Posts Tagged ‘NBC’
Longtime reader Scott F. in California has sent me a YouTube clip of Cindy Adams’ recent appearance on TV. Do not watch if you have just eaten or are about to eat:
As someone who reads the Post every day, I recognize almost everything she says from her columns (though the fact that she [allegedly] wrote it herself doesn’t seem to help her deliver it competently). But it made me realize that I have never searched for any video clips of her before. So I looked on YouTube and found this:
It isn’t really a video, true, but it did introduce me to this:
Notice the part at the bottom: “The hilarious adventures of Mr. and Mrs.” Nice typesetting, MGM!
In case any of you were wondering what to get me for Christmas 2012, I really, really want Cindy Adams to die.
Ricky Gervais is hosting the Golden Globes again in January.
If you watch only one meaningless awards ceremony in 2012, make it this one.
Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!
“The Republican-led House yesterday passed a bill that would allow Americans with permits to carry concealed weapons in their home states to also pack heat across state lines. The bill, which is doomed in the Senate, allow permit holders to tote firearms in the 49 states that also issue permits to their residents.”
Jobs! Jobs! (Bills that we know are wastes of time and have absolutely nothing to do with) Jobs!
“The Occupy Wall Streeters are about to create chaos for 99 percent of the city.” Exaggeration and hyperbole are so much fun!
“Tens of thousands of protesters — fresh off their eviction from Zuccotti Park — are expected to kick off the day of chaos around 7 a.m.” There were tens of thousands of protesters evicted from Zuccotti Park? Were they stacked on top of each other? It’s only 33,000 square feet (including the trees and flowers).
“The NYPD is preparing for all-out war — adding an extra 1,000 cops per shift.” War against who? The non-violent protesters? The veterans who support them? Aliens?
“There’s a New World Order in Zuccotti Park… The crackdown has drastically thinned out the protesters — leaving behind a motley mix of hard-core holdouts, junkies and perverts struggling to stay awake as they wander the area, witnesses said.” So in a park where cops now outnumber the protesters “two to one” there are junkies and perverts wandering around? How can “witnesses” recognize them? Are they asking the cops if they’re holding? Are they making grabbing motions with their hands, frantically thrusting their hips and licking their lips?
Is anything in this rag even remotely accurate?
[SPOILER: No.]
Fun Fact: People who watch Fox News are less informed than people who don’t watch any news.
“The lawyers for the young temptress who claims megastar Justin Bieber impregnated her during a 30-second bathroom tryst no longer represent the accuser — and have dropped her paternity suit against the 17-year-old singer. On Nov. 7, attorneys Lance Rogers and Matt Pare were on TV claiming to have blockbuster evidence proving Bieber fathered a now-4-month-old baby with Mariah Yeater.”
Maybe it has something to do with this text that TMZ posted online:
(Mariah is asking her friend to erase all of the texts from her mom that say someone else is her baby’s father. She promises to “kick” her friend “when we get paid.” I can understand old people not understanding why they should send incriminating texts to people, but Yeater is not old people.)
Page Six (today on pages 10, 11 and 12) reports that recently divorced Olivia Wilde (House) thinks people are being unnecessarily mean to Kim Kardashian. “People judge you because divorce is seen as failure. [Kim] took a risk. No one should be attacking her.” She’s right! We shouldn’t be attacking Kim Kardashian — we should be ignoring her!
Page Six also regurgitates yesterday’s story about Lord Tim Bell’s hatred of The Iron Lady and Meryl Streep. There isn’t much new material. But don’t worry. There will be more written about it. I promise.
Cindy Adams writes about the New York Stock Exchange today. “The Exchange dates to 1803. NY Post founder Alexander Hamilton also founded America’s banking system.” So that’s two reasons he’s currently spinning in his grave.
Cindy also writes (and I promise you there is nothing before or after this that provides any context at all): “Even without knowing Herman Cain, they eat pizza. Lance Bass does takeout from Quiznos in LA.”
Does Cindy know that there are no Godfather’s Pizzas in New York City? Who are “they”? Does Cindy think Quiznos sells pizza?
Just get in the box, Cindy. Joey misses you.
“Rick Perry supporters heading to a campaign event in New Hampshire yesterday were hit with a bizarre question before they were allowed in — they had to prove they were US citizens.”
“Perry’s camp later said it was a mistake.”
That people were asked to prove their citizenship or Perry’s campaign?
Geoff Earle and Fredric, You Dicker U. Dicker’s Big Mac attack on Newt’$ tale corrects my correction. Gingrich didn’t get $1,600,000 from Freddie Mac — he got $1,800,000.
“‘Newt Gingrich was there to try to get their agendas through Congress, not to give lectures. That’s a bunch of bullshit,’ a former federal housing agency consultant who has had professional dealings with Gingrich told The Post.”
I think Obama is going to be re-elected.
Andrea Peyser calls “junk documentarian” Michael Moore and “ozone bozo” Al Gore “the world’s biggest hypocrites.” Of course they are.
She also complains about Chelsea Clinton getting a job on NBC. I must have missed her article where she complained about NBC hiring George W. Bush’s daughter (Jenna Bush Hager) or the one where she whined about Meghan McCain getting a gig on MSNBC. But today, she’s apoplectic about Clinton getting a TV gig when there are “thousands of deserving J-school graduates… who’d maim for the chance.”
But what about the fact that Clinton is donating her entire salary to charity? Mandrea thinks that “makes things even worse. Chelsea doesn’t need the money. Just another spoiled, aimless child of rich, successful parents chauffeured through adulthood by Mommy and Daddy connections.”
If Peyser’s daughter gets a job at any company even remotely affiliated with News Corp…. it wouldn’t surprise me.
Andy Soltis reports on Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez, 21, of Idaho, who shot at the White House last Friday.
“Investigators suspect Ortega-Hernandez had been in the Washington area for weeks, blending in with Occupy DC protesters… Occupy protesters, who are living in McPherson Square, a few blocks northwest of the White House, were questioned about Ortega-Hernandez several times and shown his photo.”
Did anyone recognize him? Nope. Has anyone corroborated the investigators’ suspicions? Nope. Will the Post apologize to Occupy DC for accusing them of harboring (knowingly or unknowingly) a man who tried to kill our president?
[SPOILER: Nope.]
Jacob Sullum’s ObamaCare’s Next Mandate: Broccoli? is a master class in asininity. He tries to explain that if Americans are forced to buy health insurance then, logically, they can be forced to buy broccoli.
And then that Muslim’ll come for our guns and our Bibles!
Michael A. Walsh’s Labor’s Latest Wisconsin Offensive tries to convince readers that “The GOP needs to do everything in its power to make sure [Scott] Walker wins — or the country loses.”
And by “the country” he means “the Koch Brothers.”
Crude oil closed at $102.59/barrel yesterday.
Over in the TV section, there’s a recipe for “Nutria smothered in onions” courtesy of the cast of Swamp People.
I won’t post it courtesy of I don’t hate you.
And that’s Thursday.
Schedule got shuffled and I’m working tomorrow and Wednesday. BUT I should be able to catch up over the weekend.
Good night!
Ashton Kutcher claims he hadn’t heard about the Joe Paterno/Jerry Sandusky when he tweeted “How do you fire Jo Pa? #insult #noclass as a hawkeye fan I find it in poor taste.”
Fun Fact: Paterno never coached the Hawkeyes.
The front page also includes a tweet from Eric Stangel in response to Kutcher’s: “All due respect, you’re a fucking idiot.”
Fun Fact: Eric Stangel didn’t write that tweet. Ohio resident Josh Hara did.
This is a terrible newspaper.
Kutcher has since turned over his Twitter account to his production company. “Up until today, I have posted virtually every one of my tweets on my own, but clearly the platform has become too big to be managed by a single individual… It seems that today that [sic] twitter [sic] has grown into a mass publishing platform, where ones [sic] tweets quickly become news that is broadcast around the world and misinformation becomes volatile fodder for critics,” he wrote on his blog.
