Posts Tagged ‘Joey Adams’

Longtime reader Scott F. in California has sent me a YouTube clip of Cindy Adams’ recent appearance on TV. Do not watch if you have just eaten or are about to eat:

As someone who reads the Post every day, I recognize almost everything she says from her columns (though the fact that she [allegedly] wrote it herself doesn’t seem to help her deliver it competently). But it made me realize that I have never searched for any video clips of her before. So I looked on YouTube and found this:

It isn’t really a video, true, but it did introduce me to this:

Notice the part at the bottom: “The hilarious adventures of Mr. and Mrs.” Nice typesetting, MGM!

In case any of you were wondering what to get me for Christmas 2012, I really, really want Cindy Adams to die.

Ricky Gervais is hosting the Golden Globes again in January.

If you watch only one meaningless awards ceremony in 2012, make it this one.

Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!

“The Republican-led House yesterday passed a bill that would allow Americans with permits to carry concealed weapons in their home states to also pack heat across state lines. The bill, which is doomed in the Senate, allow permit holders to tote firearms in the 49 states that also issue permits to their residents.”

Jobs! Jobs! (Bills that we know are wastes of time and have absolutely nothing to do with) Jobs!

“The Occupy Wall Streeters are about to create chaos for 99 percent of the city.” Exaggeration and hyperbole are so much fun!

“Tens of thousands of protesters — fresh off their eviction from Zuccotti Park — are expected to kick off the day of chaos around 7 a.m.” There were tens of thousands of protesters evicted from Zuccotti Park? Were they stacked on top of each other? It’s only 33,000 square feet (including the trees and flowers).

“The NYPD is preparing for all-out war — adding an extra 1,000 cops per shift.” War against who? The non-violent protesters? The veterans who support them? Aliens?

“There’s a New World Order in Zuccotti Park… The crackdown has drastically thinned out the protesters — leaving behind a motley mix of hard-core holdouts, junkies and perverts struggling to stay awake as they wander the area, witnesses said.” So in a park where cops now outnumber the protesters “two to one” there are junkies and perverts wandering around? How can “witnesses” recognize them? Are they asking the cops if they’re holding? Are they making grabbing motions with their hands, frantically thrusting their hips and licking their lips?

Is anything in this rag even remotely accurate?

[SPOILER: No.]

Fun Fact: People who watch Fox News are less informed than people who don’t watch any news.

“The lawyers for the young temptress who claims megastar Justin Bieber impregnated her during a 30-second bathroom tryst no longer represent the accuser — and have dropped her paternity suit against the 17-year-old singer. On Nov. 7, attorneys Lance Rogers and Matt Pare were on TV claiming to have blockbuster evidence proving Bieber fathered a now-4-month-old baby with Mariah Yeater.”

Maybe it has something to do with this text that TMZ posted online:

(Mariah is asking her friend to erase all of the texts from her mom that say someone else is her baby’s father. She promises to “kick” her friend “when we get paid.” I can understand old people not understanding why they should send incriminating texts to people, but Yeater is not old people.)

Page Six (today on pages 10, 11 and 12) reports that recently divorced Olivia Wilde (House) thinks people are being unnecessarily mean to Kim Kardashian. “People judge you because divorce is seen as failure. [Kim] took a risk. No one should be attacking her.” She’s right! We shouldn’t be attacking Kim Kardashian — we should be ignoring her!

Page Six also regurgitates yesterday’s story about Lord Tim Bell’s hatred of The Iron Lady and Meryl Streep. There isn’t much new material. But don’t worry. There will be more written about it. I promise.

Cindy Adams writes about the New York Stock Exchange today. “The Exchange dates to 1803. NY Post founder Alexander Hamilton also founded America’s banking system.” So that’s two reasons he’s currently spinning in his grave.

Cindy also writes (and I promise you there is nothing before or after this that provides any context at all): “Even without knowing Herman Cain, they eat pizza. Lance Bass does takeout from Quiznos in LA.”

Does Cindy know that there are no Godfather’s Pizzas in New York City? Who are “they”? Does Cindy think Quiznos sells pizza?

Just get in the box, Cindy. Joey misses you.

“Rick Perry supporters heading to a campaign event in New Hampshire yesterday were hit with a bizarre question before they were allowed in — they had to prove they were US citizens.”

“Perry’s camp later said it was a mistake.”

That people were asked to prove their citizenship or Perry’s campaign?

