Posts Tagged ‘China’
I bumped into a New York Post employee last night. He told me to keep up the good work. He also told me some off-the-record stuff about the paper that made me chuckle and wince in equal measure. I won’t name him (per his request), though I will say that his name has appeared here on more than one occasion.
Small world.
Bob Turner defeated David Weprin. The man responsible for the upset? Ed Koch (according to Ed Koch).
“‘I said to myself, “We need to turn this election into a referendum [on Obama]. And we did!”‘ [sic] gushed former Mayor Ed Koch, the first prominent Democrat to cross party lines for Turner.”
Congratulations, Ed! You must be so proud*!
*of your perceived accomplishment, but not of your homosexuality.
Marty Markowitz has announced that he will retire from politics at the end of his current term as Brooklyn Borough President (term limits preclude him from seeking re-election).
So what will he do instead? Word on the street is that early next February, he’ll emerge from his burrow and help determine whether or not we’ll have six more weeks of winter.
“A Long Island woman, worried about her mom and brother flying to New York on the eve of 9/11, was busted for trying to ground their flight — by twice phoning in false bomb threats against the Southwest Airlines plane they were taking from Arizona.”
And that woman is Mary Purcell, 37, of Lake Ronkonkoma.
(photo by Dennis Clark)
Nice Shmoo cotume, Mary.
“A bill that would defang the state’s Office of the Medicaid Inspector General now rests in Gov. Cuomo’s hands. Critics say the measure, which passed unopposed in both houses of the Legislature, would hobble the four-year-old office charged with rooting out Medicaid fraud by requiring it to give advance notice to people and firms under suspicion… The bill would also make it more difficult to collect penalties for ‘defects’ or errors in paperwork and would cap the total amount of money a medical provider would be required to return no matter how much was overbilled.”
This turns my stomach. It passed unopposed? There was nobody who thought this might be a terrible idea?
No wonder voters feel so disenfranchised nowadays.
“A former school bus matron who cruelly taunted an autistic 8-year-old Staten Island boy as he repeatedly banged his head against the bus window pleaded guilty yesterday to endangering the welfare of a child. Connie Clark’s misdemeanor plea, which earned her a nonjail sentence of conditional discharge, came nearly six years after she and driver Ron Fischetti mercilessly teased P.J. Rossi aboard their bus.”
Not depraved indifference, not dereliction of duty… endangering the welfare of a child. And no jail. Six years after the fact.
Hopefully, P.J. and his parents can take some solace in the fact that Clark’s face looks like it has been banged against a window.
A very ugly window.
David Seifman reports that “former City Councilman Allen Jennings failed in his attempt to stage a comeback by ousting incumbent Ruben Wills in a four-way Democrace race in Queens.”
Every time someone at the Post replaces the word “Democratic” with “Democrat” or “Dem” or “Democrace,” I am going to refer to the GOP as “the Republican Guard.”
Daphne Melin, 32, of Shirley, Long Island, has been charged with child endangerment and attempted assault. But I’ll let this tiny man tell you why.
Melin said of the fight, “It wasn’t my finest hour.”
Why do I have a feeling that what she does consider her finest hour isn’t that glamorous, either?
“A federal judge in Pennsylvania has ruled that the requirement in President Obama’s health-care overhaul that individuals buy health insurance is unconstitutional.”
But I guess making taxpayers pay for uninsured people’s health care isn’t.
“Former World Series MVP Manny Ramirez was released on $2,500 bail yesterday after facing charges that he slugged his wife… [Ramirez] faces as much as a year in jail if convicted.”
“Ramirez had told investigators that he grabbed his wife [Juliana] by the shoulders during an argument and ’shrugged’ her, causing her to hit her head on their bed.”
He shrugged her? Thats a pretty solid defense there, Manny.
And if you get a jury to stare into your hypno-shirt, you might even get the charges thrown out.
S.A. Miller and Geoff Earle’s Poverty rate hits O broke my heart; I thought it was a zero in the headline, not the letter O.
“The annual Census Bureau report showed that the poverty rate climbed from 14.3 percent in 2009 to 15.1 percent last year, leaving nearly 1 in 6 Americans living in poverty.”
Even worse, 22% of children in America live in poverty.
And yet, corporations are doing better than ever. How odd.
In Reunited we stand, Michael Goodwin tells us that he found the recent 9/11 ceremonies “incredibly inspiring.”
“It certainly helped that the memorial at the Trade Center was so well-received, but the most remarkable thing was how the events rekindled the spirit of national unity. On too many days since that awful attack, America has been splintered and angry. On Saturday and Sunday, we were one country again — united in grief but also in courage and pride.”
Is this the same person who wrote in O goes negative on the nation — which was published on 9/11/11 — that Obama’s jobs speech “had another feature libs had to love: extreme negativity about America”? Yup.
America continues to be splintered and angry, thanks to jackasses like Michael Goodwin.
“Beatle legend Paul McCartney will marry his New York girlfriend, MTA board member Nancy Shevell, in a ’small, intimate’ ceremony this weekend at the rocker’s farmhouse in England.”
My hatred and bloodlust for the MTA board is slightly tempered by the knowledge that Ms. Shevell will now touch Grandma McCartney’s pruny nards on a regular basis.
But I still despise the MTA.
According to Page Six (today on pages 16, 17 and 18), Kirstie Alley “rubbed 9/11 memorial organizers the wrong way when she ‘demanded’ a helicopter landing for the Long Island Remembers 10th anniversary tribute on Sunday.”
I can’t wait until she becomes obese and unemployable again (as opposed to just unemployable).
Page Six also reports that the writers of the British TV show The Inbetweeners “have a deal to make an American version of the show for MTV.”
I guess they never got a chance to watch MTV’s remake of Skins (which makes sense, because it wasn’t on the air for very long).
Here are three of Cindy Adams’ attempts at… something.
“Employment catastrophe: Legit ticket brokers closing. Can’t compete with online discount prices.”
“President de facto Rush Limbaugh, so smart — and tart — he makes lemonade out of lemons.”
“Due to our financial crisis, Obama’s getting briefed on Chinese culture and tradition by the CIA, FBI and MSG.”
Stop fighting it, Cindy. Joey needs you.
Jacqueline Kennedy on the citizens of Wisconsin: “Those people would stare at you sort of like animals. They’re suspicious people there. Eww!”
“Jackie branded Martin Luther King Jr. ‘a phony,’ French President Charles DeGaulle ‘an egomaniac,’ and Indira Gandhi, the future prime minister of India, ‘a real prune — bitter kind of pushy, horrible woman.’”
I’m starting to understand why JFK wasn’t faithful.
I’m looking at an ad for The X Factor. There are five people in the ad: Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, someone who looks like Randy Jackson, someone who looks like Kara DioGuardi, and someone who looks like Brian Dunkleman.
But I’m sure it’ll be completely unlike American Idol (except that they’ll both be shows I don’t watch).
Robert Goldberg’s op-ed A Deadly Hysteria: Bachmann’s vaccine lunacy explains why Michele Bachmann’s recent assertion that the HPV vaccine caused a girl to “suffer mental retardation” is harmful and misleading (and bullshit).
It’s rare that I read an op-ed that I agree with in this terrible newspaper, so I decided to check up on Mr. Goldberg. Turns out he’s the vice president of the Center for Medicine in the Public Interest. Well, that certainly sounds like a noble organization, right? I mean, a group that was “originally a project of the Pacific Research Institute, an older corporate front established in conjunction with Philip Morris to fabricate academic support for the tobacco industry“ wouldn’t be allowed to have such an altruistic name, would it?
At least it isn’t funded by the pharmaceutical industry.
It is?
…oh.
It’s time once again to play Who! Is! The Dumbest!
Highland Park, New Jersey’s Abe Krieger writes, “Congratulations to The Post for being the only media source to express anger over 9/11 and for naming those who planned and carried out the attacks. The rest of the media have decided that 9/11 was a natural disaster without bad guys, thus eliciting sadness, not anger.”
Staten Island’s Vincent LaFata writes, “Last weekend was, among honorable things, also an indictment of how feckless and overregulated we have become… Here is the New York of today: We commemorate an act of war with two holes still in the ground because our leaders cannot lead. What a disgrace.”
Edison, New Jersey’s Phil Goodman writes, “The media have framed the 10th anniversary of 9/11 as a time for sadness. I say it’s a time for anger. Those 3,000 people didn’t die in an accident — they were murdered by Islamist terrorists, but many seem to want to bury that fact.”
All right, America. Who! Is! The Dumbest!
(there are no wrong answers)
Elizabeth Warren is running against Sen. Scott Brown (R-Mass.) in next year’s election.
Huh. I guess I can still get excited about an election.
Crude oil closed yesterday at $90.21/barrel.
MOVIE REVIEW!
V.A. Musetto gives three stars to The Mill and the Cross (disturbing images).
Linda 3Starsi starts her PROOF OF ABUSE thusly: “How low can reality TV go now that The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is rocking Russell Armstrong’s suicide as entertainment and Entertainment Tonight is promoting ‘Housewidow’ Taylor Armstrong’s domestic abuse photos?”
And next to Linda’s piece — taking up more real estate than the article itself — are two gigantic full-color photos of Taylor Armstrong with a black eye (with the ET logo in the corner of each, naturally). Linda is so disgusted that the photos were broadcast on TV that she’s putting them in her column about how inappropriate they are.
Brilliant.
And that’s Wednesday.
More to come…
Feds warn of NYC 9/11 threat
CAR BOMB ALERT
“A ’specific’ and ‘credible’ terror threat against New York and Washington, DC, was revealed last night — involving three people who entered the country last month from Pakistan and were instructed by al Qaeda to detonate a car bomb on the 10th anniversary of 9/11, law-enforcement sources told The Post… One of the suspects is an American citizen, ABC News said.”
Well, I’m not scared (I know am typing this on September 12th, so it’s easy to not be afraid of an attack that didn’t happen, but I promise that I was equally nonplussed when I read this on Friday).
The Westboro Baptist Church is protesting Fashion Week.