Demi Moore is a very lucky woman.
Occupy Wall Street gets coverage on most of page 3. Not the movement as a whole, mind you. Just “two booze-swilling grifters” who have allegedly “raked in as much as $200 a day at the Occupy Wall Street protest” in Zuccotti Park by claiming to be diabetic and in need of money for juice.
All day, all week, write about unimportant and distracting things!
All day, all week, write about unimportant and distracting things!
Billy Crystal will host the Oscars this year.
When will the Academy stop pandering to the youth demographic?
“An off-duty Brooklyn police officer was busted for driving drunk near Green-Wood Cemetery yesterday, cops said. Scherson Lotin, 33, was arrested after he got into an accident on 37th Street at about 12:15 p.m.”
He has been suspended for 30 days.
How about a zero tolerance policy for law-enforcement officials who break the law? Especially if their criminal behavior could result in the deaths of innocents. Please?
“An East Harlem cop [Maribel Soriano] is under investigation for allegedly posting online grisly photos of an apparent suicide victim and videos of suspects handcuffed to chairs.”
At least she didn’t pepper-spray anyone. That I know of.
“A remorseful Bronx woman [Angela Barksdale, 48] will spend the next 15 years in jail after pleading guilty yesterday to the February 2009 beating death of her 4-year-old grandson [Kevion Shand] because he had soiled his clothes.”
Angela has now replaced Avon as the most despicable person — fictional or real — with the last name Barksdale.
Page Six is on pages 14 and 15 today.
Cindy Adams’ column is all about bagels today. She concludes it by saying, “Although a bagel midweek is frowned upon, at the very instant I’m writing this, I am pleating one — with lettuce, tomato and mayo — into my mouth.”
Fun Fact: Today is Friday. Which means that she writes her column days (if not weeks) in advance.
Steve Cuozzo’s op-ed Mike is blowing it: No leadership among Zuccotti mess complains about all of the business being lost by places like Milk Street Cafe because of the barricades the NYPD put up around them.
Fun Fact: The barricades were removed many days ago and Milk Street Cafe’s owner (Marc Epstein) recently told the Post that business is booming again.
Otherwise, great op-ed, Steve.
Bill O’Reilly’s latest column begins, “The cult of celebrity has reached a new low. No, I’m not talking about Kim Kardashian making millions from her wedding and then dumping the groom less than three months later. We could have predicted that. What is even worse is that one of the late John Lennon’s body parts has sold for more than $31,000 at an auction.”
That someone bought one of John Lennon’s teeth is lower than Kim Kardashian’s fake wedding? Really, Bill?
“I just hope the Occupy Wall Street people don’t hear about this. They’re already down on capitalism, and the tooth transaction will not likely change their opinion.”
1) No, they aren’t.
2) You hope they don’t hear about it because it won’t change their opinion?
3) Shut up, Bill.
Garett Sloane (aka Garrett Sloane aka Garret Sloane) reports that, under the terms of a new settlement with the Federal Trade Commission, “Facebook will need the express consent of users before changing their account settings, and users would have to opt-in to changes that affect their privacy settings.”
That’s all well and good, but how do I get rid of that annoying ticker?
MOVIE REVIEWS!
Lou Lumenick gives zero stars to Jack and Jill (“[directed by Dennis Dugan] with all the skill of a blind parking lot attendant”), and three and a half stars to Melancholia (“one of the year’s most emotionally resonant art movies”).
Kyle Smith gives two stars to Immortals (“notable for its repetitive violence”), three and a half stars to Into the Abyss (“it does not escape being tendentious”), three stars to both London Boulevard (“vicious, spirited gangster drama”) and The Love We Make (“the documentary, arriving far too late, [doesn't] have much new to say about 9/11″), and zero stars to A Novel Romance (“Ick to the utmost. Squared.”).
V.A. Musetto gives two stars to The Conquest (mature themes) and three stars to Elite Squad: The Enemy Within (profanity, unrelenting violence).
Sara Stewart gives one and a half stars to The Greening of Whitney Brown (“our heroine is awfully shrill”).
“Shock jock Howard Stern is in active negotiations to replace buzzer-master Piers Morgan on NBC’s top-rated variety show, America’s Got Talent, The Post has learned.”
Maybe now that farting prostitute will finally get her shot at stardom!
The color-coded TV listings have once again been published in black and white.
That’s Friday.
More to come…
This is not doctored, this is not an impersonator. This is Herman Cain in 1991.
I’m glad John Lennon didn’t live to see this.
Dan Wheldon, 33, died in a 15-car crash during yesterday’s Las Vegas Indy 300. His death is a tragedy and a stark reminder that when a bunch of cars drive really fast in a circle over and over and over again, there’s a possibility that someone will die.
This story is one of two on today’s cover; the other story is DSK ORGY SPREE: ‘Teen-hooker’ pimp ran his sex romps.
“Dominique Strauss-Kahn’s freefall continued yesterday when a French newspaper [Journal du Dimanche] claimed that a top cop in his homeland, caught up in the probe of an underage-hooker ring, served as his personal pimp, organizing orgies with prostitutes in New York and France.”
“Strauss-Kahn’s personal prostitutes were allegedly selected for him by a 62-year-old procurer named Dominique ‘Dodo’ Alderweireld, who made several trips to New York when DSK was there, the French paper said… Investigators said the ring had brought women across the Belgian border to have sex with wealthy clients in Lille hotels, including a four-star Carlton. Five men — including the Carlton’s director — have been arrested in France and charged with pimping. Prostitution is legal in France, as long as the women are 18 or over.”
Actually, I think this might help DSK’s political chances in France.
Fredric, You Dicker U. Dicker’s page 2 EXCLUSIVE (PA chief blowing bucks on G. Zero) begins, “Hundreds of millions of dollars in ‘unnecessary spending’ were authorized by outgoing Port Authority Executive Director Chris Ward to accelerate the rebuilding of Ground Zero, an explosive new audit will show.”
“A source close to the Cuomo administration” (allegedly) told Mr. Dicker, “You can’t credit Ward with with accelerating the construction without holding him liable for the bill. The economics of this are going to be terrible for New York for decades to come as the bills keep coming in.”
Mr. Ward stepped down in order to pursue his love of theater. His one-man show, I, Phil Silvers Jr., is currently in rehearsals.
“[Occupy Wall Street] plans to possibly occupy Lincoln Plaza on the Upper West Side tomorrow — and is gearing up for a worldwide rally against police brutality Saturday.” Yay!
Yesterday, Brian Douglas, 33, of Bushwick, Brooklyn, proposed “to gal pal Deb Szczepkowski, 32, in front of a crowd of about 50 people in Zuccotti Park. Using a ‘mike-check’ moment… Douglas asked for her hand in marriage… He [said] — and the crowd repeated — ‘Will you occupy the rest of my life?’ His girlfriend accepted.” YAY!
“After a tumultuous face-off in Times Square and 92 arrests Saturday, the NYPD reported no Occupy Wall Street-related arrests or incidents yesterday.” SUPER-YAY!
With the exception of a slender sidebar on the far right of page 9, all of pages 8 and 9 are devoted to Herman Cain.
Carl Campanile and Ginger Adams Otis’ fawning Fast-food whiz beat cancer — and Bill Clinton in TV clash refers to a town-hall debate in 1994. I found the clip:
I like the way Cain says “calc-a-lation.” I also like how Slick Willie says he enjoys eating Godfather’s Pizza.
But most of the Cain coverage belongs to S.A. Miller’s Cain explains: Why America will go the whole 9-9-9, which begins, “Republican presidential juggernaut Herman Cain yesterday admitted for the first time that his 9-9-9 tax plan would be a tax hike for some Americans. ‘Some people will pay more, but most would pay less is my argument,’ Cain told NBC’s Meet the Press.”
