Posts Tagged ‘YouTube’

NYPD SHAME

Feds bust rogue cop amid shock ‘racism’

“A racist NYPD cop who patrolled his Staten Island beat as if it were the Jim Crow South was arrested yesterday, the feds said.”

“A hate-spewing city cop roamed his beat like it was Mississippi in the ’60s — once even hauling an innocent black man to jail for talking back, then boasting that he had ‘fried another nigger,’ officials said yesterday. FBI agents yesterday busted the rogue NYPD officer, Michael Daragjati, on gross civil-rights violations for deliberately falsifying the arrest against the man, officials said.”

Fun Fact: The only reason the FBI found out that Daragjati would occasionally “throw somebody a beating” (which Daragjati bragged to a friend during a phone call) is because they were investigating him for insurance fraud. No one at his precinct reported his blatant racism.

“Officials say Daragjati also was involved in an extortion scheme with an off-duty snowplow business.”

What Daragjati (allegedly) did is despicable and I’m glad he will be prosecuted. But I have to admit that I was a little disappointed that the giant headline on the today’s cover didn’t refer to any of the NYPD officers that have been pepper-spraying and beating protesters — both male and female — over the last few weeks.

Hackers replaced the videos on Sesame Street’s YouTube channel with hard-core pornography for a few hours on Sunday.

“Some Sesame Street fans were horrified to find clips from a porn flick called First Anal Quest: Angelica.”

The channel was returned to its normal G-rated programming that evening, and police are currently interviewing suspects.

“Israel took the final steps early this morning for a stunning prisoner swap that will free 1,027 violent Palestinian inmates in exchange for a soldier [Gilad Shalit] held captive for five years.”

I’m all for people shattering the stereotypes associated with them but if Israelis want to get people to stop using “Jew” as a substitute for “haggle,” there are better ways to go about doing that.

“An unnamed actress is demanding $1 million from Amazon.com, accusing the company’s popular movie Web site, IMDb, of revealing her age by using her credit-card information.”

I thought the folks at Gawker would have some good guesses as to the identity of this mystery actress, but they don’t. They did tell me this, though:

“The actress, who uses an Americanized stage name to avoid the ‘cultural disadvantage’ of her real Asian name, says that the credit-card interception is the only way the company could have learned her real age. She says IMDb refuses to remove her birth date from her profile and that she has since lost work because ‘lesser-known 40-year-old actresses are not in demand in the movie business.’”

We also know that she currently lives in Texas.

I’m going to guess it’s… Cher.

Geoff Earle and Carl Campanile’s CAIN’S ABLE, OBAMA informs us that “A new Rasmussen tracking poll shows Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain leading Obama, 43 to 41 percent, in a hypothetical head-to-head matchup.”

Hypothetically, bullshit.

Page 10 is made up of three Occupy Wall Street-related articles.

Erik Kriss’ NYers back rich tax & Wall St. marchers reports that “A Siena College state poll and Quinnipiac University city survey both found overwhelming support for a ‘millionaire’s tax’ — 72-26 percent and 61-28, respectively… The Quinnipiac poll found 67 percent agreed with Wall Street protesters’ views in an Oct. 12-16 telephone survey of 1,068 registered city voters, while 23 percent did not support their views.” And that’s why it’s the smallest of the three articles.

Laura Italiano’s Pepper spray gal: Nail cop for a-salt tells us that Kaylee Dedrick, 24, “met with prosecutors yesterday to demand misdemeanor assault charges against the deputy inspector [Anthony Bologna] caught on video doing the spraying.” What do you have to say about that, NYPD officials? “NYPD officials have told reporters that the pepper-spraying was a justified use of force that ‘obviated the use of batons.’” So… if Bologna hadn’t pepper-sprayed the women that were penned in by police and not doing anything, he would have had to beat them with batons? That’s their defense?

But most of the page is devoted to Criminal occupation: Thieves preying on fellow protesters. It begins, “It’s a den of thieves! Occupy Wall Street protesters said yesterday that packs of brazen crooks within their ranks have been robbing their fellow demonstrators blind, making off with pricey cameras, phones and laptops — and even a hefty bundle of donated cash and food.” So it’s protesters who are stealing from fellow protesters, right?

“Crafty cat burglars sneaked into the makeshift kitchen at Zuccotti Park overnight and swiped as much as $2,500.” Gee, that doesn’t sound like the criminals are actually protesters, now does it.

This is a terrible newspaper.

Page Six is on pages 12 and 13 today.

From Cindy Adams’ column: “Listen, how about we all get together and stop ever and forever writing about Lindsay Lohan.” How many days until she mentions Lindsay again?

B’also? She complained about people writing about Lindsay while writing about Lindsay.

Oh, man. I was really hoping the headline (‘Kidnap’ parents hire Tacopina) referred to Shanel Nadal and Nephra Payne.

“Joseph Tacopina said he’s been hired by Deborah Bradley and Jeremy Irwin, whose 10-month-old daughter, Lisa, mysteriously vanished from their Kansas City home on Oct. 4. Bradley yesterday admitted that she was drunk at the time the baby disappeared but insisted she did nothing to harm her.”

I know nothing else about this story, but the fact that they hired Tacopina leads me to believe they’re guilty. Of something.

President of the Foundation for Land and Liberty Karen Moreau is behind the op-ed FRACKING GETS A CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH. “The safety of hydraulic fracturing is well-documented, with zero confirmed cases of groundwater contamination in 1 million applications over 60 years.”

So what if those documents were prepared by hydraulic fracturing companies (and the people they paid the write them)?

There’s another attempt at political humor from “political humorist” Frank J. Fleming (Why It’s So Hard To Hear the Hippies). He really and truly isn’t funny. In fact, he reminds me of The Onion’s Roger Dudek (except Roger is a creation of legitimately funny people pretending to not be funny).

I guess Ashley Dupre was busy.

“Former stripper turned lady of leisure Diane Passage tells how to have men eating out of your hand — without paying for any of it!” Yes, my former co-worker gets all of pages 37 and 38 to share “some of my favorite basic rules.” They include:

4. Every girl should know the basics of fishing and dog training.

5. My wallet does not exist. (“if you’re a woman, you should never reach into your wallet while you’re in the presence of a man”)

8. As a woman, it’s my right to act bitchy on occasion.

Brilliant. When does she get her own column?

They could call it “Diggin’ For Gold!” or “Heavily Trafficked Passage.”

All caught up.

See you tomorrow.

Before we begin, Ty Templeton posted this on Facebook. This is for the folks at Occupy Wall Street (and every other Occupation in America):

Well said, Mr. Rogers.

I told you they wanted to put violence on their cover. The caption is “Protesters are pushed back by cops yesterday as the Occupy Wall Street movement flooded Times Square — and cities around the world.” I guess “Furious, balding man juggles inferiority and superiority complexes while punching young woman in the face as his co-worker grabs a woman’s jaw for some reason” wouldn’t fit.

I’m not so sure about the head count of 5,000.

BusinessWeek reported 6,000 people were in attendance and WNBC cited “some 10,000 people.”

Hmmm… who to believe…

Anyhoodles, here’s some footage of those extremely violent protesters getting punched in the head while making peace signs with their fingers:

We now return to the Post’s completely unbiased coverage of Occupy Times Square.

“Forty-five people were arrested as a mob of protesters — voicing their anger about what many describe as the worst economic situation since the Great Depression — clashed with police trying to set up barricades to keep them on sidewalks… Officers and protesters could be seen shoving back and forth.”

Remember the horse that fell down in the above video? The Post has a photo of the horse with this caption: “MOUNTING ANGER: A cop struggles for balance as his horse gets pushed amid the Times Square protest yesterday.” Let’s see if that corresponds to the article the photo appears next to. “One cop’s horse tumbled to the ground after it slipped on a grating. The horse and officer were not injured.” Nope.

“Meanwhile, NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly yesterday defended the use of force against protesters despite some disturbing images caught on camera. ‘Sometimes these are not neat situations — they can get tumultuous,’ Kelly said.”

Tumultuous? What kind of arugula-eating elitist is Ray Kelly?

Cynthia R. Fagen’s Angry protests around the world features a black-and-white version of this photo:

According to The Washington Post, “tens of thousands of people around the world took to the streets Saturday” in “more than 900 cities in Europe, Africa and Asia, as well as in the United States.” Not surprisingly, the (New York) Post chose to focus on the one rally that turned violent.

Cynthia also notes that there were 40,000 protesters marching in Portugal. Portuguese television, however, put the number at 50,000.

I had no idea that there were so many lazy Brooklynites on the planet.

The Post recently reported that some of Rep. Mike Grimm’s constituents (in Brooklyn and Staten Island) are unhappy that the Tea Party Republican is endorsing Mitt Romney (a decidedly un-Tea Party candidate). Mary Kay Linge’s follow-up (Grimm and bear it: Rep. fires back at ‘betrayed’ Tea Party base) features Grimm explaining that “some of his newfound critics aren’t true Tea Partiers at all but ‘libertarians or 9/11 Truthers who have taken extreme positions and have never shared my overall views. Now that they’ve become irrelevant, they’re trying to say they’re part of the Tea Party.’ Cracks in the Tea Party movement are showing as purists out to slash big government split from pragmatists willing to work with establishment Republicans.”

Linge (with an assist from Grimm) explains that the Tea Party — which is all about cutting government spending and lowering taxes and watering the tree of liberty with the blood of patriots — is primarily pragmatists willing to work with establishment Republicans, and anyone who wants more than a slight adjustment to the way things currently are is a libertarian and/or a 9/11 Truther.

“Despite dimming enthusiasm among campaign foot soldiers, Grimm is confident his Tea Party support remains firm.”

And if it isn’t, it’s because those Tea Partiers were never real Tea Partiers.

Last week, there was a scuffle at a McDonald’s in the West Village. I didn’t write about it because I couldn’t find the video of the incident. I just did.

Rayon McIntosh Jr., 31, “is caught on tape using a metal rod to beat patrons Denise Darbeau, 24, and and Rachel Edwards, 24, breaking Darbeau’s skull and arm and cutting Edwards.”

Fun Fact: Before joining the McDonald’s family, Rayon “served nearly 11 years for manslaughter, assault and weapons charges.”