Steve Drain, an aptly-named spokesman for the “church” explained that “the whole idea [of the] fashion industry is to make women look as whorish as possible and men look as effeminate as possible… All you are doing is teaching girls to be proud whores!”
Uh, Steve? Let’s not talk about who’s teaching children what, OK?
God thinks Westboro Baptist Church members are shitty parents.
“One of the leading credit agencies downgraded the MTA’s rating yesterday after taking a second look at its skyrocketing pension, operating and debt-service costs. Fitch knocked down the agency from an A+ to an A.”
Wait… just two days ago the MTA’s credit rating was an A+? And today it’s still an A?
I can only assume that no one at Fitch lives in New York City (and/or ever uses public transportation).
YOU CALL THAT A JOBS PROGRAM?: Bam’s $447B push falls flat in Congress is Geoff Earle and S.A. Miller’s assures us that last night’s presidential address was “nothing more than a $447 billion pile of recycled ideas that isn’t likely to pass Congress.” I guess standing ovations no longer mean what they used to.
In the EXPERTS’ VERDICTS sidebar, Ron Christie gives the speech a C-. I find it shocking that the ex-special assistant to President George W. Bush didn’t give it an A+. Wait, not shocking. I meant obvious.
Following are some excerpts of Laura Italiano’s ‘RAPE COP’ DINNER: Juror’s weird meal tale.
“In a 70-page first-person exposé, a juror on the notorious ‘rape-cop case’ trial, Patrick Kirkland, describes the bizarre, if not unseemly, dinner invitation he accepted from disgraced ex-NYPD Officer Kenneth Moreno — and reveals that he and other jurors agreed that the accuser may have consented to sex, then blacked out about it. ‘What if the two became close?’ Kirkland writes in his essay, Confessions of a “Rape Cop” Juror, which was published for online downloading by the Gothamist Web site.”
“Referring to Moreno, 43, and the accuser — a 27-year-old fashion executive who had insisted the on-duty cop raped her as she lay passed out on her East Village bed — Kirkland, who served as Juror No. 8, writes that jurors ultimately found prosecutors hadn’t proven rape. But that doesn’t mean the two hadn’t had sex, the juror writes. After all, the accuser had convincingly described being ‘penetrated’ by Moreno — and asserted that the next morning, she still had the sensation of having had sex. ‘What if they hit it off … a moment that turned into conversation, that turned into flirting? What if it all led to something that Moreno thought was consensual?’ Kirkland writes.” And what if a policeman was asked to help a falling-down drunk woman into her apartment and he didn’t wind up taking advantage of her? And what if American juries weren’t jaw-droppingly stupid?
“In his essay, Kirkland, an advertising copy writer, also writes that days after the verdict, he accepted defense lawyer Joseph Tacopina’s offer to join his client Moreno and Moreno’s ex-partner, Franklin Mata, who was also accused, and their families and defense teams for dinner at Da Ciro on Lexington Avenue. Kirkland jokes that when he entered, Moreno rushed him and grabbed him in a bear hug. He wondered if he was about to be tackled. ‘The former cop sprang from his chair and rushed toward me, and before I could step back, the stocky arms of the ex-boxer were curled around my shoulders… The arms tightened, and then the high-pitched, soft-spoken voice I recognized from the witness stand whispered, “Thank you,”‘ Kirkland wrote. ‘The man hugging me was supposed to be the monster I had spent seven weeks analyzing and seven days judging. This was Kenneth Moreno, Rape Cop.’”
And it still is.
According to Page Six (today on pages 24, 25 and 28), Anna Wintour still doesn’t like Miss Lily’s Jamaican restaurant in SoHo. Even after Grace Jones gave it her seal of approval? How is that even possible?
B’also? Turns out the Post has been misspelling the name of one of the new Dancing With the Stars contestants — her name is Elisabetta Canalis, not Elisabeta Canalis. I regret the error and the fact that I read the Post.
Pages 32 and 33 provide a guide to some of the various scheduled 9/11 remembrances (both live and on TV) on over the next three days. Tonight at 11:00 p.m., CNN is airing a special that celebrates vigilantes (either that or Beyond 911: Portraits of Resilience contains a typo).
And on Sunday, Rudy 9iu11ani is scheduled to be interviewed on WPIX at 6:00 a.m. and on Fox between 7:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. Those are the only appearances listed in the Post… I wonder if he’ll make appearances on any other programs.
[SPOILER: Yes. Yes, he will.]
Mitt Romney is criticizing Rick Perry for calling Social Security “a monstrous lie, no matter what anybody says.” Romney called Perry’s views “reckless” and “wrong.”
Which probably gave Perry a boost in the polls.
Cindy Adams discusses the US Postal Service today.
“The Post Office suddenly broke? Please. I knew years ago everything about it was broke… Not that I’m complaining about the lousy service. But: How about going to the window to buy stamps that you can’t because nobody’s there?” Spoken like someone who hasn’t been to a post office in the decade since they installed vending machines in 95% of them (so you no longer need to stand in line for stamps).
“Some postmen earn more than politicians. This, of course, seems only fair since our reps are so unbright that one of them defined Band-Aid as a charitable organization for musicians.” Actually, Band Aid is a charitable organization of musicians for Africa, Cindy. They released the incredibly successful single “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” in 1984.
“Remember that Bush versus Gore presidential election, when some folks ended up disenfranchised? I know what happened. Our overseas servicemen voted via mail, and by the time their ballot got delivered Gore was too old to serve.”
1) Gore is still not too old to serve.
2) Are you saying that Gore should have won because our overseas servicemen voted for him, but their ballots weren’t counted?
3) In all seriousness, why aren’t you dead yet?
Marlboro, New Jersey’s Dan Clemens writes, “One has to wonder just what Jimmy Hoffa meant when, in referring to the Tea Party, he said: ‘Let’s take these sons of bitches out…’ In the America I believe in, we take out Chinese food, and we take out a woman on a date. We do not ‘take out’ our own people simply because their beliefs are different than ours.”
No one has to wonder what he meant — if they listen to the quote in context. He meant “remove union-busting right-wingers from office by voting for their opponents.” And in the America I believe in, we order Chinese food and have it delivered, women can take men (and/or women) out on a date, and people remove fellow citizens from their political offices precisely because their beliefs are different than the majority’s.
Eastchester’s Salvadore Pedi fumes, “How dare Hoffa call me and members of the Tea Party SOBs?” (presumably before going back to drawing a swastika on a poster of Obama). Salvadore neglects to mention what political office he currently holds.
Astoria’s Brad Morris complains about Hoffa’s “potentially violent invective regarding the Tea Party” and Manhattan’s JR Cummings declares that “Desperate liberal leaders know their president is out of any new ideas, so they are now resorting to vicious and threatening attacks against the Tea Party.” No they aren’t. But, as Joseph Goebbels once wrote, “The English follow the principle that when one lies, one should lie big, and stick to it. They keep up their lies, even at the risk of looking ridiculous.”
MOVIE REVIEWS!
Lou Lumenick gives three stars to Contagion (“easily the scariest of the disaster films that have followed [9/11]“), one and a half stars to Tanner Hall (“a great-looking but wearyingly cliched and confusing vanity production”), and one star to Inside Out (“nonsensical, thickly plotted gumbo”).
Kyle Smith gives one and a half stars to Warrior (“a cheap exploitation picture wrapped in miles and miles of stale would-be Oscar scenes”), two stars to Burke and Hare (“[director John Landis'] ideas about what is funny… are dated”), and half a star to Beware the Gonzo (“edgeless”).
V.A. Musetto gives two stars to Shaolin (violence) and one and a half stars to Love in Space (mature themes).
Sara Stewart gives three stars to Fordson: Faith, Fasting, Football and the American Dream (“a worthwhile addition to the cultural conversation”).
Over at the U.S. Open, Novak Djokovic defeated Janko Tipsarevic.
I wonder what the “U.S.” stands for.
In last Friday’s paper, Linda 3Starsi began her three-star review, “If you watch only one documentary of the more than 40 being shown in the week leading up to the 10th anniversary of 9/11, I urge you to make it History’s Targeting Bin Laden.”
In today’s paper, Linda 3Starsi review of CBS’ 9/11: Ten Years Later is titled ‘If you watch one 9/11 show, make it this one’ (which paraphrases what she writes in the 10th paragraph of the review — “if you are going to watch one [9/11] documentary, make it this one”).
I think she means it this time, though, because she gave the CBS doc four stars.
And that’s Friday.
More to come…
The head of the Sept. 11th Victim Compensation Fund has expanded the eligibility area for people who claim to have “illnesses brought on by the attack,” adding the 10 blocks between Reade Street and Canal Street. So if you worked and/or lived in that area during the attack, you could be eligible for financial assistance. That is, unless you got cancer or “mental or emotional injuries, such as post-traumatic stress.”
(waves miniature American flag)
Michele Bachmann is now claiming that her recent comment (about how God sent an earthquake and a hurricane to convince politicians to be more conservative) was merely a joke.
Which is what people have been saying about Michele Bachmann for years.
“The ‘highest levels’ of chocolate consumption were associated with a 37 percent reduction in the risk of cardiovascular disease and a 29 percent reduction in stroke, compared with the lowest levels, researchers said yesterday in the online British Medical Journal.”
Why am I not surprised that this appeared in the British Medical Journal? It’s like all of those reports in the Japanese Medical Journal about how great for you rice is. Or all of the reports in the Chinese Medical Journal about how rice is really good for you. Or the “Medical Benefits of Rice” series in the Mexican Medical Journal.
The father of Leiby Kletzky (Nachman Kletzky) is suing his son’s murderer (Levi Aron) and that man’s father (Jack Aron) for $100,000,000 in punitive damages — each.
Kletzky argues that Jack had to have known that his son had abducted and/or murdered Leiby because they live together in Jack’s home (which has a market value of $720,000).
I wonder if there’s an amount that Nachman would settle out of court for.
“Darren Morris, 27, allegedly fired twice at NYPD Officer Daniel Beddows before the hero cop managed to tackle and arrest him. But despite a very strong case, prosecutors dragged their feet and missed several deadlines — forcing a judge to drop the charges because Morris had been denied a speedy trial.”