Geoff Earle and Fredric, You Dicker U. Dicker’s Big Mac attack on Newt’$ tale corrects my correction. Gingrich didn’t get $1,600,000 from Freddie Mac — he got $1,800,000.

“‘Newt Gingrich was there to try to get their agendas through Congress, not to give lectures. That’s a bunch of bullshit,’ a former federal housing agency consultant who has had professional dealings with Gingrich told The Post.”

I think Obama is going to be re-elected.

Andrea Peyser calls “junk documentarian” Michael Moore and “ozone bozo” Al Gore “the world’s biggest hypocrites.” Of course they are.

She also complains about Chelsea Clinton getting a job on NBC. I must have missed her article where she complained about NBC hiring George W. Bush’s daughter (Jenna Bush Hager) or the one where she whined about Meghan McCain getting a gig on MSNBC. But today, she’s apoplectic about Clinton getting a TV gig when there are “thousands of deserving J-school graduates… who’d maim for the chance.”

But what about the fact that Clinton is donating her entire salary to charity? Mandrea thinks that “makes things even worse. Chelsea doesn’t need the money. Just another spoiled, aimless child of rich, successful parents chauffeured through adulthood by Mommy and Daddy connections.”

If Peyser’s daughter gets a job at any company even remotely affiliated with News Corp…. it wouldn’t surprise me.

Andy Soltis reports on Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez, 21, of Idaho, who shot at the White House last Friday.

“Investigators suspect Ortega-Hernandez had been in the Washington area for weeks, blending in with Occupy DC protesters… Occupy protesters, who are living in McPherson Square, a few blocks northwest of the White House, were questioned about Ortega-Hernandez several times and shown his photo.”

Did anyone recognize him? Nope. Has anyone corroborated the investigators’ suspicions? Nope. Will the Post apologize to Occupy DC for accusing them of harboring (knowingly or unknowingly) a man who tried to kill our president?

[SPOILER: Nope.]

Jacob Sullum’s ObamaCare’s Next Mandate: Broccoli? is a master class in asininity. He tries to explain that if Americans are forced to buy health insurance then, logically, they can be forced to buy broccoli.

And then that Muslim’ll come for our guns and our Bibles!

Michael A. Walsh’s Labor’s Latest Wisconsin Offensive tries to convince readers that “The GOP needs to do everything in its power to make sure [Scott] Walker wins — or the country loses.”

And by “the country” he means “the Koch Brothers.”

Crude oil closed at $102.59/barrel yesterday.

Over in the TV section, there’s a recipe for “Nutria smothered in onions” courtesy of the cast of Swamp People.

I won’t post it courtesy of I don’t hate you.

And that’s Thursday.

Schedule got shuffled and I’m working tomorrow and Wednesday. BUT I should be able to catch up over the weekend.

Good night!

Snow in April?

Can we please agree now that global warming is a hoax?

(puts finger back in ears, loudly sings a Toby Keith song)

The Yankees beat the Tigers 6-3 in their first game of the season, giving them a 1.000 record. Mark Teixeira hit a three-run home run and Mariano Rivera got his first save of the season.

Fun Fact: Last year, we traded Austin Jackson and Phil Coke to the Tigers for Curtis Granderson. Yesterday, Jackson tied his teammate Alex Avila for having the most strikeouts in the game (3) and Granderson hit a home run off of Coke.

By the way, you know how everyone complains about how the Yankees have the largest payroll in baseball? Well, their $201,689,030 is only $28,712,649 more than the Philadelphia Phillies’ $172,976,381 payroll.

So shut up.

Also on today’s front page is the EXCLUSIVE news that, starting May 28th, New Yorkers’ electric bills will increase by “up to 12%.”

It’s funny. Teresa and I were just saying that our living expenses aren’t crippling enough.

Also also on the front page is NY’s lottery loser: ‘I didn’t have 2 singles’ — another EXCLUSIVE that tells the story of Michael Kosko, the state worker who decided not to put $2.00 into his office’s lottery pool (which won the $319,000,000 jackpot). I applaud Kosko’s decision to talk to the Post and admit that he decided not to take part in the pool — despite his co-worker offering to spot him the money.

But I have a feeling Kosko will regret his decision after seeing his face in the sidebar on the cover (which has See LOSER Page 5 at the bottom). B’also? There were four other people who declined to participate in the office pool. But the Post still calls Kosko “NY’s lottery loser” on their cover.

Because it is a horrible newspaper.

