Posts Tagged ‘Cindy Adams’

Longtime reader Scott F. in California has sent me a YouTube clip of Cindy Adams’ recent appearance on TV. Do not watch if you have just eaten or are about to eat:

As someone who reads the Post every day, I recognize almost everything she says from her columns (though the fact that she [allegedly] wrote it herself doesn’t seem to help her deliver it competently). But it made me realize that I have never searched for any video clips of her before. So I looked on YouTube and found this:

It isn’t really a video, true, but it did introduce me to this:

Notice the part at the bottom: “The hilarious adventures of Mr. and Mrs.” Nice typesetting, MGM!

In case any of you were wondering what to get me for Christmas 2012, I really, really want Cindy Adams to die.

Demi Moore has decided to end her marriage to Ashton Kutcher after just six years. Everyone pretend to care and/or be surprised.

But that story only gets one page of follow-up. The real front-page story is on the bottom third of the cover — Occupy Wall Street “selfishly made life miserable yesterday for the working stiffs whose jobs they claim to be protecting.”

“But the demonstrations — part of the movement’s ‘Day of Action’ — ultimately failed to accomplish their goals of crippling the New York Stock Exchange and shutting down subway lines and the Brooklyn Bridge.” And those were their goals according to… who (besides this awful paper)?

“Even top NYPD brass weren’t afraid of mixing it up with the masses. NYPD Chief of Department Joseph Esposito, the city’s highest-ranking uniformed officer, went face to face with protesters near the Stock Exchange. At one point, Esposito held a demonstrator by the throat while he exchanged heated words with another.” I wish the Post provided a photo of this. Preferably one featuring Esposito’s boner.

“Rep. Michael Grimm has had it up to here with grime. ‘Buy a bar of soap, and head home,’ the freshman Republican from Staten Island snapped at the Occupy Wall Street crowd. He called the protesters a bunch of ‘lowlifes.’” Will Staten Island allow this putz to become a sophomore representative? Probably. Because they’re all a bunch of lowlifes.

(And if anyone from Staten Island takes offense at that, they should equally take offense to the man that represents them referring to the OWS protesters using the same derogatory term. They should, but they probably won’t. Because they’re a bunch of lowlifes.)

But my favorite piece is Hannah Rappleye, Ikimulisa Livingston and Jeane MacIntosh’s Ready riot cops whack back at OWS hooligans on page 8. It begins, “It was a blur of batons, beatings and blood.” I want to say that that’s the most offensive thing I’ve ever read in the Post but, sadly, it isn’t even close.

“‘I saw somebody kick the [barricade] — and all of a sudden, the police kicked in and cracked his head,’ a protester named Tim, 20, said after witnessing a Zuccotti Park confrontation that left a comrade bleeding profusely before he was hauled off to a police van. ‘They were stepping on his face… They were hitting with batons. They bum-rushed him and slammed his head down,’ said the bystander. ‘One put his foot on the guy’s head.’”

His name is Brandon Watts. He was the first person to set up a tent (besides the medical tent) in Zuccotti Park. He is accused of grabbing the hat off of a police officer’s head.

(waves miniature American flag)

John Podhoretz’s Rally is really a tantrum by decry babies is a smarmy, condescending dismissal of everything about OWS. “Wall Street is no longer the issue, if it ever was. The protest remains a series of vague bleats against student debt and income inequality… Occupy Wall Street has come to play a role in this city not unlike the role an emotionally explosive child plays in a caring and concerned home.” I’m not sure who the caring and concerned home is in this metaphor. Is it New York City? America? Zuccotti Park? Capitalism?

“It is not purposeful. It is raw negative emotion. It is about itself. It accomplishes nothing. It is collective narcissism at its most unattractive. Just like Occupy Wall Street yesterday. Just like Occupy Wall Street for the past two months.” You could apply the first five sentences here to almost everything Podhoretz writes.

Geoff Earle’s Obama’s Asian sales trip is only six paragraphs long. Why so short? Because it discusses the “$25 billion worth of deals between US companies and Asian buyers” and how “the deals could support 127,000 jobs, with the Boeing deal alone producing 110,000 jobs in 43 states.”

Much more ink is devoted to Singer’s ‘bimbo’ limbo: Suit: Mgr. called me slutty! It tells the story of Annet Artani, a singer I have never heard of (and will never hear of again).

Remember when I told you you’d hear more about how Lord Tim Bell hates The Iron Lady (which he hasn’t seen) because “its only value is to make some money for [Meryl Streep]“? Well, Page Six (today on pages 14 and 15) reports that Streep “cut her fee on the film to $1 million and donated the proceeds to charity.”

Oops.

In today’s column, Thou can steal a bit, Cindy Adams would like you to make her feel better about her lack of scruples.

“Ever grab a newspaper and, lacking the correct change when the seller’s busy and it’s raining and you’re late and the train’s leaving, just cop a copy without plopping down the required amount? No?? Never???”

Cindy, there’s almost no way to justify buying the New York Post. Don’t try to justify stealing it.

The death of Natalie Wood is being looked at again by Los Angeles police. They say they have “new information.”

This should make the 28th anniversary edition of the Brainstorm DVD sell like hotcakes!

“A longtime assistant coach [Bernie Fine] of Syracuse University’s famed basketball program is under investigation for alleging [sic] sexually abusing a ball boy, police said yesterday.”

His defense? He just assumed that’s what ball boys were there for.

James Panero’s A Boring Blasphemy: B’klyn Museum’s shock schlock begins, “Why wait for Black Friday to begin the tedious ‘War on Christmas’? The Brooklyn Museum has already begun the annual attack on Christian sensibilities in the name of free speech with its ‘controversial’ exhibition, ‘Hide/Seek: Difference and Desire in American Portraiture.’”

Even the people who make up the War on Christmas find it tedious! Bonus Points: James includes a full-color photo from the “controversial” piece (even he can’t call it that without putting it in quotes) — of ants crawling on a crucified Jesus Christ.

Why do you hate Christianity so much, James?

The editorial Loud, But Lame is a retread of John Podhoretz’s immature poo-pooing of yesterday protests.

“As apocalyptic acts of public protests go, yesterday’s Occupy Wall Street act-out was a bit of a piffle… There was an effort to disrupt subway service. Didn’t happen. And there were to be acts of ‘massive’ civil disobedience at Foley Square and the Brooklyn Bridge. Didn’t happen, either.”

1) There was no effort to disrupt subway service.

2) There were tens of thousands of people both at Foley Square and on the Brooklyn Bridge.

3) Only homosexual Europeans use the word “piffle.”

“There were nowhere near the ‘tens of thousands’ of demonstrators who were supposed to fan out across the five boroughs and convulse New York.” Yes, there were.

“Bottom line, though: It seems that Occupy Wall Street has passed its sell-by date — and even the Occupiers know it.” You’ve been saying that for over a month. You continue to be wrong.

Bill O’Reilly’s Media Remain Obama’s Ace is hilarious.

“So far in 2011, morning network correspondents have labeled Republican candidates as conservative 49 times. They’ve referred to Obama as a liberal only once.”

And how many times have those Republican candidates referred to themselves as conservatives? Hundreds? Thousands?

MOVIE REVIEWS!

Sara Stewart gives two stars to The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 1 (“everything’s all soap-operatic close-ups and weirdly political hand-wringing”).

Kyle Smith gives one star to Another Happy Day (“So the title is ironic. Thanks for that profound insight.”), one and a half stars to both Happy Feet Two (“It would be exaggerating only slightly to say this film stinks on ice.”) and Tyrannosaur (“sorry British art-house exploitation”), and two and a half stars to Garbo: The Spy (“fascinating”).

V.A. Musetto gives two stars to The Heir Apparent: Largo Winch (violence, sex, nudity) and three stars to both In Heaven, Underground (preoccupation with death) and King of Devil’s Island (male nudity, violence).

Lou Lumenick gives two and a half stars to The Lie (“interesting low-budget adaptation of a T.C. Boyle short story”) and two stars to Rid of Me (“mumblecore-ish, horror-tinged romantic drama”).

Paul Schwartz wrote a full-page article about how the New York Giants’ Justin Tuck is underperforming. I will now give you ten seconds to come up with Paul’s headline.

Eight seconds left.

Five seconds left.

Two more seconds.

Pencils down.