Seriously, we have to stop calling it the justice system.
According to Page Six (today on pages 12 and 13), Darrell Hammond “is barely able to work after a recent Hamptons car crash.” He “suffered fractured ribs and a severe lower back injury.” Page Six snarkily notes that “Hammond, a stand-up comic, now can’t stand up for lengthy periods” (Bonus Points: The item’s headline is Sit-down comic).
Get well soon, Darrell.
Cindy Adams brags that (after Hurricane Irene struck) “from around the globe I received about 30 calls from Tokyo, Bali, Jerusalem, checking to be sure I’m OK. If you can believe anybody feeling sorry for me, I guess they were.”
What if I can’t?
A grainy black and white photo on page 17 features Anthony Weiner and Huma Abedin walking in Paris, France. The article’s headline is OUI, OUI WEINER, and it begins, “Keep that Weiner away from your BlackBerry! Frisky former congressman Anthony Weiner and wife Huma Abedin were spotted strolling in Paris yesterday, where the pregnant wife wisely kept her smartphone away from her sexting hubby.”
Fun Fact: There is absolutely no possible way to see what Abedin is holding in the photo.
Newspapers that hire a prostitute to be a naked cover girl and columnist shouldn’t throw stones.
“A clinic in Madison, Wis., warned yesterday that as many as 2,345 patients may have been exposed to HIV and hepatitis because of the actions of a diabetes nurse educator over a five-year period. The nurse educator, who has since been fired, reused the handles of insulin demonstration pens and finger-stick devices from 2006 to 2011, the Wisconsin State Journal reported.”
More like health-don’t-care, am I right?
Seriously, though, the nurse should be prosecuted.
Staten Island’s Phil Anastasia writes in to complain about Bloomberg’s response to Hurricane Irene: “When Irene arrived, it was a welcome relief. I would rather endure 10 storms like that than listen to four days of nonstop hype and apocalyptic predictions from pompous news anchors and local politicians… We are Americans, and we are New Yorkers. We can adjust and adapt to any situation, and we surely know to come in out of the rain. Stop assisting in the wimpification of America.”
It should have been you, Phil.
(I’m referring to any of the 8 New Yorkers who died in the hurricane)
Michael A. Walsh’s THE ANTI-GOD SQUAD complains that the left is unfairly victimizing folks like Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry for being so religious. “The country remains overwhelmingly Christian, with 92 percent of the population expressing belief in God.”
Nicely done, Vulcan Muppet! You made it seem like 92% of the country agrees on the existence of God! But what percentage sees God as Allah? Or as Black Gay Jesus? Or a (*gasp*) woman?
B’also? Bachmann is stupid. That she’s religious doesn’t help, but she’d be just as stupid without her God-crutch.
They announced the cast of this season’s Dancing With the Stars. Snooki and Queen Latifah are NOT cast members, but Ricki Lake, Ron Artest, Kristin Cavallari, David Arquette, Chynna Phillips, J.R. Martinez, Nancy Grace, Rob Kardashian, Hope Solo, Elisabeta Canalis and Chaz Bono.
No word on which stars will be appearing.
(If there really is a God, Nancy Grace will irreparably shatter her legs on the season premiere).
And that’s Tuesday.
Off to rehearsal. Tonight’s Let’s Have A Ball (7:30 at the UCB) should be a blast. Come if you can!
OUCH!
New PA tolls to hit a staggering $15
Remember when the Port Authority announced their plans to raise tolls to $17 over the next three years (and an additional $4 for every E-ZPass use starting in September) and Governors Andrew Cuomo and Chris Christie immediately overruled them? Well, the Port Authority, Cuomo and Christie have reached an agreement. Are you sitting down?
If you are paying cash on PA bridges and tunnels, it will cost you an additional $4 (making it $12) starting on September 18th. In 2012, it will cost $13. In 2014, it will cost $14. And in 2015, it will cost you $15 every time you drive on a PA bridge or through a PA tunnel.
If you use E-ZPass, the toll will be an extra $1.50 (making it $7.50 during off-peak hours and $9.50 during peak hours) starting on September 18th. It will go up another $0.75 on December 1st of 2012, 2013, 2014 and 2015, which means that on December 1, 2015, it will cost you $10.50 during off-peak hours and $12.50 during peak hours.
So, in four years, it will cost my parents $21-$25 every time they come in to the city to see me perform or to visit their grandson (assuming they keep their E-ZPass)? That’s kind of ridiculous. And pity the poor saps who commute to work every day.
Maria Carmela Farina is suing Lidia Bastianich (mother of MasterChef’s co-host/smug asshole, Joe Bastianich). Farina claims that Lidia brought her to America in 2005 (from Italy, where she was a respected chef with over 30 years of experience) by promising her “culinary fame and fortune… working alongside Bastianich, helping manage her restaurants and TV show.” But Farina says she never got to work in any of Lidia’s restaurants. Instead, she was given “a zero-pay job as a 24-hour-a-day home attendant, for which she had to hoist [Lidia's] obese 100-year-old neighbor on and off a toilet in her Queens home.” Farina assisted the wheelchair-dependent woman (Luigia Crespi) with everything from bathing to feeding her to shopping for her until her death last December.
You might be asking why it took Ms. Farina so long to come forward, but her attorney has the perfect answer: “[Farina] became bonded with this old lady and didn’t want to leave her like that. She really believed that Lidia some day was going to make good on her promises.”
“No, no, no… the title should be LIDIA STEALS COOKS FROM THE HEART OF ITALY UNDER FALSE PRETENSES. What do you mean it already went to the printers?”
Geoff Earle would like everyone to know that our president “landed on posh Martha’s Vineyard late yesterday for 10 days of fun and sun with the family.” How dare he go on a 10-day vacation while the House of Representatives and the Senate are… taking a five-week vacation.
And what does Sarah Palin call Obama’s decision to go on vacation? “Tone deaf.”
You bitcha.
“The European Union told Syrian President Bashar al-Assad yesterday to step down, joining a similar call by the United States to put pressure on his government.”
The EU did, however, tell al-Assad that he could stay in power if he allowed his mustache to grow or shaved it off completely.
This is 13-year-old Megan Stewart.
Megan lives in Scotland and suffers from a disease that only two people in the world are believed to suffer from. Can you guess what it is? Nope, try again. Not even close. Give up?
The answer is… Hair-Brushing Syndrome. “The ailment causes Megan’s brain to shut down if she is ever shocked by even a small jolt of static electricity… [Megan] was diagnosed three years ago when she got a small shock and it sent her into convulsions.”
And yet she still thought it would be a good idea to put that thing in her hair.
Josh Saul reports that the Naked Cowgirl has been arrested, but it isn’t Sandy Kane — it’s Louisa Holmlund, 28.
Holmlund (“a licensed franchisee of the Naked Cowboy”) was arrested for “making moolah without a valid license.”
I think it’s criminal that Holmlund was taken off the street but the “50-something” (yeah, right) Sandy Kane is allowed to walk the streets like this:
Our justice system is irreparably broken.
According to Page Six (today on pages 16 and 17), Bill Maher, 55, has broken up with his girlfriend of two years, Cara Santa Maria, 26.
Wait… Bill Maher was dating a White woman?!
Cindy Adams’ A nation of tolerant fatties is a mishmash of bizarre observations.
“America is becoming more tolerant. Accommodating gay marriage. Fine with co-daddies raising babies. Adjusting to two non-biological mommies having children.” We get it, Cindy. You don’t like homosexuals and wish they weren’t allowed to marry and adopt. Continue.
“Forget politics, the country’s coming to terms with race, color and religion.” Um… race and color are usually the same thing, Cindy. B’also? The nation isn’t coming to terms with religion. Most of the GOP’s slate of 2012 candidates don’t believe in evolution and at least one of them believes that Muslims don’t deserve the same right as Christians.
“Why, with… man-and-wife marriage disappearing, is the land organized by chubby Ben Franklin and zaftig George Washington — whose wife was no size 2 — primarily concerned with fat?” Cindy, you octogenarian antique, gay marriage doesn’t diminish heterosexual marriage. Gay marriage also doesn’t lessen the number of straight people tying the knot. Stop reminding us how obsolete you are and join your contemporaries (the aforementioned Ben Franklin and George Washington) and get in the box.
Over in the Weird BUT true sidebar, Todd Venezia tells us that “Allison Matsu put up a mid-meal Twitter post saying her waiter was a jerk [and] the manager of the of the Down House restaurant read the message and kicked her out.”
Close, Todd. Allison was actually having a drink at the bar in the Houston, Texas restaurant when she heard her bartender quote “a prominent bartender and restauranteur” named Bobby Heugel, so she tweeted that she thought the bartender was a “twerp” for quoting Heugel.
Otherwise, great job, Todd.
Todd’s KUNG POW KICKIN’ reports that the Georgetown University Hoyas played an exhibition game in Beijing against a professional Chinese basketball team (the Bayi Rockets). But if a picture is worth 1,000 words, then this video is worth 10,000 Todd Venezia articles.
Glen Rock, New Jersey’s Harry Eisenberg writes in to respond to yesterday’s Talking Texan editorial. “For liberals to hate Rick Perry because of his Texas background strikes me as the height of hypocrisy.”
And for anyone to think that liberals’ problem with Rick Perry is that he’s from Texas strikes me as the height of stupidity.
John Podhoretz’s op-ed is titled Why Bam’s Doomed. If and when Obama is re-elected, I hope he pens a follow-up titled Why You Should Never Listen To Me.
And in his NO BUS CAN SAVE THIS PRESIDENCY, Bill O’Reilly quotes The Wall Street Journal’s Norman Podhoretz, who described Obama as “the same anti-American leftist he was before becoming our president.”
Norman is John’s father. Here’s John:
And this is Norman looking for his glasses:
Both will be featured in the 2012 Sexiest Demagogues of Journalism calendar.
Over on page 45, we learn that the Dow Jones fell another 419 points yesterday. But I guess everyone has stopped caring about that, huh?