The companion article on pages 4 and 5 (How a $0.95 Snickers bar won these 7 people $319M) tells us that Mike Barth, 63, was on line to buy a Mega Millions ticket at Coulson’s News Center last Friday when he decided to buy a Snickers Dark. “I pull myself out of the line to get the candy bar and this guy jumps in front of me. I’m like, ‘I should say something,’ but I behaved myself,” Mike said. “I bought the next ticket — the winning ticket!”

You hear that, guy who cut in line? You could have won the jackpot — and not have had to split in with six other people — if you had waited your turn! Ain’t karma a bitch? But my favorite part of the article is the byline: Douglas Montero in Schenectady and Bob Fredericks in NY.

Fun Fact: Schenectady is in NY.

“The subway system will be hit with a slew of service changes this weekend that will make riding the rails total guesswork. Touching almost every corner of the city, straphangers will see skipped stations, and express trains turned local on the 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, A, C, D, F, G, J, Q, and S lines. Riders in The Bronx and Brooklyn will be hardest hit.”

I hate the MTA. A lot.

Remember Osman Daramy? He’s the 11-year-old who assaulted a 12-year-old Muslim classmate (and committed various other horrible and violent things like cutting another classmate’s hair off) and whose mother told the Post, “I know my son is a good boy.” Well, here are some things I learned from the article on page 7 (LI’L ANGRY BIRD: SI kid’s fickle finger of ‘hate’), which features a gigantic photo of a handcuffed Osman smiling and giving the cameraman the finger:

* “Osman was busted on Feb. 4 for a robbery and has been suspended from Dreyfus Intermediate three times since January.”

* “He faces up to 18 months in a juvenile facility if convicted of assault and harassment as hate crimes.”

* His mother is a Muslim (!), which led his father (Frank Davies) to ask, “How could a Muslim have another hate crime against a Muslim?”

* “Davies, 32, called Osman a ‘victim’ who was unnecessarily disciplined by teachers and taunted by fellow students for being ‘African.’”

Here’s that picture of the poor victim, Osman:

In a related story, the 12-year-old girl that Osman physically assaulted told reporters, “I kind of feel bad for [Osman]. I think he’s missing his studies.”

Which leads me to believe that “studies” means “soul” in Arabic.

“The brave technicians on a suicide mission to avert a meltdown at Japan’s tsunami-stricken nuclear plant say the’re resigned to their miserable fate — even if the constant radiation exposure leaves them dead within weeks, family members said yesterday.”

Between 1944 and 1945, Japanese pilots committed suicide by crashing their planes into the United States. Today, nuclear technicians are committing suicide by trying to save their country.

You’ve come a long way, Kamikaze.

If the gigantic extended middle finger on page 7 didn’t offend you, then maybe the giant headline on page 8 (about Libyan defectors) will:

Abandon $#!+

See what they did there?

They found the Egyptian cobra that went missing at the Bronx Zoo. The Post is asking readers to help name the snake.

So far, I have sent them 350 suggestions: 349 of them were “Rupert Murdoch, Jr.” and the other was “Something That Could Feasibly Kill Cindy Adams.”

Sean Delonas’ political cartoon in Page Six (today on page 10) features Osama bin Laden watching Obama giving his Libya speech on TV. “REMEMBER, WE’LL BE FIGHTING WITH THE AMERICANS IN LIBYA, NOT AGAINST THEM,” says bin Laden.

OMG! Fox News was right! Obama is siding with al Qaeda! I’m voting for the Mormon in 2012! Or the serial adulterer! Or the Bible-thumper! Or the half-term governor! Anyone but the Muslim terrorist!

Also in Page Six is the item which begins, “Sen. Charles Schumer just can’t stay off his cellphone — even at Geraldine Ferraro’s funeral.” What a prick! Has he no decency? Incidentally, at what point was he on his cellphone? “Following yesterday’s service, Schumer whipped out his phone…”

What a monster. Doesn’t he know that you’re supposed to wait at least an hour after a funeral service to use your cellphone? No, wait. That’s for swimming after eating. Well, he’s still a monster because he’s a Democrat.

Cindy Adams is in top form today with Where has all our style gone? wherein she laments “New Yorkers’ schloompiness.” Here are my favorites excerpts (with commentary):

“I walked the city the other day. OK, I know cart owners hustling hot dogs and week-old falafel aren’t in Armani. Fat pretzels rubbed across their bodies to loosen extra salt clashes with bespoke Savile Row. I get that. But what about the rest of Manhattan’s civilization?” I will give $100 to anyone that can provide me with any evidence — even anecdotal — of a street vendor ever rubbing a pretzel on his chest to remove excess salt. And I will give $1,000 to anyone that can offer me proof of Cindy Adams ever patronizing a street vendor (not patronizing them like she does in this column — patronizing them as a customer).