When asked which people would pay more, Cain replied, “Who will pay more? The people who spend more money on new goods. The sales tax only applies to people who buy new goods, not used goods. That’s a big difference.” Miller correctly (and surprisingly) notes, “He did not explain which groups would see higher taxes.” But later on, Miller writes, “He insisted that every American would benefit from lower retail prices under the plan.” Except, I would imagine, retailers.
“Cain also responded to criticism from anti-tax crusader Grover Norquist, the powerful conservative activist who advised Republicans to oppose 9-9-9 because the national sales taxes would give Washington a new revenue stream to abuse.” I just found the one thing I like about Herman Cain: Grover Norquist doesn’t like him.
“‘Why me and not Mitt Romney?’ Cain said. ‘He has been more of a Wall Street executive. I have been more of a Main Street executve.’”
Fun Fact: Herman Cain served as the chairman (Omaha Branch board 1989-1991), deputy chairman (1992-1994) and chairman (1995-1996) of the board of directors of the Federal Reserve Bank of Kansas City. B’also? “Cain’s surge also has stirred fresh scrutiny, including questions about his ties to billionaire brothers Charles and David Koch and their conservative group, Americans for Prosperity. Some of Cain’s top campaign staff, including his campaign manager and a businessman who helped craft 9-9-9, have links to AFP, which lobbies for lower taxes and less government regulation and spending.”
There’s also a photo composite of Cain’s face and a Terminator robot (THE HERMINATOR) next to a list of some of his positions of various subjects. Under ABORTION, we learn that Cain “opposes terminating a pregnancy in cases of rape and incest” and once referred to Planned Parenthood as “a sham to kill black babies.”
He’s the current frontrunner.
Lindsay Lohan will appear before Los Angeles Judge Stephanie Sautner tomorrow. And Sautner (who has repeatedly inisted that she won’t give Lindsay another chance) could sentence Lindsay to “a year and a half behind bars for probation violations.”
Poor Lindsay Lohan.
According to Page Six (today on pages 12 and 13), Zachary Quinto is gay.
Also, Shannen Doherty married Kurt Iswarienko. I wish them fourteen months of happiness.
Cindy Adams accuses Occupy Wall Street of being criminals and then criticizes banks for preying on the poor.
“Besides social networks and Internet types mobilizing the rabble, moles in Wall Street trenches say their numbers include techie experts and wonks capable of hacking into banking and finance systems. The plan? To close down the Street’s operation through jamming their computers. Pay attention: I am warning the industry in advance.
More money info. With banks charging for credit cards, forward-thinking Chase is thinking forward. I, the world’s eyes/ears/mouth inform you that to offset lower-level customers saving extra tariff by not using debit cards, Chase now socks poorer depositors a fee for not using their debit cards. Only in corporate America, kids, only in corporate America.”
She doesn’t approve of Chase’s actions… or of the people protesting those actions.
Andrea Peyser notes that “Scarlett Johansson is the latest starlet to have nude photos stolen from her computer and leaked on the Internet.” She doesn’t note, however, that this happened over a month ago.
And in Pols only fanning the flames, Mandrea writes, “The Occupy Wall Street insanity grew predictably violent Friday as the owners of Zuccotti Park, lately used as a bed and toilet, backed off plans to temporarily move protesters, remove their sleeping bags, and hose down the place… Public Advocate Bill de Blasio stopped at the park to give aid and comfort to the derelicts.” She fails to mention that the protesters cleaned the park themselves. But she perpetuates the myth that they’re shitting in the park. And ignores the fact that her husband is a suspected pedophile.
“The Big Apple’s major airports — JFK, LaGuardia and Newark — are among the worst in the nation for on-time arrivals… More than one-third of the flights into all three of the airports were late in August.”
Well, at least air travel is more expensive and arduous and requires being molested and/or exposed to radiation.
Senior correspondent for Fox Business Network Charles Gasparino writes the op-ed New York’s Marxist Epicenter.
“The standard portrayal of the Wall Street protesters goes something like this: Ragtag group of unemployed young adults, venting often incoherent but overall legitimate populist outrage about economic inequality. But go down to the movement’s headquarters, as I did this past weekend, and you see something far different. It’s not just that knowledge of their ‘oppressors’ — the evil bankers — is pretty thin, or that many of them are clearly college kids with nothing better to do than embrace the radical chic of ‘a cause.’ I found a unifying and increasingly coherent ideology emerging among the protesters, which at its core has less to do with the evils of the banking business and more about the evils of capitalism — and the need for a socialist revolution.” And they shit in the street!
“Maybe the worse-spent dollar I have ever spent in my life was on a propaganda broadsheet titled “Justice,” which advocates ‘Struggle, Solidarity, Socialism.’” And maybe a worse-spent dollar would be the one your parents paid a school to teach you the difference between “worse” and “worst.”
“I don’t advise going down to Zuccotti Park to have a serious conversation with the protesters, given their growing propensity toward violence and the growing revolutionary tone of the movement.” And I don’t advise getting your news from any channel with “Fox” in its name, given their growing propensity to ignore facts and lie about anyone that doesn’t directly benefit their bottom line.
Alana Goodman’s Anti-Jewish ‘Occupier’ begins, “The main organizer behind Occupy Wall Street, Adbusters editor Kalle Lasn, has a history of anti-Jewish writing.”
And the GOP allowed Pat Buchanan to speak at the 1992 Republican National Convention despite writing this on March 17, 1990:
This May, Israel’s Supreme Court will decide whether John Demjanjuk, the Cleveland auto worker convicted of being “Ivan the Terrible,” the butcher of Treblinka who operated the gas chamber, follows Adolph Eichmann to the gallows.
Oddly, the closer Demjanjuk comes to death, the more certain his innocence appears. Had we known in 1980, when he was stripped of U.S. citizenship, what we know today, he would have walked out of his Cleveland courtroom a free man.
Since the war, 1,600 medical papers have been written on “The Psychological and Medical Effects of the Concentration Camps on Holocaust Survivors.”
This so-called “Holocaust Survivor Syndrome” involves “group fantasies of martyrdom and heroics.” Reportedly, half the 20,000 survivor testimonies in Jerusalem are considered “unreliable,” not to be used in trials.
Finally, the death engine. During the war, the underground government of the Warsaw Ghetto reported to London that the Jews of Treblinka were being electrocuted and steamed to death.
The Israeli court, however, concluded the murder weapon for 850,000 was the diesel engine from a Soviet tank which drove its exhaust into the death chamber. All died in 20 minutes, Finkelstein swore in 1945.
The problem is: Diesel engines do not emit enough carbon monoxide to kill anybody. In 1988, 97 kids, trapped 400 feet underground in a Washington, D.C., tunnel while two locomotives spewed diesel exhaust into the car, emerged unharmed after 45 minutes.
Demjanjuk’s weapon of mass murder cannot kill.
And now for the punchline: Buchanan’s piece (Dividing Line) ran in… the New York Post.
The Post’s online archive doesn’t go back that far, but I found it — and a thorough debunking of it — here.
I guess that means that everyone at the Post is a Holocaust denier, too, right, Alana?
And that’s Monday.
I couldn’t get to sleep until almost 5:00 a.m. last night this morning (this often happens when my wife is out of town), and when my alarm went off at 8:30, I considered going back to sleep for a few minutes but decided instead to wake up. Or so I thought. When I got out of bed I realized that I had gone back to sleep for another four and a half hours.
I made some breakfast and decided to watch last night’s GOP debate. I don’t know what I was thinking.
I highly recommend that no one watch all of this. In fact, here’s the only part worth watching:
Let’s recap: Audiences at these debates have cheered the number of executions Rick Perry has supervised, the death of a hypothetical uninsured American, and now they’ve booed a gay member of our armed forces — who is currently serving in Afghanistan — for being gay.
I believe if you look up “not supporting our troops” in the dictionary, you’d find this clip.
Absolutely despicable.
I also watched the Emmys online and I can now say for certain that both Linda 3Starsi and Cindy Adams are 100% wrong. Jane Lynch did a great job and it was easily one of the least grating awards shows in years.