OK! Magazine Photoshopped a picture of Kim Kardashian at her engagement party to make it look like she’s wearing a wedding gown (they turned the violet dress white) for their SPECIAL COLLECTOR’S ISSUE of Kardashian’s upcoming wedding (which trumpets COMPLETE COVERAGE despite the fact that it hasn’t happened yet).
People, which paid $1,000,000 for the exclusive wedding photos are angry at OK!. A People spokeswoman said, “It shows a shocking contempt for the reader that OK! chose to fake a wedding that has not occurred yet.”
Honestly? Anyone who buys OK! or People or watches anything on TV that involves anyone whose last name is Kardashian is worthy of our contempt.
There’s a piece on page 46 that reports Research In Motion is close to launching a music streaming service for BlackBerries. The headline made me giggle for a solid minute.
Music to RIM users
Claire Atkinson reports that Katy Perry “has pulled in an estimated $50 million in the past 12 year from her album, Teenage Dream.”
Teenage Dream came out in 2010, so I’ll assume Claire meant “past 12 months” or “past year.”
This is a terrible newspaper.
MOVIE REVIEWS!
Kyle Smith gives two and a half stars to the remake of Conan the Barbarian (“Within the span of a week, Rick Perry begins to run for president and the remake of Conan the Barbarian hits theaters. Coincidence? Or natural running mates?”), one and a half stars to the remake of Fright Night (“feeble comic one-liners and slow pacing combine for a routine fang-fest”), three stars to The Hedgehog (“gentle, tender and very French”), and half a star to Griff the Invisible (“a dumbass Kick-Ass“).
Lou Lumenick gives two stars to One Day (“Romantic blah-medy”), one and a half stars to 5 Days of War (“should appeal more to those who like to watch stuff blow up than understand exactly why the carnage is transpiring”), and two stars to Amigo (“overlong… too simplistic to win over unconverted minds”).
The not very retired V.A. Musetto gives three stars to both Mozart’s Sister (mature themes) and The Last Circus (extreme violence).
Sara Stewart gives one and a half stars to Flypaper (“unremarkable addition to the already overcrowded heist genre”).
The Yankees (75-47) are back in 1st place in the AL East, half a game in front of Boston (75-48).
BREAKING NEWS: Both teams won tonight, so the standings remain the same.
A DVD collection of every episode of Law & Order will be released on November 8th. The 456 episodes (plus the three Homicide: Life on the Street crossover episodes and multiple hours of bonus material) are on 109 discs. The retail price is $699.99, but Amazon.com has it on sale for $489.99.
I wonder how much it weighs.
(gung gung)
I’m all caught up!
Damnit. I didn’t realize how late is was. It’s tomorrow already. Sigh.
Time to stop blowing my nose and get some sleep.
Have a great weekend!
“A group of Italian farmers are poised to unveil a ’super tomato’ they say is bursting with antioxidants to fight everything from aging to cardiovascular diseases, the ANSA news agency reported yesterday.”
Super tomatoes? I don’t like the sound of that at all.
There an Associated Press story on page 4 about how a clerk on Long Island (Leslie Gross) is going to open her offices on July 24th (a Sunday) so that gay couples can get marriage licenses on the first day they’re legally available.
The most recent AP story on clerks opening their offices on July 24th is from July 7th. It is Michael Hill’s NYC OKs gay marriages on Sunday of new law’s debut. The title of the article in today’s Post?
Special gay for licenses
I wonder how that makes the AP feel…
Carl Campanile’s Weiner-seat foes is not about people who oppose gay marriage (see what I did there?). It’s about how the Democrats’ David Weprin will face the GOP’s Bob Turner in September 13th’s special election for Anthony Weiner’s congressional seat.
Not mentioned in the article: Juan Reyes.
The town council of Braunau in Austria “voted Thursday to withdraw honorary citizenship from [Adolf Hitler] 78 years after the Nazi killer was given the title.”
If only there were more Holocaust survivors left to appreciate the gesture.
“If David Plouffe were working for me, I would fire him, and then he could experience firsthand the pain of unemployment.” — Mitt Romney 7/08/11
“I should tell my story. I’m also unemployed.” — Mitt Romney 6/16/11
Fun Fact: Mitt Romney’s net worth is over $200,000,000.
Gay marriage still base-less, yet another Associated Press piece (why does the New York Post keep outsourcing jobs to other parts of the country? WHY DO THEY HATE NEW YORKERS?), tells us that “The House has voted to slow the new policy allowing gays to serve openly in the military, backing a measure to ban chaplains from performing same-sex marriages on military bases regardless of a state’s law.”
I continue to be amazed by the fact that there are still homosexuals in our armed forces.
“Sources” have told the Post that Dominique Strauss-Kahn had sex with his longtime girlfriend (who “works in the Big Apple banking world”) a few hours before (allegedly) sexually assaulting that maid in the Sofitel. They also claim that the Manhattan DA’s office contacted the woman (who was caught on the hotel’s surveillance video) for an interview, but “she flat-out refused.”
Curiouser and curiouser…
Page Six (today on page 10) reports that John Boehner was in town last night, “enjoying drinks and cigars the other night with a group at the Carnegie Club cigar lounge.”
Good to see he’s taking the debt ceiling so seriously.
“Sorry, Mr. Boehner, but we’re all out of miniature umbrellas.”
From Dareh Gregorian’s Comical sex-harass suit:
“Archie Comics has filed a lawsuit against Nancy Silberkleit, a co-CEO and widow of a former co-CEO, for allegedly bullying and sexually harassing employees — even yelling, ‘Penis! Penis! Penis!’ to denote men at a meeting. The suit seeks a court order barring her from the company’s Mamaroneck headquarters and from representing it at the annual Comic-Con gathering this month in San Diego. The suit says the company hired a firm to probe Silberkleit’s conduct after numerous employees said they felt ‘bullied’ or ‘harassed.’ Seven employees said they ‘heard Nancy use the word “penis” referring to men,’ an investigator said.”
This actually doesn’t surprise me. There has always been an undercurrent of perversion in Archie Comics’ publications.
Betty Ford has passed away at the age of 93.
She was an amazing woman and she will be missed.
Jeane MacIntosh’s DAD PROMISED HIS SON A BALL is a follow-up to the story of Shannon Stone. It tells us that his son is 6 years old and features a full-color photo of Stone falling — and of his son desperately reaching out for him as he did.
Well, that’ll haunt my dreams for a few years.
One page 17, there is an editorial from the July 18th issue of National Review about Ai Weiwei. It is titled Chinese Chill Snabs Artist and, though I’ve looked on the NR Web site for the last twenty minutes, I have no idea why.
Rich Lowry’s The Bible Shaping Our Time praises the King James Bible for putting “an indelible stamp on the English language.”
“Without it, [Alister] McGrath reckons, “there would have been no Paradise Lost, no Pilgrim’s Progress, no Handel’s Messiah, no Negro Spirituals, and no Gettysburg Address.”
Lowry later explains that “The translators of the King James Version stated their ‘desire that the Scripture may speak like itself, as in the language of Canaan, that it may be understood of the very vulgar.’”
Mission accomplished!
MOVIE REVIEW!
Steve Persall of the St. Petersburg Times calls Zookeeper “THE MOST THOROUGHLY ENJOYABLE MOVIE FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY!”
Lenn Robbins’ ‘BROOK’ OF DREAMS features a photograph of SUNY Stony Brook students cheering on their basketball team, the Seawolves.
I guess the L was getting a pretzel when this was taken.
Fun Fact: Lou Gehrig had the most hits at Yankee Stadium until Derek Jeter surpassed him. But when Jeter tied Gehrig at 1,269, he did so by hitting a home run off of the Tampa Bay Rays’ David Price. It was Price’s first game in the major leagues. Price was also pitching yesterday when Jeter hit the home run that marked his 3,000th hit.
Since yesterday’s Yankee game was rained out, people hoped that the game would be made up today (as part of a double-header). Tampa Bay said no, so the game will be made up on September 22nd. Which means that Dolores Martinez and her family — who flew in from Puerto Rico specifically to see a Yankee game.
Ouch.
Joel Sherman points out that the Yankees “will play the final 13 days of the year without a day off… By then, Jeter will have 3,000 hits. But what kind of shape will he be in?”
Fuck you, Joel Sherman.
Michael Starr reviews the second-season premiere of TNT’s Rizzoli & Isles. He says that viewers will “savor its menu of smart repartee, offset by a dash of drama and some good, old-fashioned episodic TV pacing.” He gives it…
…three stars.
I was curious to see if Linda 3Starsi had reviewed the first season. She did. She gave it…
…three stars.
And that’s Saturday.
More to come…
Three stories on today’s cover.
Jeter out ’til end of the month made me sad.
Maria and me: Arnie’s baby mama tells all made me wince (thanks in no small part to the unflattering photo of Mildred Patricia Baena they chose to feature).
And C-FOOD: Eateries fined for hiding low grades made me nervous (as all of the Post’s food-related exposés do). Apparently, 704 restaurants have been cited for not posting their health grades (404 C’s, 229 B’s, 48 GRADE PENDINGs, and 23 A’s) and another 100 were cited for not posting their grades conspicuously (54 B’s, 36 C’s, 8 A’s, and 2 GRADE PENDINGs).
I thought for sure today’s cover would feature Anthony Weiner choking on a piece of chicken or shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln or replacing a tire incorrectly. What a pleasant surprise.
Sen. Roy McDonald (R-Saratoga), who voted no on gay marriage in 2009, has announced that he, too, will now vote in favor of it. “As a father, as a grandfather, you try to do the right thing. Now, you might not like that. Fuck it. I don’t care what you think. I’m trying to do the right thing.”
And that, my friends, is courage.
Meanwhile (according to Brendan Scott’s Dolan: Heaven help us if gays can wed), Archbishop Timothy Dolan wrote in his weekly online column, “Last time I consulted an atlas, it is clear we are living in New York, in the United States of America — not in China or North Korea. God, not Albany, has settled the definition of marriage a long time ago.”
The sixth time’s the charm.
Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark did, in fact, open last night. Elisabeth Vincentelli gives it two and a half stars.
I predict it will close by 2013.