“Maybe the fashion world took the designer label too far. Calvin Klein nasal spray? Gloria Vanderbilt designer aspirin tablets? Yves Saint Laurent arch supports? A truss with Kim Kardashian’s face on it? Milk of Magnesia in a Bottega Veneta-designed Lalique bottle? How about Ex-Lax by Gucci?” How about you start making sense?

“Males today dress in T-shirts bearing four-letter phrases. Polo shirts with embroidered alligators.” Wait a minute. Are you complaining that today’s fashion features Izod shirts? Are you insane? Those were the style when I was in elementary school. Why not complain about all the skinny piano ties that are all the rage, you isolated fossil? “They ride the subway in rush hour just to get the shirt pressed.” What the fuck are you talking about? Did this actually make sense to you at some point? “Outerwear is a zip-front all-weather hoodie. What you wear for shoveling snow not for the snow job that’s shovelled around a boardroom.” People who don’t get chauffeured everywhere actually need those jackets, you elitist personification of obsolescence.

“Let us discuss the crotch.” (my shriek just woke up my wife, my upstairs neighbors and most of Park Slope) “We’re talking really low-slung. Pants any lower would be knee socks. Instead of a plastic Duane Reade shopping bag guys can carry purchases right in their drawers. Each of them looks like a page torn out of Esquire.” Each of what? The purchases? The drawers? The guys wearing them? Crotches?

“Only Charlie Sheen or Elvis Costello wears the standard fedora.” Mention those two people in the same sentence ever again and I will finish the job that time has been incrimentally doing to you for over 80 years.

“Both sexes now dress similarly. You can’t tell them apart. Take the long hair. Not on the girls. On the guys. I said to a lady at a coffee-shop counter: ‘It’s terrible how boys look like girls these days.’ ‘That’s my son,’ she said, pointing to the girl I was pointing at. I said: ‘Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you were the mother.’ She snapped indignantly: ‘I’m not. I’m the father.’” Maybe the problem isn’t fashion, Cindy. Maybe you need glasses.

“Question in a department store’s dressing room: ‘Have you anything shorter?’ Answer: ‘Try the collar department.’” I have a theory. I think Cindy has a gigantic file cabinet filled with the awful jokes that her husband didn’t get to publish in his awful New York Post column (Strictly For Laughs) before his death in 1999. I just tried to find some of his columns online but failed. I did find the Facebook page honoring him and it made me laugh out loud (when I read 5 people like this).

She ends her far-too-long jeremiad with “Enough already.” Indeed.

You seem tired, Cindy. You should take a long nap. A very, very long nap.

Charlie Sheen is back on the cover today, which is a relief as I haven’t read anything about him in at least three hours. Apparently, he has been fired from Two and a Half Men (which I thought happened a while ago — that’s what happens when the mainstream media focuses on the nonsense a drug casualty screams/texts/tweets instead of the actual… what’s that word again…oh, yeah… news) via an 11-page letter sent to his attorney. “At the outset, let’s state the obvious: Your client has been engaged in dangerously self-destructive conduct and appears to be very ill,” the letter from Warner Bros. stated. And how did Mr. Sheen respond?

“This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. It is a big day of gladness at Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of their bazillions, never have to look at whatshiscock again, and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension,” Sheen texted to TMZ. Then he told Access Hollywood, “Here’s another thing — these guys are such yellow cockroaches that they didn’t even have the decency to call me. I put 5 bill[ion] in their cheap suit pockets and another half a bil’ in what’s-his-cheese’s pockets, and this is the fucking respect I get? It’s just deplorable, and they should be ashamed of themselves!”

I cannot begin to imagine why they aren’t showing you more respect, Charlie. And I’m really looking forward to Major League 4.

Also on today’s cover is Martin Scorsese (TAX-IE DODGER: Scorsese slapped for $2.85M by IRS). The follow-up on page 5 (IT’S LIEN STREETS FOR ‘TARDY’ MARTY) gives you the impression that Scorsese has been purposely lax in his IRS payments. But the authors admit that his current situation might have something to do with Scorsese’s “prior business relationship with convicted fraudster Kenneth Starr, a financial adviser who mismanaged and stole money from a slew of celebrity clients.”