The correct answer is… JUSTIN ‘SUCK’

But you all guessed that, right?

Linda 3Starsi reviews the PBS documentary American Masters: Woody Allen (or, as she calls it, Woody Allen: American Masters). She gives it…

…three stars.

And that’s… last Friday.

I’m really going to have to re-think how I write this blog.

Happy Saturday!

Ricky Gervais is hosting the Golden Globes again in January.

If you watch only one meaningless awards ceremony in 2012, make it this one.

Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!

“The Republican-led House yesterday passed a bill that would allow Americans with permits to carry concealed weapons in their home states to also pack heat across state lines. The bill, which is doomed in the Senate, allow permit holders to tote firearms in the 49 states that also issue permits to their residents.”

Jobs! Jobs! (Bills that we know are wastes of time and have absolutely nothing to do with) Jobs!

“The Occupy Wall Streeters are about to create chaos for 99 percent of the city.” Exaggeration and hyperbole are so much fun!

“Tens of thousands of protesters — fresh off their eviction from Zuccotti Park — are expected to kick off the day of chaos around 7 a.m.” There were tens of thousands of protesters evicted from Zuccotti Park? Were they stacked on top of each other? It’s only 33,000 square feet (including the trees and flowers).

“The NYPD is preparing for all-out war — adding an extra 1,000 cops per shift.” War against who? The non-violent protesters? The veterans who support them? Aliens?

“There’s a New World Order in Zuccotti Park… The crackdown has drastically thinned out the protesters — leaving behind a motley mix of hard-core holdouts, junkies and perverts struggling to stay awake as they wander the area, witnesses said.” So in a park where cops now outnumber the protesters “two to one” there are junkies and perverts wandering around? How can “witnesses” recognize them? Are they asking the cops if they’re holding? Are they making grabbing motions with their hands, frantically thrusting their hips and licking their lips?

Is anything in this rag even remotely accurate?

[SPOILER: No.]

Fun Fact: People who watch Fox News are less informed than people who don’t watch any news.

“The lawyers for the young temptress who claims megastar Justin Bieber impregnated her during a 30-second bathroom tryst no longer represent the accuser — and have dropped her paternity suit against the 17-year-old singer. On Nov. 7, attorneys Lance Rogers and Matt Pare were on TV claiming to have blockbuster evidence proving Bieber fathered a now-4-month-old baby with Mariah Yeater.”

Maybe it has something to do with this text that TMZ posted online:

(Mariah is asking her friend to erase all of the texts from her mom that say someone else is her baby’s father. She promises to “kick” her friend “when we get paid.” I can understand old people not understanding why they should send incriminating texts to people, but Yeater is not old people.)

Page Six (today on pages 10, 11 and 12) reports that recently divorced Olivia Wilde (House) thinks people are being unnecessarily mean to Kim Kardashian. “People judge you because divorce is seen as failure. [Kim] took a risk. No one should be attacking her.” She’s right! We shouldn’t be attacking Kim Kardashian — we should be ignoring her!

Page Six also regurgitates yesterday’s story about Lord Tim Bell’s hatred of The Iron Lady and Meryl Streep. There isn’t much new material. But don’t worry. There will be more written about it. I promise.

Cindy Adams writes about the New York Stock Exchange today. “The Exchange dates to 1803. NY Post founder Alexander Hamilton also founded America’s banking system.” So that’s two reasons he’s currently spinning in his grave.

Cindy also writes (and I promise you there is nothing before or after this that provides any context at all): “Even without knowing Herman Cain, they eat pizza. Lance Bass does takeout from Quiznos in LA.”

Does Cindy know that there are no Godfather’s Pizzas in New York City? Who are “they”? Does Cindy think Quiznos sells pizza?

Just get in the box, Cindy. Joey misses you.

“Rick Perry supporters heading to a campaign event in New Hampshire yesterday were hit with a bizarre question before they were allowed in — they had to prove they were US citizens.”

“Perry’s camp later said it was a mistake.”

That people were asked to prove their citizenship or Perry’s campaign?

Geoff Earle and Fredric, You Dicker U. Dicker’s Big Mac attack on Newt’$ tale corrects my correction. Gingrich didn’t get $1,600,000 from Freddie Mac — he got $1,800,000.

“‘Newt Gingrich was there to try to get their agendas through Congress, not to give lectures. That’s a bunch of bullshit,’ a former federal housing agency consultant who has had professional dealings with Gingrich told The Post.”

I think Obama is going to be re-elected.

Andrea Peyser calls “junk documentarian” Michael Moore and “ozone bozo” Al Gore “the world’s biggest hypocrites.” Of course they are.

She also complains about Chelsea Clinton getting a job on NBC. I must have missed her article where she complained about NBC hiring George W. Bush’s daughter (Jenna Bush Hager) or the one where she whined about Meghan McCain getting a gig on MSNBC. But today, she’s apoplectic about Clinton getting a TV gig when there are “thousands of deserving J-school graduates… who’d maim for the chance.”

But what about the fact that Clinton is donating her entire salary to charity? Mandrea thinks that “makes things even worse. Chelsea doesn’t need the money. Just another spoiled, aimless child of rich, successful parents chauffeured through adulthood by Mommy and Daddy connections.”

If Peyser’s daughter gets a job at any company even remotely affiliated with News Corp…. it wouldn’t surprise me.

Andy Soltis reports on Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez, 21, of Idaho, who shot at the White House last Friday.

“Investigators suspect Ortega-Hernandez had been in the Washington area for weeks, blending in with Occupy DC protesters… Occupy protesters, who are living in McPherson Square, a few blocks northwest of the White House, were questioned about Ortega-Hernandez several times and shown his photo.”

Did anyone recognize him? Nope. Has anyone corroborated the investigators’ suspicions? Nope. Will the Post apologize to Occupy DC for accusing them of harboring (knowingly or unknowingly) a man who tried to kill our president?

[SPOILER: Nope.]

Jacob Sullum’s ObamaCare’s Next Mandate: Broccoli? is a master class in asininity. He tries to explain that if Americans are forced to buy health insurance then, logically, they can be forced to buy broccoli.

And then that Muslim’ll come for our guns and our Bibles!

Michael A. Walsh’s Labor’s Latest Wisconsin Offensive tries to convince readers that “The GOP needs to do everything in its power to make sure [Scott] Walker wins — or the country loses.”

And by “the country” he means “the Koch Brothers.”

Crude oil closed at $102.59/barrel yesterday.

Over in the TV section, there’s a recipe for “Nutria smothered in onions” courtesy of the cast of Swamp People.

I won’t post it courtesy of I don’t hate you.

And that’s Thursday.

Schedule got shuffled and I’m working tomorrow and Wednesday. BUT I should be able to catch up over the weekend.

Good night!

“motley mob”

“squalid”

“transients, vagrants and criminals”

“hauling off a mountain of their tents and trash”

“a public health hazard”

“the protesters were armed with metal pipes hidden in cardboard tubes, knives and hypodermic needles”

“rag-tag mob”

“freeloaders and ex-cons”

The Post’s coverage is extremely fair and balanced.

Fun Fact: The Post doesn’t mention that a New York Supreme Court justice ruled that the protesters should be allowed back into Zuccotti Park many hours before Mayor Bloomberg got a different New York Supreme Court justice to rule against the protesters. And who was the justice who helped Bloomberg stall justice? Supreme Court Justice Michael Stallman.

Fun Distortion of a Fact: “City Councilman Ydanis Rodriguez was hauled in for disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. Rodriguez, who was released last night without bail, said he was bloodied during the raid as he tried to link up with demonstrators. Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said certain protesters ‘obviously wanted to be arrested.’” Anything to add, City Councilman Rodriguez?

Andrea Peyser throws in her two (non)cents with Sanity prevails — but loons just don’t get it.

“Sexual assault, rape, thievery and the scamming of gullible people into donating their hard-earned cash for nefarious purposes — including the possible purchase of drugs — had become not the exception but the norm at Occupy Wall Street enclave. For weeks.”

1) Couldn’t the same accusation be made against the Catholic Church? I mean, they ask gullible people for their hard-earned money, which is used for nefarious purposes — like covering up the sexual assaults and rapes of children. Can I say that that’s not the exception but the norm in the Catholic Church and has been for decades?

2) “Including the possible purchase of drugs” is the same thing as calling someone a possible [REDACTED].