“A Charlie’s Angels TV crew member was reportedly fired yesterday after he smacked Minka Kelly’s butt on the set.” Apparently, she’s still in pain.
Once again, the Post put Linda 3Starsi on page 3 to review a TV show (in addition to the TV section in the back). This time, it’s Fox’s The X Factor. “OK, I’m a sucker, but I’m in. I love nothing better than crying my eyes out while laughing.”
You know who else loves that? The insane.
David Koch (of the infamous Koch Brothers) is now the richest New Yorker (and the fourth-richest American) with an estimated net worth of $25,000,000,000. And yet his companies fired tens of thousands of Americans this year.
Maybe if we give them more tax breaks, they’ll start hiring again?
[SPOILER: No, they won't.]
S.A. Miller’s O goes to the Buffett for bucks begins, “President Obama’s ‘Buffett rule’ apparently also calls for millionaires and billionaires to pay their fair share to Obama’s re-election campaign.”
Miller is referring to the fact that Warren Buffett is donating money to Obama’s campaign. Miller loves making spurious arguments (I’m pretty sure that’s what “S.A.” stands for), which is why he’s so successful at this paper. So instead of pointing out that many millionaires and billionaires (and most of the entire country) agree with Obama’s call for higher taxes on the very rich, Miller implies that Obama is shadily fundraising.
So what if it doesn’t make any sense?
S.A. Miller is also the author of $$ bill Tea bagged, which reports that “Dozens of Tea Party Republicans revolted against House GOP leaders yesterday to help defeat a stop-gap spending bill that would keep the government open past Sept. 30. The vote delivered an embarrassing blow to House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) and increased the odds for a government shutdown next week.”
Erik Kriss writes that “New York again was ranked the second-worst state in the nation to do business by corporate executives and site-location consultants.”
But he doesn’t clarify if New York is the worst to do business with or in.
Details, details…
Bonus Points: The five states voted the best to do business (either with or in or both) are Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee and Florida. Sure, they’re great places to conduct business, but I wouldn’t want to live there.
Benny Avni praises Obama for the pro-Israel speech he gave at the UN yesterday, and Andy Soltis reports that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu responded to the speech by telling Obama, “I want to thank you, Mr. President, for standing with Israel and supporting peace. This is a badge of honor, and I want to thank you for wearing that badge of honor.”
Does that mean that the Post’s editorial on the speech will be complementary?
HAHAHAHAHAHA… no.
Bam’s UN Stump Speech calls it “just another political oration. He bashed his predecessor, George W. Bush, for involving America in ‘two wars’ and for allowing Osama bin Laden to remain at large… And he made sure to mention all of the must-cite liberal issues: climate change, poverty and gay rights.”
God, I hate liberals with their humanitarian concern. Feh.
Page Six (today on pages 12, 13 and 14) asks, “Could Brad Pitt’s diss of ex-wife Jennifer Aniston put female fans off his new film, Moneyball?… Some close to Sony release are worried that Team Jen’s female following may be turned off by Moneyball, which opens Friday.”
Oh, no! Women were supposed to make up 0.004% of that movie’s target audience!
Page Six also announces that Nacho Figueras is the face of Polo.
In a related story, I am very close to becoming the face of nachos.
Andrea Peyser’s targets today include: Dominique Strauss-Kahn, bicyclists and Alec Baldwin.
Wow! It’s been hours since she last spit venom and those things!
The MTA’s “plan to take in more debt than ever to pay for megaprojects like the Second Avenue Subway could lead to more massive fare hikes, according to a grim new audit from the state comptroller.”
I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate the MTA.
Remember Michael Peña? He’s the NYPD officer who raped a teacher in The Bronx last month. And when he was booked, he told a sergeant, “I wanted to call my girlfriend, but how am I going to call her when I got arrested for cheating with another girl?”
His attorney, Ephraim Savitt, claims that Peña is having a rough time in jail. “It’s a very difficult situation for a police officer to be in an orange jumpsuit coming out of Rikers Island.” He added that inmates aren’t fond of police officers “whether they wear a blue uniform or an orange uniform.”
My heart goes out to Peña, who I hope is “cheating” with everyone in his cell block.
Bonus Points: His fiancée still wants to marry him.
“A 77-year-old Ukrainian man was awarded a jar of sour cream after downing 10 dumplings in 30 seconds — then dropped dead. Ivan Mendel fell ill shortly after walking away with the liter of sour cream in the town of Tokmak.”
I wonder what second prize was. A handful of sauerkraut?
So Troy Davis was executed last night after the US Supreme Court decided not to intervene. The Post devotes five sentences (of an Associated Press article) to their coverage (Ga. man is executed).
On the same page, Michael Graczyk gets 19 extremely long sentences to tell the story of the execution of “White-supremacist gang member Lawrence Russell Brewer” (Evil put to death: Fiend dragged James Byrd in ‘98).
“Brewer, 44, was asked if he had any final words, to which he replied” ‘No. I have no final statement.’ He glanced at his parents watching through a nearby window, took several deep breaths and closed his eyes. A single tear hung on the edge of his right eye…”
The Black guy who was almost definitely innocent gets five sentences. The White guy who killed a Black man by dragging him behind a pick-up truck gets the flowery prose above.
There’s no justice — even in the reporting of the fact that there’s no justice.
Isis Brantley is furious that TSA agents wanted to search her giant afro at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport in Atlanta.
She obviously didn’t hear about how Burhanuddin Rabbani was killed the other day.
Cindy Adams interviews Jesse L. Martin. “‘My life now is out looking for a lady. Failing that, I’m willing to settle for a dog.’ (His thought transference — a girlfriend to a dog — was thrilling.)”
The moral of the story? Don’t ever give an interview to Cindy Adams.
B’also? Cindy tells a joke! “What do whales do after sex? Answer: Smoke salmon.”
Jennifer Fermino and Rebecca Rosenberg’s Pedal pusher’s Harlem win (about the installation of new bike lanes) contains this sentence: “‘It’s sort of a transportation dessert and there needs to be a better way for people to get around,’ said Matthew Washington.”
By a show of hands, who thinks Washington doesn’t know the difference between a dessert and a desert? OK. How many think Jennifer and/or Rebecca don’t?
Me, too.
Amir Taheri asks “Will a murder in Kabul upset President Obama’s timetable for withdrawal from Afghanistan?”
I’m no Vomit Penises (sorry, Ralph Peters), but I think it should hasten the withdrawal. A lot.
“Zynga, the top maker of Facebook games, revealed a 90-percent plummet in profit in the June quarter, raising new doubts whether it can sustain growth ahead of its IPO.”
It’d be a real shame if they went out of business after I spent so much time blocking all of their applications from my news feed.
Hewlett-Packard has appointed Meg Whitman to be their new CEO.
Because nothing says fiscal responsibility more than blowing $100,000,000+ on a failed gubernatorial candidacy.
The Red Sox lost again last night (to the Baltimore Orioles). “The loss was Boston’s seventh in its last nine games, and the Red Sox [are] now 5-16 since Sept. 1.”
Mike Vaccaro writes that “[Jorge] Posada wasn’t so kindly kissed by the fates this year. He likely will not be joining [Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera] in Cooperstown.”
Seriously? You don’t think Posada will be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame? I respectfully disagree, Mike.
(Mike is one of the few intelligent writers at the Post — if Joel Sherman said this, I’d call him names.)
Linda 3Starsi reviews Prime Suspect.
“The actual whodunit that you’ll have to solve in NBC’s new police procedural, Prime Suspect, is why it felt the need to adapt Helen Mirren’s Brit series about a lone woman in a police precinct… Recreating that only-boys-allowed premise in NYC in 2011 is about 15 years too late.”
She gives it… three and a half stars.
Casting has begun for Gordon Ramsay’s new (fourth) series for Fox: Hotel Hell. It’s Kitchen Nightmares but for “hotels, motels and bed & breakfasts.”
I would like to nominate most of the places I stayed in while touring with ComedySportz.