Last year, New York City was named the filthiest tourist destination in the country by Travel + Leisure magazine. This year, we ranked fifth — behind Memphis (#4), Los Angeles (#3), Philadelphia (#2) and last year’s runner-up, New Orleans (#1).
To celebrate, I’m going to buy some fancy cheeses for the rats that infest the platform of the 23rd Street station on the F line.
Former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman is expected to announce his candidacy for the GOP presidential nomination in 2012. He probably watched Monday night’s debate and thought, “I’m a better candidate than those idiots.” I know I did.
Also (allegedly) considering a run is Texas Gov. Rick Perry. I can already see his slogan:
I WANTED TO SECEDE, BUT NOW I WANT TO LEAD.
AND IF I DON’T SUCCEED, I’LL GO BACK TO DENYING I’M GAY.
Not wanting to miss out on all the fun, Michael Goodwin pens Time Dems dumped overcooked Weiner. ZING!
He also writes (in NY IS OVERDUE TO SAY ‘I DO’ TO GAY MARRIAGE) that “If two consenting adults in love want to commit to each other legally, why should bureaucrats be allowed to stop them? They shouldn’t be, with some common-sense exceptions, such as incest and diminished mental capacity.”
Wait… does that mean that Goodwin and Peyser’s marriages would be annulled?
According to Page Six (today on pages 16, 17 and 18), “Hugh Hefner’s wedding to Crystal Harris was called off after she secretly planned to ditch the Playboy mogul at the altar in return for a $500,000 media deal… Harris, 25, was shopping for a big-bucks deal to tell all after she ditched hapless Hef, 85, in front of 300 guests at their wedding at the Playboy Mansion on Saturday, to be filmed for a Lifetime TV special.”
B’also? “Harris had reportedly been secretly seeing Dr. Phil McGraw’s son, Jordan, for months behind Hef’s back. Jordan is her songwriting partner, and they were seen cozying up at the Chateau Marmont in March. A source told us, ‘Crystal wanted to ditch Hef at the altar. Her plan was to walk up the aisle and say she couldn’t go through with it. The wedding was to be filmed for a reality special, and her refusal to marry him would be a sensation. She was looking for a tie-in deal of around $500,000 for the exclusive “I ditched Hef at the altar” interview.’”
Tell me again about gays will hurt the sanctity of marriage, Post.
Memo to the person who writes MARKET WATCH:
It’s JCPenney, not J.C. Penny.
Before signing off, Dangerous Minds just posted this on Facebook:
I’m a sucker for a clever mash-up.
Happy Hump Day!
Pelosi demands Weiner quit over his dirty laundry:
HUNG OUT TO DRY
See what they did there? If not, here’s the first sentence of accompanying text: “Congressman Anthony Weiner stinks a little too much for the Democrats.”
Bonus Points: “[Weiner] remains defiant even as more teen ‘friends’ were revealed.”
Implying someone is having inappropriate relations with underage girls sure is fun, right, husband of Andrea Peyser and possible child molester, Mark Phillips?
“Walmart is reportedly eyeing the Bensonhurst waterfront for its first Big Apple store.”
This is great news for the Chinese companies who make most of the crap sold at Walmart.
Michael Goodwin’s Dem dam of silence breaking explains that Nancy Pelosi’s recent comments have “end[ed] any chance [Weiner] can survive in Congress.” B’also? “If [Weiner] has a whit of sense left in his twisted head, he’ll drop the sham of a leave of absence, resign and slink off into his personal nightmare.”
“Even by the low standards of government, his behavior is so far out of bounds that it was obvious he had to go.” Why did Goodwin switch to the past tense? Beats me. But even more amusing is the absence of David Vitter’s name. Surely, Goodwin is even more outraged about a Senator who ordered prostitutes from the House floor, right? Especially one whose party continues to fundraise for him, right?
(sfx: crickets)
According to Page Six (today on page 12), “People magazine is paying Kim Kardashian more than $1 million for exclusive coverage of her engagement and wedding.”
See? Print isn’t dead — it’s just suffering from severe dementia.
Former New York Giant Michael Strahan and an elf Eddie Murphy’s ex-wife (Nicole Murphy) cut a PSA in support of gay marriage.
The owner of the Giants (Steve Tisch) is reported to be following suit.
However, if you want to see Tisch’s PSA, you’ll have to pay $50,000 for a Personal Seat License first.
Abdullah Mohammed, 51, was arrested for slashing the neck of William Perry, 70, in the Pathmark supermarket in Harlem. Apparently Perry stepped on Mohammed’s foot so, naturally, he stabbed Perry in the neck.
Don’t scoff — you know you’d do the same thing.
“Mohammed was arrested and charged with assault.”
Wait… what? Assault? He stabbed a 70-year-old man in the neck! If that isn’t attempted murder, what is?
Over on page 16 (today on page 16), we’re told that “Twice in recent weeks, the United States gave Pakistan specific locations of insurgent bomb-making factories, only to see the militants learn their cover had been blown and vacate the sites before military action could be taken.”
Hey, I have an idea! Let’s stop giving Pakistan aid! And also stop telling them anything about anything!
They’re almost as bad as Saudi Arabia.
“An atheist group buying ad space on the sides of buses is cross over $36,000 in ‘vandalism’ insurance fees the Central Arkansas Transit Authority is demanding. The Coalition of Reason said in a lawsuit the bus company fears the devilish reactions the anti-religion ads might inspire. The $5,000 worth of ads read, ‘Are you good without God? Millions are.’”
I encourage all (any?) intelligent Arkansans to go out and vandalize all pro-religion bus ads. To make a point, mind you, not because I find anything wrong with liars preying/praying on the weak.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have another inductee into the Hall of Fame for Jerks! May I introduce… Bill Warren!
“An eccentric California salvage diver is fishing for proof that al Qaeda overlord Osama bin Laden is really dead. Bill Warren, 59, has vowed to scour the north Arabian Sea to find the corpse and deliver photographic evidence that he was killed.”
“‘I’m doing it because I am a patriotic American who wants to know the truth. I do it for the world,’ Warren told The Post… ‘The Obama administration should have released the photo, like we did with Billy the Kid, or [John] Dillinger, or even Saddam Hussein,’ said Warren. ‘I have a Russian girlfriend, and she tells me that over there, in intelligence circles, they don’t believe bin Laden’s really dead.’”
1) Those are not by any definition “intelligence circles.”
2) I am confidant that your Russian girlfriend loves you for who you are and is certainly not just after your money. Exhibit A:
3) Good luck on your sea hunt, you c-unt.
Michael Riedel’s IT’S A SMASH!: How Broadway became a billion-dollar business concludes with a brief discussion of The Book of Mormon. See if you can find the subtle mistake in this sentence: “And its producer, Ann Scott Rudin, is one of the most powerful people in Hollywood.”
Give up? The answer: Ann Scott Rudin doesn’t exist. Scott Rudin produced The Book of Mormon. If you do a Google search for “Ann Scott Rudin,” you get Riedel’s article — and nothing else.
Oops.
The editorial Tweetin’ Tony’s Dodge mocks Anthony Weiner for “seeking a ’short leave of absence’ while he gets ‘professional treatment.’ Treatment for what? Post-Traumatic Tweet Disorder? Hitting on 17-Year-Olds Syndrome?” Oddly enough, the answer to this can be found on page 4 of today’s paper in Annie Karni’s Behind cyber-sex ‘cure‘, which includes explanations from sex-addiction therapist Joe Kort and Chris Taylor, the president of of the Association of Addiction Professionals of New York. But I digress.
“‘He needs this time to get healthy and make the best decision possible for himself, his family and his constituents,’ said a spokeswoman. Himself? Well, sure. That’s what he’s all about, anyway.”
Good point! And while we’re at it, how stupid is that Julius Caesar quote, “Veni”?
Bonus Points: The editorial takes issue with Weiner “having any kind of an unsupervised relationship with an unrelted minor.” But who’s to say that they were unrelted? Sadly, we’ll never know for sure because “unrelted” isn’t a word.
Kyle Smith (almost) outdoes himself in Why sex scandals matter: No, it’s not less important when a Democrat does it.
“Picture an undercover Republican oil lobbyist finding out about Weiner’s predilections and chatting him up on Facebook. ‘Oh, Congressman, the liberal platitudes you spew on Bill Maher make me so hot!!!’ The next thing she knows, she’s been rewarded with one of Weiner’s frankfurter pictures. Suddenly she has a lot of power over a sitting US lawmaker. She could threaten to go public. Being a fiendishly clever member of Evil, Inc., she wouldn’t be so dumb as to demand Weiner suddenly start voting like a Republican. More likely, she would simply wait for the right moment to ask him to slip in one of those billion-dollar rule changes — a golden asterisk — that nobody will ever notice in a 2,000 page bill. And politics gets a little bit more corrupt, a little less transparent.”
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Anthony Weiner MUST be expelled, but David Vitter can remain.
The other examples Smith cites: John Edwards and Bill Clinton. Can anyone tell me what Weiner, Edwards and Clinton have in common? I’ll give you a hint: It rhymes with “Bear ball Bemocrats.”
“For every Weiner, Schwarzenegger or Edwards, there is someone like Teddy Roosevelt or Ronald Reagan — men who never humiliated their wives.”
Technically, Schwarzenegger is a Republican (in name only, as they say), but he’s also (technically) a Kennedy. He’s also not the only Republican who humiliated his wife (See: Newt Gingrich, John Ensign, Randy Hopper, Roy Ashburn, Mark Sandford, Vito Fossella, John Bryan, Larry Craig, and many, many others you can read about here). But Kyle is nothing if not a partisan hack.
“Sorry, liberals, but the point has been proven yet again: Character matters.” No it doesn’t, Kyle. If it did, you’d be unemployed.
Richard Price’s WE DISSED A GIRL: Katy Perry’s parents condemn her lifestyle while cashing in on her eternal damnation is an amusing analysis of how Keith and Mary Hudson tour the globe whining about how their daughter has fallen from grace.
My favorite part is the revelation (no pun intended) that one of the catchphrases in Keith’s sermons is “I kissed God — and I liked it!”