But you sell more papers by making Marty look like a felon. And you get to use better puns.

The Port Authority has decided that the “Windows on the World-type restaurant” that was planned for the new 1 World Trade Center would be a “money-loser” and will no longer be a part of the rebuilding (which, at this rate, should be completed in early 4031).

I’ll defer to the Port Authority here — if there’s one thing they know well, it’s losing gigantic sums of money.

“A new bazaar to be built from shipping containers is set to drop anchor in Downtown Brooklyn this spring where the Albee Square mall once stood.”

I guess I’m OK with this… as long as they can get the smell of drugs and smuggled slave labor out of the containers.

The Duchess of York Sarah Ferguson claims that convicted Level 3 sex offender Jeffrey Epstein “sorted out my debts” (she owed a former assistant $24,000), which she now calls “a gigantic error of judgment.”

Then what does she call trying to sell access to her ex-husband? Or does she consider the gigantic error of judgment not asking for more?

Laura Italiano’s FOUL-UP FOR COP TRIAL: Rape case delayed over DA’s blunder begins, “Manhattan prosecutors yesterday admitted to that they failed to present a key piece of evidence to grand jurors in the case of two cops accused of raping a drunken female clubgoer they had escorted home.” The piece goes on explain that the judge was annoyed by the seemingly-unnecessary (or, at the very least, avoidable) delay and implies that this will hurt the prosecution’s case (against Kenneth Moreno and Franklin Mata).

Paragraph 11: “Moreno’s lawyer, Joseph Tacopina, complained on the record that ‘this is something that has been in their [prosecutors'] possession for 2 1/2 years.’”

Paragraph 12: “Both sides are barred by grand-jury secrecy laws from describing the omitted evidence outside court.”

Paragraph 13: “‘They simply overlooked a piece of evidence that we believe is very favorable to the defendants in this case,’ Tacopina told reporters.”

Paragraph 14: “A law-enforcement source insisted the overlooked evidence is helpful to the prosecution and will lengthen the original indictment — though not with any major additions.”

But… why would Joseph Tacopina lie?

87.5% of the Coney Island we all know and love will be back this summer for a last hurrah. Of the 8 attractions facing eviction from the boardwalk, only Shoot the Freak has opted to find a new location (maybe because Zamperla destroyed their old space?).

I can already taste the Nathan’s.

Teresa and I just went shopping at our mediocre local supermarket and were floored by some of the prices. Page 10’s Oil fuels food hikes: Groceries, travel heading up amid Mideast tension explains why. According to “Food Emporium/Bureau of Labor Statistics,” in January 2011, a pound of ground chuck cost $3.37, a pound of lean ground beef cost $3.55 and a boneless chicken breast (of no specific weight, for some reason) cost $3.45. The current prices for those same three items are $4.99, $5.99 and $5.99, respectively. I’m amazed that the Post didn’t take this opportunity to tell us how much better off we’d be if only there were Wal-Marts in the area.

As for the airlines, Southwest, JetBlue, AirTran, Delta, American and Virgin America have all instituted $10 round-trip fare hikes.

Fun Fact: This is the sixth time these airlines have hiked their fares in the last year.

Congratulations to 25-year-old Romanian Gypsy Ridca Stanescu — the world’s youngest grandmother!

Ridca gave birth to her daughter, Maria, when she was only 12. And Maria gave birth to her son at the ripe old age of 11.

How does that make you feel, now-25-year-old Ridca? “I am happy to be a Grandmother, but I wished something else for Maria — and something else for me.”

In a related story, Jeffrey Epstein just chartered a flight to Romania.

Oscar Fuller was indicted on felony assault charges yesterday and released on $100,000 bail. He told reporters, “I’m very, very sorry for the situation [Lana Rosas] is going through. It’s crushed my whole family. It’s crushed her family, as well.” And don’t forget her skull — that got crushed, too. He continued, “She hit me first, and as you know, there are cameras everywhere in New York City.” And yet, no video footage of the incident has been found. Weird.

Fuller’s attorney, Joseph Tacopina Thomas Kenniff, called the felony charges his client faces “crazy.”

He’s right. It’s not like Fuller put a woman in a possibly-fatal coma over a parking spot.

According to Page Six (today on page 12), David Arquette got in a car accident recently. A quick Google search conforms this:

But the next day, he went to his AA meeting and picked up his 60-days-sober-chip (“Beverly Hills police said, ‘No alcohol or drugs were involved in the crash whatsoever’”).