And that’s Thursday.
Don’t forget that Season 7 of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia premieres tonight at 10:00 on FX.
Awwwww yeah…
Most of the cover is devoted to Anthony Weiner loading a box into his car (CROTCHA!: Weiner moves out, Dems may be sent packing). The accompanying text begins, “Disgraced former Rep. Anthony Weiner did his fellow Democrats no favors yesterday — moving out of his district just as his panicking party struggled to hold on to his endangered congressional seat.” Um… what favors was he supposed to do? As the Post is happy to remind us every time they mention his name, he resigned in disgrace. Should he have held fundraisers for David Weprin so that you could put WEINER’S RAISING! or WEINER’S CAMPAIGNING HARD! or WEINER’S LATEST PHOTO OP (SFW) on the cover?
The poor man (with the enormous junk) is damned if he does and damned if he don’t.
There’s a picture on page 3 of Seth Green in Los Angeles with his wife, Clare Grant, who the caption says is “towering over the diminutive actor.”
Fun fact: Green is 5′4″, Grant is 5′7″.
I think whoever wrote this is trying to feel better about their small penis.
“IBM’s supercomputer system [Watson], best known for trouncing the world’s top Jeopardy! players on TV, is being tapped by health insurer WellPoint Inc. to help diagnose medical problems and authorize treatments.”
Great! What could possibly go wrong?
“On the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, the first three winners at Belmont on Sunday were horses wearing the numbers 9, 1 and 1.”
What are the odds, right? Astronomical… but not very lucrative. If you bet $2 on the pick-three, you won $18.60… which means that a $1 bet paid $9.30… oh my God.
That’s mad creepy, yo.
Geoff Earle’s giant headline O GIVES JOBS ‘CLIP’ SERVICE: $447B ‘tax hike’ plan bound by chintzy fastener stretches across pages 4 and 5 and his article begins, “President Obama’s plan to reverse the nation’s staggering jobless rate is held together with a paper clip! ‘Here it is,’ Obama said, waving a copy of his jobs plan during a ceremony in the White House Rose Garden yesterday, an enormous paper clip binding the pages together.”
I had no idea that Geoff Earle is six years old. Actually, that’s not fair. Geoff was just regurgitating the talking point that everyone at Fox and its affiliates were told to focus on.
Bonus Points: “Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) said, ‘For the president to sit here and say, “It’s pass my bill all or nothing,” that’s just not the way things are done anywhere in Washington.’” Unless the debt ceiling is involved, right, you Ayn Rand worshipping hypocrite?
Laura Italiano’s Rape-trial cop clear of drug rap begins, “A Manhattan judge dismissed the last remaining charge against the ex-cop at the center of the notorious ‘Rape Cops’ trial — taking him off the hook yesterday for the alleged possession of heroin found in a police locker. ‘Given that the defendant received a one-year sentence, the maximum sentence allowable under the law, on each of the three misdemeanors of which he was convicted, there’s no purpose served to proceed on the additional two misdemeanors,’ lead prosecutor Coleen Balbert told Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Gregory Carro in asking that the charge be dropped. The dismissal means the ex-officer, Kenneth Moreno, no longer faces up to one additional year for possession of two glassine bags of heroin recovered from his locker.”
Surprisingly, I write sarcastically, the Post’s coverage of last night’s CNN Tea Party debate doesn’t mention the crowd’s bloodthirsty approval of Ron Paul’s decision to let comatose Americans without insurance die. Instead, S.A. Miller focuses solely on Mitt Romney and Rick Perry citing the anti-Social Security quotes in each other’s books. Yawn.
The first sentence of Hannah Rappleye and Jennifer Fermino’s piece on page 10 is: “This is pne pothole — or whatever you want to call it — that just will not go away.”
I want to call it “one pothole.”
Page Six (today on pages 12, 13 and 14) implies that Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lopez might be romantically involved.
How exci(yawwwwwwwwwn)ting!
The NYPD DAILY CRIME BLOTTER (formerly the NYPD DAILY BLOTTER) features the story of William Pelzer, 43, who broke into a 61-year-old’s apartment and woke her up while stealing her jewelry box.
“Pelzer escaped out a widow, but was tracked down on Sept. 7.”
That poor woman.
Cindy Adams continues to piss on last Sunday’s 9/11 memorial.
“And most speechifiers invoked a famous person’s words. One quoted Lincoln, another some philosopher, another a poet. None had a thought of their own.”
Yeah, fuck all of those mourners using other people’s words to express their grief!
Cindy, I promise that when you die I will use only my own words to eulogize you.
“An optometrist from India has made the world’s first diamond- and gold-encrusted contact lenses. The lenses, which will cost between $12,000 and $16,000, are ‘totally safe,’ according to their inventor, Dr. Chandrashekhar Chawan. That’s because they ‘float’ several millimeters away from the surface of the eye on a special liquid.”
The only person more despicable than the person who invented these is the person who buys them.
Someone needs to punch Dr. Chawan in the face (preferably while wearing diamond-encrusted gloves).
Will Cameron Douglas face a stiffer penalty now that he has reneged on testifying against his suppliers?
I’ll give you a hint: He just hired a new attorney to serve as “additional counsel” — and his name is Ben Brafman.
$5 says Douglas’ sentence gets overturned by Christmas.
Staten Island’s Matthew Nugent writes in to say, “Where is the $450 billion to pay for this giant spending bill going to come from? Let me save months of speculation on the subject: If you’re either traveling to work or home from work, YOU will be paying for this ‘jobs’ bill.”
What about people who work from home, Matthew?
Lou Lumenick reports from the Toronto International Film Festival that “there was a steady stream of walkouts at the sparsely attended screening” of Madonna’s new movie (W.E.).
“What do you want us to do in this scene, Madonna?”
“Um… speak with mediocre accents and… um… walk around a tree for some reason?”
Discovery has a new reality TV show premiering Monday called American Underworld. It is described as “an extended, firsthand look at illegal activities. The cameras follow a coke dealer, a meth maker, a car-theft ring and a pimp, among others.”
Paddy Chayefsky’s Network continues to become less satirical every day.
Linda 3Starsi reviews NBC’s Up All Night and the season premiere of NBC’s Parenthood.
She gives Up All Night (“a witty sitcom”)… two and a half stars.
She gives Parenthood (“Best line of the night: Sarah to Julia: ‘Hmmm, she sells coffee, so yes, she’d probably sell her baby!’”)… three stars.
And that’s Tuesday.
More to come…
According to today’s cover, Beyoncé is pregnant.
I hope it’s a girl and that Beyoncé and Jay-Z name her Destiny. That way, when she’s born, every newspaper in America will have the same headline: Destiny’s Child’s child, Destiny!
Page 2 talks about the “scramble to restore power to 63,000″ customers in New York City (in the wake of Hurricane Irene) — 34,000 in Queens, 21,000 on Staten Island, 12,000 in Brooklyn and 5,000 in The Bronx.
Wait… that’s 72,000 people. Con Ed must not care about restoring power to that other 9,000 people. Or the Post can’t add. Or both.
In other Hurricane Irene news, “Most of the 370,000 residents of flood-prone New York City neighborhoods defied mandatory evacuation orders, deriding Hurricane Irene’s ballyhooed blow through town yesterday as more sound than fury.”
Ask yourself a question (and be honest): If (mostly-White) Manhattan was hit as bad by Irene as (mostly-Black) New Orleans was by Katrina, would the folks who went on TV and blamed the Katrina casualties for not leaving when they should’ve say the same thing about the the New Yorkers who stuck around?
According to Page Six (today on page 10), Kim Kardashian is angry that People (who paid her $1,500,000 for exclusive photos of her wedding) put her on their cover without her husband, Kris Humphries.
Poor Kim Kardashian. I would stop reading People over this, if I had ever started.
Cindy Adams would like everyone who lost their homes, cars, possessions and/or loved ones during Hurricane Irene’s visit to stop whining. “We’re all wusses. We bomb countries, start wars, take out leaders — but Planet Earth shakes its finger and every one of us starts sucking our thumb.”