“[Tommy Fox, 54] said he organized the donation of apartments to protesters who didn’t care to sleep outside. Makes him sound curiously like a member of the dreaded 1 percent of richest Americans.” Maybe to an idiot. Or someone who doesn’t speak English.

“[The protesters] had spent the day holding up signs or shouting at the infinitely patient cops, who should be rewarded, not maligned, for taking abuse from silver-spoon sickos… The protest has run out of gas, ideas and reason for existence.”

That’s right, ugly. The NYPD is made up entirely of heroes and all of the protesters are wealthy “scum” (yes, that’s a direct quote) who have no ideas and no more energy. You’re so predictable, you should change your name to Two and a Half Mandrea.

Starbucks plans on making the bathrooms in most (but not all) of their New York City locations for employees only.

So if you have to pee and the Starbucks you’re in won’t let you use their facilities, try the one across the street.

Erik Kriss follows up yesterday’s small article about David Soares and Occupy Albany with an even smaller one today (Battle lines in Albany). “State Police have arrested nearly 60 ‘Occupy Albany’ protesters across the street from the state Capitol, setting up a potential showdown between Gov. Cuomo and the George Soros-backed local DA — who says he won’t prosecute.”

David Soares is mentioned by name three times in the piece. George Soros is named twice.

“A popular dance club [Pavilion] in an exclusive section of Fire Island was destroyed by a fire Monday night that took more than 12 hours to bring under control… Some small pockets of fire still exist.” Anybody want to guess what Kieran Crowley’s headline is for this five-sentence article? Go on, guess.

Ready?

Fire Island disco inferno

Most of you guessed that, right?

“Lego fans soon will be able to watch a movie centered around the popular building blocks. Warner Bros. will begin casting and production next year, with the movie set to hit theaters in 2014.”

Your move, Playmobil.

Page Six is on pages 14, 15 and 16 today.

“‘Green’ trucks should be rolling off a new assembly line near Hunts Point next year. Smith Electric Vehicles Corp. plans to build zero-emission electric commercial vehicles and create more than 100 new jobs at an assembly plant in the 90,000-square-foot former Murray Feiss building.”

That’s just under half of the copy devoted to Bx. plant for eco trucks. Because they don’t want to confuse their readers, who they’ve been assuring for years that the only beneficial jobs being created in New York are in fracking.

Cindy Adams continues to cling to life so that she can write things like this: “This first week transiting from daylight savings was difficult for some. One lady got a hernia resetting her biological clock.”

I bet people said “transiting” a lot in the early 1900s.

(the German word for “the”)

Over on page 26, Geoff Earle gives us Gingrich on grill: Got paid 300G from Fred Mac.

Earle is very close (very, very close), but the actual figure is $1,600,000, not $300,000.

Otherwise, great job, Geoff.

In Kagan O’Care bias feared, S.A. Miller reports that people are demanding that Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan recuse herself from the ObamaCare case because she once wrote to a legal scholar (Laurence Tribe) after ObamaCare was passed and said, “I hear they have the votes, Larry!! Simply amazing.”

Miller is totally OK with everything Clarence Thomas does, though. He fears no bias from Mr. Ginni Thomas.

Lord Tim Bell (once a key adviser to Margaret Thatcher) hasn’t seen Meryl Streep’s new movie (The Iron Lady), but he has an opinion about it all the same. “I can’t be bothered to sensationalize this rubbish. I can’t see the point of this film. Its only value is to make some money for Meryl Streep and whoever wrote it.”

This is not the last we’ll hear of this story. I promise.

Frank J. Fleming still isn’t funny.

The editorial Well Played, Mr. Mayor begins, “Zuccotti Park was looking spiffy yesterday afternoon — and for that, kudos to Mayor Bloomberg and Police Commissioner Ray Kelly. And, if we may be so immodest, to this newspaper, as well.”

“Only The Post noted that the encampment had been hijacked by criminals, vagrants and other loons.”

I guess that means that the Post is the only paper who got it right, right? Surely that’s the only explanation.

Case closed!

Crude oil closed yesterday at $99.37/barrel.

MOVIE REVIEWS!

Lou Lumenick gives four stars to The Descendants (“expertly mixing tears and laughs with the sort of alchemy not seen since Terms of Endearment“).

Sara Stewart gives three stars to Tomboy (“a pre-pubescent Boys Don’t Cry with a much sweeter tone”).

Michael Riedel reports that the next movie to become a Broadway musical will be…

Honeymoon in Vegas for some reason.

Remember how all of the Post columnists attacked Casey Anthony for being a murderer and a skank? And how they attacked her attorney for (allegedly) setting up meetings with publishers and agents? And how they threw up their arms and begged America to just move on and not make any of the players in the case any more famous than they already were?

“The rights to Casey Anthony prosecutor Jeff Ashton’s book Imperfect Justice: Prosecuting Casey Anthony, was optioned by Fox TV Studios.”

And that’s Wednesday.

More to come…

The man on the cover dragging the protester out of Rep. Bob Turner’s swearing in (at an auditorium in Queens) is Kevin Hiltunen.

Kevin is an ex-Marine and a former NYPD officer. The Post has dubbed him “New York’s newest hero.”

In the 16th paragraph (of 19) of the follow-up on page 5, we learn that “Hiltunen was a member of the NYPD from February 1994 until June 2009, when he retired in good standing on a disability caused by an accident.”

I wonder what kind of disability he has. It must be a very painful disability — see him wince as he drags a grown man with just one arm. I bet it was a psychological disability.

Some hero.

Weekend Box Office:

J. Edgar opened in 5th place ($11,217,324), Tower Heist dropped from 2nd to 4th place in its second week ($12,773,765), Puss in Boots fell from 1st to 3rd in its second week ($24,726,193), Jack and Jill opened in 2nd ($25,003,575) and Immortals premiered in 1st ($32,206,425).

And on 51st place is 11-11-11, which opened on 11/11/11 on 17 screens and made $32,771 over the weekend.

Scott Olsen was released from the Oakland hospital he has been in since police put him there on October 25th. That information is at the end of Ore-gone! Riot cops force out protesters, which reveals that Portland’s Mayor Sam Adams ordered one of Occupy Portland’s two camps shut down on Saturday at midnight, “citing unhealthy conditions and the encampment’s attraction of drug users and thieves.”

In July of this year, Adams announced that he won’t seek a second term as mayor. He reportedly cited the city’s unhealthy conditions and attraction of drug users and thieves.

OMG! ‘ASS’ HAUL! I just got the headline!

Hahahahahahahaha!

Ass haul. Heh.

Bob Fredericks’ Mansion puts Moore in 1% begins, “He may dress like a slob and claim to speak for working stiffs — but here’s the luxurious home that proves left-winger Michael Moore is a lot closer to the 1 percent than the other 99.”

See, Moore has a $2 million home on Torch Lake in Michigan, which Fredericks notes “has a decided lack of diversity — with whites making up 98 percent of residents.”

Does this make Moore a hypocrite? Nope. Does this mean we should ignore anything (or everything) that he says regarding the Occupy movements? Nope. Will the Post continue to pretend that the answer to those two questions is “yes”? Yes.

“During a GOP presidential debate last week, [Herman] Cain said he didn’t think waterboarding was torture, and Michele Bachmann called it ‘very effective.’”

At one point, each of these idiots was the frontrunner (and may yet be again).

I love the opening sentence of Jeane MacIntosh’s Biebs no ‘pop’ star, says ‘dad’.

“Justin Bieber is just too well mannered to be anyone’s baby daddy, his one-time fill-in father insists.”

If Jeane had hyphenated “well mannered,” it would have been perfect.

“The bipartisan ’supercommittee’ — charged with finding $1.2 trillion in deficit reductions by Thanksgiving — is so deadlocked it will consider eliminating the very penalties that were supposed to force members to do their job in the first place.”

I don’t understand why Congress’ 9% approval rating is so high.

Page Six is on pages 12 and 13 today.

Cindy Adams reports that Jim Gaffigan was introduced to Ricky Gervais at the Beacon Theater. “Wearing sneakers, Gaffigan said: ‘They have laces. Laces are fascists.’ Ricky broke up. Me, I didn’t understand what the hell was funny.”

The joke was funny, Cindy. What isn’t funny is that you continue to haunt this plane of existence.