Bonus Points: Gary Buiso writes that Rayon’s father (Rayon McIntosh Sr.) “plans to order up a good defense layer.”

One successful food service pun (“order up”), and one (possibly unintentional) awful one (“defense layer”). But not one joke about how rayon is a manufactured regenerated cellulose fiber that works at McDonald’s.

“Con Ed has given the Ground Zero mosque an ultimatum: Pay the $1.7 million you owe in back rent, or we’ll terminate your lease and take back our property.”

Anybody want to bet that when the Ground Zero mosque Park51 comes up with the money, the Post starts demanding to know where it came from (but they’ll never question the hundreds of millions of dollars big business anonymously donates to the politicians the Post supports)?

“Two days after entering an upstate hospital [Orange Regional Medical Center] to get her tubes tied, a 32-year-old upstate woman [Ana Maria Mejia] found herself paralyzed — able to move only her eyelids.” She filed suit against the hospital “and her gynecologist, Dr. Christopher Allen… Allen could not be reached for comment.”

Mejia could be reached for comment but, you know…

Michael Goodwin is infuriating. Here are selections from ‘Left’overs hold the city hostage:

“Each day, about 3.7 million people go to work in New York City. For the last month, fewer than 500 people have been sleeping in a park near Wall Street so they can curse the economy that produces all those jobs for all those people. Guess which group is getting expressions of sympathy and even solidarity from the president to the mayor?” Every day, Michael Goodwin rubs dog excrement on his children and punches his wife in the face. Actually, chances are he doesn’t (though I have no proof either way), but neither do the protesters of Occupy Wall Street “curse the economy that produces [3.7 million] jobs.” They are protesting the fact that the banks own our government and that “we the people” are not represented by our politicians. They aren’t protesting “the economy,” they’re protesting the fact that gigantic corporations like Bank of America doesn’t pay any taxes (and also that they treat their customers horribly, as evidenced in the video below).

“The demonstrators include open anti-Semites, homeless people and anarchists, along with students, trust-fund babies and the terminally bored.” And the GOP includes deadbeat dads, homophobes, criminals, sexists, evolution deniers, Jesus freaks, racists, Holocaust deniers — and those are just the Republicans who are currently in office (and Pat Buchanan).

“They claim they represent the 99 percent of Americans who have been screwed over by the top 1 percent. It’s a catchy slogan, but backward. The people who work to support their families and lead productive lives are the backbone, heart and soul of America.” Wait… what? That’s like me saying “Michael Goodwin claims that he isn’t a pedophile and that the charges against him are false, but children are our nation’s most precious resource.” What Goodwin calls America’s backbone aren’t the people who Occupy Wall Street are protesting against! They’re part of the 99%, too!

“When times are tough, the tough don’t quit work so they can complain. And the people who really want a job aren’t playing drums in a park, getting stoned and taunting cops.” If everyone in Zuccotti Park quit their jobs in order to protest, there would be a lot more job openings in New York City. B’also? There are far more gun-toting racists at any given Tea Party rally then there are pot-smoking drum-players at any Occupy rally.

“If they ruled the world, we’d all be living in mud huts and begging for handouts.” Wow. He also refers to Occupy Wall Street as “this tiniest faction,” ignoring the fact that it has spread across the globe to almost 1,000 cities. And he calls Zuccotti Park a “law-free zone” where protesters are “breaking numerous laws, including the open use of drugs.” At least the Post has stopped claiming that protesters are having sex and defecating in the street.

“The freeloading rabble doesn’t need a pitchfork or even coherence to get action. All it needs to do is turn a park into a fetid camp and the government of the United States will drop on bended knee.” And all Goodwin needs to drop on bended knee is $20 and a mint for afterwards.

Bonus Points: One of his other “pieces” today is Stupidity is Jerry’s Job One (reprinted here in its entirety):

“They’re hiring in California! According to the Manhattan Institute, Gov. Jerry Brown caved in to a food-workers union by signing legislation that limits ‘the use of automated checkout machines in grocery stores.’ Brilliant. Stopping progress will definitely solve the jobs crisis.” Actually, stupid, he’s allowing more cashiers to remain employed. It won’t solve the jobs crisis but it won’t add to it, either.

According to Page Six (today on pages 10 and 11), Jason Davis is engaged! To a woman named Michelle Haugo!

They’ve apparently been dating (and wearing the same clothes) since 2008:

Can I use Jason (a closeted heroin addict) as a template for all people who vote for Republicans?

Also, are we sure Michelle is a woman?

“A public Brooklyn school refused to promote a Muslim boy to the sixth grade because of his religion, says an incendiary lawsuit in Brooklyn federal court. Abedin Kajoshaj, 11, had the marks to move on to the sixth grade at PS 180, the SEEALL Academy in Borough Park, but was inexplicably held back at the end of the 2009-2010 year, the suit claims.”

“In kindergarten, Abedin was suspended after presenting two notes from Muslim doctors that said he was allergic to eggs and that he could not be administered a vaccine… And two child-abuse claims made by the school to state officials were ‘founded in racism’ and dismissed, court papers claim.”

Somewhere, Herman Cain is giggling.

“Vincent Delgrosso, 26, claims in a lawsuit that he was left bloodied and battered after officers from the Staten Island Gang Squad stopped his car on Watchogue Road and arrested him for selling PCP. ‘They were just stomping on my face for four or five minutes,’ Delgrosso says of the alleged Feb. 17 attack. ‘They pulled down my pants first. I was naked on the ground. They started sticking objects in my rectum. I don’t know what they were,’ he says. The seven officers laughed during the beating and called Delgrosso a ‘faggot,’ according to a Brooklyn Federal Court lawsuit he filed Oct. 6 against the city.”

After the NYPD footage I’ve seen over the last month, this seems chillingly plausible to me.

“A Florida man stabbed his 26-year-old son partly because the offspring allegedly stole a can of Dad’s lima beans, police said. Donald Wynn, 54, had been living with his son for just a month when he was arrested on attempted-murder charges. The younger man was hospitalized in critical condition yesterday.” Say cheese, Donald!

Ah, Florida.

“Get ready for an aberration of historic proportion.” — Herman Cain on his unlikely rise in the polls.

Are you sure he wasn’t referring to his “9-9-9″ plan?

“I do not think it’s even in the realm of possibility.” — Hillary Clinton on replacing Joe Biden on the presidential ticket.

OMG! She left the door open!

“If it’s too late for Chris Christie, it’s too late for me.” — Rudy 9iu11ani on running for president in 2012.

OMG! He left the door open!

Today’s contextless Harris poll is What’s your favorite holiday?

Christmas came in first (despite the constant war being waged against it by the voices in Bill O’Reilly’s head), followed by Thanksgiving and Halloween. But what made me laugh (and question the veracity of the the results) is that My birthday came in 9th — right after Memorial Day and Labor Day.

Tied for 10th place? Valentine’s Day and Hannukah (which I’ll assume means Hanukkah).

Whoever allowed this to go to press is so very fired.

A second contextless poll appears on page 27: Do you approve of Occupy Wall Street protestors? (note the English spelling of protesters)

No answer 3%

Oppose 24%

Undecided 35%

Approve 38%

That means that (according to this Reuters/Ipsos poll) 76% of respondents either approve, aren’t sure or have no answer. Does that mean that only 24% of the Post’s coverage will pander to those who disapprove?

[SPOILER: No.]

Pages 28 and 29 list various figures from the Census Bureau’s 2012 Statistical Abstract. First up: Demographics.

“Between 2000 and 2010, every single state’s population increased — except for Michigan, which had a 0.6% decline… NY increased by 2.1%.”

Didn’t the Post keep insisting that New York’s population went down in the last decade because of our high taxes? Or was that just New York City?

Also listed is the Median annual income for individuals (in constant 2009 dollars): Men, all races.

In 1990, the average was $32,284.

In 2000, the average was $35,303.

In 2009, the average was $32,184.

Now do you understand why there are protesters in Zuccotti Park? On average, American men are making $100 less per year than they were 19 years ago.

“Happy Bank Transfer Day! It’s unlikely you’ll be wishing that to your friends and family on Nov. 5. But if you are one of the millions of bank customers who loathe the new fees being charged by your financial institution, then the first Saturday in November could be a date to mark on your calendar. Critics of the industry have chosen Guy Fawkes Day as the symbolic deadline for a Facebook-driven crusade to get people to withdraw their money from regular bank accounts and stash it in feeless, but oft-ignored, credit unions.”

One of my favorite graphic novels of all time is Alan Moore and David Lloyd’s V for Vendetta. It was made into a (decent) movie in 2006. Here’s a clip:

When the group Anonymous chose Guy Fawkes masks as their de facto uniform, I wasn’t sure if they were honoring Fawkes or Moore/Lloyd (or both). But when I read about Bank Transfer Day falling on November 5th, I immediately thought of one of the last images in the film version of V for Vendetta.

I think a lot of banks are in for a rude awakening (unless they continue to prevent people from closing their accounts like Citibank and Bank of America have started doing).

“Remember, remember, the fifth of November…”

ASK ASHLEY!

My wife and I haven’t been intimate in over six months due to an accident in which I sustained serious injuries. I have now been given the green light; however, I want to make it special. How can I spice things up to make it more memorable? — Dave, Astoria

ASHLEY: “The key to getting out of the usual sex routine, is literally getting out… book a room at a hot NYC hotel like the Standard… Then, if you really want to ’spice things up,’ how about looking through the hotel’s on-demand adult movie section? Even just flipping through the options and watching trailers might get you in the mood for something new!”

ME: “This is why you shouldn’t ask a prostitute for romantic advice. Getting a (comically-overpriced) hotel room and watching trailers for porn movies is only romantic if you are a hooker or a teenager. I would imagine that having sex for the first time in six months will be romantic enough for your wife (unless you’re not a satisfactory lover), but feel free to buy her flowers and cook her dinner, too.”

The 50-something-year-old man I’ve been with for 15 years insists he “needs” sex on a daily basis. I’ve explained that I simply don’t have the same sexual appetite that he does. Still, if we go two days without sex, he becomes sullen and makes snarky comments. His behavior is decreasing my interest in him sexually. He refuses to attend counseling because this is a “personal matter.” What do you think? — Anonymous

ASHLEY: “I do agree that he could use some counseling, if only for a neutral party to tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and pushing you further away.”