Die.
“A pack of junkyard dogs is roaming the sidewalks surrounding Citi Field, menacing visitors as they exit the ballpark… The stray dogs have been wandering across 126th Street from Willets Point’s no-man’s land of auto-body shops, and onto stadium grounds for years, stadium security guards told The Post.”
As if the Mets weren’t enough of a reason to not go to a Mets game.
Weekend Box Office:
The Help held on to 1st place ($14,536,118), Colombiana opened in 2nd ($10,408,176), Rise of the Planet of the Apes dropped to 3rd ($8,867,741), Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark opened in 4th ($8,525,728) and Our Idiot Brother opened in 5th ($7,011,631).
I don’t like Al Sharpton. I also don’t like Andrea Peyser.
Andrea once called Al “the most dangerous human ever to walk the streets of New York.” I once called Andrea’s husband (Mark Phillips) a suspected pedophile.
Did either of us actually mean what we said?
[Side note: It's been well over a year and I still haven't seen anything to dispute my original allegation.]
People are writing in today to complain that Mayor Bloomberg doesn’t want clergy (of any denomination) to speak at the 9/11 anniversary ceremony (in order to avoid making any one religion seem more important than any other).
Towanda, Pennsylvania’s Joseph Dupont writes, “The banning of the clergy from the 9/11 ceremony is proof that our civilization is doomed.” I feel the same way about your letter, Joseph.
Williston Park’s Bill Viggiano writes, “If the mayor doesn’t do an about-face, next election I will vote for the first politician who steps up to the podium and begins his speech with the words, ‘Let us pray.’” Um… you do know that Bloomberg isn’t running for re-election, right? And that you’re proof that our civilization is doomed?
Page 27 is a giant photo of Maria Sharapova (just like pages 25 and 26) with a sidebar titled Top 10 things you didn’t know about Maria. My favorites are #1 (“She loves red velvet cupcakes.”) and #7 (“She’s not superstitious.”).
Derek Jeter is now the Yankees’ franchise leader in games played (2,402), at-bats (9,771), hits (3,059) and stolen bases (336).
But he still hasn’t put a baby in me.
MTV is bringing back Punk’d with Justin Bieber replacing Ashton Kutcher as the host.
I’m not sure how the network will incorporate teen pregnancies, but I’m confident they will.
NBC is trying to get Ricky Gervais to return as host for this year’s Golden Globes.
I can’t imagine him doing it, but I hope he does.
And that’s Monday.
More to come…
DEBT SPIRAL: S&P warns of 2nd downgrade for US credit
And why, Geoff Earle, is Standard & Poor’s considering another downgrading of our credit? “[B]ecause of political bickering.” I’ll give you partial credit for that, Geoff. But the correct answer is that the GOP refuses to close tax loopholes and/or increase taxes on billionaires and gigantic corporations.
Geoff includes the John Chambers quote (from ABC’s This Week), “If the fiscal position of the United States deteriorates further or if the political gridlock becomes more entrenched, then that could lead to a downgrade.”
Here’s another Chambers quote from the show’s transcript (which I found on abcnews.go.com) that Geoff omitted: “Our concerns are centered on the political side and on the fiscal side. So it would take a stabilization of the debt as a share of the economy and eventual decline. And it would take, I think, more ability to reach consensus in Washington than what we’re observing now.” Remind me again, was it the Republicans or the Democrats who compromised?
Geoff is also the author of page 4’s Bunch of AA-holes: Credit-rating blame game in DC which, in true Murdochian fashion, tries to appear fair and balanced by giving equal time to two viewpoints despite only one of them being valid.
“‘I believe this is, without question, the Tea Party downgrade,’ Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) charged on NBC’s Meet the Press.”
“But Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) turned the GOP’s sights squarely on Obama, saying the president failed to take a stand during the financial crisis.”
I agree that Obama should have made a stronger attempt at adding taxes to the “compromise,” but the GOP refuses to entertain the notion and have repeatedly made comments about how they — as a group — have no interest in supporting the president and/or his policies. So while I’d have liked him to fight more, his loss was an inevitability.
Still no mention of S&P’s comment that this all could have been avoided if the GOP hadn’t taken taxes off the table.
“Disgraced and indicted former Senate Majority Leader Pedro Espada’s Soundview Health Network will be stripped of some $10 million in Medicaid funding this week because of repeated violations of state law.”
“Dr. Larry Rosen, a professor at Cal State Dominguez Hills, says his research shows that teens who used Facebook were likely to be narcissistic because it gave them the ability to publish information about themselves whenever they wanted. And the more people used the site, he said, the more likely they were to use alcohol and develop antisocial personality disorder, paranoia and anxiety.”
Riots continue in London. I thought it was contained to one or two neighborhoods, but this is a Google Map of the verified riots.
Yikes.
“It’s ‘Heads up!’ in Prospect Park. Branches, boughs and trunks on dozens of diseased and dead trees along the massive lakeside within Brooklyn’s biggest park have been breaking off over the past month, according to park activists. A Post reporter touring the area Thursday saw massive chunks of rotted wood littering the shoreline and sunken at the lake’s edge.”
1) This breaks my heart, as Prospect Park is one of my wife’s and my favorite places.
2) In order to help Rich Calder become a better writer, here are some synonyms for the word massive:
| big, bulky, colossal, cracking, cumbersome, cumbrous, elephantine, enormous, extensive, gargantuan, gigantic, grand, great, gross, heavy, hefty, huge, hulking, immense, imposing, impressive, large, mammoth, mighty, monster, monumental, mountainous, ponderous, prodigious, solid, stately, substantial, titanic, towering, tremendous, unwieldy, vast, walloping, weighty, whopping |
Weekend box office:
#5) Captain America: The First Avenger ($13,021,922)
#4) The Change-Up ($13,531,115)
#3) Cowboys & Aliens ($15,729,455)
#2) The Smurfs ($20,702,415)
#1) Rise of the Planet of the Apes ($54,806,191)
Former New York Governor Hugh Leo Carey has passed away at the age of 92. He is credited with: helping save New York City from bankruptcy when he took office in 1975 (“This government will begin today the painful, difficult, imperative process of learning to live within its means.”); building the Javits Center, Battery Park City and the South Street Seaport; signing the Willowbrook Consent Decree, which “ended the warehousing of the mentally retarded and developmentally disabled”; and caring about the environment.
He was born in Brooklyn, joined the Army, fought in World War II, and retired as a colonel.
He will be missed.
According to Page Six (today on pages 10 and 11), Jennifer Lopez is in negotiations with the American Idol folks to return for one more season. Guess how much she wants (and is expected to get).
$20,000,000.
To be fair, it isn’t easy to sit behind a table and listen to people sing.
Charles Gasparino’s THE DEBT DOWNGRADE: White House Denial begins, “The White House narrative on how the country lost its triple-A rating and began a descent toward Third World status goes something like this: Standard & Poors [sic] woke up Friday morning and out of the blue decided to downgrade Uncle Sam’s debt despite the administration’s best efforts to show the wrong-headedness of the S&P analysis. Don’t buy it.”
Charles Gasparino’s narrative on how the country lost its triple-A rating and began a descent toward Third World status goes something like this: Standard & Poor’s found out that the Democrats refuse to privatize Social Security and turn Medicare into a voucher system and close down the EPA and give corporations an even freer ride despite the Bible clearly explaining that that is what needs to be done. Don’t buy it.
I was about to completely change my mind about Walmart opening a store in Brooklyn until I read the article and found out that the headline, Walmart eyed BJ’s, didn’t mean what I thought it meant.
G’night!
Casey Anthony takes up most of the cover today because it is important for us to continue to pay attention to her (thus earning her a seven-figure sum for her first televised interview [which only the scummiest scum on the planet will watch]).
