have time to watch this right now, so I’m posting it here in order to remember to watch it later. But, you know, feel free to watch it, too.
Happy Sunday!
For some reason, I decided to find a Regina Spektor song on YouTube. I found it and, though it’s a fairly mediocre video, I still love the song.
When it was over, I decided to watch some other videos of hers. I saw this one for the first time tonight and it made me cry.
It isn’t a particularly sad song, but still I teared up after the second verse. After listening to it a second time (the DJ was asleep), I decided to watch another one. It also made my eyes water.
Either I’m menstruating, I need to go to sleep, or both.
And I apologize in advance — you’ll have to click the “Watch on YouTube” link on the first and third videos.
B’also? Many thanks to the Let’s Have A Ball cast. Tonight’s show was sheer joy.
G’night!
This guy is really good at… um… this.
Beaten this and the used-girls-underpants vending machines, it might be time to visit Japan…
Happy Saturday!
Two things before I start:
1) I received a present in the mail yesterday from a long-time supporter of E…W. It’s a CD of “abstract, industrial and experimental” music called Mass Transit (by various artists). The note indicated that it was chosen based solely on my hatred of the MTA. Brilliant. A heart-felt thanks to the sender, Mr. B.
2) There is someone out there who I have come to despise in the last few weeks. This person will prolly never see this and 99.9% of you will never know the person’s true identity. Nevertheless, I’d like to take this opportunity to tell this person that I sincerely hope that grievous harm befalls them. Preferably spinal. And I’d like to dedicate this (NSFW) video to them.
Roger Clemens made today’s cover (STRIPE THREE!: Indicted Roger faces 30 years for steroid ‘lies’).
This is what might get someone 30 years in prison (and a $1,500,000 fine)? Lying to Congress about using steroids? When BP or the investment bankers who almost destroyed our economy do it, nothing happens. But Clemens, 48, could feasibly die in prison?
Oh, Roger. You should have beaten a toddler to death with a hairbrush! That carries no fine and you’d be out in five years (less with good behavior)!
In IT’S A TOWER POWER PLAY, Malkin is bitching about a “radical” building being considered on page 3 — but not the Malkin (or the building) you think.
Anthony Malkin, president of Malkin Holdings (which runs the Empire State Building) is furious because the building that is being proposed at 32nd Street and Seventh Avenue (15 Penn Plaza) would be 67 stories tall and 1,216 feet tall. That would make it the second-tallest building in Manhattan — and just 34 feet shorter than the ESB. “Are people consciously making the decision that we want to radically change the skyline of New York?” sputters Malkin.
We didn’t get any say the last time the skyline was radically altered, so I don’t think we should need a consensus on this.
“A confirmed case of tuberculosis — and two other possible cases — at an MTA facility in Brooklyn has transit officials scrambling to get dozens of employees tested.”
Hmmm… I think I have to annunciate more when I pray to God.
Someone phoned in a bogus hijack threat to the San Francisco airport yesterday, grounding a JFK-bound American Airlines flight for several hours. The plane was searched — and a Pakistani couple was led off the craft in handcuffs, questioned and later released — before being cleared for take-off.
And if that wasn’t bad enough, the in-flight movies were Vanilla Sky, Shadowboxer, and Jingle All The Way.
Rudy 9iu11ani is asking for the Islamic cultural center to be moved farther away from Ground Zero, saying the project “horribly offend[s] the people who are most affected by this, the families of the Sept. 11 victims.” As Nell Scovell noted on Facebook, this is the same guy who thought the best place for the emergency response operations for the World Trade Center was in the World Trade Center. What an absentee-parent douchebag.
24% of the people in this country think Barack Obama is a Muslim, according to Time magazine.
Well done, Rupert.
Page Six (today on page 16) reports that “[Countess] LuAnn [de Lesseps] will perform her song, ‘Money Can’t Buy You Class,’ with cannons shooting out cash tomorrow at the Best Buddies benefit at the Hamptons estate of Jay McInerney and Anne Hearst.”
Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think?
Bedbugs were found at the AMC 25 multiplex in Times Square and the 44th floor offices of Elle magazine at 50th Street and Broadway. Still no (credible) reports of bedbugs at the Pavilion, but (thankfully) nothing is playing there that I want to see.
Fred Armisen, 43, has separated from his wife of 10 months, Elizabeth Moss, 28, and is now dating Abby Elliot, 23. How very TomKat.
Jennifer Aniston was on Live with Regis and Kelly the other day to promote her newest awful movie (and a photo shoot she did for some magazine).
Oh, Jennifer. If you offend people with mental disabilities, who will be left to see The Switch?
Wyclef Jean did NOT make the list of approved candidates for the upcoming presidential election in Haiti. He met yesterday with the current president, leading some to believe that he will still be allowed to run.
Or maybe, just maybe, he’ll lead the toe-tappingest coup in history.
That town that banned bullfighting must be laughing there chulos off.