See what he did there?
I also enjoyed pastor Ray Toms’ claim that “Keith has a real passion for young people, and you can’t deny that his methods work.”
Actually, I can think of one glaring exception to that, Ray. And her name is Katy Perry.
Look! Over on page 53! It’s a rash! It’s a venereal disease! It’s…
ASK ASHLEY!
I’ve been dating a guy I really like for about six months. He has the absolute worst teeth. I like him and I don’t want to be totally vain, but I really, really want him to fix his embarrassing teeth. He’s successful, so I know he has the money to do it. How do I broach this subject sensitively? — Madeline, TriBeCa
ASHLEY: “I’d wait for a time when you’re in an intimate state — maybe Saturday or Sunday morning in bed after you’ve woken or been sexually intimate.”
ME: “You are a shallow asshole.”
I got my bikini area lasered and it’s all bare save for a patch up front. The guy I’ve been seeing has said openly that he hates the trend of grown women ‘looking like little girls down there.’ He doesn’t know what I’ve got going on yet, but is sure to find out when we go away together next weekend. What should I do? — Kim L., Chelsea
ASHLEY: “Well, unless you live under a rock, the bare trend has been around for years. I guess I mistakenly assumed most men have embraced it by now!”
ME: “Even if you live under a rock, the bare trend has been around for years. So has child abuse, racism, farts and Larry King. Some people like these things, others don’t. He doesn’t like shaved lady junk, you do. Even if you were willing to compromise, you can’t thanks to a laser. So either call Sy Sperling’s wife or cancel that weekend getaway.”
Considering Weinergate, do you consider sexting cheating?
ASHLEY: “I think I’ve covered this before, but in my book, any sort of emotional connection with someone other than your partner is cheating. It’s only a matter of time before flirtation texting leads to sexting, leads to meeting, leads to real sex-ing. You get the ‘It’s just no good’ point?”
ME: “Hmmm… there’s no credit attributed to this seven-word question… and it’s written by a moron (‘I know I just said considering, but I don’t believe that I can think of a better word to use than consider‘)… so I’m going to go ahead and declare this Ashley’s way of offering her opinion despite no one asking for it. Now, does everyone who plays first-person shooter video games eventually kill someone? Does every LARPer attempt to run someone through with their sword? Does everyone who plays Mafia Wars wind up in the Mafia? To some, escapism is just that. I, myself, entertain thoughts on a daily basis of firebombing the MTA, but I can promise you that I would never actually go through with it. I’m happy to keep my fantasy life in the Land of Make Believe. And you have no proof that Anthony Weiner intended to ever actually meet any of the women he sexted with. Do you get the ‘be quiet, you filthy whore’ point?”
“Mets revelation Dillon Gee quickly has grasped the significance of the upcoming 10th anniversary of the 9-11 attacks. During the offseason,Gee, whose father Wayne is a firefighter in Fort Worth, Texas, participated in the FDNY Training Academy on Randall’s Island.”
Dillon’s pitching record for the year is 7-0. And, in honor of the aforementioned anniversary (and because he is a New York Met), he will finish the season 9-11.
And that’s Sunday.
I’m heading into the city for another rehearsal, but I’ll try to be fully caught up by tomorrow afternoon.
Before I begin, I’d like to remind you what the Post said yesterday about Anthony Weiner: “Unable to resist awkward double entendres, [Weiner] said that the situation ‘didn’t rise’ to a federal investigation…”
Having said that, here’s today’s front-page headline and the first line of text that accompanies it:
Battle of the bulge
HARD TIME!
Weiner victim: ‘I’m collateral damage’
“What junk!”
And here is the gigantic two-page headline for the follow-up: WEINER HUNG (on page 4) OUT TO DRY (on page 5).
Even the (alleged) victim (Gennette Cordova, 21) isn’t above a horrible pun (“This has been really hard on me”), though I’d like to think that hers isn’t intentional — unlike S.A. Miller, Fredric U. Dicker and Dan Mangan’s “and in a major blow [to Weiner]…”
Bonus Points: There’s a large sidebar (‘Brief’ glory for Jockeys) that identifies the underwear in the photo as “distinctive gray lycra-spandex ‘Jockey Pouch’ drawers.”
Mega-Bonus Points: Page 22’s editorial is titled Take It Out of Tony’s Hands.
BREAKING NEWS ULTRA-MEGA-BONUS POINTS: nypost.com’s current front-page story is about how Weiner canceled a speech he was to give in Wisconsin today. The headline? WEINER PULLS OUT.
Rihanna’s new video is being severely criticized for its violence. Judge for yourself (while it remains on YouTube, which prolly won’t be for very long) (b’also? it takes forever to load):
Vita Coco must be thrilled.
Rihanna defended the video in an incredibly classy and erudite (and typo-riddled) statement: “I’m a 23-year-old rockstar with NO KIDS! What’s up with everybody wantin me to be a parent? I’m just a girl, I can only be your/our voice! U can’t hide your kids from society, or they’ll never learn how to adapt! This is the REAL WORLD!”
I assume her next video with deal with Darfur and the US debt ceiling.
Martin Scorsese’s next project is rumored to be an adaptation of the book Furious Love: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, and the Marriage of the Century by Sam Kashner.
Which I’m pretty sure means Leonardo DiCaprio is playing Elizabeth Taylor.
Phillip Garrido and his wife, Nancy, were finally sentenced for what they did to Jaycee Dugard. In case you’ve forgotten: “Dugard was 11 when she was abducted by the couple as her stepfather watched her walk toward a school bus near her South Lake Tahoe home in June 1991. They held her captive in a secret backyard compound. She gave birth to two daughters, the first when she was 14, fathered by Garrido.”
Dugard had her mother read a scathing letter at their sentencing, rather than “waste another second” in the presence of the Garridos.
“Garrido’s lawyer read a statement on his behalf in court, saying that he agreed with Dugard and did not expect any leniency. ‘He has accepted responsibility for his actions and he has done this without any expectation of leniency and has done this because he wanted to spare everyone, especially Miss Dugard and her children, a trial,’ lawyer Susan Gellman said.”
There’s a lot about this story that’s infuriating. But this made me especially angry: “[Judge Douglas Phimister] marveled that Garrido was able to get paroled from federal prison for a 1976 rape and kidnapping conviction after only 11 years, saying the defendant had been able to work the penal system to his advantage.”
As did this: “Phimister imposed the maximum possible sentence of 431 years to life on Garrido. Garrido had pleaded guilty as part of a deal with prosecutors that saw Nancy Garrido sentenced to 36 years to life. The deal was designed, in part, to spare Dugard and her children from having to testify at a trial.”
1) I’ll ask it again: Why sentence someone to 431 years? Or 200? Or 100? They will die in prison, so why not just put them to death now? Why use tax dollars to feed and shelter a monster like Phillip Garrido?
2) Why is the woman who knew what was going on and let/helped it happen eligible for parole in 36 years?
I can only hope that the Garridos are severely beaten every morning, afternoon and evening that they serve their sentences.
“Mitt Romney officially entered the 2012 presidential race under sunny New Hampshire skies yesterday, while Sarah Palin rained on his parade in Romney’s neighboring home state.”
Romney told the crowd of people with nothing better to do than listen to a Mormon discuss his doomed-for-failure campaign, “Barack Obama has failed America. When he took office, the country was in recession. He made it worse. And he made it last longer.” So what if it’s not true? B’also? America was in a recession.
Meanwhile, Caribou Barbie continued her “Cry For Attention Tour 2011,” telling a Massachusetts crowd, “Any mandate coming from government is not a good thing. Obviously, there will be more explanation coming from Governor Romney for his support of government mandates.”
Not in the Post (to no one’s surprise) is what else Palin said in Massachusetts — about Paul Revere:
Paul Revere’s ride: 1775.
First convening of the constitutional convention: 1787.
Sarah Palin proves how stupid she is: Every. Single. Day.
John Edwards has been indicted for using political contributions to hide his mistress.
Anybody think he’ll be found guilty?
Me neither.
How stupid are juries in New York?
“A Bronx jury found a former prosecutor not guilty of felony DWI yesterday — saying that cops who voided summonses had no credibility when they testified in the case. Steven LoPresti’s acquittal was Bronx prosecutors’ second defeat in a case featuring testimony from ticket-fixing officers. It follows a similar outcome for a man charged with attempted murder.”
“The verdict lets LoPresti keep his law license. He has been convicted three times of DWI.”
We seriously need a new justice system.
From Page Six (today on pages 12 and 13):
“How much is a night with Bravo honcho and school-choir disser Andy Cohen worth? ‘Priceless,’ he told us at the Photographers for Friends event at Phillips de Pury in Midtown Wednesday night. The event’s live auction included ‘The Andy Cohen Experience,’ where the winner will sip cocktails with him and attend a live broadcast of his show, Watch What Happens Live.”
Guess which person in the photo below paid $5,000 for it.
Would it surprise anyone to learn that it was the man?
(not that there’s anything wrong with that…)
Cindy Adams does not correct yesterday’s glaring error. Instead, she spends her entire column complaining about the ants she has in her apartment (Ants-y over invaders).
It’s every bit as uninteresting as you’d expect it to be.
The guy who robbed and raped an 85-year-old woman on the Upper East Side early Monday morning has been caught.
Convicted child molester Jeffrey “Lupe” Ritter, 32, “was charged with one count each of criminal sexual act, robbery and sexual abuse — and cops said he might be a suspect in an earlier rape attempt nearby. Ritter is looking at 10 years to life in prison if he’s convicted of all crimes, prosecutors said. A judge denied him bail. ‘The defendant has an extensive criminal record out of state, in New York and seven other states,’ Assistant DA Courtney Groves said at his arraignment.”
Yes, that is a New York Yankees tattoo under his left eye. No, that doesn’t make me despise him any less.
“A high-level international panel slammed the war on drugs as a failure yesterday and called on governments to undertake experiments to decriminalize the use of drugs, especially marijuana, to undermine the power of organized crime.”
Surely our government will act on the advice of the Global Commission on Drug Policy, right?
Right?