ME: “If your husband insists on having sex and you insist on not having sex, then you should either get a divorce or stay married and let him sleep with someone else. Ashley could probably recommend some cheap hoo-ers for you, if you’d like.”

Reed Tucker interviews women who dress up for the New York Comic Con in GIRLS GONE GEEK.

“‘Oh yeah. I get hit on,’ adds Yaya Han, a popular model who makes and models her own skimpy costumes based on video game and superhero characters. ‘Guys will say, “Nice boots,” when they mean nice boobs.’”

“‘I get hit on every five minutes,’ confirms Yuffie Bunny, a 26-year-old model promoting costume company Head Kandi. ‘I feel like the new pick-up line at conventions is, “Can I get a photo of you?”‘”

These women (Yaya and Yuffie) dress like a 13-year-old’s sexual fantasy and then get indignant when people pay attention to them? Feh.

Over in the Sports section, Hondo writes, “Experts say sanitary issues could cause a health crisis among the Occupy Wall Street protesters at the Zuccotti Park whiz- and dump-fest. With the unemployment crisis one of their areas of concern, some enterprising dissident probably could find work and make a killing by investing in a pooper-scooper and charging park dumpers for fecal-matter removal.”

Zing!

(I guess the Post hasn’t stopped claiming that protesters are defecating in the street.)

And that’s Sunday.

I cannot believe I’ve never seen this clip before. It’s 21 years old, which makes it more mature than Rush Limbaugh will ever be. As David Feldman noted (in his Facebook posting of this video), Rush’s quote of “you have no idea if I mean what I say” is especially poignant.

Did I say poignant? I meant pungent.

If anyone knows who that woman is, please send her my love and admiration.

Other things worth noting:

1) The number for Rush’s call-in show was 212-35-CHIMP.

2) Rush’s claim that “words don’t kill” reminds me of the old “guns don’t kill people; people kill people” slogan. I guess what Rush meant to say is “words don’t kill people; people who say words that incite/justify hatred and violence kill people.” In which case, he does have blood on his hands.

3) Rather than engage in a debate that he couldn’t win, Rush evicted the audience from the studio — and then told his viewers “We’d like to point out to you that nobody was evicted from the studio.” To be fair, he’s technically right — they didn’t kick out anybody; they kicked out everybody.

4) I found an old picture. Can you figure out which of these three people is Rush?

The correct answer is… actually, a case could be made for Rush being all three. So… they’re all correct answers.

Also, for anyone who still doesn’t quite understand what the protesters on Wall Street are angry about, maybe this old Calvin and Hobbes strip will help (thanks, Will Choy).

Have the loveliest of Saturdays.

Ladies and gentlemen, Elizabeth Warren:

And also, Elizabeth Warren:

If we were a country that didn’t vilify intelligence as a form of smug elitism, she would be our president.

My steamy night of passion with Ashton

SEE PAGE 9

I did! Apparently, Us Weekly and London’s The Sun newspaper offered Sara Leal, 22, more money than Mr. Kutcher, 33, because she has shared the intimate details of her (alleged) affair with Demi Moore’s husband. Don Kaplan writes, “After they had sex for the first time, the two made small talk, discussing where she grew up and when her birthday was. She also told him that she was religious — a Lutheran from Texas. ‘He said, “Oh my gosh, are you a Republican?” I was like, “What, do you like Obama?” He said, “Yeah,” and asked if I could name any up-and-coming candidates. I said Rick Perry.’ Then they had sex again.”

Leal may have had sex with Ashton Kutcher, but the fact that she considers Rick Perry an up-and-coming candidate proves she was already fucked.

Jennifer Fermino’s Views collide on bike lanes claims that a survey of residents near the Columbus Avenue bike lanes on the Upper West Side “reads as if it were conducted in two different cities.”

“In one corner, there’s the 31 percent who found that the 7-month-old lanes — which stretch from West 77th to West 96th streets — ‘very much’ keep them out of harm’s way. Contrast that with the other 31 percent, who said the lanes did zilch for their safety. Another 25 percent felt ’somewhat safer,’ and the rest weren’t sure.”

So 31% say it makes them “very much” safer and 25% say it makes them “somewhat safer,” which means 56% of respondents find them at least somewhat beneficial. Only 31% say they aren’t beneficial (though not necessarily detrimental) and 13% “weren’t sure.” Jennifer thinks this reads like it was conducted in two different cities? Maybe she’s referring to some of the survey’s other results…

“Overall, 40 percent said the current design of the bike lanes works well for everyone, while 33 percent called it a ‘good start’ that needed improvement.”

This is a comically terrible newspaper.

“A surprising 80 percent of teenage boys say they’re using condoms the first time they have sex, a government survey found in a sign that decades of efforts to change young people’s sexual behavior are taking hold. Boys’ condom use is up from 71 percent in 2002, according to the study — based on interviews with about 4,700 teens ages 15 to 19 — released yesterday by the National Center for Health Statistics.”

Rick Perry is the kind of guy I want to have a beer with just on the off chance that he’ll momentarily leave it unattended, allowing me to spit in it.

Bonus Points: Did you notice that The Texas Tribune misspelled pregnancy in the clip’s title card? They spelled it PREGNACAY. I guess it isn’t just abstinence education that Texas schools are botching.

They caught the person who leaked Scarlett Johansson’s nude photos.

“Christopher Chaney, 35, was arrested without incident yesterday morning at his Jacksonville, Fla., home for allegedly hacking into celebrities’ Google, Apple and Yahoo e-mail accounts between last November and February.”

What Chaney did was despicable and I’m glad they caught him.

After he leaked those pictures.

Ed White’s Undie bomber stuns court with confession tells us that Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab “surprised” and “caught observers off guard” when he explained that his underwear bomb was a “blessed weapon to save the lives of innocent Muslims.”

Ed quotes three other people in his article: Abdulmutallab’s attorney (Anthony Chambers), Attorney General Eric Holder and one of the passengers on the plane that Abdulmutallab tried to blow up (Lori Haskell). Chambers says that he wanted to go to trial but his client insisted on pleading guilty, Holder applauds the court system that will ensure Abdulmutallab will die in prison, and 34-year-old Haskell (of Newport, Michigan) “watched Abdulmutallab’s plea by video in an overflow room. She called his statement ‘chilling’ but not surprising.”

Stunning.

Josh Saul’s Mrs. O: I’m the first shopper should earn him many, many journalistic awards.

“The first lady claims she’s a regular at Chipotle, Starbucks and Target — even though critics have doubted the authenticity of her incognito trips in the past.”

Other things critics have doubted the authenticity of: her husband’s citizenship, her husband’s religion, and her husband not being the Antichrist. In fact, many critics still believe these things.

I can only hope that someone hacks into Michelle Obama’s credit card activity soon, because if she’s claiming to shop at Chipotle more than she actually does, then surely that’s grounds for impeachment of her husband, right?

This article is on page 8.

Also on page 8 is Geoff Earle’s Cain gains to top GOP field: poll.

“[Herman Cain] now leads Republican rival Mitt Romney 30 to 22 percentage points in a new survey by Progressive Policy Polling.”

Of course, Rasmussen released a poll today that shows Romney and Cain tied at 29%. Which supports my contention that polls are virtually meaningless.

Geoff has another piece on page 8 (Team Obama ‘flips’ out over Romney) that mentions (at the very end) that Cain has “released his economic team’s analysis behind his ‘9-9-9′ plan… claiming it would bring in the same revenues the feds get now.” What Geoff doesn’t do is tell us if their claims are verifiable.

And S.A. Miller’s piece on page 8 (Defeated O keeps up fight – it’s a very crowded page) mentions that Republicans continue to oppose Obama’s jobs plan because “any tax hike is economic poison.” Again, a rudimentary understanding of how Google works can disprove that position in less than a minute. But the Post isn’t interested in pointing out the flaws of the GOP. After all, that wouldn’t be fair and balanced, now would it?

The good news: Occupy Wall Street gets more coverage today!

The bad news: David Seifman and Tim Perone’s Zuccotti getting clean sweep is about how Mayor Bloomberg went to Zuccotti Park last night to tell the protesters that the park’s owners need to clean up tomorrow so they have to leave — but they’ll be allowed back in as soon as they’re finished cleaning.

“The owner of Zuccotti, Brookfield Properties said ‘the cleaning will be done in stages and the protesters will be able to return to the areas that have been cleaned, provided they abide by the rules.’” I think that sounds a little fishy. So do some other folks. “Protesters last night were concerned this was a ruse to kick them out for good. ‘If they want to clean the park, why don’t they make a plan with the organizers of Occupy Wall Street to clean the park?’ asked David Martinez.” Agreed.

On the plus side, the article has a photograph of two protesters being arrested outside JPMorgan Chase yesterday:

In a related story, the Mark Morris Dance Group has announced they’ll begin their 2012 season with a piece titled “Occupy: Wall Street, Main Street, Beat Street” and released a promotional photograph of the production:

The proposed exodus of protestors is scheduled to take place at 7:00 a.m. Friday morning. I have a really bad feeling that something terrible is going to happen. I hope I’m wrong.

B’KLYN GROPER ‘FESSES’

They got him! “Adolfo Martinez, 26, spilled his guts after cops showed him surveillance video linking him to Monday’s attack on an 18-year-old in Sunset Park.” Martinez’s wife and 8-month-old son must be so proud! I’m just glad they finally caught the person responsible for all of those attacks.

“Martinez fits the description in most of the other attacks, but cops believe there may be as many as three other assailants.” Oh.

If you recognize any of these men, please contact the NYPD ASAP. And if you recognize the man in the middle, please contact me ASAP and tell me why he has a waffle face. I bet there’s a really funny story behind it. Oh, and if you recognize the guy on the right, ask him where he got a baseball hat made of wood. I’d like one.

Pull up a chair and get get comfortable. Andrea Peyser’s cup of crazy runneth over today.

She directs her acerbic {whatever the opposite of wit is} at various targets — Nancy Shevell, Amanda Knox, The View, Hasidim in Williamsburg… on any other day, I’d have fun making fun of her misplaced rage (except against Shevell — I have no love for that woman). But I only have time to deconstruct two of her pieces. The first is Buy soap & Occupy a shower.