My favorite part of the Page Six item is the ending: “A spy described Courteney Cox’s outspoken ex as ’shaken and emaciated.’ Arquette’s rep told us, ‘Good for him!’”

I know p.r. reps are supposed to put a positive spin on everything, but that’s just silly.

New York Sports Clubs took out a half-page ad with the giant headline:

charlie,

here’s a better way

to enjoy a mirror.

It’s funny because Charlie Sheen will be dead soon.

Cindy Adams on March: “The Ides of March, Mardi Gras, St. Patrick’s Day, Daylight Savings Time, the annual Inner Circle event — oy, is this a month.”

Joey misses you, Cindy. And he’s starting to hang out with Jayne Mansfield an awful lot…

“Starting in 2012, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade will skip Seventh Avenue and run down Sixth Avenue from Central Park South.”

Fun Fact: There are 7,000 hotel rooms in Times Square, many overlooking the old parade route.

Funner Fact: Come November 2012, you’ll be able to book those rooms for less money.

Remember that crime lab in Nassau County that closed? Well, the floodgates are starting to open.

“A Long Island judge has thrown out the DWI conviction of a woman charged with speeding through a red light and injuring a family — because of problems at the shuttered Nassau County crime lab.”

Look for hundreds of similar dismissals in the coming months.

The owners of the jewelry store that Lindsay Lohan (allegedly) stole from claim they didn’t sell the surveillance footage for monetary gain — they merely gave the footage to The Associated Press, who licensed it to The Insider and Entertainment Tonight. I thought I’d be able to find a clip of the footage, but this was the best I could do. There’s some Charlie Sheen footage at the top, but stick with it — the narrated breakdown of the footage is almost a parody of itself. “When I say, ‘glasses,’ can you put the word ‘glasses’ in big letters next to the footage so that people know I’m talking about glasses?”

Marcia Clark… that’s the prosecutor who screwed up the O.J. Simpson trial, right? And now she’s a “legal expert”?

What a country!

Page 17 features photos of the collapse of the World Trade Center. Apparently, Cryptome.com has released video footage taken from an NYPD helicopter as it happened.

And if photos of the tragedy aren’t enough, there’s a colorful logo at the article’s bottom letting you know that you can watch the footage at nypost.com.

I promise to never forget if the Post promises to stop reminding me.

“A straphanger was busted for pulling the emergency brake on a subway in Downtown Brooklyn, police said yesterday. Jason Bhaichandeen, 32, activated the brake as the nothbound A train was moving between Hoyt-Schermerhorn and Franklin Avenue at 5:59 p.m. Sunday, authorities said. The train screeched to a halt, stranding passengers. Cops arrested the prankster, who proudly claimed, ‘Yeah, I pulled the emergency brake. I get off wherever I want. I don’t care about other passengers,’ sources said. He was charged with misuse of the transit system, disorderly conduct and reckless endangerment.”

I predict he will sue the MTA later this year and settle out of court for a six-figure sum.

P.S. — If anyone ever does this on a train I’m on, I will cripple them — especially if I’m in a poo car.

Tony Curtis cut all five of his children — including Jamie Lee Curtis — out of his will shortly before his death, according to Inside Edition.

You’d think he would’ve at least left something to Jamie as a make-good for cutting off her penis at birth.

(I kid, I kid.)

Brotherhood USA: Home-front radical Muslims is an op-ed by Paul Sperry, media fellow at the Hoover Institution.

What’s the Hoover Institution? According to their Web site, “a think tank on the campus of Stanford University”!

Michelle Malkin is gonna be pissed.

On page 25, James Rosen writes a long piece called THE FIGHT OF THE CENTURY: Ali-Frazier, 40 years ago today. I only bring it up because all of page 52 is devoted to George Willis’ FIGHT TO REMEMBER: Memories of Ali-Frazier alive after 40 years.

In a related story, today is the 40th anniversary of the first Ali-Frazier fight.

Subway now has 33,749 sandwich shops — 1,012 more eateries than McDonald’s has.

And yet, there’s still an obesity epidemic in this country. How is that possible?

Crude oil closed at $105.44/barrel yesterday.

Tonight is the season (series?) finale of Southland. Even though the show has been losing steam in the last few weeks, it’s still one of the best shows on TV. Watch it if you can (10:00 on TNT).

Sorry for the delay, chil’uns. I’ll try to be less tardy tomorrow.