Today’s Weird BUT true column is brought to us by Todd Venezia and contains this:
“A man shot up a Pensacola, Fla., fish market after getting angry that the place had run out crawfish.”
I wonder what the crawfish did to deserve that.
Charles Gasparino’s O’s Jobs-Export Economy is his latest attempt to convince people that Obama’s policies are sending American companies overseas.
“The problem for the average American worker: Businesses have learned to make money by cutting costs (i.e., jobs) or relocating to China or India. And it’s not merely that it’s cheaper to operate overseas; a huge part of the problem is the fear that it’s going to keep getting more expensive to hire here.”
Why is it that folks like Gasparino — who wrap themselves in the flag and scream patriotism at everyone who disagrees with them — never seem to accuse the companies moving jobs overseas of being unpatriotic?
Let me put it another way. Your children have all been born with profound disabilities. You just moved to a new town and there’s a very deep well on your property. The town you moved to is very small and no one has ever seen your kids.
In theory, you could kill them all and throw them down the well and then adopt children that you know to be healthy (and, therefore, much cheaper to raise) and who would be grateful to get out of the orphanage.
Do you keep your children or trade them in for better, cheaper models? Better yet, if you see a woman who is younger and/or prettier than your wife, do you end your marriage and attempt to trade up (put your hand down, Newt — I already know your answer)? Or do you honor your wedding vows?
Are my scenarios really that different than a company shutting down factories — and destroying countless towns that depend on them — in order to pay Asians pennies on the dollar?
Stop blaming Obama for trying to guarantee that the middle class won’t go bankrupt paying their medical bills. Start blaming the conglomerates that pay no taxes.
MOVIE REVIEWS!
Kyle Smith gives three and a half stars to Submarine (“the excruciating and the hilarious mingle nearly to perfection”), and one and a half stars to both Rejoice and Shout (“a rote documentary”) and the anti-coal industry documentary The Last Mountain (“demonstrates its lack of interest in market reality”).
Lou Lumenick gives one star to Love, Wedding, Marriage (“surely the low-water mark in the recent tide of dismal wedding-themed comedies”), one and a half stars to Beautiful Boy (“grim little pageant of misery”), and three stars to Beginners (“superbly acted and ultimately disarming dual coming-out comedy-drama”).
V.A. Musetto gives three stars (!) to Film Socialisme (too cerebral for kids), two stars to !Women Art Revolution (mature theme), and three stars to Mr. Nice (sex, nudity, drug use, violence, profanity).
Remember The Starr Report? That was Michael Starr’s daily sidebar of… well, whatever it was, it was painful to read. So it went away. But Michael didn’t! And today he has an EXCLUSIVE in the TV section (Kris loses it: ‘Kardashians’ mom can’t control excitement). It begins:
“There’s ‘laugh-out-loud funny,’ and then there’s Kris Jenner’s involuntary reaction to a humorous incident on the new season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. ‘There’s an amazing episode with Kris, who’s shared every second of her life — the highs and lows — with the cameras,’ series executive producer Jeff Jenkins says of the Kardashians den mother. ‘Well, you know that women of a certain age, sometimes when they laugh…’ Jenkins says, pausing. ‘God bless her, you see her dealing with that. She signed up for a reality show so you see it all go down.’”
The new season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians premieres June 12th.
And if you watch it, you’re part of the problem.
And that’s Friday.
My wife is in Philadelphia until Sunday night, so I’ll be staying up late and watching terrible horror movies (and, hopefully, writing).
Tomorrow night’s Let’s Have A Ball (7:30 @ UCB) will feature not only Joe Bill, but Curtis James Gwinn. Reservations are (miraculously) still available. And keep in mind this is one of the two shows LHAB has in June (the other is June 18th).
Have the loveliest of weekends, kids!
Today’s cover story (CHEZ PERV: DSK’s $50,000 TriBeCa rental) assuages any concerns you might have had about where Dominique Strauss-Kahn would be living under house arrest now that he is no longer welcome at 71 Broadway. The answer, incidentally, is 153 Franklin Street.
.jpg "153 Franklin Street")
It’s $50,000/month, but that doesn’t including the cleaning service (or the money you’ll owe them after they sue you in civil court for raping them).
[AMERICAN IDOL SPOILER WARNING: The country singer won.]
Scotty McCreery, 17, has become the latest singer to win American Idol. After winning, he said, “I never in my wildest dreams… I have to thank the Lord first. He got me here.” Then he paused and continued, “But if that’s true, then he also destroyed the entire town of Joplin, Missouri. And he’s responsible for every war atrocity ever committed, every rape, every disease… I take back my thanks. God is a jerk.”
Runner-up Lauren Alaina, 16, was quoted as saying (and this one is 100% authentic [according to the Post]), “I knew Scotty was going to win. I knew it was going to tear my heart [out] and I accepted it. I couldn’t pick a more perfect person to get second place.”
I think she meant “a more perfect person to lose to,” but she might also mean that she doesn’t think she deserves to ever win anything.
[SPOILER WARNING: This is the last we will hear about Scotty and Lauren until they appear on VH1's Dr. Drew Presents Dr. Drew Jr.'s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew's Son, Dr. Drew Jr.]
According to page 4’s Cig ban’s ifs, ands & many butts, the Parks Enforcement Patrol has been given a four-point procedure to follow in enforcing the new smoking ban:
“1) Make sure your audio recorder is activated.
2) If someone is smoking, ask them to put out the cigarette.
3) If they keep smoking, write a $50 ticket.
4) If they continue to smoke after that, write a $250 ticket for failing to comply with an officer.“
My only problem with this is step #4; if I get a $50 ticket for smoking, I should at least get to finish my cigarette.
Especially since cigarettes are rapidly approaching $50 a pack.
“[US District Judge Larry Burns] ruled yesterday that Jared Lee Loughner, the man accused of shooting Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (D-Ariz.) and 18 others in January, is not competent to stand trial.”
1) He isn’t accused of shooting them. He did shoot them.
2) This ruling is expected to delay his trial “by months or years.”
3) I believe in the right of everyone to get a fair trial, but here’s someone who killed people — and would have killed many more — and he faces the death penalty. We all know he’ll be found guilty. Why draw this out for years? Seriously. Let the families of his victims stone him to death. It’s what The Bible wants us to do.
The ASPCA has reviewed the charges of dog abuse leveled against Norberto Hernandez. People reported him after seeing his dog, Coffee, panhandling outside Citi Field.
The ASPCA has concluded that Hernandez is in no way abusing Coffee.
I disagree. No creature should ever be forced to become a New York Mets fan.
Painter John Perry is so angry about how he was portrayed in a New Yorker article by Tad Friend that he’s on a hunger strike until they run a retraction. He takes issue with the magazine “characterizing him as a stalker by claiming he went after [John] Lurie in a long campaign of calls and messages.”
So, every day, he travels from his home in Yorkville to SoHo’s Petrosino Square Park to sit for “at least eight hours” in protest — less than a block away from Lurie’s home.
New Yorker editor David Remnick replied, “The piece was thoroughly reported fact-checked, and is a fair representation of both sides of the story. We looked into [Perry's] complaints carefully and found nothing to correct or retract. As concerned as we are about his health, we can’t print something we don’t believe is true.”
John Lurie has said that the article, “had no regard for the truth or the damage it would cause to the lives of those involved.” I had a great punchline for this item, but Lurie beat me to it.
“He’s conducting a hunger strike a half block from my house to prove he’s not a stalker.”
I was about to comment on how the jur in the “Rape Cops” trial have been deliberating for six days without reaching a verdict, but I just saw on the news that they reached one today.
From the New York Times‘ Web site: “Two New York City police officers were found not guilty on Thursday of raping of a drunken woman who had been helped into her apartment by the officers while on patrol. The verdict provides some measure of vindication for the officers, Kenneth Moreno and Franklin Mata, and brings to an end a criminal case that drew outrage across the city when the officers were indicted in 2009. Still, the jury convicted both officers of official misconduct for entering the woman’s apartment, but found them not guilty of all other charges, including burglary and falsifying business records. The officers had both admitted to violating their duties on the night in question; Officer Moreno testified that he cuddled with the drunken woman in her bed while she wore nothing but a bra.”
Geoff Earle’s O Tea-hee in Parliament is the Post’s only coverage of Obama’s recent speech across the pond. It focuses solely on the on a joke he made about how the relationship between the US and England “got off on the wrong foot with a small scrape about tea and taxes” and that “there may also have been some hurt feelings when the White House was set on fire during the War of 1812″ but that “it’s been smooth sailing ever since.”
If you have the time (42:23), you might want to watch the whole thing. Obama gives good speech.
I especially liked “Unlike most countries in the world, we do not define citizenship based on race or ethnicity. Being American or British is not about belonging to a certain group; it’s about believing in a certain set of ideals – the rights of individuals, the rule of law. That is why we hold incredible diversity within our borders. That is why there are people around the world right now who believe that if they come to America, if they come to New York, if they come to London, if they work hard, they can pledge allegiance to our flag, and call themselves American. If they come to England to make a new life for themselves, they can sing God Save the Queen just like any other citizen. Yes, our diversity can lead to tension. Throughout history, there have been heated debates about immigration and assimilation in both our countries. But even as these debates can be difficult, we fundamentally recognize that our patchwork heritage is an enormous strength – that in a world which will only grow smaller and more interconnected, the example of our two nations says it is possible for people to be united by their ideals, instead of divided by their differences; it is possible for hearts to change, and old hatreds to pass; that it’s possible for the sons and daughters of former colonies to sit here as members of this great Parliament, and for the grandson of a Kenyan who served as a cook in the British Army to stand before you as President of the United States.”
Andrea Peyser doesn’t think Bloomberg’s new smoking ban goes far enough. “[Smokers] will just make breathing more toxic by cramming into ever-smaller spaces… Here’s a solution. Move puffers to China. Most people haven’t quit there. Yet.”
She also spews bile at Fred Wilpon, ESPN and the entire nation of France.
At no point does she defend her husband from the charges of child molestation that her husband may or may not face.