A bull (named Quesero) being faught in Tafalla, Spain jumped into the stands and injured 32 people (according to the Post), three of whom are still in the hospital (including a 10-year-old boy). The following video isn’t as graphic as you’d expect, but it’s still not recommended for sissies.
A 19-year-old bank robber in Germany e-mailed the police and two newspapers to mock them for getting his age, height and accent wrong in their reports. He also pointed out that he escaped in a car and not on foot.
He has since been arrested because he is an idiot.
Ruby’s Bar & Grill, one of Coney Island’s most famous institutions, might be closing at the end of this season.
If true, that’s a damn shame. A greasy, deep-fried, stumbling-alcoholic shame.
That concert-goer who jumped from the balcony at Jones Beach has some broken bones, but is otherwise OK. It’s a Phish-mas miracle!
An editorial on the Islamic cultural center being proposed near Ground Zero (Blessed Be the Peacemaker) ends with, “Perhaps former Mayor Rudy Giuliani said it best: ‘If you are a healer, you do not go forward with this project. If you’re a warrior, you do.’”
1) That looks like fun. Let me give it a shot: “If you are a Constitution-hating terrorist, you will protest the construction of this center. If you’re a level-headed believer in human rights and the wonderfulness of America, you won’t.” I think mine is catchier.
2) They spelled 9iu11ani wrong.
Citigroup has dropped to $3.79/share.
Crude oil has dropped to $74.43/barrel.
MOVIE REVIEWS!
Lou Lumenick gives two stars to The Switch (“Aniston mom-com should be impregnated with some laughs”), Nanny McPhee Returns (“‘Nanny’ is back for bore”) and Mao’s Last Dancer (“A shaky lead performance is the least of the problems”).
Kyle Smith gives two stars to The Tillman Story (“it does the very thing that it denounces — massaging the facts to seize Tillman for a political agenda”), half a star to Lottery Ticket (“definitely not a winner”), and three stars to Calvin Marshall (“good-natured but not overly sentimental”).
V.A. Musetto gives two stars to both Soul Kitchen (sexuality, profanity) and Hiding Divya (mature themes).
Pete Hammond on The Switch: “One terrific comedy. You will love this movie!” On Lottery Ticket: “The winning ticket for big laughs… the entire cast is terrific.”
The Yankees decimated the Tigers last night (11-5) and Tampa lost to the A’s, so we are alone at the top of the AL East. Tonight they face Seattle.
Hooray, baseball!
In conclusion, tickets are starting to go quickly for the Friends with a Benefit show at Town Hall. Even if you can’t be there yourself, you can still help us out by passing along the info to your friends/co-workers/family/Twitter followers, etc. (tickets can be gotten here: http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/03004507B5E458AC)
Maybe I’ll see some of you at Let’s Have A Ball tomorrow? Maybe you’ll all have a nice weekend? Maybe you’ll have a Golden Gaytime?
It’s funny that during my horror-movies-with-”Don’t”-in-their-title experiment, I forgot about Edgar Wright’s fake (and extremely gory) trailer in Grindhouse.
B’also? Add Don’t Look Up to the list of horror movies whose titular advice has nothing to do with the actual movie (a better title would have been Don’t Try To Finish Making That Movie That Killed Its Previous Director Decades Ago). In fact, Kevin Corrigan would have survived if he had looked up and saw the thing that was about to fall on him.
Three stories on today’s cover. First, Bobby Thomson, 87, has passed away (he’s the guy who hit “The Shot Heard ‘Round The World” in 1951). The second story is How ‘Tattoo’ girl landed dream role (there’s a two-page follow-up, but before I read it, I’m going to guess that she got the part because she was in David Fincher’s last movie and Fincher is directing this one and Fincher wanted an unknown and she probably slept with Fincher).
But the main story on today’s cover is WHO TUBE: Columbia biz grad demands Web site bare heckler’s ID. In true New York Post fashion, the writing is awful. Carla Franklin claims that she “suffered damages in the form of distress and mental anguish” because someone “labeled her a ‘whore’ on YouTube.” Oh, did someone post a video? Nope. Carla’s despair arises from “a comment attached to a video posting of her.” And, I think we can safely deduce, that comment was “whore.”
“Franklin became aware that some short video snippets she had done for Columbia… had been uploaded to YouTube with the single-word slur posted in the comments section of the video.” Oh, so it was one slur posted to one video. Except that the Post later refers to “the single-word slurs” and that “there were three user names involved in the posting.”
Great job, Dareh Gregorian.
B’also? In the 1981 case of Francis “Psycho” Soyer v. Leon, the presiding judge (Sergeant Hulka) ordered the plaintiff to “Lighten up, Francis.” Which I predict will be the final ruling in Franklin’s case, as well.
Congratulations to Rachel Steiringer, 19, today’s Queen Stupid! Rachel thought it would be funny to post a wacky picture of her 11-month son to Facebook:
What a silly photo! You’re silly, Rachel! And under arrest! And today’s Queen Stupid!