“Day-tripping to the home of Occupy Wall Street last week, my sense were assaulted by the stench of unbathed humans, cut by the intoxicating aroma of marijuana. It’s gotten worse. As The Post reported, cretins seeking cheap drugs, warm bodies and free food are bedding down in Zuccotti Park next to trust-fund-fueled activists unable to coherently articulate what the devil they’re fighting for… Only in America would people intentionally expose themselves to dirt, disease and sexual assault to prove — what? Time to go home.”

Mandrea is perpetuating the idea (started by Fox News, naturally) that everyone at the protest is a drug-addled idiot (but also a trust-fund hipster) with no idea why they’re there. I’ve already posted more than enough video clips that disprove this condescending falsehood, but Victoria Jackson recently uploaded to YouTube what she believes is footage of her proving the same point Peyser is making here. Except she actually proves the opposite, proving that she incredibly dumb. Only watch this if you have time to kill and want to see protesters patiently answer Jackson’s ridiculously juvenile questions.

But most of Peyser’s page of misplaced venom is devoted, once again, to The 99. It’s Islam’s superzeroes is a retread of the piece she wrote for Monday’s paper (Better to tune out this scary cartoon), only shriller.

“As we speak, Kuwaiti psychologist Naif Al-Mutawa is on a quest to install in your kids’ TV a posse of righteous, Sharia-compliant cartoon Muslim superheroes (right) — including bad-ass Batina, who fights villains covered head-to-toe in a burqa.” His changed his name from Naif al-Mustawa to Naif al-Mutawa since Monday? Actually, a quick search reveals that his name has always been Naif al-Mutawa. So Mandrea got it wrong (repeatedly) on Monday. She should really take more pride in her shame. B’also, is anyone else freaked out by her visceral opposition to a superhero believing in Islam? Fun Fact: There have been Islamic superheroes (and villains) in comics for a very long time. A partial list of Middle Eastern characters can be found here. And a story about the French Muslim version of Batman (Nightrunner) that DC Comics introduced earlier this year can be found here. And, just for the heck of it, here are some character sketches of Nightrunner.

But please continue, crazy woman(?).

“His animated series, The 99, has drawn howls from Western pundits, mainly me, who see it as a stealthy move to instill Middle Eastern values in Christian and Jewish minds. AtlasShrugs.com blogger Pamela Geller calls the cartoon ‘cultural jihad.’ Al-Mutawa hit back. He blasted critics, who’ve kept his cartoon off the air so far in the United States, as ‘intellectual terrorists’ to CNN.com. Nice. I thought we were just concerned moms.”

How dare the man you falsely accuse of trying to indoctrinate our children into supporting Sharia Law call you and Pamela Geller (who once said “Obama is a third worlder and a coward. He will do nothing but beat up on our friends to appease his Islamic overlords.“) intellectual terrorists! After all, there’s nothing intellectual about either one of you!

“In most of America (Sunday in New York and LA), Al-Mutawa argues the case for foisting The 99 on impressionable kids. He stars in a sympathetic PBS documentary that’s called — I can’t imagine how politically correct eggheads at PBS missed the message — Wham! Bam! Islam! Shut! My! Mouth!” Oh! Please! Do!

What do you suppose the “message” that PBS missed is? “Wham!” and “Bam!” are common comic-book sound effects. Islam rhymes with both of them. And I’m assuming that the documentary is about Islamic superheroes… what am I missing? Seriously, please tell me.

“I talked to Al-Mutawa to give him a shot at turning me. Talking faster than a speeding bullet, he said he created The 99 as a comic book to show his five sons that, after 9/11, Muslims can be positive role models. OK. So why the burqa? ‘I don’t agree with the burqa. I don’t believe it’s part of my religion. It’s part of Arab culture,’ he said. I repeat — why the burqa? Long pause. ‘You’re supposed to tell little girls who have to wear the burqa that they’re not part of the world?’ he finally said. ‘It makes them feel good about themselves. I’m not here to judge anyone.’ So, if the cartoonist can’t judge, then what is and isn’t permissible in The 99? Stoning?”

Wouldn’t it be amazing if people started demanding that all of the Christian superheroes eschew all of their religious identities because The Bible (in Deuteronomy 22:28-29) says that a virgin who is raped must marry her rapist (as long as her rapist pays her father fifty shekels of silver)? Or would you be OK with that if someone raped your daughter, Mandrea? So long as your husband got fifty shekels?

“My column is the only one named in the documentary as having spooked the network from airing the show. But rather than confront me, Al-Mutawa is sweetness and light. ‘I respect your opinion.’” What a jerk! He actually had the audacity to show you tolerance? That’s it. Where’s my pitchfork?

“‘One way or the other,’ Al-Mutawa told CNN.com, ‘The 99 will get on air in the US.’ He toned down even these fighting words when trying to spin me. ‘If reason is going to prevail, it will air in America,’ he said. Naive Al-Mutawa means well. I hope. But his cartoon has no business near your kid.”

Who made this haggard imbecile the arbiter of what the country’s children should and shouldn’t see? The same person who complains about the government butting into her life is declaring that the nation shouldn’t have access to a cartoon aimed at the millions of Muslim children that live here as American citizens?

If anything has no business near your kid, it’s Peyser’s husband, Mark Phillips. After all, he’s a suspected pedophile.

According to Page Six (today on pages 16 and 17), Forbes listed Bethenny Frankel as the third-highest-earning woman in entertainment after they were told that she made “an estimated $100 million” from the sale of her Skinnygirl Margarita mix to Fortune Brands. But it turns out she was actually paid $8.1 million, not $100 million.

Priceless.

Cindy Adams is (sigh) back.

“Let’s just elect a eunuch for president. At least there won’t be any inaugural balls.”

I see what you did there, Cindy. And it wasn’t dying, which angers me to no end.

“A Queens narcotics cop [Stephen Anderson] caught on video framing four men in a bar has pleaded guilty to a drug-sale charge, been sentenced to two to four years in prison — and agreed to testify against other cops.”

I say again: If your job is to uphold the law and you break it, your consequences should be far more severe than those of an inner-city youth who doesn’t know better and commits the same crime.

George Will (when did he drop the middle initial? why wasn’t I informed?) pens the op-ed The Idiocy of ‘Occupy’: Protests will alienate America.

“In scale, OWS’ demonstrations-cum-encampments are to Tea Party events as Pittsburgh, Kan. is to Pittsburgh, Pa. So far, probably fewer people have participated in all of them combined than attended just one Tea Party rally, that of Sept. 12, 2009, on the Washington Mall. OWS is to the Tea Party as Lady Gaga is to Lord Chesterfield.”

Fun Fact: Will has a 39-year-old son, Jon, who was born with Down syndrome. But I would bet good money that Jon could easily explain to his father what’s egregiously wrong with his column. For example, I wonder what Will thinks the attendance of that rally was. Is he going by the actual figure or the one that Freedomworks exaggerated by 2,000%? And is Will accounting for the fact that Glenn Beck spent months promoting the rally (it was part of his “9-12 Project,” not a spontaneous revolt)? And does Will think that any of the folks at that rally would have had the fortitude to camp out and put their money where their mouths for weeks at a time? I mean, the tea bags dangling from their made-in-China tri-corner hats would start to stink after a couple of days — especially if it rained. If the protesters in Zuccotti Park are idiots, George, then what does that make you? Actually, you inspired me to make an analogy of my own:

George Will is to a smug asshole as a smug asshole is to a smug asshole.

“Universal Pictures abandoned a plan to offer the Eddie Murphy comedy Tower Heist on pay television three weeks after its theatrical release, yielding to a threatened boycott by exhibitors.”

So most of us will have to wait much longer to not watch it on TV after not seeing it in theaters.

See you tomorrow.

“An Illinois woman competed in the Chicago Marathon over the weekend — then gave birth to a baby girl hours later. Amber Miller, an avid runner, was nearly 39 weeks pregnant as she ran and walked the whole marathon Sunday. Her doctor gave the OK for the run, she said.”

And I say that both Amber and that doctor are insane.

“NFL star Terrell Owens… was rushed to the hospital for a possible prescription-pill overdose, it was reported yesterday.”

You know, Terrell, there are easier ways to get back on VH1…

…though I look forward to seeing Dr. Drew make you cry on whatever season of Dr. Drew Presents Dr. Drew in Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew you end up on.

(and if you think I’m being unnecessarily glib, Owens overdosed on prescription drugs in 2006, too — he doesn’t really want to die, he just wants more attention… which I just gave him… sigh… you’ve won this round, Terrell)

“Members of the Tea Party rebelled against Staten Island Rep. Mike Grimm yesterday for backing Mitt Romney for president. Dozens of Tea Party types — mostly backers of White House candidate Ron Paul — protested outside Grimm’s Staten Island district office for endorsing Romney, whom they consider the least representative of conservative Tea Party values.”

Erin Calabrese and Carl Campanile neglect to mention how the protesters were dressed or how they smelled or what their educational background was or whether they had a concise list of demands. I guess that stuff’s only important when they’re discussing Occupy Wall Street.

S.A. Miller would like you to know that “President Obama yesterday sent desperate pleas across the Twitterverse in a last-ditch effort to pressure Senate Republicans to back his $447 billion jobs bill in a crucial vote today.”

Desperate, last-ditch… at least Mr. Miller concedes that today’s vote is crucial (though I don’t think anyone has any doubt that the GOP will refuse to vote for it).

Remember “‘Joe’ the ‘Plumber’”? You know, the person who isn’t named Joe (real name: Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher) and isn’t a plumber (from an old Toledo Blade article: “Mr. Wurzelbacher said he works under Al Newell’s license, but according to Ohio building regulations, he must maintain his own license to do plumbing work. He is also not registered to operate as a plumber in Ohio, which means he’s not a plumber.”)? Well, he’s running for Congress in Ohio.

And if you were wondering if he feels he owes John McCain any thanks for getting him started on his current political career, here’s what “Joe” has to say about that: “I don’t owe him shit. He really screwed my life up, is how I look at it.” Poor guy.

B’also? Does this mean that “Joe” is giving up his career as a “stand-up comic”?

Fun Fact: The anti-socialism “Joe” used to collect welfare.

The good news: Occupy Wall Street gets most of page 7!