In The ‘demon’ in ‘demonstrators,‘ Andrea Peyser writes, “A fatal shooting blasted through Occupy Oakland.” Even though it didn’t.

But she spends most of her page ranting about te Brooklyn Museum’s decision to house the exhibit “HIDE/SEEK.” You may remember the name from the last round of angry articles the Post published when it was at the National Portrait Gallery at the Smithsonian last year and later at the New Museum in Manhattan.

The problem is that one of the pieces (“A Fire in My Belly” by the late David Wojnarowicz) features images of ants crawling on a crucifix. Naturally, Mandrea uses the Brooklyn Museum’s decision to showcase art that she doesn’t like to declare that “The War on Christianity is getting uglier.”

That reminds me! It’s almost time for this shrew to start complaining about the War on Christmas! Hooray!

“The judge who freed alleged Penn State kid-sex fiend Jerry Sandusky on bail — with no strings attached — is a volunteer with the charity Sandusky mined for victims, it was reported last night… Pennsylvania district Judge Leslie Dutchcot ignored prosecutors’ request for $500,000 bail — and an electronic ankle bracelet — for Sandusky, instead freeing him on $100,000.” Dutchcot also “ordered that Sandusky ‘pay nothing unless he failed to show up for a court hearing.’”

Anyone think that Dutchcot will face any kind of consequences for her immoral (if not illegal) actions?

Me neither.

Michael Kane interviews Stan Lee for the @work section’s DREAM JOB column. Kane credits Lee with creating “Spider-Man, the Hulk, Thor, Daredevil, Doctor Strange and all of the Fantastic Four.” Lee later declares, “I created Spider-Man.”

Songwriters who can’t sing need people to sing their songs. Screenwriters who can’t direct (and/or produce) need people to turn their scripts into films. And comic-bok writers who can’t draw (like Stan Lee) wouldn’t have created a damn thing if not for the artistic brilliance of Jack Kirby, Steve Ditko and Don Heck (among others).

Pompous ass.

In 2011, the Indianapolis Colts have played 10 regular-season games. I have played none. We have the same number of wins (they’re 0-10 and I’m 0-0).

Linda 3Starsi reviews National Geographic Channel’s new reality series Knights of Mayhem.

She gives it…

…three stars.

And that’s Monday.

I have to sleep now (I have to get up made early for work, yo).

Four and a half posts in one day? Not too shabby.

Have a great weekend!

Ashton Kutcher claims he hadn’t heard about the Joe Paterno/Jerry Sandusky when he tweeted “How do you fire Jo Pa? #insult #noclass as a hawkeye fan I find it in poor taste.”

Fun Fact: Paterno never coached the Hawkeyes.

The front page also includes a tweet from Eric Stangel in response to Kutcher’s: “All due respect, you’re a fucking idiot.”

Fun Fact: Eric Stangel didn’t write that tweet. Ohio resident Josh Hara did.

This is a terrible newspaper.

Kutcher has since turned over his Twitter account to his production company. “Up until today, I have posted virtually every one of my tweets on my own, but clearly the platform has become too big to be managed by a single individual… It seems that today that [sic] twitter [sic] has grown into a mass publishing platform, where ones [sic] tweets quickly become news that is broadcast around the world and misinformation becomes volatile fodder for critics,” he wrote on his blog.

Demi Moore is a very lucky woman.

Occupy Wall Street gets coverage on most of page 3. Not the movement as a whole, mind you. Just “two booze-swilling grifters” who have allegedly “raked in as much as $200 a day at the Occupy Wall Street protest” in Zuccotti Park by claiming to be diabetic and in need of money for juice.

All day, all week, write about unimportant and distracting things!

All day, all week, write about unimportant and distracting things!

Billy Crystal will host the Oscars this year.

When will the Academy stop pandering to the youth demographic?

“An off-duty Brooklyn police officer was busted for driving drunk near Green-Wood Cemetery yesterday, cops said. Scherson Lotin, 33, was arrested after he got into an accident on 37th Street at about 12:15 p.m.”

He has been suspended for 30 days.

How about a zero tolerance policy for law-enforcement officials who break the law? Especially if their criminal behavior could result in the deaths of innocents. Please?

“An East Harlem cop [Maribel Soriano] is under investigation for allegedly posting online grisly photos of an apparent suicide victim and videos of suspects handcuffed to chairs.”

At least she didn’t pepper-spray anyone. That I know of.

“A remorseful Bronx woman [Angela Barksdale, 48] will spend the next 15 years in jail after pleading guilty yesterday to the February 2009 beating death of her 4-year-old grandson [Kevion Shand] because he had soiled his clothes.”

Angela has now replaced Avon as the most despicable person — fictional or real — with the last name Barksdale.

Page Six is on pages 14 and 15 today.

Cindy Adams’ column is all about bagels today. She concludes it by saying, “Although a bagel midweek is frowned upon, at the very instant I’m writing this, I am pleating one — with lettuce, tomato and mayo — into my mouth.”

Fun Fact: Today is Friday. Which means that she writes her column days (if not weeks) in advance.

Steve Cuozzo’s op-ed Mike is blowing it: No leadership among Zuccotti mess complains about all of the business being lost by places like Milk Street Cafe because of the barricades the NYPD put up around them.

Fun Fact: The barricades were removed many days ago and Milk Street Cafe’s owner (Marc Epstein) recently told the Post that business is booming again.

Otherwise, great op-ed, Steve.

Bill O’Reilly’s latest column begins, “The cult of celebrity has reached a new low. No, I’m not talking about Kim Kardashian making millions from her wedding and then dumping the groom less than three months later. We could have predicted that. What is even worse is that one of the late John Lennon’s body parts has sold for more than $31,000 at an auction.”

That someone bought one of John Lennon’s teeth is lower than Kim Kardashian’s fake wedding? Really, Bill?

“I just hope the Occupy Wall Street people don’t hear about this. They’re already down on capitalism, and the tooth transaction will not likely change their opinion.”

1) No, they aren’t.

2) You hope they don’t hear about it because it won’t change their opinion?

3) Shut up, Bill.

Garett Sloane (aka Garrett Sloane aka Garret Sloane) reports that, under the terms of a new settlement with the Federal Trade Commission, “Facebook will need the express consent of users before changing their account settings, and users would have to opt-in to changes that affect their privacy settings.”

That’s all well and good, but how do I get rid of that annoying ticker?

MOVIE REVIEWS!

Lou Lumenick gives zero stars to Jack and Jill (“[directed by Dennis Dugan] with all the skill of a blind parking lot attendant”), and three and a half stars to Melancholia (“one of the year’s most emotionally resonant art movies”).

Kyle Smith gives two stars to Immortals (“notable for its repetitive violence”), three and a half stars to Into the Abyss (“it does not escape being tendentious”), three stars to both London Boulevard (“vicious, spirited gangster drama”) and The Love We Make (“the documentary, arriving far too late, [doesn't] have much new to say about 9/11″), and zero stars to A Novel Romance (“Ick to the utmost. Squared.”).

V.A. Musetto gives two stars to The Conquest (mature themes) and three stars to Elite Squad: The Enemy Within (profanity, unrelenting violence).

Sara Stewart gives one and a half stars to The Greening of Whitney Brown (“our heroine is awfully shrill”).

“Shock jock Howard Stern is in active negotiations to replace buzzer-master Piers Morgan on NBC’s top-rated variety show, America’s Got Talent, The Post has learned.”

Maybe now that farting prostitute will finally get her shot at stardom!

The color-coded TV listings have once again been published in black and white.

That’s Friday.

More to come…

Attorney Richard Katz is suing the Setai Club and Spa Wall Street “for reneging on its promise of a ‘complimentary full breakfast’ with his $5,000 annual membership fees.”

“‘They had a full restaurant menu like you get in a hotel — omelets, pancakes, waffles, yogurts, meats, juices,’ he said. ‘Whatever you wanted.’ But, after the restaurant closed for a month this past August, he said, the spa started serving just a cold buffet on the roof deck. Eventually, the club let him quit and gave him a prorated refund of his fees. But he said he told them: ‘It’s just not that easy.’”

Katz is suing for $730,000.

If this was England, Katz would have to pay Setai’s legal bill after he loses his frivolous lawsuit. But it isn’t, so he won’t.