Charles “Should Be” Hurt’s President chooses the wrong side — again explains that “In a roomful of Muslim-Americans observing a religious feast at the White House, Obama once again embraced them first over the victims, survivors and rememberers of 9/11″ by saying that he thought Muslim-Americans had the right to build an Islamic cultural center within walking distance of Ground Zero. Let’s see how many wonderful things that one sentence accomplishes:
1) Muslims observing a religious feast? In the White House? That ain’t my ‘murrica!
2) Obama embraced them? I knew he wasn’t no real Chris-chin!
3) He likes Muslims more than the victims of 9/11? More than the survivors? More than the remembererers? I hate that guy!
Hurt later adds, “Obama determined once again that it is Americans who must do more. Survivors of 9/11 need to just get over it. They really need to be more tolerant.” That’s exactly what that Kenyan Marxist said and meant.
What a colossal asshole you are, Churlie.
The article on page 5 (GOV TO MEET ON MOSQUE ‘MOVE’) ridicules the owner of the site that is scheduled to become Park 51 for saying “We are nowhere near the World Trade Center site.” To show how ridiculous that statement is, the Post provides a map with a straight line going from Park 51 to Ground Zero which measures “560 feet.”
Keep in mind, the line is going through two buildings. But, if Kitty Pryde of the X-Men (or The Vision or Martian Manhunter or the Gentleman Ghost or any number of other fictional characters) wanted to walk from Park 51 to Ground Zero, it would be a 560-foot trip.
The Public Integrity Commission wants to fine “Governor” Paterson $96,375 for demanding tickets to Game 1 of the 2009 World Series from the Yankees.
His defense? “I never saw Game 1 of the World Series.”
(See what I did there? Paterson can’t.)
Rod Bluh-GOY-uh-vitch (nice lady) has been found guilty!
Of one of the 24 things he was charged with. But, thanks to one female holdout, the jury was deadlocked on the other 23 charges.
Rod faces up to 5 years in prison for “lying to federal agents.” The prosecution has promised a retrial on the other 23 counts. Let’s hope that at the next trial, none of the jurors get bought.
According to Page Six (today on page 13), Conan O’Brien is denying that he had dinner with Maury Povich and Connie Chung the other night (“Whoever’s impersonating me — aim higher.”).
And speaking of Maury, “In the case of 9-year-old Jinky Young, exhumed corpse of Bobby Fischer… you are NOT the father.”
Of course, this being the Post, Fischer’s name is spelled “Fisher” at one point in the article.
We all remember Ice-T’s recent run-in with the police, right? Surely his blatant disregard (and disdain) for the NYPD would result in some kind of punishment, right? Wrong. His charges have all been dismissed. The system works?
In other music news, “Erykah Badu has been fined and will serve six months’ probation for stripping off her clothes to film a music video at the site where President John F. Kennedy was assassinated.”
Sadly, there are no more media outlets that play music videos, so we’ll never see it.
Whose turn is it on the Mass Recall of Automobiles list? General Motors!
“Nearly 250,000 crossover vehicles worldwide” are being recalled.
This is Obama’s fault, right?
Taking a page from Sarah Palin’s play/coloring book, “Dr.” Laura Schlessinger has announced that she will quit her radio show at the end of the year in order to “regain my First Amendment rights.”
See, if you’re on public airwaves and you say “nigger” eleven times in five minutes, people get angry. But if you’re not on the air, you can say it all you want and no one will care!
And she says gay people are an aberration…
Dr. Frank Ryan, the plastic surgeon who operated on Heidi Montag “at least 10 times,” drove his car off a cliff while sending a text message.
“He was the most amazing person I have ever known. [He] changed the world,” said Heidi.
And you just know that if she was still capable of crying, she totally would.
Did you know that 20% of Pakistan is currently underwater?
On the bright side, maybe Osama bin Laden is currently drowning.
American Apparel is close to declaring bankruptcy.
Oh no! Now where will prostitutes shop?
Apple is trying to offer a “baby iPad” by Christmas 2010. It will have a 7-inch screen (as opposed to the 9.7-inch screen on a regular iPad).
A line is already forming.
The Yankees won, but so did Tampa Bay. We remain tied for first.
A-Rod was diagnosed with “a low-grade strain of his left calf” and Pettitte still has “a slight strain of his left groin.” A-Rod is expected back this weekend, Pettitte is expected back… in September. Sigh.
Only 43 games left to go!
In yet another extended middle finger to their fans, the New York Giants have announced that fans will be able to buy single-game tickets to home games this year — without buying a Personal Seat License.
In other despicable football news, Brett Favre says he’s going to play for Minnesota this year (at least that’s the last thing he said on the subject by the time this paper was published — stay tuned for updates).
Linda Stasi complains about the return of some of the contestants on America’s Got Talent.
“But most unforgivable is bringing back 11-year-old Dippa. I hate that kid! He’s the most annoying small ham on TV since Miley Cyrus. Doesn’t anyone fear that he could grow up to be Vanilla Ice? Vanilla Ice Milk.”
I have no idea what that means.
And that’s Wednesday. See you all bright and early tomorrow.
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