The bad news: This is still the New York Post, so almost all of the coverage is devoted to a follow-up of yesterday’s piece on that drunk in Zuccotti Park. PARTY OVER, BUM: ‘Occupy’ crasher busted in grope by Helen Freund, Lachlan Cartwright and Josh Saul begins, “The methadone-addled man freeloading off the Wall Street protest — who told The Post there are warrants out for his arrest — was collared yesterday for allegedly groping a young woman. Dave Park, 27, was handcuffed after he allegedly grabbed the victim’s behind in Zuccotti Park. It was one of four arrests yesterday connected to the rambunctious, 2,000-strong Occupy Wall Street rally.”

Either Park aged three years overnight or the Post made a mistake by calling him a 24-year-old yesterday (or a 27-year-old today).

“‘It’s a bunch of crazy people doing crazy things,’ Park had said before his arrest. ‘I don’t know how it all started, but it’s cool.’” See? The protesters don’t even know why they’re there! (The methadone-addled freeloader is a good spokesperson for the group, right?)

“Also arrested yesterday was Nathan Putney, 20, of Richmond, Va., and a 27-year-old man from Brooklyn. Both were handed disorderly-conduct summonses for taking photos of police after they had been told to stop, sources said.” Does that mean I can tell the NYPD to stop videotaping me whenever I feel like it?

“Meanwhile, Rachel McMurray, 27, was arrested for ‘damage to the sidewalk,’ for writing on the corner of Liberty Street and Broadway in chalk.” Liberty Street my ass. Your tax dollars at work.

Fun Fact: McMurray was writing, “Good morning, NYPD.”

“Today, protest organizers will put on a ‘Millionaires March’ to the homes of wealthy city residents. The march is set to begin around 11:30 a.m. at 59th Street and Fifth Avenue, organizers said.”

Fun Fact: One of those homes belongs to… Rupert Murdoch!

“One celebr [sic] made an appearance at Zuccotti Park yesterday. Rapper Kanye West rallied the crowd, which has been there since Sept. 17.” I guess Russell Simmons is no longer a celebr.

Bonus Points: The marine’s sign says “2ND TIME I’VE FOUGHT FOR MY COUNTRY, 1ST TIME I’VE KNOWN MY ENEMY”

If you don’t support Occupy Wall Street, then you don’t support our troops.

There is some good news for the folks in Zuccotti Park, though: “Mayor Bloomberg said they can stay as long as they want. ‘The bottom line is people want to express themselves, and as long as they obey the law, we’ll allow them to.’”

Hank’s song is a ‘hit’ announces Hank Williams Jr.’s new single, “I’ll Keep My…” “could be on iTunes as early as this morning.” Here it is (Not Safe For Working Brains):

What a moron.

The article also informs us that he’ll be on The View today. Here that is:

I’m sure Mickey Mantle would be thrilled that Bocephus chose to wear his Yankees jersey on the show.

He really is an incredibly stupid person. But the table of biddies is equally stupid for now asking him to defend his declaration that Obama and Biden “the enemy.”

Fun Fact: The original Bocephus was also a dummy.

“British police showed up at [Paul] McCartney’s $16 million home in the tony St. John’s Wood section of London at around 1:30 a.m. to tell the star-studded crowd [at his wedding reception] that they had to quiet down.” I learned this in Jennifer Fermino’s horribly-titled article, WHAT A McCRACKET!

I see what she did there (though “McCophony” sounds more like “McCartney” and would have been funnier).

“[Nancy] Shevell, an MTA board member, os reportedly planning on living in London with her spouse. She is telling friends that she does not plan to step down from the MTA’s board until Gov. Cuomo has found a replacement for her.”

Um… when did she decide that she wanted to live in England? It had to have been months ago, yes? So why wasn’t a replacement found then? Oh. Right. It’s the MTA. Never mind.

S.A. Miller insists that “The Obama administration’s Solyndra scandal gets deeper and wider with each passing day.” Just like Miller’s asshole.

Sorry.

If you’d like to read something intelligent about Solyndra, try this.

The man suspected of groping women in Sunset Park, Greenwood and near Prospect Park (and other nearby Brooklyn neighborhoods) has struck again. “The latest confirmed incident occurred at about 11:30 p.m. Sunday on Vanderbilt Street in Windsor Terrace when the woman was walking home after visiting a friend.”

The assailant is described as “about 5-foot-4 to 5-foot-6 and Hispanic.” [insert joke about most Hispanic men being that height] [then think better of it and remove it]

My wife and I live in Windsor Terrace. If the police don’t find this guy soon, I will.

According to Page Six (today on pages 14 and 15), Derek Jeter flew to Miami on Friday to try and reconcile with Minka Kelly. “‘They met up to try and figure it out,’ one source told Page Six. ‘They are trying to see what the future holds for them.”

She can’t love you like I can, Derek. I wish you could see that.

Cindy Adams is in Switzerland.

“I’m Switzerland-ing. Switzerland’s clean, neat, got Swiss cheese, Swiss clocks, Swiss chocolates, Swiss banks, Swiss Army knives and no demonstrations. It’s also got TV.”

Please. Just. Die.

Bonus Points: She says of Horrible Bosses, “The vulgar, low-class film is insanely funny.”

Thus proving that she’s insanely insane.

In Delhi, California, “a 19-year-old and a juvenile broke into a home and stole 50 compact discs they thought were blank. But when they tried to record music on them, they discovered they were filled with child pornography. They did the right thing and went to cops, telling officers how and where they got the CDs. The owner was arrested — and grateful cops let the burglars go.

Despite the fact that they were burglars.

I wonder if the next person they steal from can sue the police for letting them go…

“Nissan is working with Swiss scientiststo build a car that reads minds. Researchers at Switzerland’s Federal Polytechinic School have created a ‘brain-machine interface’ that will allow future vehicles to prepare for a left or right turn — choosing the correct speed and positioning — when they ‘realize’ the driver is thinking about such a maneuver.”

This is a horrible idea that is going to kill people. I can only hope Cindy Adams is one of them.

The editorial Occupiers’ Little Helpers begins, “Did you happen to catch the photos of an Occupy Wall Street protester exercising his First Amendment rights by defecating on an NYPD patrol car? Probably not — unless you follow a British newspaper online.”

1) I have not catch those photos.

2) If the Post has those photos, why doesn’t it run them?

3) I did some research and found one photo of a man with his ass pressed against an NYPD car. I didn’t see any defecation. And I am not certain that he isn’t a provocateur sent by The American Spectator or whoever pays James O’Keefe’s rent.

“Now, who’s to doubt that the media would be far more attentive should, say, a Tea Party activist make a similar deposit on a cop car? America would never hear the end of it.”

Oh, that’s why the Post hasn’t run the photo. Because then they wouldn’t be able to complain that no one is running the photo!

This is a terrible newspaper.

Speaking of terrible, Manhattan’s Alan Abrams writes, “Mayor Bloomberg is correct in asserting that the Wall Street protests are hurting the city’s image. He should also have said that they’re unfocused, incoherent and generally silly. The protesters should return to their geriatric hippie communes and to the bedrooms in their parents’ basements so that the city’s productive working people could go about their business.”

Dix Hills’ Marty Gavin writes, “If the mayor really wants to clear the protesters out of the park, open an Apple store a few blocks away. I have no doubt those protesting corporate greed, lost jobs and outstanding student loans will still ante up for spanking-new, high-priced iPhones to replace the ones they bought last year.”

Congratulations, Alan and Marty! You have successfully regurgitated the Post’s erroneous stereotypes! Occupy Wall Street may not consist solely of hippies and lazy, wealthy teenagers, but don’t let that stop you from being smug assholes!

Rich Lowry praises Jim DeMint today as being the political figure that the Tea Party “admires most.” Which makes perfect sense.

After all, the Tea Party doesn’t want the government to butt into their lives and Jim DeMint has spent years trying to have prayers mandated in public schools. He also opposes abortion in cases of rape and incest. Because, like the Tea Party, he thinks the government shouldn’t butt into people’s lives.

Jonathan Tobin (of Commentary magazine) starts his No Reform For NPR with: “National Public Radio unveiled its new CEO last week, and as Politico noted, the choice reflected its belief that what it needs isn’t better policies but a savvier p.r. strategy. The network thinks that if only the public and Congress learn how essential its programming is, taxpayer dollars will continue flowing. Wrong.”

Anyone who has ever listened to NPR knows how valuable its programming is. And anyone who says it isn’t is a liar, an idiot or a lying idiot.

Netflix has announced that it will not be starting a new service called Qwikster.

Netflix stock closed at $111.62 yesterday. In July, shares sold for roughly $300.

If Netflix lowers their recent price hikes (or, at the very least, recombine streaming and DVD rentals), they will retain and win back a lot of their customers. And their stock will rise.

I have won as many football games this year as the Miami Dolphins (0-4), Indianapolis Colts (0-5) and St. Louis Rams (0-4) combined.

Linda 3Starsi reviews OWN’s The Rosie Show (ROSIE RIVETS: Ex-wreck’s TV comeback is ‘Oprah-haha’).

She gives it…

…three stars.

See you tomorrow!

MTA declares more subway ‘holidays’

“An MTA pilot program that has declared a slew of historically lower-ridership days — such as Columbus Day and New Year’s Eve — ‘minor holidays’ is making its debut, a change that will provide fewer trains on seven lines and an initial savings of $200,000 a year. Other days that will see service reductions include Good Friday, the Friday after Thanksgiving, Martin Luther King Day, Christmas Eve and the three weekdays after Christmas when they fall Monday through Thursday. On those days, the average wait for a train will be one to two minutes longer, according to the MTA estimates.”

1) Has anybody ever taken a subway train on New Year’s Eve? If so, did it strike you as having “75 percent or fewer riders than a typical weekday”? Or were you, like me, crushed by hordes of drunkards in ironic novelty sunglasses?

2) If the MTA estimates a two-minute delay, you can expect to wait at least 10 minutes.

3) The MTA blows $200,000 a day. If that’s what they estimate this “pilot program” will save them, you can safely assume it will ultimately cost the MTA hundreds of thousands of dollars. Which they will try to make up by raising our fares. Again.

4) I hate the MTA.

Weekend Box Office:

50/50 remained in fifth place ($5,500,000), Moneyball dropped to fourth place ($7,500,000), Dolphin Tale fell to third ($9,160,000), The Ides of March debuted in second ($10,400,000), and Real Steel opened in first ($27,300,000).