“More than a half-million health-insurance policy holders are in line for a combined $114.5 million in refunds for overcharges last year by 11 companies, Gov. Cuomo said yesterday. New York law requires insurers to spend at least 82 cents of every dollar on medical care, or refund the difference.”

Of course, those same insurers were granted an enormous rate hike for 2012 (just like the one they were granted for 2011), so this probably won’t even feel this penalty. But we will.

Since I’m writing this on 11/18/11, a lot of the stories have become outdated. That’s why I won’t bring up the kidnapping of Washington Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos in Venezuela (he has already been rescued) or Rick Perry’s spectacular brainfart at the 11/09 debate (though I will share this sentence from Geoff Earle and S.A. Miller: “But then co-moderator John Harwood asked weather [sic] Perry really couldn’t remember the third agency he planned to abolish.” and this sentence from Herman Cain which the audience applauded: “The American people deserve better than someone being tried in the court of public opinion.” I applauded, too, but only because I thought he was announcing that he was dropping out of the race.).

I will also skip over the numerous women coming forward with claims of being sexually harassed by Herman Cain (there’s a full page just on Karen Kraushaar today).

Andrea Peyser lashes out at “oldtimer columnist Jimmy Breslin” for writing something about Occupy Wall Street that didn’t accuse every participant of being a rapist and/or a trustifarian.

Fun Fact: Mandrea is also an oldtimer columnist.

Page Six is on pages 12 and 13 today.

You cannot park & $lide: No more tix break for waiving trial, the EXCLUSIVE by Sally Goldenberg, reports “The city Department of Finance is axing a program that offers reduced parking-ticket fines for motorists who agree not to fight their summons in court… Finance Commissioner David Frankel said scrapping the program as of Jan. 30 could save the city roughly $50 million a year.”

Or it will cost the city additional money because more people will contest their tickets, requiring more police officers to spend hours in court. I guess we’ll find out in a few months.

Cindy Adams writes (or dictates to a horrified assistant): “The Kremlin warned the White House not to launch airstrikes against Iran. ‘Not to worry,’ Obama people told Putin people. ‘We’ve consulted Enron advisers and instead of bombing Iran, we’re thinking of shredding them.’”

Get. In. The. Box.

“A Manhattan jury says it can’t agree on a felony-assault verdict for a muscle-bound electrician [Oscar Fuller] who allegedly punched a woman [Lana Rosas] into a coma during an argument over an East Village parking spot earlier this year.”

The American justice system is irreparably broken.

John Podhoretz’s Deadly ‘Oops’ That Doomed Rick Perry calls Perry’s verbal misstep “the most embarrassing single televised minute any important American politician has ever inflicted upon himself.” Johnny sure does love his hyperbole.

I will also be limiting my coverage of the Post’s coverage of Occupy Wall Street (at least until I’m caught up). But it’s worth noting that the editorial Occupy a Place of Honor references “the self-obsessed slackers of Occupy Wall Street” and chastises them for not honoring the veterans on Veterans Day (which hadn’t yet occurred when the editorial was written). They are also refers to as “always obnoxious” and pretentious.

Fun Fact: A large number of veterans — including Oakland’s Scott Olsen — are members of the various Occupy movements across the country.

If the Post truly wanted to honor our nation’s veterans, they would have stopped insulting them for 24 hours. But they don’t.

Milford, Connecticut’s Paul Izzo writes in to say, “[Andy] Rooney, more than President Obama and Nancy Pelosi, did a great deal to make America despise the self-indulgent ‘me, me, me’ whining of liberals. Rooney was a talentless, liberal drone with nothing to say. Good riddance.”

Wow.

Kyle Smith’s Hollywood’s Beloved F-Word comes to Brett Ratner’s defense. Smith contends that Ratner’s “rehearsal is for fags” comment is not nearly as bad as a character in Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris referring to “Republican Tea Party crypto-fascist airhead zombies.”

Wow.

And that’s the rest of Thursday.

More to come…

Last night I worked a 13½-hour shift and went right to sleep when I got home. Now I am (and have a) super behind. Additionally, the F train is not stopping at our station this weekend, so getting to and from tonight’s show will be even more time-consuming than usual. But I will try to get through as much of these horrible newspapers as I can over the next two days, starting with…

I’m not sure who came up with the follow-up headline HE JUST CAIN’T REMEMBER HER: Herman says no way he harassed No. 4, but Kate Sheehy, Geoff Earle and S.A. Miller’s piece informs us that Cain remained defiant (at yesterday’s press conference) “even though he acknowledged that ‘there will probably be others’ coming forward to accuse him, fueled by his political enemies.”

The article also features not only what might be my favorite sentence about Herman Cain of all time (“Cain acknowledged that there’s a ‘remote’ possibility that his memory could just be failing him, but he doubted it.”), but also my new favorite Herman Cain quote (“Sexual harassment is a very serious charge. Yes, I have seen instances… and if I saw it… I dealt with it immediately. [But] it’s not just men who harass women. I also have seen situations where women sexually harass men.”).

Cain’s explanation of the alleged sexual harassment that accuser #4 (Karen Kraushaar, 55) is accusing him of is a close second (“One day in my office at the NRA, I was standing next to Ms. Kraushaar, and I gestured… [and said], ‘You’re the same height as my wife,’ because my wife came up to my chin.’”).

And, in the last four paragraphs of the 41-paragraph article, we learn about Donna Donella, 40, of Arlington, Virginia. (aka Accuser #5).

Kate Sheehy also tells us about two women (one of whom Andrea Peyser recently cited anonymously) who have come forward to discredit Sharon Bialek — Chicagoan Amy Jacobson, who allegedly saw Bialek talking to Cain last month at a Tea Party rally (“It sort of looked flirtatious.”), and Mandrea’s source, Anna Alexander, 64, of Queens (“I got a phone call [from Bialek] one day. I thought she was calling to wish me happy birthday. She was sobbing and crying that she was going to lose her apartment. She said, ‘Please help me out’… She said, ‘I will give it to you when I have it. In the meantime, go on welfare.’”).

The Post is treating the allegations leveled by these two women against Bialek as far more credible than the allegations being made by the two three four five women against Cain.

Correction

“The Post incorrectly reported that bettors pumped $15 million into the slot machines and electronic table games [at the Aqueduct racino]. The correct figure was $177.85 million.”

I had really high hopes for MTA finally gets it: ‘Patience’ wears thin, until I read it. It isn’t about the MTA making the trains run more frequently — it’s about how the end of their announcements have been changed from “Please be patient” to “Thank you for your patience.”

“‘How patient can I be?’ griped Deborah Draughton, 47, of Queens. Considering that her regular route — the problem-plagued F line — recently underwent substantial construction, she pointed out, ‘We’re already patient as it is.’” Actually, the substantial construction starts on Monday. Good try, though, Julia Marsh and Jennifer Fermino.

“Joshua Echevarria, 19, a Brooklyn subway rider, noticed the change on the M train recently. He shrugged it off. ‘At the end of the day, “we apologize, sorry for the inconvenience” doesn’t make a difference,’ he said. ‘If we’re late, we’re late.’” Amen, brother.

Candy Spelling, widow of Aaron and mother of Tori, won $90,000 in a single slot machine pull in Las Vegas. Three years ago, she won a $180,000 slots jackpot. The year before, she won a $200,000 slots jackpot. She also won a Toyota Prius in a charity raffle in 2007.

“She recently sold her 123-bedroom Los Angeles mansion for the bargain-basement price of about $85 million. That was reportedly $65 million below her original asking price.”

She’s very wealthy, even if you don’t count all of the money she made as singer/songwriter Paul Williams.

Post Wire Services is credited with the eight-sentence Ohio union victory, about the state’s rejection yesterday of Gov. John Kasich’s recent anti-union law (Kasich, a Republican, isn’t mentioned anywhere in the article).

Sentence #2: “The legislation, which would have allowed the more than 350,000 workers to bargain on their wages, would have banned ther right to strike, and eliminated binding arbitration or promotions based solely on seniority.”

Sentence #5: “Labor and business interests poured more than $30 million total into yesterday’s referendum.”

Sentence #8: “Also in Mississippi, voters rejected a referendum asking that life be defined as beginning at conception.”

This is a terrible newspaper.

There’s a lot about Joe Paterno and Jerry Sandusky and Penn State, but the only thing I want to share with you from Tim Bontemps and Leonard Greene’s A tragic end of the ‘Lion’ as Penn State gets set to sack Coach Paterno is this: “The backlash against Paterno has been mounting like an aggressive pass rush ever since child sex-abuse charges were leveled last week against Sandusky.” See what they did there?

Mike Vaccaro’s Sad flicker from beacon of integrity is less flippant and more heartfelt (albeit mildly confusing). “But even for Joe Paterno, there is a difference between what is legal and what is right… Penn State is a marvelous university. It has clearly tried to do what is proper across the decades. But it is no more infallible in its own world than the Catholic Church is in its world. I was raised in a parish ransacked by a rogue priest; I was subjected to many days and nights of inappropriate behavior, spared the worst of it by a saying the nuns would drill into us: There but for the grace of God go I. Others were not so fortunate.”

So… Vaccaro knew there was a priest molesting his peers, but he wasn’t molested because the nuns said “there but for the grace of God go I” to him a lot? Am I missing something?

Vaccaro doesn’t mention what happened to that priest — or if he ever reported the sexual abuses that “others” were subjected to. But he does spend an entire page shaming the various Penn State officials for not reporting Sandusky’s actions.

In Cain’s ‘time’ bomb, Michael Goodwin writes, “Polls showing that Herman Cain hasn’t lost much support over allegations of sexual harassment remind of the story of the man who jumps off a 40-story building. As he passes the 20th floor on the way down, he’s heard saying, ‘So far, so good.’ Be patient. It takes time, as much as two weeks, for most events to work their way through the political bloodstream. Ordinary voters don’t pay rapt attention to the daily drip of campaign drama the way pros and pundits do… Herman Cain, despite the denials, is about to hit bottom.”

Let’s see where Cain is in the polls on November 23rd.

Page Six (today on pages 12, 13 and 14) reports that Jennifer Aniston now has an “incredible bosom” and is probably pregnant (by Justin Theroux). But she recently told Hello! that “she was neither engaged nor pregnant. She explained: ‘It’s just I quit smoking, so I’ve gained a couple of pounds.’” Congratulations to Jennifer for whichever part(s) of that story isn’t a lie.

And in Oscars fire Ratner, Page Six reports that “director Brett Ratner was last night dramatically fired as producer of the Oscars after making bizarre remarks including, ‘Rehearsal is for fags.’” Five sentences later: “The Academy said in a statement: ‘[Ratner] did the right thing for the Academy [by resigning].’” I guess Oscars fire Ratner by accepting his resignation was too long for headline.

Finally, Elliott Gould talked about his friendship with Groucho Marx after a recent screening of California Split. “I once changed a light bulb over his bed, and he told me, ‘That’s the best performance I’ve ever seen you give.’ I said, ‘Well, that’s the best review I ever got.’” Neither man was kidding.

Cindy Adams writes, “Although Leonardo da Vinci passed away weeks ago, he’s returning. Coming is a film about his youth.” I wonder if Cindy will play herself.

B’also? “Question: A lifesaving paramedic makes $30,000 a year. A slam-dunk basketballer earns $20 mil. What’s wrong with this picture?” That you’re still alive?

B’also’also? “Murray Kellman sent [this query]: ‘Why drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?’” And Steven Wright’s attorney is sending him a cease-and-desist letter.

Heavy D (real name: Dwight Arrington Myers) passed away at the age of 44.

He will be remembered and then missed.

“The Obama administration cautiously offered up more areas in the Gulf of Mexico and off Alaska’s coast to oil and gas drilling yesterday. But the proposal didn’t go far enough to satisfy Republicans.”

Really? That’s so weird.

“A hulking, beer-guzzling rugby jock suffered a stroke in a freak training accident — and woke up gay. Chris Birch was a straight, 266-pound Welsh bank worker who liked sports, girls and booze and was engaged to his girlfriend before the lifestyle-changing event. Now he’s a 154-pound hairdresser who bleaches his tresses and lives with his 19-year-old boyfriend above his salon.”

Before:

After:

Fabulous.

Jennifer Fermino’s DA: No spit, Sherlock! claims, “Law enforcement is mulling a plan to use DNA samples to prosecute expectorating hotheads who hock loogies on transit workers.” I guess I’d better stop.

“From the beginning of the year through October, 145 bus and subway workers were spit on, officials said.” Maybe a better (and cheaper) way to make the number of (alleged) salivacides go down is to not award the (alleged) victims six months of paid leave (or to not give people numerous valid reasons to spit on MTA workers).

Over on page 32, you’ll find Kate Sheehy’s tiny article A win for BamCare.

“The conservative-leaning US Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia upheld a lower-court ruling that defended President Obama’s universal-health-care package as constitutional, despite the fact that the law will force all Americans to buy insurance or pay a penalty… A lawsuit brought by Pat Robertson’s American Center for Law and Justice contends not only that Americans should not be forced to buy health insurance, but also that Obamacare [sic] discriminates against those whose religious beliefs are anti-medicine.”

I’d forgotten how stupid Pat Robertson’s followers are.

Danny Gold’s Thief nailed at Zuccotti reports that “a raging lunatic” was caught stealing money from “a plumber who was taking up a collection for himself and 9/11 first responders” who knocked him unconsciousness. “When he regained consciousness, cops escorted him several blocks away but did not arrest him. Several protesters said the man has been harassing them for days.”

And people wonder why the Occupy Wall Street protesters don’t report more crimes to the NYPD.

(but only really stupid people)

John Podhoretz spends most of A Pack of Scandal Addicts: Media’s insane Cain obsession reprimanding the media for spending so much time on the sexual-harassment allegations against Herman Cain (as Bart Simpson once said, “The ironing is delicious.”). He also explains Twitter: “You can’t underestimate the attraction of Twitter to people like me who’ll always wonder whether we should have tried stand-up comedy earlier in our careers. A Tweet [sic] is basically a one-liner. ‘Take my wife — please’ was a Tweet [sic] half a century before Twitter’s creators were even born.”

John? I recommend trying stand-up much later in your career. Much, much later.

“Now you can add bigoted comments to the list of challenges facing Carsten Kengeter, the head of UBS’s investment banking operation… At the dinner with banking heads of several divisions inside the embattled bank, held to discuss strategy and rally the troops, Kengeter, 44, implored the bankers to make a more concerted effort to streamline the firm and likened the strategy to slashing expenses like a ‘Jewish shopkeeper.’”

Fun Fact: Kengeter was born in Germany, as were negative Jewish stereotypes.

MOVIE REVIEW!

Lou Lumenick gives three and a half stars to J. Edgar (“Clint and Leo ‘a dress’ the rumors in fascinating biopic”).

In honor of Kim Kardashian and Kim Kardashian’s ex-husband’s 72-day marriage, Michael Riedel writes about Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgnine’s 38-day marriage. Borgnine claims that during their honeymoon in the Far East, Merman “was furious that, while everyone recognized [Borgnine], nobody knew her. She had her revenge by refusing to give him some of her Kaopectate when he had diarrhea.”

“In Merman’s memoir, there’s a chapter titled ‘My Marriage to Ernest Borgnine.’ It’s followed by a blank page.”

But they looked so happy together!

“Dancing With the Stars host Tom Bergeron believes the dance show ought to pare back its schedule to one season per year from two.”

I think that’s a good start.

“Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, the stars of TLC’s popular 19 Kids and Counting, are expecting one more bundle of joy.”

In all seriousness, someone needs to solder that woman’s vagina closed.

And that’s Wednesday.

And now, I’m off to wait for the bus I have to take to get to the bus I have to take to get to the train to Manhattan.

I hate the MTA.

Let’s start with the story on the bottom. Dr. Conrad Murray was convicted of involuntary manslaughter in the death of Michael Jackson. “And with LA County’s jail system already bursting at the seams, Murray could end up with a wrist slap. For example, a three-year sentence might amount to less than six real months behind bars, several legal analysts said.”

E-he.

As for the other cover story, Sharon Bialek has come forward to accuse Herman Cain of sexually harassing assaulting her in 1997. According to Reuven Fenton, Geoff Earle and Kate Sheehy’s HERM MADE ME SQUIRM: Accuser No. 4 levels Cain grope claim, “[Bialek] got to know Cain at the NRA Convention in Chicago about a month before her firing… When she lost her job, Bialek said, her then-boyfriend, a pediatrician, suggested asking Cain for help. Bialek said she and Cain arranged to meet in Washington.”

Long story short, he upgraded her hotel room to a suite, had drinks with her in the hotel, took her out to dinner and then drove her to the NRA offices. Here’s what the Post says: “‘At that time I had on a black pleated skirt, a suit jacket and a blouse,’ she said. That’s when Cain began groping her, Bialek said. ‘I asked him to stop, and he did.’”

Now here’s Bialek’s actual statement — with the stuff that the Post edited out: “At that time I had on a black pleated skirt, a suit jacket and a blouse. He had on a suit with his shirt open. But instead of going into the offices, he suddenly reached over and he put his hand on my leg under my skirt and reached for my genitals. He also grabbed my head and brought it toward his crotch. I was very, very surprised and very shocked. I said: ‘What are you doing? You know I have a boyfriend. This isn’t what I came here for.’ Mr. Cain said, ‘You want a job, right?’ I asked him to stop and he did.”

How odd that the Post didn’t think those details were relevant to the story. Here’s what they think is relevant: “But [Bialek's] lawyer [Gloria Allred] bristled when The Post later asked about reports that Bialek may suffer from depression and is broke.”

At the very end of the article, the authors note that Bialek is “a registered Republican who has a 13-year-old son and is engaged, said she has no plans to sue and that she never filed a harassment complaint with the NRA because she wasn’t working there at the time.”

Gee… Bialek isn’t suing, hasn’t tried to sell her story, and says she came forward only to support Cain’s other accusers? I wonder what Andrea Peyser thinks about that. Oh, look. She’s written a piece on Bialek that takes up more than half of page 8. It’s called Jobless & shameless gal going for gold. It begins, “Gold diggers — unite! Sharon Bialek is 50, out of work and, according to one who knows her, she’s a smooth operator living way above her means. From the look of her heavily painted face, she’s also soon to be in acute need of a new tub of eyeliner. Enter Herman Cain.”

I always smile whenever this woman:

[JEDITOR'S NOTE: this used to be a photo of Mandrea's radiant outer ugliness, but the man who took it asked me to remove it. You are all in his debt.]

…says insulting things about the looks of women who are more attractive than she is. Peyser really and truly hates women. All of them. Here’s a picture of Bialek from her press conference.

Good call on the eyeliner, Mandrea. Bialek has waaaaaay too much on.

“Bialek pranced into the Friars Club yesterday with lawyer — who else? — Gloria Allred aboard patent-leather do-me pumps. She proceeded to spill a dirty little secret she claims to have harbored these last 14 years — presidential front-runner and fellow Republican Herman Cain made a pass at my junk!”

She pranced, she wore “do-me pumps” and screamed that Cain made a pass at her junk. Peyser is like an autistic Sherlock Holmes.

“She [accused Cain] with the breathy giddiness of a gal who’s read too many bodice-rippers. Bialek, who had her bleached-blond hair set in waves for the occasion, recounted with a broad grin the night back in 1997 when she flirted like a tart with the ‘inspirational’ Mr. Cain.” She once called him inspirational! Ipso facto, she wanted him to force her into blowing him! And she bleaches her hair — even her hair is a lie!

“On the advice of her ‘boyfriend,’ she proceeded to stalk Cain to Washington, ostensibly to hit him up for a job.” Actually, she spoke to Cain and he asked her to meet him in Washington. Wait… is that what stalking means? No wonder Silk Stalkings got canceled after only eight seasons!

“Then, said Bialek, Cain, who she remembers wore a suit jacket, no tie — I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast — drove her to the offices of the National Restaurant Association, which, as far as I know, were closed for the night. In the car, she said, he went caveman.”

1) Were you sexually assaulted while you ate breakfast, Mandrea? If not, I can understand why you aren’t constantly reliving in your mind every detail of your morning meal.

2) Cain was the president of the NRA at the time. If the offices were closed, I’m fairly certain he had a key.

3) Calling Cain a caveman is racist.

“Now, I love a good romantic farce as much as the next bored housewife. But the question remains: Why sit on this seeming sexual assault for 14 years?” Asked and answered, dummy. She wouldn’t have ever come forward if not for the way Cain was dismissing the other women’s accusations and insisting he’d never act that way. Did you even watch the press conference?

“According to someone who knows Bialek: ‘She has a very infectious personality. It’s easy to see how she won [Cain] over. But the reality of her situation is — she’s a complete gold digger. It’s all about the money… This is a lady who lives off the system. She is hellbent on finding a way of never having to work and living the lifestyle she wants to live, a very affluent lifestyle. In my next life, I want to come back as her.’”

What a great friend this (alleged) person is!

“The sad part is that Bialek has a 13-year-old son who must live with the shame and media scrutiny.” Says the shrew who has spent the rest of her column ridiculing his mother as a tramp and a liar.

“The last decade and change haven’t been so good. Bialek is unemployed, has a son. Her boyfriend’s long gone.” She’s engaged, you idiot! And you know where I learned that? From the article next to yours!

But I can understand why you’re a little frazzled, Andrea. After all, it must be hard being married to a man who might be the most violent pedophile in our nation’s history.

“[In Paris], armed French bandits stole more than $1 million worth of copies of the new blockbuster first-person shooter Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.”

That gives me a great idea for a video game… the most meta video game ever…

I found a video of Anatoly Moskvin’s apartment in Nizhny Novgorod. He dug up the corpses of 29 women (between the ages of 15 and 25), dressed them up like dolls and kept them on display.

I shan’t be posting that video.

You’re welcome.

According to Page Six (today on pages 14 and 15), Hugh Hefner didn’t like the photos of Lindsay Lohan from her Playboy shoot — he wanted them to be less Kate Moss and more Marilyn Monroe. So she did a re-shoot.

“This weekend, Lohan was accompanied by lawyers, agents and publicists who, sources said, ‘gave their two cents about what was considered “nude” and what was not.’ Sources said Lohan ended up delivering the Monroe-inspired images Hefner wanted.”

Lindsay as Marilyn? What a completely original idea, Hef!

“She’s expected to appear nude, but ’strategically covered up’ in certain shots.”

It’ll be just like watching The Spice Channel!

Cindy Adams still isn’t dead.

“Egyptian embalmer wrapping King Tut for another exhibition: ‘Out of gauze. How do we feel about Scotch tape?’” (rimshot)

“New Japanese restaurant Kobeyaki. Man requests a takeout menu. In this modern world, he’s told: ‘Sorry. We have none to give you — but it’s on the Internet.’” (gunshot)

Laurel Babcok (who is probably actually Laurel Babcock) and Lorena Mongelli have an update on that severed baby’s foot that was found in Queens: “[The medical examiner] yesterday determined it was actually a bear’s claw.” Their follow-up is three sentences long. Reuven Fenton’s original piece was 18 paragraphs.

Only in the New York Post, kids, only in the New York Post.

“An Italian art historian has discovered the profile of a smiling devil — complete with horns and a hooked nose — hidden among the clouds in a fresco by famed painter Giotto that’s located in the Basilica of St. Francis of Assisi.”

Um… since when is “a hooked nose” a sign of the Devil? Do I have to call Abe Foxman?

B’also? It looks like the top half of the face is positioned behind a bare ass.

Rich Lowry ’s Why America No Longer Builds Big complains that Obama is taking way too much time to approve the Keystone XL pipeline (“the administration has been dragging TransCanada, the prospective builder of the pipeline, through a review process involving about a dozen agencies and a cast of thousands”). Whines Lowry, “Keystone XL already meets every possible standard. Obama wants ’shovel ready’ jobs… Building Keystone XL will create thousands of construction jobs.”

Ah, but how many thousands, Rich? Is it the 20,000 TransCanada originally claimed? Or is it the amended 6,500 that they now insist it will create? And what about the 250,000 total jobs that the pipeline would create — you know, the figure that included “dancers, choreographers and speech therapists”?

For some reporting on the pipeline from someone who isn’t an idiot, try the incredibly radical left-wing National Catholic Reporter.

Michael Tanner writes, “It has become fashionable to ridicule the idea of the rich as ‘job creators,’ but if the rich don’t create jobs, who will? How many workers have been hired recently by the poor?”

I don’t know, Mike. But I do know that the Koch Brothers have fired tens of thousands more people than the poor. People aren’t ridiculing the idea that the rich can create more jobs, its that they aren’t (despite the GOP constantly referring to them as job creators).

The editorial ‘Occupy’ Goes Big-Tent claims the Occupy Wall Street protesters are now afraid of each other. “And they’re certainly right to fear one another: Sexual attacks and other crimes have become daily sport at Zuccotti, as Candace Giove reported in Sunday’s Post.” Actually, her name is Candice Giove. And speaking of Ms. Giove, my wife made a very astute observation about the photo of her in front of her tent:

You know what you won’t find on the ground in Zuccotti Park? Parking lines. Did this poor excuse for a journalist stage this photo? Anyway, please continue.

“As we said last week, this fiasco has gone on long enough. The city has a right — indeed, a duty — to shut it down. It’s long past time it does so.”

As you said last week, and the week before, and yesterday, and Sunday…

Frank J. Fleming’s It’s Media Love — Not Bias satirically argues that “the media’s double standard” (against conservatives and for liberals) is actually tough love! Get it?

“Would the Tea Party be better off if it were allowed to be violent and destructive? Of course not.” Do you see what he did there? Do you? He’s saying that OWS is violent and destructive and no one in the media is criticizing them! Satire-riffic!

I cannot wait for Frank’s e-book (Not Worth the Paper It’s Not Printed On*)!

* I may have gotten the title wrong.

Alana Goodman’s All the Paranoia That’s Fit To Print criticizes The New York Times for running an editorial that suggested that the GOP is “committed to doing nothing in the hopes that the failing economy will cost President Obama his job in 2012.” Retorts Goodman, “The notion isn’t just cynical, it’s paranoid.”

Cynical, paranoid, and true.

I would like to commend the Post for their two-page obituary for Joe Frazier. Not using the headline DOWN GOES FRAZIER! DOWN GOES FRAZIER! was an unexpectedly classy move.

Rest in peace, Smokin’ Joe.

And that’s… today!

I’m all caught up — just in time to fall behind again. I’ll be working 12-hour shifts for the next three days, but I’ll post what I can when I can.

Have a great week!

Jimmy Breslin wrote a piece about Occupy Wall Street for the Daily News which ran on Saturday.

It’s a refreshing counter-balance to the yellow journalism I read every day in the Post. Do yourself a favor and read it (by clicking here).

And now, the Post.

I don’t care about football.

“New York regulators approved hikes averaging 8 percent in health insurance premiums for next year following requests by the companies. The firms had sought an average increase of 12.7 percent… Last year, the state approved a 10 percent increase. Insurance companies sought an average increase of 14 percent.”

Good thing we don’t have a public option, huh?

Fun Fact: Health Now/Blue Cross asked for an increase of 6.5% and got it. Oxford asked for 19.4% and got 8%. Aetna asked for 14% and got 4.3%.

One of John Lennon’s teeth was sold at auction last Saturday night. Canadian dentist Michael Zuk bought it for $31,200. Here’s a picture of it:

Zuk is reportedly hoping to use it to show his patients the importance of flossing and avoiding Yoko Ono.

Fredric, You Dicker U. Dicker and Chuck Bennett’s EXCLUSIVE on page 4 (It’s Wall your fault: Low-bonus bummer for state tax haul) begins, “The struggling economy has slimmed down the salaries and bonuses of many Wall Street fat cats that state coffers are taking a huge hit.” I’m offended by their use of the term “fat cats.” Goldman Sachs employees are earning an average of just $390,000 this year (it was $430,000 last year) and JPMorgan Chase employees are making an average of only $360,000 (it was $370,000 last year). How the Hell are these poor souls supposed to get by on just $360,000 – $390,000 a year?

“‘A lot of Wall Street people are really scared and worried,’ said another source. ‘They know their incomes are coming down because of the bonus cuts. They know thousands more may be fired. They’re worried about Europe, which they think could collapse, and they’re being victimized by the Occupy morons, who are being encouraged by the president.’”

The Occupy morons. Classy. Oh, and those bonus cuts? They’ve been slashed to a paltry average of $100,000.

I’ve sorry my wife and I donated all of those clothes to the protesters. It sounds like the people they’re protesting need help, too.

“Cooperstown, home to the Baseball Hall of Fame, has thrown hydrofracking supporters a curve — with a local law banning the controversial practice… And nearly three dozen other municipalities may follow suit.”

“The oil and gas industries insist that state law trumps local ordinances.” And they should know, since they write most of our laws.

There are two anti-Occupy Wall Street pieces on page 6 (not to be confused with Page Six, today on pages 12 and 13), each with three credited writers. The first piece notes that “the number of vagrants, criminals and wackos squatting in [Zuccotti Park] has soared since the protest started Sept. 17.” I haven’t read that since yesterday!

The other piece (It’s crime all the time at Zuccotti Park) begins, “Tent City is becoming Camp Crime.”

Let’s all watch this again, shall we? Just to remind ourselves why there are protesters in Zuccotti Park.

Carl Campanile’s Pay potties pooh-poohed informs us that Mayor Bloomberg’s plan to install 20 public pay toilets has been flushed shelved due, in part, to “community opposition” (“others worry that the Department of Transportation project will attract vagrants and crime to their neighborhoods”).

Because if there’s one thing that draws vagrants and criminals like moths to a flame, it’s pay toilets.

Reuven Fenton’s Tot’s foot found on Qns. lawn: Neighbors chilled begins, “A man taking out the garbage at his Queens home yesterday night made a horrifying discovery — a child’s severed foot on the lawn. Police believe it belonged to a 3- or 4-year-old whose gender was not immediately clear.”

Don’t worry. I’ve already read tomorrow’s paper. It isn’t a child’s foot.

Can you spot Sally Goldenberg’s typo?

“The city Department of Environmental today will introduce a four-year efficiency plan expected to slash future hikes.”

Mike Vaccaro follows up on the Jerry Sandusky story and how Joe Paterno might be somewhat culpable for some of Sandusky’s actions.

“The most damnable of the charges against Sandusky stems from a 2002 incident in which a Penn State graduate assistant walked in on Sandusky as he was allegedly engaged in an act with a 10-year-old boy. The grad assistant, horrified by what he saw, called his father, who told him to tell Paterno. Paterno, in turn, reported what he was told to school authorities.” But not the police.

Bonus Points: Jerry Sandusky’s autobiography was published in 2001.

Touched by Jerry Sandusky.

In Cain’s slip is showing: Sex-rap fallout, S.A. Miller reports that Herman Cain’s popularity has slipped from 66% to 57% due to the two three four five women who have come forward with allegations of sexual harassment.

That’s a loss of nine(-nine-nine) percent.

Andrea Peyser’s Skank Trio plays the tramp card is about Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian and Mariah Yeater (who you may recall were labeled SKANK #1, SKANK #2 and SKANK #3 in a two-page spread a few days ago). The woman-hating Peyser briefly recaps the recent news regarding these three women (Lindsay and Kim get two sentences, Mariah gets three) before ending on a non-sequitur worthy of Cindy Adams: “They let skanks out in daylight?”

Justin Bieber is taking a DNA test in two weeks. I sincerely doubt Yeater’s baby is his. BUT if it is, will Mandrea apologize to her? Methinks not.

The hard-to-look-at wife of a suspected child molester also tells us that “it’s time to shut down the Zuccotti Park crime scene” in her Time to pull the plug on the thugs.

This is a photo of Mandrea and her husband. She’s trying to smile. He’s thinking of children.

It takes Cindy Adams only six sentences to mention Lindsay Lohan.

And far too long to die.

Republican Bert Mathes, 34, is running for town justice of Barre in western New York. He is running against the incumbent, Democrat John Henderson, 73. Henderson is Mathes’ grandfather.

Nice family values there, Bert.

Elberon, New Jersey’s Ken Robinson writes in to declare, “If you are on the fence about the legitimacy of the Occupy Wall Street protesters, their silence regarding [Jon] Corzine and MF Global should leave no doubt as to their true raison d’etre.”

Damnit, he’s right! The fact that OWS hasn’t held a press conference about Jon Corzine is proof of their illegitimacy!

Well, it was fun while it lasted. Shut ‘er down, boys.

And that’s Monday.

More to come…