But underneath the giant photo with the headline Casey’s clean getaway (she’s smiling! and she’s in a car!) is the smaller, photo-less O BLINKS: Open to GOP’s debt plan with no tax hike, which claims “a top White House aide” told the Post that Obama is “buckling under the pressure of a looming world financial crisis.” S.A. Miller’s follow-up on page 6 (not to be confused with Page Six, today on pages 12 and 13) is titled Debt man walking: Desperate Bam eyes GOP’s deal and begins, “The White House yesterday cracked the door open for a smaller, GOP-backed debt-limit deal to avert a looming financial crisis.” It goes on to claim that “Obama’s top staffers for the first time yesterday said a smaller bargain will do if that’s all they can get.”
But here’s the twist: I can’t seem to find any other news source that agrees with Miller. Why do you suppose that is? Could it be that, for the first time since declaring DSK’s maid a prostitute who was still turning tricks while in the DA’s custody, the Post has put an unsubstantiated story on their cover?
[SPOILER: Prolly.]
Bonus Points: Michael A. Walsh’s op-ed (Uncle Sam, Sugar Daddy: What’s really behind debt fight) invites us to “Forget the fact that such ‘entitlements’ as Social Security and Medicare… have been exposed as little more than legal Ponzi schemes, paying today’s benefits out of tomorrow’s borrowed receipts.”
I agree. We should forget that because it isn’t true.
Nice try, Vulcan Muppet.
Fredric, You Dicker U. Dicker’s Why Andy may secretly root for GOP in 2012 quotes John McLaughlin as saying, “If I’m Gov. Cuomo, I want to see Obama defeated rather than re-elected in 2012. The question is, ‘Would Cuomo rather run in 2016 against a first-term Republican or in the aftermath of a second term of Obama, the most left-wing president we may have ever seen?’” Just as John McLaughlin may be the gayest person I’ve ever read about.
Fun Fact: McLaughlin is a GOP pollster/strategist “whose New York-based company boasts a top-flight client list that includes House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.).”
Dicker goes on to say that “Some key New York Democrats have privately reached the same conclusion [as McLaughlin].” But which key New York Democrats, we’ll never know.
Weekend box office: Winnie the Pooh opened with $8,000,000; Zookeeper came in fourth with $12,300,000; Horrible Bosses made another $17,600,000; Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon took in $21,300,000; and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 broke almost every box office record by making $168,600,000 in the US and Canada, and another $307,000,000 in the other 59 countries it screened.
That’s $475,600,000 in three days.
If we kidnap J.K. Rowling and force her to write seven more Harry Potter books, we could solve our debt crisis.
Page 3 features the FIRST PHOTOS of David and Victoria Beckham’s new daughter, Harper Seven Beckham.
If you’d like to see them, Google “I need to get a life.”
Would you like (more) proof that Rudy 9iu11ani isn’t running in 2012? How about this quote about gay marriage from his recent appearance on CNN’s State of the Union: “The Republican Party would be well advised to get the heck out of people’s bedrooms.” There goes the homophobe vote!
He later added, “I think it’s wrong.” There goes the homosexual vote!
And there goes America’s Mayor™. Wave goodbye, everyone!
“Wait! Don’t go! I still have so many things to lisp at you!”
I promise not to make a habit of writing about Casey Anthony, but you might like to know that she “has already received an offer as high as $1 million for an exclusive interview, publishing-industry sources said. She herself has already said in jailhouse letters to a fellow inmate that she wants to pen a ‘partial memoir/comedy/relationship advice book for those not in the know.’”
B’also? Her attorney, José Baez, “said Anthony will eventually speak publicly, but only in a ‘dignified’ setting. ‘The way we want to handle Casey’s affairs from this point on is in a dignified manner.’”
1) A book of relationship advice by Casey Anthony? What next, a sex advice column by a prostitute who Eliot Spitzer slept… oh. Right.
2) Does “dignified” mean something else in Florida?
There’s a piece on page 21 about how Jan Mohammed Khan, a “close adviser to President Hamid Karzai and a member of parliament,” was assassinated in Afghanistan (less than a week after Ahmed Wali Karzai was killed). And the headline for the piece (which is credited to the Associated Press)?
Second Kazai insider killed
This is a terrible newspaper.
“President Obama is steering away from the slashing style of Wall Street bete [sic] noire Elizabeth Warren in favor of Richard Cordray” to head the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.
Once again, Obama acquiesces to the GOP and gets in return… absolutely nothing.
Howie Mandel has purchased “a reality-show idea from Danish TV” and is currently developing it. It’s called Celebrity Stand-Up and it “follows a group of celebrities for five days as they develop a personal story about their lives in a stand-up comedy act. A live audience then decides which celeb is the funniest and sends them on to the next round.”
This sounds like it should be just as enjoyable to watch as The Howie Mandel Show…
…and Howie Do It…
…and Mobbed…
…if not less so.
Linda 3Starsi reviews Lifetime’s Magic Beyond Words: The J.K. Rowling Story.
She gives it…
…three stars.
The end.
Have a glorious evening morning and I’ll see you tomorrow later today!
Derek Jeter gets the front (and back!) page all to himself (3,000! Jeter makes ‘hitstory’ with home run).
Christian Lopez, 23, is the guy who caught Jeter’s home run. He decided to give it to Jeter — and asked for nothing in return (I adore Jeter, but I know for a fact that someone would buy that ball for at least $1,000,000 — I’d give Jeter the right of first refusal, but I would’ve sold that ball in a heartbeat).
“As a reward, the team gave [Lopez] four Champion Suite tickets for the rest of the season and the postseason. Without including the postseason, they’re worth between $32,000 and $73,600. He also got four seats behind home plate for today’s game and several Jeter-signed bats [sic] balls and jerseys.”
And though Steiner Sports won’t be able to sell the home run ball, they will be selling yesterday’s lineup card ($10,000), the bases ($12,000 to $15,000), the signed-by-Jeter-and-David-Price pitching rubber ($10,000), the on-deck-circle rubber mat ($5,000), “home-plate dirt embedded in commemorative bats” ($999), and much, much more.
Other Derek Jeter Fun Facts: He is now at the top of the Yankees’ All-Time Hits List (and will probably stay there for many, many years), yesterday was his third 5-hit game, and the exact time when Jeter (who wears the number 2 on his jersey) got his 3,000th hit was 2:00. Additionally, Jeter has the 27th most hits of the 28 players in the 3,000 club (Roberto Clemente has 3,000). If he gets another 58 hits this season, he’ll move to 19th place (behind Dave Winfield’s 3,110). Also, only 10 players have gotten all 3,000 hits playing for the same team. Jeter is in 9th place on that list (Clemente got all 3,000 with the Pirates), but will shortly pass Al Kaline (3,007 with the Tigers). I wouldn’t be surprised if he also passed Craig Biggio (3,060 with the Astros) by season’s end.
On page 78, Joel Sherman discusses which teams might be interested in the Mets’ Jose Reyes. He notes that Yankees GM Brian Cashman said they won’t try to sign Reyes, but Sherman doesn’t believe him — “especially if the Yankees and Derek Jeter falter the rest of the way.” Seriously, fuck… (to be continued)
And on page 89, Joel Sherman returns with Perfect fit for Captain that brilliant effort came in win. He uses the word “but” after every compliment he gives Jeter (the word appears eight times). For example:
“This was chilling and memorable, nostalgic and surreal, impressive and historic. But…”
“So the 5-for-5 yesterday… instantly goes into [Jeter's] long reel of genius. But…”
“Jeter was the best player on the field, which was wonderful considering the timing. But…”
“‘It was one special day,’ Jeter said. And it will last forever, no matter what. But…”
(continued from above) … you, Joel Sherman.
DUIWTS!
Hines Ward, current wide receiver for the Pittsburgh Steelers and winner of the last season of Dancing With the Stars, has been arrested in Georgia for driving under the influence. Ironically, hours before his arrest he posted this on Facebook and Twitter: “How many of you guys and gals text while driving? I am bad at doing that. It’s very unsafe. Help remind me from time to time to stop texting, tweeting, or facebook while driving. Let’s help each other!” The Post reprinted that, but not what he followed it with (it has since been removed from Facebook but the first part of it is on Twitter): “I know it’s dangerous. Trust me, I love my LIFE! But it’s a bad habit I have.”