The good news: Occupy Wall Street gets most of page 4 and all of page 5!

The bad news: Under the banner headline IT’S NYC’S ‘LAM’-STERDAM, There are two articles (besides S.A. Miller’s brief Pelosi: ‘Count me among’ supporters): Hannah Rappleye and Bob Fredericks’ Kids get lesson in street grime and Lachlan Cartwright and Bob Fredericks’ Boozed-up fugitives at the protest.

From Hannah and Bob’s article: “Some hippie families are toting kids to the wild Occupy Wall Street protests — including one 13-year-old boy who carries a stack of quarters in case he has to make a jailhouse phone call and a homemade solution that washes pepper spray from the eyes. ‘The people I ended up sleeping next to were druggies. Someone was trying to put out a cigarette out on my face, and I had to roll over,’ said the teen, Luca Rozany, who arrived at Zuccotti Park after riding 12 hours with his grandfather and best childhood pal from their home in Asheville, NC.” Anybody else notice that the same paper who criticized the left for implying that the Tea Partiers carrying racist (and often misspelled) signs at rallies were anything but rare exceptions (and for allegedly ignoring the more calm and intelligent Tea Partiers in their “lamestream media” coverage) now spends at least a page a day “reporting” on Occupy Wall Street by focusing on the most embarrassing participants and ignoring anyone who has a coherent thought to share?

For another example of that, let’s look at the other article (which gets all of page 5). “Lured by cheap drugs and free food, creepy thugs have infiltrated the crowd of protesters camped out in Zuccotti Park for Occupy Wall Street, The Post has learned. ‘I got warrants. I’m running from the law,’ boasted Dave, 24, a scrawny, unshaven miscreant in filthy clothes from Stamford, Conn… ‘I’ve been smoking and drinking in here for eight days now,’ said Dave, booze on his breath and his eyes bloodshot as he lay sprawled on a tattered sheet of cardboard.”

As Mohandas Gandhi once said, “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

I guess we’re halfway there.

Bonus Points: Let’s all watch this again, shall we?

“House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan yesterday accused President Obama of using his doomed jobs bill to ‘create political ruckus’ instead of honestly working to create jobs.”

The author of Atlas Shrugged II: The Path to Prosperity went on to say that “instead of trying to get compromise, [Obama's] embracing conflict.”

Because the GOP is always willing to compromise. Right, Yertle?

“Mikey Welsh, former bassist for the rock band Weezer, died from a suspected drug overdose in Chicago — after predicting the exact location and time of his own death on Twitter just weeks ago… On Sept. 26, Welsh [tweeted], ‘dreamt i died in chicago next weekend (heart attack in my sleep). need to write my will today.’ Then he added, ‘correction — the weekend after next.’”

He died on Saturday. The cause of death is still unknown, pending toxicology reports. The media is really playing up the clairvoyance aspect of the story, but it isn’t supernatural in the least to “predict” that you’re going to overdose on drugs in two weeks and then, two weeks later, overdose on drugs (if, in fact, Welsh did).

In any case, rest in peace, Mikey.

Andrea Peyser is at her shrillest today.

Better to tune out this scary cartoon reminds us that “A year ago, I brought word of the latest scourge set to hit your TV — a bunch of Sharia-compliant Muslim cartoon superheroes… After my column ran, TV channel The Hub yanked the show… This has royally peeved the show’s creator, Kuwaiti psychologist Naif al-Mustawa. He whined in a new PBS documentary, Wham! Bam! Islam! premiering Thursday, that critics (like me) poisoned his cartoon in the Western market. ‘One way or the other,’ al-Mustawa vowed, ‘The 99 will get air in the US.’ Not if I have anything to say about it.”

Why the Hell does she have anything to say about it? She never even saw the actual cartoon! And The 99 have already been introduced to Americans through a six-issue limited series put out by DC Comics!

Mandrea hates Muslims a lot. But who does she hate more than Muslims? (all together now) Women!

Gals too pretty to convict begins, “The world has a new, sleeker, prettier and more sympathetic Casey Anthony. Casey — say hey to Amanda Knox! You gals have a lot in common.” Um… not really. Anthony is a murderer who wasn’t punished for her crime; Knox is an innocent woman who served four years for a crime she didn’t commit. But Peyser doesn’t want to pay attention to the things the Italian police did to frame Knox. Why would she defend an attractive woman? She hates attractive women!

“As she sprinted out of court for the last time, Knox made a pretty spectacle, sobbing and sniffling as onlookers mobbed her. But then, I caught sight of something Knox didn’t want me to see. She grinned, and heartily. I’m outta here, suckers!” So… after numerous appeals, Knox is finally freed from jail and when she leaves court as a free woman for the first time in many years — after repeatedly being told there was no chance she would ever have her conviction overturned — she grinned and Peyser thinks that’s proof that she got away with murder? Unfuckingbelievable.

“Amanda Knox. Freed for being too pretty. This is justice?”

Andrea Peyser. Winced at for being too ugly. This is journalism?

Page Six is on pages 14 and 15 today.

Michael A. Walsh’s Cain’s Gift to the GOP: Forcing his rivals to get better claims that “[Herman] Cain’s unabashed defense of America could rally his rivals — and the nation.” Yeah. That’s America’s problem — we aren’t sufficiently full of ourselves.

The Vulcan Muppet praises Cain’s “sunny disposition that projects self-confidence without arrogance.” Only someone like Walsh could accuse Cain of not seeming arrogant.

Now that the Yankees are finishing playing baseball until 2012, I can stop caring about all sports. I don’t like basketball, hate hockey and soccer, and stopped rooting for the New York Giants when they asked my family for $100,000 for Personal Seat Licenses.

Which is great, because it means I can all but ignore the massive sports section in the Post.

If only I could do that to the rest of this horrible newspaper.

Linda 3Starsi reviews HBO’s new series Enlightened.

“You’d have to be halfnuts to dislike Enlightened, HBO’s over-the-edge dramedy beginning tonight. Not to sound crazy, but the other half of you would be nuts to like Enlightened.”

I read the rest of her review and, no, she never explains what that nonsense is supposed to mean. She does, however, finish up with “Give this one at least two episodes before you decide it’s too nuts for you.”

She gives the show four stars, but let’s assume that’s a typo.

Have a lovely week, peeps.

I am spending the day with my wife and having dinner with Joe Bill. So there.

But I found this video on Facebook (thanks to Rick Overton) and wanted to share it.

And, in case you’ve forgotten who David Duke was is, here’s him in his old uniform — burning a cross on someone’s lawn.

Fun Fact: He served in the House of Representatives (R-La.) from 1990 – 1992.

Happy Sunday!

…a bath.

“Our nation is on the ropes right now, on the ropes with very high employment.”

Good to see that all of that time out of the spotlight hasn’t made her any more intelligent (and that not even her cameraperson pays attention to what she says).

Hank Williams Jr. has posted an apology on his Web site:

“I have always been very passionate about Politics and Sports and this time it got the Best or Worst of me. The thought of the Leaders of both Parties Jukin and High Fiven on a Golf course, while so many Families are Struggling to get by simply made me Boil over and make a Dumb statement and I am very Sorry if it Offended anyone. I would like to Thank all my supporters. This was Not written by some Publicist.”  — Hank Williams Jr

I think there’s a hidden message here. He unnecessarily capitalizes a lot of letters… PSBWLPJHFGFSBDSOTNP… got it.

“P.S.: Barry White LPs? Just Heavenly. Fat George Foreman Should Buy Diet Sprite Only. Thanks, Nice People!”

Bonus Points: I forgot to mention yesterday that he referred to Obama and Joe Biden as “The Three Stooges.”

Of the five pictures I took at Zuccotti Park, this is the only one that came out nice.

But I’ll be going back soon.

Finally, here is a link to video of last night’s Massachusetts Democratic Primary Debate for U.S. Senate — Elizabeth Warren’s first debate.

Mark my words: Hillary Clinton will not be America’s first female president. Elizabeth Warren will.

And now, the Post.

“All she wanted was a hairdresser for her wedding. Instead, Tifany McIntosh got a dressing-down full of racial insults from a self-described ‘Stylist to the Stars’ when she missed an appointment. So the city’s Human Rights Commission fined Manhattan stylist Marina Vance $22,500 for the hateful 2009 voice-mail message [she left McIntosh].”

I Googled “Marina Vance voicemail” and the very first link was to a pdf of the Commission’s ruling — which contains a transcript of the (incredibly NSFW) voice-mail:

“Hello Tifany, this is Marina Vance. We had an appointment today at 11:30 – why you didn’t show up, or why you didn’t call, alright? Ah, this is very common with the — I’m sure you’re a fucking nigger, ah, who doesn’t care for anybody’s time, alright? I wish, you know what, please, that you don’t show up for your appointment, ah, which is coming. Tifany with an ‘F,’ a fucking nigger, next time, or or a fucking Dominican bitch. Okay?  Where the fuck is you that you thought you (inaudible) gonna kiss the fucking sweat off your ass. Good bye.”

More like Stylist to the Stars on the Confederate Flag, am I right?

Herman Cain, who has moved into a second-place tie with Rick Perry in the latest contextless ABC News/Washington Post poll, has just released his latest book:

This book comes less than four months after the release of Cain’s last book:

Barnes & Noble has already bundled both books into one volume titled They Think Herman Cain Is Stupid!

Bonus Points: I just found this video (it’s from Think Progress):

“It is a person’s fault if they fail.”

I don’t have the facts to back this up, but I think Herman Cain is a plant to distract everyone from common sense.

Josh Margolin and Carl Campanile’s ‘JERSEY IS STUCK WITH ME’: Christie rules out run for White House reports that Christie is (are you sitting down?) not running for president.

“‘I said I’d reconsider my “no,”‘ [Christie] said during an hourlong press conference at the State House in Trenton. ‘My “no” never changed.’”

At least he left the door open to enter the race later this year.

Michael Goodwin is crushed that Christie isn’t running.

“We’ll never know if Christie had the right stuff to go all the way, but his decision not to try is a disappointment.” What is it with the right and their love of governors quitting before their term is over?

Michael also devotes a large chunk of his page to attacking Comptroller John Liu and Council Speaker Christine Quinn.