According to Page Six (today on pages 14, 15 and 16), New Jersey Net Kris Humphries proposed to Kim Kardashian by giving her a $2,000,000 ring. She said yes.
I look forward to the incredibly degrading sex tape.
Cindy Adams reports that Chuck Lorre was “seen watching surfer videos at some West Coast hasheteria. Not imbibing. Not looking unhappy.” I Googled “hasheteria” and the first five listings are for the “Angel Society of Merakesh” (whatever that is). Cindy’s use of the word today is the sixth listing. Her use of the word on August 10, 2007 (“The Modern, Danny Meyer’s MoMA hasheteria”) is the seventh listing. Her use of the word on March 31, 2008 (“Fellow darted into a hasheteria on W. 57th. He needed quarters to put in the parking meter. Then he went to a nearby restaurant to eat.”) is the eighth listing.
What is a hasheteria? Is that Cindy’s witty word for “restaurant”? Is that what they called restaurants when Cindy was a child? Had restaurants even been invented when Cindy was a child?
The good news is she’s taking the next four days off. The bad news is, unless she finally dies, she’ll be back on Tuesday.
Only in this horrible newspaper, kiddies. Only in this horrible newspaper.
Pete Hammond calls Kung Fu Panda 2 “★★★★ A 3D EVENT.”
Tiki Barber left his eight-months-pregnant-with-twins wife, Ginny, to be with his (much, much younger) girlfriend. People still haven’t fully forgiven him for that — and the new issue of Sports Illustrated won’t speed up that process.
He told writer L. Jon Wertheim that he and his 23-year-old girlfriend moved into Mark Lepselter’s attic to avoid the scrutiny of the media (Lepsetler is Tiki’s agent).
“Lep’s Jewish and it was like a reverse Anne Frank thing.”
Actually, a reverse Anne Frank thing would be Nazis hiding in basements and, once caught by Jews, given candy.
Good luck with that comeback, Tiki.
Last Friday, I wrote, “George A. King III writes that Mariano Rivera ‘needed one more appearance for 1,000 in his stellar career going into last night’s action.’ Which seems like an odd way to say that last night marked Rivera’s 1,000th appearance.”
Today, Fred Kerber writes, “Mariano Rivera forged another entry in an already legendary, Hall of Fame career for the Yankees. He appeared in his 1,000th game, becoming the first pitcher ever to do it with the same team, [and] only the 15th in history just to reach that fabled mark.”
So… I guess last night was his 1,000th appearance.
Congratulations, Mo.
“Gordon Ramsay’s father-in-law [Chris Hutcheson], who is battling the foul-mouthed chef for control of his restaurant empire, has been living a secret, double life with a second family and two children his family never knew about, according to reports… The secret life came out only after Ramsay began having his father-in-law tailed by private detectives to gather evidence in a business dispute.”
Look for Fox’s new show, Gordon Ramsay’s Family Room Nightmares, this fall.
The (holiday!) weekend approaches! Huzzah!
Two cover stories today. Hasta la vista baby!: Maria split over Arnie’s secret love child and HOTEL MAID IN HIV SHOCK: IMF gal in AIDS-help apartment (which is a Post EXCLUSIVE). Let’s start with the latter.
First of all, I find it offensive that the (alleged) victim of Dominique Strauss-Kahn is given the title “IMF gal” on the front page. Does that mean that a woman who was raped by an Auschwitz guard during World War II should be referred to as “Third Reich gal”? Using the employer of the man who (allegedly) raped someone as an adjective for the victim is supremely classy.
Here are the interesting things I learned from reading the two pages of follow-up: “The IMF chief’s alleged sex-assault victim lives in a Bronx apartment rented exclusively for adults with HIV or AIDS”; “The Post has not been able to ascertain whether the maid, 32, has HIV/AIDS because of medical confidentiality laws”; and the (alleged) victim is accusing DSK of “forcing her to perform oral sex on him twice and then trying to rape her… She told cops that after he sodomized her, she spit out his semen on the floor… Investigators are running DNA tests on the sample.”
Also, remember yesterday when the Post said that the (alleged) victim lives with her 16-year-old daughter and husband? Well, today she’s “a widow who lives alone with her [15-year-old] daughter.” Excellent work, Post.
As for the other cover story, Arnold Schwarzenegger first told Maria Shriver about the child (who is now reportedly 10 or 11 years old) that he fathered with their housekeeper (Mildred Patricia Baena, 50) after he left office. Here is a photo of Mildred and her son:
Looks like the kid has his father’s teeth (and his penchant for marijuana).
Andrea Peyser weighs in with ‘Conan’ the destroyer of his wife and kids’ lives, wherein she discusses “the official Sperminator-in-Chief” and “his unhealthy predilection for excercising his droit du seigneur over the household help.”
I had to look up “droit du seigneur” — it means “an alleged legal right allowing the lord of an estate to take the virginity of his serfs’ maiden daughters.” Which means it is not applicable to this story.
See what happens when you try to look smart, Mandrea?
“The court-appointed trustee [Irving Picard] and his associates seeking restitution for [Bernie] Madoff’s cheated customers were paid $318.4 million, according to a new bankruptcy filing. That is more than the amount currently available to people who actually lost money in Madoff’s massive Ponzi scheme.”
See, Bernie? If you wanted to fleece hundreds of millions of dollars from people without going to prison, you should have been a lawyer!
Carl Campanile’s To drill or not to drill on page 6 (not to be confused with Page Six, today on 12, 13 and 14) cites a (context-less) Marist College poll that claims that 41% of state residents oppose hydrofracking and 38% favor it.
For the 21% who are undecided (and the 38% who don’t understand what they’re supporting), please watch this:
I honestly don’t understand how anyone could support this.
The lawyer representing Mohamed Mamdouh (formerly referred to in the Post as Mohammed Mamdouh) insists that his client is “proud to be an American citizen” who “admires the values for which this country stands.”
He just thought that one of those values was blowing up synagogues (if the jury grew up in the South, he’ll be found not guilty by lunchtime).
One of the pieces on Michael Goodwin’s page is titled ‘Power’ failure. Naturally, I assumed he would be weighing in on the story Fredric, You Dicker U. Dicker broke yesterday (“Last-minute legislation to head off a threatened 12-percent rate hike for New York City electricity customers was in danger last night as Senate Republicans unexpectedly passed a different measure that could cost the city nearly $2 billion. Outraged lawmakers and city officials accused the Senate GOP of seeking a massive give-away for electric-generating companies that already are receiving city tax breaks on their property taxes.“).
But it’s actually about how Dominique Strauss-Kahn and Arnold Schwarzenegger are lecherous.
Why do I keep confusing Michael Goodwin with a competent journalist?
Page Six asks, “Which A-list actor has become a ‘Scientology robot’ controlled by his wife after she introduced him to the church, according to his friends?”
I’m going to say… Ashton Kutcher.
Is Cindy Adams dead yet? Sadly, no.
“China’s readying to put a man in space. Astronauts aboard Capt. Mark Kelly’s spacecraft received the news with: ‘About time. We called in that takeout order months ago.’”
1) Mark Kelly (husband of Gabrielle Giffords) has suffered enough, Cindy. Please don’t make him a part of your future attempts at humor.
2) When you place a takeout order, you pick it up yourself. That’s why it’s called takeout, you dessicated imbecile.
3) Seriously, get in the box.
Coleen Balbert’s summation yesterday lasted over four hours.
The jury begins deliberations today.
Hopefully, they won’t need long.
Elmar Weisser has won the World Beard and Mustache Competition.
In case you can’t tell, that’s a moose and the Norwegian flag.
His collection of action figures must be so proud of him.
In the Weird BUT true sidebar, there’s an item whose first two sentences (of six) appear to be incredibly racist. Here they are: “‘We’re serving watermelon for dessert. Put on your bulletptoof vests.’”
Here’s the third sentence: “Watermelons grown in China have suddenly started to explode.”
Race war averted!
Clifton, New Jersey’s Mark Kalinowski writes in to say, “It is utterly unsurprising that a high-ranking member of any Socialist Party would allegedly commit rape. After all, the core socialist belief is that leftists are entitled to others’ property — even a woman’s very own body.” Incidentally, Mark is a high-ranking member of the Clifton Nazi Party and NAMBLA.
Huntington Beach, California’s Kenneth Zimmerman writes, “Dominique Strauss-Kahn must think he is the head of the International Monetary Fun… Just call him the ‘French-Fried Fool,’ as his strong sexual urges just ruined his promising political career.” Kenneth and Cindy Adams are currently engaged. In a war on wit and humor. Which they are losing.
And Franconville, France’s Ivan Baronick writes, “I love America, and I love to read the Post.” Pick one, Ivan — you can’t do both.
“LinkedIn now plans to sell shares at $42 to $45 each in its initial public offering tomorrow.”
Buy some.
“Crude oil futures… fell modestly yesterday to settle at $95.02, the lowest level since Feb. 22.”
And yet, when I turn the page, it says that crude oil closed at $96.91/barrel yesterday.
This is a terrible newspaper.
“David Slaine, the stock picker turned stoolie whose trail led investigators to hedge-fund titan Raj Rajaratnam, spent months making secret videos of friends and colleagues allegedly engaged in an insider-trading scheme. Slaine affixed hidden video cams to his hat, cravat and briefcase…”
I found a photo of Slaine on his way to work during the investigation:
Michael Riedel reports that Hugh Jackman might be starring in a new Broadway musical based on the Tim Burton movie Big Fish for some reason.
Jersey Shore’s Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is suing his father (Frank Sorrentino) for “copyright infringement.”
I didn’t realize you could copyright being an ignorant douchebag.
And that’s Wednesday.
ABOUT
I read the New York Post so you don't have to.
RECENT POSTS
RECENT COMMENTS
- jed on This Would Make A Great Movie.
- No face on This Would Make A Great Movie.
- ScottF on More Required Reading.
- jed on More Required Reading.
- Miss Mason on More Required Reading.
Clicky here…
This month’s stats
3,570 | Unique Visitors |
Archives
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
| S | M | T | W | T | F | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| « Jan | ||||||
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | ||
| 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |
| 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |
| 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |
| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | ||