Posts Tagged ‘F Train’

Today’s cover story is FALL ON YOUR SWORD, WEINER: Why he must quit NOW! [SPOILER: Because he's a Democrat.]

The first sentence of Kate Sheehy’s page 4 follow-up: “Weinergate just doubled in size.”

Kate also includes a photograph from Gennette Cordova’s Shorecrest HS yearbook (2007):

Oops.

The next page is a full-color, full-page photo of porn star Ginger Lee (Deep Throat This 35, Share My Cock! 2, New Whores on the Block, Stuffin’ Young Muffins 5) (for the record, I didn’t make those up) in her bra and panties. Pages 6 and 7 (not to be confused with Page Six, today on pages 14 and 15) feature excerpts of Weiner’s texts with Las Vegas blackjack dealer Lisa Weiss. If you have any interest in reading them, go here.

Bonus Points: The first sentence of the introduction is “It’s raw Weiner.”

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Andy Soltis’ NYers: You’re never be Mayor ‘Crotch’ shares the results of “two major polls” which insist that Weiner has no chance of holding office ever again.

43% of New Yorkers (allegedly) “say they’ve already decided to vote against him if he runs.”

56% say he shouldn’t run for mayor.

And “about 90 percent of readers at NYPost.com responded ‘yes’ yesterday to the question: ‘Should Anthony Weiner resign?’”

Oh, well. Polls are never wrong, so I guess this is the end of Weiner’s career.

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Michael Goodwin’s Get the hell out of here! begins, “Imagine you go to a restaurant and Anthony Weiner is your waiter. Do you have the stomach for dinner? Imagine you call an electrician and Weiner shows up at your home. Do you let him in? Imagine he is your child’s teacher. Do you keep your kid in his class? Of course you don’t trust him with your food or let him in your home, and you sure as hell don’t let him anywhere near your child.”

Wait… what? The man is guilty of being horny and flirting with women via phone and text. That means he can’t be my waiter or electrician? And what is the obsession that Post columnists have with implying Weiner has had (or wants to have) relationships with underage females?

To answer your asinine questions, Mike, yes I would still be hungry if he were my waiter. And, assuming he had the necessary training, he would be welcome in my home to repair anything electrical that needed fixing. And as for my hypothetical child’s teacher, he’s welcome to the job, assuming he never did anything inappropriate with children (which I feel is safe to assume).

“It is worth noting that a blog under his name still features rabid attacks on ‘Republican assaults on women.’ Even by Washington standards of hypocrisy, that’s rich, given his predatory habits with women half his age.”

You know what’s even more worth noting? That Republicans are leading assaults on women (through attacks on Planned Parenthood and various new anti-abortion bills in various states). And the fact that Weiner is a sleazebag doesn’t change that.

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Cindy Adams complains about Matt Damon today.

“‘I’m making another film in New York,’ [Damon said]. I said, enough already with you. Every movie I see seems to star Matt Damon. You have to live in Bulgaria to find a movie Matt’s not in.”

Number of movies released in 2007 that Damon was in: 2 (plus an uncredited cameo in Life Without Youth ).

Number of movies released in 2008 that Damon was in: 1 (plus vocal work on the Japanese movie Ponyo).

Number of movies released in 2009 that Damon was in: 2.

Number of movies released in 2010 that Damon was in: 3.

Number of movies released in 2011 that Damon was in: 1.

Valid reasons for Cindy Adams to continue breathing oxygen: 0.

Bonus Points: “Confucius saying to Rep. Anthony Weiner: ‘Sex like bridge. If no good partner, better have a good hand.’” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAdie.

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“A man was zapped with a stun gun and robbed by a pair of hooligans on a Borough Park subway platform, cops said yesterday. The victim was waiting for the F train at 18th Avenue station when he was immobilized with the weapon and fleeced of his cash and cellphone in the May 29 attack.”

That’s just four stops past ours on the F line. I don’t believe I’ve ever actually been in that station, but I’ll just assume it’s one of the many that no longer have manned booths, station agents or a police presence. Call it a hunch.

I hate the MTA.

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Attorneys for millionaire Gigi Jordan have asked a Manhattan judge to allow their client to “build her own cage,” like Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been allowed to do. She is currently being held without bail.

And what is this poor woman accused of doing? Killing her 8-year-old son (“Jordan’s defenders have said they’ll argue that she was driven to kill her son, to protect him from predatory adults who had been abusing him”).

Well, that’s one way to protect your son from abuse. I guess.

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Two heated letters were sent to the Post with regards to the (latest) 4-year-old painting prodigy. Here are excerpts:

Bethlehem, Pennsylvania’s C. Broubalow writes, “A comet or asteroid doesn’t need to take us out. We’re already done.” (S)He is literally calling this the end of the world!

Whitestone’s Michael Gorman writes, “If she’s a great artist, then all of art is a fraud.” Take that, everyone who ever considered themselves an artist ever!

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I’m surprised that, despite all of the articles the Post has published about Jersey Shore’s upcoming season, I’m only now learning that Florence Mayor Matteo Renzi has relented and given the show permission to shoot inside some of the city’s museums.

I hope one of the cast talks about their genitals while they’re touring them.

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Linda 3Starsi discusses OWN’s Finding Sarah, Sarah Ferguson’s new “reality” “show.”

“[Sarah] then relates the terrible story about how, one night on the phone, she begged her mother to tell her she loved her. The mother finally relented and then went shopping. On the way to the market, Mom was decapitated in a car accident.”

Moral: No one should ever say they love Sarah Ferguson, even if they don’t mean it.

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And that’s Wednesday.

Remember Joseph Brooks, 73?

He’s the Oscar-winning composer who was arrested for (allegedly) raping and/or molesting 13 women over the years. Well, he killed himself. He is survived by a son, Nicholas, who is currently on trial for murder.

Is it just me or does did he look a lot like James O’Keefe?

Bonus Points: In the article (END OF HIS GROPE by Jamie Schram, Larry Celona and Lachlan Cartwright), Brooks’ name changes to Brook twice: “One of Brook’s friends was supposed to have lunch with him yesterday…” and “The friend found Brook’s door unlocked and discovered Brooks’ limp, fully clothed body sprawled on the den couch.” I bet those typos would have been noticed of they had a fourth person helping them.

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Don Kaplan’s That’s why it’s the F! line informs me that “The MTA has closed Brooklyn’s Smith and 9th Street station until March 2012.”

Oh goody. Of course, this would be less of an issue if the B61 still went down Smith Street (instead on driving through Red Hook). But it doesn’t.

“Shuttle buses will connect commuters with nearby stations, including 4th Avenue-9th Street and Carroll Street, and the MTA has pledged increased service on the B61 bus.“

Wait… really? That’s actually good news! We use the B61 all the time and the service is awful! But if the MTA is promising to increase its service, then… I will assume it’s a lie because they are the MTA.

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Today’s update on the NYPD ticket-fixing investigation begins, “The Bronx deputy inspector in charge of the NYPD’s internal-affairs ticket-fixing probe [Internal Affairs Bureau Deputy Inspector John McDermott] has been ensnared in the scandal himself — after allegedly having a highway cop fix a speeding ticket for an apparent relative.”

It concludes by saying the scandal “could lead to criminal charges for dozens of NYPD cops and departmental sanctions for as many as 400 other officers.”

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For the first time in what seems like forever, Dominique Strauss-Kahn isn’t mentioned until page 4. And what is today’s update?

“‘It seems obvious that, in the hypothesis that DSK is convicted, he should serve his sentence in France,’ said Claude Guéant, the French interior minister and President Nicolas Sarkozy’s top adviser.”

If by “obvious” he means “illogically repugnant” then I totally agree.

B’also? Mr. and Mrs. DSK have until tomorrow morning to find a new place to live.

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Almost immediately after he and his wife (Katy Perry) landed in Japan, Russell Brand was deported. Perry told reporters, “It was for priors from over 10 years ago!”

Either that or Japanese officials have seen Arthur.

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Page Six (today on pages 12 and 13) features the following photo of Lindsay Lohan at a photo shoot:

No pixelation, no black bar, no shame.

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This weekend’s box office was dominated by Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides ($90,100,000 — plus $256,300,000 overseas, making it the biggest international movie opening of all time), followed by Bridesmaids ($21,100,000), Thor ($15,500,000), Fast Five ($10,600,000) and Rio ($4,700,000).

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“Yesterday, actress Jane Seymour claimed [Arnold] Schwarzenegger has more out-of-wedlock kids he’s kept secret from the world. ‘I heard about two more children,’ the actress told Britain’s Daily Mail.”

Really, Jane? Because I heard he has a total of 94 out-of-wedlock children.

(If you got that The Boys From Brazil reference, give yourself 10 points)

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Cindy Adams asks, “Anyone think Dominique Strauss-Kahn-he or kahn’t-he should change his name’s spelling to Dominique Strauss-Con?”

HAHAHAHAHAHA die.

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At least 30 people were killed in Joplin, Missouri by a tornado. That story is on page 17.

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Charles Gasparino is a “Fox Business Network senior correspondent.” He is also the author of More Useless Gov’t: New fed agency won’t solve anything, which tries (and fails) to explain why the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau is worthless and based on falsehoods.

“This is a major expansion of government — a separate branch of the Federal Reserve with immense powers to regulate ‘all consumer products.’ The excuse for it is bogus — a simplistic and false narrative on how the financial crisis began (nothing more than evil bankers pushing risky loans on unsuspecting consumers).”

Fun Fact: Gasparino once told the Washington Post that “[his] job was to rip the lungs out of the competition of Fox Business Network.” Fair, balanced.

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I was wrong! The Yankees are still in first place in the AL East (by .003)!

USA! USA! USA!

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And that’s Monday.

Two cover stories today. BLOW-UP DOLLS: Toy terror targeted Empire State Bldg. tells us that “Saudi Khalid Ali-M Aldawsari was busted in Texas for a plot to place bomb-laden dolls in strollers at the Empire State Building and Statue of Liberty, authorities said yesterday.” The follow-up on page 5 (GUISE & DOLLS IN CHILLING NY ‘BOMB PLOT’) reveals that he also targeted Wall Street and “George W. Bush’s Dallas home” and he “kept a diary and wrote a blog laying out his twisted plan for the bomb attacks — and dreamed of opening his own branch of al Qaeda in Lubbock, Texas, where he was a business student at South Plains College.” Well, I for one feel much safer knowing that Texas is fighting to allow Aldawsari (and others like him) to be armed on campus. B’also? Does anyone else find it odd that this guy kept a blog about this? Doesn’t that kinda sorta prove that he was only after the notoriety and wanted to get caught? Too bad for him his name isn’t as catchy as Jared Lee Loughner.

The other cover story is SHOW STOPPER!: CBS pulls plug on ‘Men’ over Sheen’s vile rant and, if you somehow haven’t heard what Charlie said yesterday (on Alex Jones’ radio show), you owe it to yourself to listen to the links below (they are mos def not safe for work, but celebrities don’t often broadcast their mental breakdowns quite so confidently). The first one starts with some delightful 9/11 nonsense and segues brilliantly into… words can’t do it justice. “Winning, anyone?”

Part 2 starts with a discussion of Apocalypse Now — and how Charlie is every character in the movie “save for that little weirdo with his guts strapped in, begging for water — that’s not me” (his dad must be so proud). He also reveals that “Thomas Jefferson was a pussy” and, in the second half of this clip, Sheen tears into Two and a Half Men creator, Chuck Lorre (who he calls “Haim Levine” for some reason):

Part three includes a lengthy chat between Sheen, Jones and… Lenny Dykstra!?!:

Sheen claims that he is negotiating with HBO for a half-hour show called Sheen’s Corner, which would earn him $5,000,000 per episode (for 10 episodes). HBO wasted no time telling anyone who would listen that this isn’t true. Sheen also claims he is in negotiations to be in Major League 3. Here’s why I don’t think this is true: THIS. And if he’s referring to Major League 4, Charlie might want to read what Morgan Creek CEO James Robinson has to say about that. Ironically, Sheen can thank Lindsay Lohan for Robinson’s no-nonsense stance.

UPDATE: Sheen gave TMZ a letter, which they posted online. It reads:

“What does this say about Haim Levine after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows … I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can’t handle my power and can’t handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

Remember these are my people … not yours…we will continue on together…

Charlie Sheen”

(1965 – 2011)

Bonus Points: Does anyone else find it odd that the man born Carlos Irwin Estevez is mocking Charles Levine for changing his name to Chuck Lorre?

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Did I say Honda? I meant Toyota.

“Toyota Motor Corp. yesterday recalled 2.17 million cars and trucks in the United States to address accelerator pedals that could become stuck in floor mats or jammed in driver’s-side carpeting.” That’s more than 14,000,000 recalled vehicles since 2009.

OK, now it’s your turn, Honda.

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There’s an article on page 4 about a suicide bomber that killed 16 (including himself) and wounded 21 in the Iraqi city of Ramadi, near “Falluja.”

I wonder if that’s near Fallujah.

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“Zachary Chesser, 21, had pleaded pleaded guilty in October to charges of providing material support to terrorists and communicating threats to the creators of South Park over their depiction of the prophet Mohammed.” He was just sentenced to 25 years in prison.

He would have gotten a much lighter sentence if he had molested kids instead or murdered a woman while driving drunk as a police officer.

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A British judge has ruled that Julian Assange can be extradited to Sweden to face charges of rape. Assange is appealing.

(though not to most women)

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PERV: DON’T SHMEAR ME shares Jeffrey Epstein’s chat with the Post where he responds to their recent cover story on him. I promise you these quotes are real (at least according to this horrible newspaper): “I’m not a sexual predator, I’m an ‘offender.’ It’s the difference between a murderer and a person who steals a bagel. The crime that was supposedly committed in Florida is not a crime in New York.”

Then the Post talks about court documents that claim he “also molested girls he had brought in from South America and Europe and once was given three 12-year-old girls from France as a ‘birthday gift.’”

Fun Fact: Epstein is a Level 3 sex offender (“the most dangerous kind of sex offender”).

Mr. Epstein, I will happily stop discussing your repeated molestation of pre-teen girls for a sizeable check.

(I’d be happy to negotiate with you at your leisure)

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A gigantic article on page 8 (Cheese it! The cops!: Wis. lawmen chase dems) waits until the second sentence of the fifteenth paragraph to say, “According to a poll, a majority of Wisconsin residents think Gov. Scott Walker’s bid to make public-sector union members pay more for benefits is fair but also believe those workers should have collective-bargaining rights.”

Wait! Does that then mean that the folks at the Post will stop claiming that “this is what Walker was elected to do” and the Democrats are fighting “the will of the people”?

(SPOILER: No.)

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Did you get a chance to see the new billboard in Soho that featured a Black girl and the claim that “The most dangerous place for an African American is in the womb”? Well, here it is.

A flood of complaints has brought about the promise that it will be removed in the near future.

Besides, everyone knows that the most dangerous place for an African-American is a horror movie.

(Did I not get the memo announcing the removal of the hyphen?)

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A motorcyclist was run over by a bus in the Lincoln Tunnel yesterday morning and is in critical condition. “One NJ Transit bus rear-ended another at around 7:26 a.m., pushing it into weaving biker Keith Nystrom, after he cut off the front bus.”

“A total of 52 commuters on the two buses were hurt, 14 seriously.”

The GOP has already released a statement insisting that this accident could have been avoided if everyone on both buses was allowed to carry guns. And if the unions were busted.

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Oopsy!

“A man who was with Lindsay Lohan at an LA jewelry store appears to have been caught on video distracting an employee as the Mean Girls star snatched a gold designer necklace, according to reports.”

And yet Lohan is being offered a plea bargain? Why? The only way to teach her that her actions have consequences is to make her actually face consequences (a three-year jail sentence reduced to six months — which will most assuredly be reduced to no more than a month and a half — isn’t likely to make Lindsay Lo-pard change her spots).

See what I did there?

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Mad gals sue French ad lads explains that a lawsuit has been filed against Publicis Groupe claiming that “too few women at the firm hold management positions and some get sacked after maternity leave. It seeks more than $100 million in damages.”

That’ll buy an awful lot of shoes and cat food!

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“A man wearing a fedora hat, a fake mustache and sunglasses walked into the Rio All-Suite Hotel & Casino just west of the Las Vegas Strip, stole about $32,000 in chips, brandished a gun and fled the scene in a taxi.”

Imagine what he might have gotten if he had brandished the gun first.

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Mark today’s date on your calendars: February 25, 2011 is the first time (to my knowledge) that Page Six (today on page 12) ran a story about Eliot Spitzer (this time about the rumor that Kathleen Parker is leaving Parker Spitzer and Spitzer may do the show solo) that doesn’t mention hookers or refer to him as “disgraced” or the “Love Gov.”

Baby steps, Page Six. Baby steps.

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“Kelsey Grammer and fiancée Kayte Walsh will be married on his La Cage aux Folles Broadway stage today by an actor who plays a drag queen in the show.”

I never thought I’d be able to say this but… I had a nicer wedding than Kelsey Grammar.

And not just because Kelsey Grammer wasn’t there.

(Well done, Teresa!)

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Cindy Adams is in Los Angeles and I think someone is pumping medicinal marijuana smoke into her luxury suite.

“So this stuntman said: ‘I can fly.’ Lifting both arms, he actually flew around the room. ‘OK,’ said the director, ‘So you imitate birds. What else can you do?’ Then this dog recited a Shakespearean scene. Finally, its manager asked the talent scout: ‘Well, what do you say?’ Said the scout: ‘Not sure. Let’s see her legs.’”

“The one really wonderful thing about Los Angeles is — it’s not Duluth.”

“Definition of a movie star: one who regrets the inability to sit out front and watch his face on-screen.”

Seriously, Cindy. Get in the box.

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Hip-hopper Remy Ma, 26 (real name: Reminisce Smith), has served almost three years of her eight-year prison sentence and the New York Court of Appeals has turned down her appeal.

Remy’s crime? “Shooting a friend suspected of ripping her off.”

Does “friend” mean something different in the hip-hop world?

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“A man was run over by a subway train yesterday on the Lower East Side. The homeless victim was lying on the tracks when a southbound F train pulled into the East Broadway station at 12:15 p.m.”

That’s sad — normally the F is the safest track to nap on, due to the paucity of actual trains.

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The White Castle on Eighth Avenue near West 36th Street was robbed at 3:23 a.m. on Wednesday. The thief made off with $42.

I am amazed that a White Castle had that much money in it.

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“Port Authority officials yesterday hiked the cost of the ornate transit center [planned as part of the Ground Zero rebuild] — which will house stations for PATH trains, 13 MTA subway lines, and a proposed JFK rail link — by a staggering $180 million. The change will bring the overall cost to $3.44 billion.”

Mr. Cuomo, sir? Will you please ask Mr. Liu to audit these bastards? Please?

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Michael A. Walsh’s O’s Marriage Move: All About the Votes is a great example of “no duh” journalism.

“If you had any doubts that Campaign 2012 wasn’t already underway, you can lay them to rest.” Wasn’t it Mitch McConnell who said the GOP’s #1 priority is to make sure Obama doesn’t get re-elected? And isn’t everything a politician does at least in some way trying to appeal to voters?

The Vulcan Muppet goes on to say that Obama’s recent support of gay marriage (or, rather, his lack of support for the Defense of Marriage Act) proves that “This is a president who makes Tricky Dick Nixon look spontaneous and transparent.” And this is a writer who makes words look poorly chosen and disingenuously partisan.

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Bill O’Reilly’s Wisconsin’s Lessons for Teachers explains that “two-thirds of Wisconsin eighth graders can’t read proficiently” and that their teachers should be ashamed and held accountable. Surprisingly, he neglects to mention that Wisconsin’s eight graders are still above the national average in reading proficiency. OK, that wasn’t surprising — but this was (at least to me): “I left teaching because I understood the limitations of the job. I knew at a young age that my income would be restricted and my life would be fairly predictable. Selfishly, I wanted more.”

I guess the only people who become teachers are those who crave monotony and have no self-confidence? They sure sound greedy and unreasonable to me.

On behalf of my mother and every other amazing teacher I’ve had the pleasure and privilege to learn from in my life, thank you for leaving teaching, Bill.

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Publicis disses women: lawsuit is a great article on page 28 that would be far more interesting if the exact same story wasn’t already covered on page 11 (Mad gals sue French ad lads).

This is a really terrible newspaper.

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Beijing has blocked access to LinkedIn in China.

Sources say government officials were tired of people chuckling under their breath whenever they tried to say “LinkedIn.”

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Crude oil is down to $97.28/barrel.

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MOVIE REVIEWS!

Lou Lumenick givestwo and a half stars to Hall Pass (“[Christina] Applegate is the best thing in Hall Pass — though veteran cinematographer Matthew Leonetti should be ashamed at how unflatteringly he has photographed her.”).

Robbie Collin gives three stars to Drive Angry 3D (“It’s a full-throttle exploitation blast.”) [JEDITOR'S NOTE: There were no press screenings in the US, so the Post reprinted excerpts from Collin's review in Britain's News of the World.]

V.A. Musetto gives two stars to both Heartbeats (sex) and The Over the Hill Band (drug use, profanity), three stars to Of Gods & Men (violence) and one and a half stars to A Good Man (sexuality, disturbing images).

Kyle Smith gives one star to The Grace Card (“poky pacing, thin characters, obvious message and predictable plot”).

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Michael Riedel discusses Kelsey Grammer’s replacement in La Cage aux Folles, Jeffrey Tambor.

“Tambor’s struggling. And he knows it. He’s hitting notes in some of Jerry Herman’s lovely ballads that aren’t found anywhere on the traditional Western scale. And he lacks the panache, sophistication and confidence that Kelsey Grammer brought to the part. Production sources say Tambor is by turns anguished and angry. His despair is palpable backstage, they say, and he’s also lashed out at his producers, saying: ‘You don’t have faith in me!’ A backstage source says, ‘He’s freaking out.’”

Well this should certainly calm him down.

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There’s a photo of Yogi Berra (in Tampa with the Yankees) on page 74 that makes me smile. I love Yogi. He’s the Yankees’ heterosexual Oscar Wilde.

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

“Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.”

“Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.”

There are countless more but I’m tired (I’m still smiling, though).

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Natalee Holloway’s mother is getting her own reality show on Lifetime — Vanished with Beth Holloway.

“The deal to bring Beth Holloway to Lifetime included production of a sequel to 2009’s Natalee Holloway.”

Sources say the sequel has Natalee being found and opening a detective agency with Chris Tucker.

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I was considering seeing the John-Travolta-as-John-Gotti movie out of morbid curiosity, but I’m not sure I can anymore.

“According to reports, [Kim] Kardashian met with the movie’s producers to talk about the role of Kim Gotti, wife of Gotti’s son, John Gotti Jr.”

She can’t even play herself convincingly.

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Once again, the Best Bets sidebar next to the color-coded TV listings (which are once again in black and white) lists Dane Cook: Isolated Incident under SKETCH.

Either they don’t know the difference between sketch comedy and stand-up, or they mistakenly left off the Y at the end of SKETCH.

(NSFW)

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The procurement of Mucinex D seems to have turned the tide in my battle against infirmity (note to self: throw away the Tylenol pills that prohibited you from sleeping for more than 20 minutes last night; also, we’re almost out of milk.).

I will try to get my Oscar picks up before the Oscars on Sunday, but I make no promises.

Have a great weekend!