“Although Quinn said the NYPD has to ‘maintain order,’ she told The Wall Street Journal that ‘the important thing is to make sure that law-enforcement agents are respecting the basic rights of protesters, and that we investigate any accusations of improper conduct.’ That’s ‘the important thing’? Tellingly, she did not call for investigations of demonstrators who are camping out in a public park, blocking streets and shutting down the Brooklyn Bridge. Her sympathies are appalling.” Yeah! How dare she seek to protect the rights of her constituents! How appalling!

You know what else is appalling? This:

And Michael Goodwin.

According to Page Six (today on pages 14 and 15), Tom Cruise was at a wedding in Palm Springs last weekend, where he “had a dance-off with a few of the guys in the wedding party.” (wink wink)

Additionally, Courtney Love tells Vanity Fair that she misses her daughter, Frances Bean. “In her rented West Village house, she shows writer Nancy Jo Sales a page of her daughter’s old diary with the heading ‘Things That Make Me Smile.’ ‘Why am I not on it,’ Love asks.” I don’t know… maybe because you’re the kind of mother that shows your daughter’s old diary to Vanity Fair? (B’also? I wonder if any of Nancy’s sexual partners have ever shouted “I’m in Sales!” during intercourse).

“The former finance director for the Girl Scout Council of Greater New York was charged yesterday with embezzling $310,000 from the nonprofit over two years. Yaasmin Hooey, 35, of Manhattan, allegedly used the stolen loot to buy a $13,000 diamond ring, a cosmetic laser procedure, gym memberships, clothes, concert tickets and a cruise with her girlfriend, according to one law-enforcement source… Hooey denied the charges.”

The headline is 310G ‘thief’ a bad Scout and not, for some unknown reason, Theft charge hooey: Hooey.

Cindy Adams reminds us that she holds grudges by regaling us with all of the wonderful celebrities she schmoozed st some charity function — Sarah Jessica Parker! Matthew Broderick! Stephen Sondheim!

“Then, Andy Cohen, the genius behind TV’s Real Housewives merde, approached. Him, I don’t talk to because he didn’t return a phone call.”

She also maintains grudges against Cotton Mather, Leif Ericson and Atlas.

“An MTV reality-show star who goes by the name ‘Johnny Bananas’ filed suit against the makers of Entourage yesterday for allegedly using his name in an ‘offensive and disparaging manner.’ Bananas, whose real name is John Devenanzio, says the hit HBO show is trying to cash in on his name with a plot line this season involving a gorilla cartoon show called Johnny’s Bananas. The Real World Key West star says he is ‘popularly known in the entertainment world as ‘Johnny Bananas’ and the gorilla is clearly a knockoff.”

Um, John? You aren’t popularly known anywhere. And those few who remember you from the various MTV shows you appear on also know that you are an offensive and disparaging person.

Enjoy minutes fourteen and fifteen and then please go away.

The MTA has launched a new three-digit phone service.

“The newly revamped 511 system made its debut yesterday, eliminating 117 separate phone lines that preiously frustrated straphangers.”

Now everyone can get frustrated by the same three-digit number!

Progress!

Poor John Podhoretz. His No GOP Dream Date: So what’s a girl to do now? is a discomforting metaphor wherein John casts the reader as a young girl and Rick Perry as the boy of his/her dreams (now that the morbidly obese boy is no longer available).

“Perry still wants you to think he’s The One, and that Mitt isn’t, and, come on, You Cannot Be Serious about Herman. But the rose-colored glasses are off, and without them, you’re just not that into him… But at some point you’re going to have to pick. As, [sic] your mother never fails to remind you, you’re not getting any younger.”

So hurry up and decide which one of the GOP’s presidential candidates you want to fuck you.

The editorial Chris Christie’s Choice declares that “With Christie’s decision, and no other prospective candidate on the horizon, the Republican race can begin for real.”

Today’s letters (with the exceptions of Bayside’s David Yale and Kennebunkport, Maine’s Laurie Dobson) all insult the Occupy Wall Street protestors with a equal helping of vitriol and ignorance.

None are worth reading, let alone sharing.

Crude oil dropped again to $75.67/barrel.

BUY! BUY! BUY!

Fun Fact: The Yankees and the Tigers are tied at two games each in the ALDS. But in the four games they’ve played, Detroit has scored 14 runs. The Yankees have scored 26.

Incredibly Fun Fact: Tigers’ pitcher Al Alburquerque’s 2011 postseason ERA is now… 81.00.

And that’s… today!

Tomorrow night, Dog Court is competing in the Cage Match at the UCB (at 11:00 p.m.). You can reserve tickets here (no credit card needed). Get there by 10:3o and you should be golden.

Also, as long as I’m plugging stuff, Teresa is just $102 shy of her $2,500 goal. If you haven’t chipped in, please do. $5 doesn’t buy much anymore but if 21 people each donated $5, I could stop begging you all for money. Once again, here’s the link to her Kickstarter page.

See you tomorrow.

Let’s start with an amusing photograph.

And now, the Post.

FAIR WARNING

Videos back cops in 700 bridge busts

“The NYPD yesterday provided two videos showing that cops warned protesters to move off the Brooklyn Bridge Sunday or face arrest — before busting 700.” Here are those videos:

Seems fairly cut and dry, right? The protesters were clearly warned and clearly chose to ignore that warning, right?

Marcel Cartier says no.

As he says (from roughly 1:10 – 3:02), he didn’t hear the announcement(s) despite being in the front of the crowd.

I couldn’t find the actual video on YouTube, but Keith Olbermann ran a video that backs up Marcel’s contention (skip ahead to the 5:00 mark).

“The cops said they were loud and clear — and yesterday produced two videos to prove it.”

Case closed.

Weekend Box Office:

What’s Your Number? opened in 8th place ($5,421,669), Dream House opened in 6th ($8,129,355), 50/50 opened in 5th ($8,644,095), Courageous opened in 4th ($9,063,147), The Lion King (in 3D) remained in theaters (Disney lied!) but dropped to 3rd place ($10,615,645), Moneyball remained in 2nd ($12,031,592), and Dolphin Tale moved up to 1st ($13,912,419).

Wait… what the Hell is Courageous?

…oh.

Josh Margolin, S.A. Miller and Bob Fredericks team up for ‘Brutal’ fire at Christie, which begins, “He’s feeling the heat. Gov. Chris Christie’s rivals opened fire yesterday as he continued mulling a run for the White House — and the usually jocular Republican heavyweight was showing clear signs of strain. ‘It’s brutal,’ one close adviser said of Christie’s mood in reaction to the harsh criticism aimed at him yesterday.”

Oh, no! Does this mean he won’t run?

[SPOILER: No, because he was never going to run in the first place.]

“Arizona Sen. John McCain, the 2008 Republican nominee, said Christie was similar to the ‘flavor of the month.’ ‘The swimming pool looks a lot better until you jump right in. The water may not be quite as warm as you think,’ McCain said on CBS’ Face the Nation.”

But the pool always gets much warmer as soon as McCain jumps in.

See what I did there?

“Presidential candidate Rick Perry’s campaign shifted into major damage-control mode yesterday after revelations that his family’s hunting camp was once named ‘Niggerhead,’ with the racist word scrawled on a rock at the entrance.”

A press release from Perry’s campaign assured people that Perry’s family never actually hunted niggers there, but people continue to make a big deal about this for some reason.

“A fast-food restaurant in Beijing called Obama Fried Chicken was derided in America yesterday as a racist rip-off.”

The writing on the bottom right allegedly translates to “We’re so cool, aren’t we?”

The Post names two people who are deriding the Chinese restaurant are Al Sharpton (surprise, surprise) and Momodou Jallow. And who is Mr. Jallow? He’s the manager of a restaurant at 110 St. Nicholas Avenue in Harlem. Says Jallow, “I wouldn’t eat there because of that picture. You can’t degrade the president like that. [Their logo] is sketched that way to make fun of Obama so people will buy fried chicken. How can you take [Colonel Sanders'] body and put Obama’s head on it and call it OFC? It’s disrespectful.” And what is the name of Jallow’s restaurant?

Obama Fried Chicken.

But Jallow explains his anger at the Chinese: “For us, it’s different. There’s no disrespectful picture.”

Of course.

Bonus Points: The Post calls it “Obama’s Fried Chicken,” but the signage all says “Obama Fried Chicken.”

According to Page Six (today on pages 12 and 13), Hailey Glassman (the ex-girlfriend of Jon Gosselin who told the press he was “hung like a 9-year-old”) has joined the cast of CMT’s Sweet Home Alabama. For those who aren’t familiar with the show, 11 “city” bachelorettes compete with 11 “country” bachelorettes for the affection of Tribble Reese (yes, that’s his real name).

If I was in charge of CMT, I would have called the show The Bachelurdle.

Page Six also reports that Christoph Waltz “dislocated his pelvis” while “training with a horse” for Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained.

Get well (and a restraining order) soon, Christoph.

Sigh. Cindy Adams still isn’t dead.

She starts off today’s column with a story about Rick Perry staying at the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island. “One thing it’s known for is the world’s longest porch — more than 800 feet. Said Rick Perry when he walked it: ‘Longest porch? Please. In Texas we’d consider it a windowsill.’” Right, except it’s the world’s longest porch, Rick. And Texas is, sadly, part of this world. Then again, this is the same guy who thinks evolution is less plausible than Intelligent Design.

Cindy later offers this… thing: “Ashton Kutscher [sic] going naked in his TV series role triggered a police action. Jealous cops want him to file in Small Claims Court.”

Die.

Andrea Peyser is in top form today.

“As the holidays bear down on this city faster than Alec Baldwin on a buffet table, the war on faith — a tradition more devoutly observed than Christmas, Hanukkah and Festivus combined — has arrived early.” I can’t believe she beat Bill O’Reilly to the punch! “At the ceremony commemorating the 10th anniversary of 9/11, Mayor Bloomberg, a proponent of Islam, banned all clergy members from participating — a move my source on Community Board 1 called ‘disgraceful.’ Soon these words may be forbidden: Merry, Happy, Joyful. Peace. So say them. As loud and as long as you can.” Yes, the Islam-loving mayor is going to ban the words merry, happy, joyful and peace because he hates Jesus.

Moron.