Apparently you have a few bad habits, Hines. And DWTS is the least of them.
Marlon Brando invented “friction sandals” which he “designed to give wearers more exercise by being harder to walk in” are being mass produced by Hong Kong-based manufacturer K-Tone, which is calling the new line of shoes “Marlon Balance.”
The shoes sound like a great idea… until you remember what Marlon Brando looked like before he died.
They don’t appear to work very well.
In Gary Buiso’s Quitter Kruger ‘plea deal’, “sources” tell the Post that state Sen. Carl Kruger will resign “by the end of the summer.” But if you can make it the seventh paragraph, you’ll get Kruger’s comment: “I am absolutely not resigning.”
Who to believe… who to believe…
Michael Goodwin actually says that Obama “doesn’t care” about the level of unemployment in the country — he’s only “pretending” that he cares.
“He talked of cutting the deficit and in the next breath proposed a new government jobs program on infrastructure.” How absurd! How is such a thing possible? Besides getting corporations who are making trillions in profits to pay any taxes at all.
Page Six (today on page 10) reports that Chris Hansen (host of the popular “To Catch A Predator” episodes of Dateline) was going to become the new lead anchor of Dateline following Ann Curry’s move to Today. But NBC has decided not to promote him following reports that Hansen has been cheating on his wife with TV reporter Kristyn Caddell. “It was later reported that Hansen sent explicit photos of himself to Caddell and is now terrified they could be leaked.”
If NBC were clever, they would’ve let Hansen think he still had the promotion and then, right before taping his first show as lead anchor, someone would walk out from behind the set and say, “Hello. What are you up to? Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”
Over on page 12, there’s a small Associated Press story telling us that Japan’s northeastern coast was just hit by a 7.1-magnitude earthquake and that a tsunami warning was issued.
Why does Black Gay Jesus hate Japan so much?
“House Republicans budget negotiators have abandoned plans to pursue a massive $4 trillion, 10-year deficit-reduction package in the face of stiff GOP opposition to any plan that increases taxes.”
Wait… doesn’t that prove that raising taxes (on the people who can more than afford it) can greatly reduce the deficit?
Today’s POSTSCRIPT credits Mayor Bloomberg with saying (about Dominique Strauss-Kahn), “If you don’t want do the perp walk, don’t do the crime.” But the original quote was a complete sentence and included the word “to” between “want” and “do.”
There’s also a quote from Michele Bachmann: “They want you to think that the Tea Party is made up of toothless hillbillies coming down out of the hills wearing red, white and blue. But the fact is, they should be afraid of the Tea Party.” Be careful not to alienate the toothless hillbillies, Michele. They love you! (B’also? Am I the only person who is scared of toothless hillbillies running down a hill at me?)
Carl Campanile almost manages to make it through his GOP eyes on Weiner’s seat (and yet they have an anti-gay agenda [see what I did there?]) without spelling Bob Turner’s name wrong. But the 20th paragraph (of 28) begins, “Give Turned credit for raging against the machine.”
So close, Carl!
Peggy Noonan is responsible for page 26 and 27’s ‘WE NEED A REAGAN’.
I’m pretty sure that that’s a typo (everyone knows that what this country really needs is a raygun).
Would Iran talk all that smack if we had one of these bad boys aimed at them?
WALL(ET) STREET notes that “political contributions from Goldman Sachs favored Republican candidates by 60 percent, according to figures from last year” (though it doesn’t provide the actual numbers) and that 71% of last year’s political contributions from Morgan Stanley, UBS and Bank of America went to the GOP.
This seems like as good a time as any for this (WARNING: Ann Coulter is briefly seen and heard):
Page 39 is devoted entirely to REALITY BITES!: The Post’s Ashley Dupre can’t stand the heat, but sticks it out in the kitchen for the new show ‘Famous Food’. It’s unintentionally hilarious. And racist.
“My heart and nerves are racing. What am I doing? I think. Not only did I agree to open up a restaurant in a city I don’t know — with six people I don’t know — but I agreed to be filmed for a VH1 reality show, Famous Food, while doing it. Scary. I walk in and recognize no one. Two guys, who I assume are rappers of some sort, recognize me.” I like that Ashley just assumed they were rappers. Why not professional athletes? Or escaped felons?
“The first thing one of them says is, ‘I have a picture of you up in my booth!’ I learn they’re DJ Paul and Juicy J from Three 6 Mafia, and they’re talking about my Playboy spread. I’m flattered, but it’s always a little uncomfortable when someone says that they ‘love your spread.’ I mean, how do you respond to something like that? And on camera no less!” You respond by thanking them for admiring the naked pictures that Playboy overpaid you for. I mean, it’s not like one of them said, “My friend once paid you for sex! He said you fucked like a professional prostitute! Which you were at the time!”
She goes on to insist that the show is 100% authentic (“No do-overs or take-2’s. It’s all real.”) before describing the arrival of the next “celebrity” cast member: The Bachelor’s Jake Pavelka. “He looks too classy to fuel the fire on this Playboy conversation. In fact, we sit there and have no idea what the Three 6 Mafia guys are even saying because we literally can’t understand their gangsta talk. The little bit that I can make out is inappropriate and degrading. I am very uncomfortable, but I just smile, laugh and follow Jake’s lead as the rest of the cast enters, one by one.”
I can’t believe those classless people of color actually mentioned Ashley’s Playboy spread! Why didn’t they mention one of her numerous other accomplishments that have nothing to do with sex? Like… her hit single “Move Ya Body (Up Against Mine)”… her job at the Post… her life as a hooker… Well, anyway, Three 6 Mafia: Not classy!
The other “celebrities” show up: Vinnie Pastore (The Sopranos), Danielle Staub (The Real Housewives of New Jersey) and Heidi Montag (The Hills). Ashley doesn’t like being on the show, especially because Danielle Staub keeps picking fights with her (“Every reality show has that one person who is all too willing to sacrifice their dignity for so-called fame. Ours is Danielle.”), despite how similar they look.
And now, the coup de grâce: “I really want to leave. Especially after the first day and Three 6 Mafia’s sexist comments. I don’t know if I can handle being around men who treat women like pieces of meat.” Ashley, if there is one thing you are actually qualified to do, it’s be around men who treat women like pieces of meat!
But we’re not done with Ms. Dupre just yet. Because it’s time to…
ASK ASHLEY!
What’s the best way to suggest a weekend away if we haven’t been together that long? — Anonymous
ASHLEY: “My suggestions would be to bring it up nonchalantly.”
ME: “My suggestions would be to bring it up nonchalantly and to not incorrectly pluralize words.”
I went on a few dates with a girl — let’s call her Anne — and we really hit it off. She recently took me to a party where I ran into a friend of hers, Emma, who I knew at college. Back in school, I dated Emma’s roommate, Beth, and we went through an ugly breakup after I treated her badly — cheating and lying. I’m not proud of how I acted, but it was two years ago. Now Emma says I have to tell Anne about what happened or she’s going to do it! If I tell Anne, she’ll probably be turned off, but it was so long ago that I acted like that and it was in college when I was different. Maybe Emma is bluffing, but I don’t know what to do. — Anonymous
ASHLEY: “Look, just because you were a male whore in college doesn’t mean you’re the same person now.”
ME: “Two years is not ’so long ago’. B’also? I disagree with the prostitute — once a whore, always a whore.”
In his weekly Pedo Asia Cine File column, V.A. Musetto encourages readers to go see The Seaside Motel (it’s Japanese and features “a happy hooker named Candi” and “a businessman with sexual problems”) and A Night in Nude: Salvation (three of the plot keywords on the movie’s IMDB page are Pole Dance, Pole Dancer and Pole Dancing).
And that’s Sunday.
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