In Singing the Damned Yankees blues, she writes, “The Red Sox blew it. Bye-bye playoffs! Atlanta went down. Which leaves us with the prospect of having to cheer for the Yankees. No way.” This is the same person who, when the Yankees last won the World Series, called Derek Jeter “my man.” Fair-weather shrew.

She defends Demi Moore in Kick him out on his Ashton. Why? “Because I hate seeing a gal, even a pseudo-intellectual airhead, humiliated.” Luckily, calling someone “a pseudo-intellectual airhead” in a national publication isn’t humiliating.

She defends government employees who refuse to do what they’re paid to do in Let clerks say, ‘I don’t’ (which must make her gay-married niece so proud!). “Upstate Ledyard’s town clerk, Rose Marie Belforti, a Christian, refuses to sign marriage licenses for same-sex couples, who are sent to her deputy. Now, Belforti’s livelihood is at stake.” Mandrea goes on to explain that the Marriage Equality Act is hypocritical and “doesn’t protect the religious rights of those who toil as clerks. This is wrong. This is discriminatory. It must end.” But there’s one detail she leaves out of her passionate defense of law-breaking homophobes: ROSE MARIE BELFORTI DOESN’T HAVE A DEPUTY and she knows it. So when she tells same-sex couples that they can get a signature from her deputy, she’s lying to them. Which I’m sure Jesus appreciates.

Finally, HEY, HEY, HO, HO! TIME TO GO! explains why Occupy Wall Street should shut down their protest. “After weeks, I still haven’t heard a coherent explanation as to what protesters are trying to accomplish. Just that Michael Moore, who’s raked in millions from movies that demonize corporations that hire his friends and family, approves. That was fun. Now it’s time to say good night. And sleep in a bed.”

You want a coherent explanation, Mandrea? Here’s one that Fox News got (though they chose not to air it… I wonder why):

Charles Gasparino (senior correspondent for Fox Business Network) writes the op-ed Wall Street Die-Back: Feds choking golden goose, which begins, “The weirdo protesters ‘occupying’ Wall Street in recent days ought to be rampaging in Washington — because it’s the feds who’ve been choking the golden tax-revenue goose.”

He lost me at “weirdo.”

Claire Atkinson gives Two Broke Girls a B+ and calls it the “best-rated new fall show.”

I made it through the first two episodes. It is painfully bad. It’s almost as bad as Whitney (I could barely sit through the pilot).

Remember when there was incredibly funny TV shows on every night? Me neither.

After 778 consecutive weeks, Tiger Woods has dropped out of the top 50 in the world ranking of golfers.

Maybe he should start fucking porn stars again?

Linda 3Starsi reviews the season premiere of House.

She gives it…

…three stars.

And that’s Monday.

I have a rehearsal tonight, but I am confident that I will be all caught up by morning.

Happy Tuesday!

Before I get to Monday’s terrible newspaper, watch this:

Thank you, Bad Lip Reading. I needed that.

Weekend box office:

The Lion King (in 3D) stayed in first place ($21,929,332), and the rest of the top five were all premieres: Moneyball ($19,501,302), Dolphin Tale ($19,152,401), Abduction ($10,925,253) and Killer Elite ($9,352,008).

I’m not entirely sure how a Brad Pitt/Jonah Hill/Philip Seymour Hoffman movie written by Aaron Sorkin and Steven Zaillian makes just $348,901 more than a Harry Connick Jr./Ashley Judd/Kris Kristofferson movie about a dolphin with a prosthetic tail on their opening weekend, but then there’s a lot about American pop culture that I don’t understand.

“The average price for regular gasoline at US filling stations has fallen 12 cents, to $3.54 a gallon.”

I don’t know why this will make the Tea Party angry, I only know that it will.

S.A. Miller’s Mike hails Chris for GOP prez run is yet another Post article whose headline doesn’t match the article beneath it. The word “hail” (when used as a verb that doesn’t involve weather) means “to greet with enthusiastic approval.” So let’s hear Mayor Bloomberg’s enthusiastic approval of the presidential run that Chris Christie has repeatedly insisted he doesn’t want to be a part of.

“Some things he does I agree with. Some things he does I don’t agree with. But if he wants to run, he certainly should just get in there and go do it.”

A better headline would have been ‘Shit or get off pot, Chris!’ shrugs Mike.

Bonus Points: “Bloomberg said he probably wouldn’t outright endorse Christie or any other candidate for president in 2012.” Or, as S.A. Miller would paraphrase it, “Bloomberg: ‘I’m Team Christie in’12!’”

Lisa Riordan Seville’s Protests back on Wall Street (in its entirety):

“Angry protestors yesterday defiantly returned to Wall Street, the day after violent clashes with cops — and plotted a return today. Hundreds of activists jammed into lower Manhattan to take turns at a microphone to voice their gripes about the flailing economy and the financial industry. Cops have made 87 arrests since the protests began. The group plans to march again today on Wall Street from their camp at Zuccotti Park, where they first pitched tents Sept. 17.”

So much coverage!

I’m actually going into my office on Thursday for some job training and a tour of the still-in-progress facility. It’s on Liberty Street — a block away from Zuccotti Park. I’ll be swinging by Occupy Wall Street and taking pictures afterwards. Maybe I’ll get pepper-sprayed for no reason!

“A conservative health-advocacy group will make a push today for the city to adopt an ‘abstinence only’ sex-education curriculum in public schools after charging the Department of Education’s current program promotes sexual activity among youths. Leaders of the Chiaroscuro Foundation criticized the DOE’s contract with the California-based publisher ETR Associates, which provides materials for the city’s ‘Health Smart’ and ‘Reducing the Risk’ curriculum aimed at teenage students.”

Anybody else greatly amused that a group that believes sex education should be totally devoid of nuance — that there is a right way (abstinence only) and a wrong way (actual education) — is called the Chiaroscuro Foundation?

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) has declared that the US needs to “put Pakistan on notice” and that military action against Pakistan should be “on the table.” He has previously called for military action against Iran, as well. And he continues to insist that he isn’t gay.

Fun Fact: South Carolinans (Carolinians?) have kept this man in office since 1992.

“Saudi Arabia yesterday granted women the right to vote for the first time in its modern history — and will allow them to run in future municipal elections.”

Spousal rape remains legal, though. Baby steps, Saudi Arabia.

Saudi Ababya.

Sometimes one sentence of an Andrea Peyser rant tells me everything I need to know.

“The bike psychos need to stick a spoke in it — or else.”

“Here’s an idea for the UN building: Turn it into a housing project!”

But every now and then, a piece will surprise me and I’ll actually want to read further (though I always regret it by the end).

Mosque falls short begins, “Fear not, New Yorkers. A mosque will not soar over Ground Zero. Hooray?” Oh my God! Does Mandrea have protester’s remorse? No. She isn’t questioning whether we should celebrate — she’s wondering why people aren’t celebrating in the streets.

“The news should have reverberated all over the city — The Ground Zero Mosque Blinked! But if you shut your eyes for a millisecond, you likely missed it.” Maybe it’s because the Ground Zero Mosque isn’t at Ground Zero and was supposed to be an Islamic cultural center (with a mosque inside it)? Or maybe it’s because people have more important things to care about?

“Last year, The Washington Post and Salon.com reported that the national mosque controversy started in the blogs but moved into the mainstream media through my column. An honor.”

Congratulations, you ugly shrew! You helped foment racism and fear for no good reason! Your accused pedophile husband, Mark Phillips, must be so proud!

According to Page Six (today on pages 16 and 17), Lindsay Lohan thinks that “maybe people’s perceptions of me have been kind of taken out of context just from what you see and read.”

Or maybe not.

Speaking of Lindsay, Cindy Adams reports that “There’s a rumor [John Gotti's] lawyer Charles Carnesi… is hooking up with Lindsay Lohan.” Here’s a photo of Charles:

I thought Divine died years ago.

Bonus Points: Cindy writes about the cast of the remake of Straw Dogs, including James Marsden (who she reports used to be a news anchor in Oklahoma). Later, she talks about how Joan Rivers’ had car trouble on her way to dinner with Cindy and unsuccessfully tried to hail a cab in the rain. So a passing NYPD car took pity on her and drove her there. To which Cindy remarks, “John Marsden can tell you this doesn’t happen in Oklahoma.”

To which I remark, Cindy Adams can’t tell the difference between John and James and why won’t she die?

“The United States has a 50-50 chance of plunging into another recession ['in the next six to nine months'], Moody’s chief economist, Mark Zandi, warned yesterday.”

I like those odds!

Michael A. Walsh’s Fix the GOP Debates: This is no time for a circus complains that the debates thus far have featured “gotcha queries that seek to trip up the victim with some past inconsistencies or try to force an admission that he really has no chance, as happened back in August when Fox’s Chris Wallace asked Newt Gingrich about his troubled campaign” and demands that they “eliminate YouTube, Twitter and e-mailed queries” because “TV journalists are paid big money for their expertise. Amateurs shouldn’t be asking the questions the pros should ask” (unless they’re Chris Wallace, apparently.

The Vulcan Muppet also laments that “smothered by campaign consultants, the candidates reduce themselves to focus-group-tested tag lines, happy to play Rosencrantz and Guildenstern instead of striving for Hamlet.”

Hamlet was a sullen elitist who was driven insane by his incestuous family. So… is that a reference to George W. Bush? B’also? Walsh has obviously never read Tom Stoppard’s Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead.

I read the second Frank J. Fleming op-ed in about a week today. The Post claims he is a political humorist. I agree with half of that claim.

I tried to find out more about Mr. Fleming and was directed to his Twitter feed. Here are some recent tweets:

“Chris Christie: ‘I started to fill out the form to join the presidential race, BUT THEN I ATED IT!’”

“My book will be an ebook. That means it comes with a tab of e to help with reading enjoyment.”

“I don’t know her odds, but Palin replacing Obama would be HIGH-larious.”

Can you guess which half of that description I agree with?

The editorial Run, Chris, Run? explains that “America right now is hungry for genuine leadership.”

What a phenomenally poor choice of words.

Linda 3Starsi reviews Fox’s new series, Terra Nova.

“It feels at times like you’re at a theme park with rides rather than a real place in prehistoric times.”

She gives it… three stars.

And that’s Monday.

More to come…